Help Wanted

[axebahia]

Supposing a former regular escort of yours got in a jam with his room mate, and had to move out on short notice: (a) would you help him find a place; and (b) would you help with the rent? If the escort had previously insited on the commercial character of the relationship wold that affect your decision?

[Paul Revere]

Over the years I have heard just about every sob story that there is from escorts and dancing boys. It is best to keep the relationship on a professional basis. Just pay for the time, as thier disclaimers usually state. Most escorts always have a rent problem, a parking ticket, have the stereo stolen from thier car, etc., etc., etc.

 

Althouhg I have gotten to know some escorts on a non-commercial basis and spent off-the-clock time with them, you should still stay away from thier personal problems and thier personal money problems. You can offer advice and counsel and emotional support, but getting involved in thier personal financial issues always confuses the relationship, and usually ends badly for one or both of the parties.

 

"Neitehr a borrower or a lender be"

[guyinsf]

If helping him with the rent means hiring him more, by all means enjoy yourself if you can afford it.

[JamesK840]

RE: Free rent?

 

>If helping him with the rent means hiring him more, by all

>means enjoy yourself if you can afford it.

 

I'm with Guy on that, *especially* if the escort has reminded you before that you're just a client to him...

 

Here's a question though... (don't know if it applies to your situation...) Would forum goers let an escort live with them, free rent for services type of thing? If I had a spare room, got to know the escort, I'd seriously consider it myself, but not sure I'd actually do it. Would need assurances of no incalls, maybe a deposit just in case... Has anybody here tried this kind of relationship?

[axebahia]

RE: Free rent?

 

>Here's a question though... (don't know if it applies to your

>situation...) Would forum goers let an escort live with them,

>free rent for services type of thing? If I had a spare room,

>got to know the escort, I'd seriously consider it myself, but

>not sure I'd actually do it. Would need assurances of no

>incalls, maybe a deposit just in case... Has anybody here

>tried this kind of relationship?

 

Funny, that was my first offer, but he did not bite (yet)!?

[TotallyOz]

Let's face it: Times are tough. In NYC, the rents are crazy and very difficult for many to afford. I know too many guys who get into shitty situations and have few alternatives.

 

I would suggest a few things:

 

Perhaps hire him a bit more in the next few weeks so he can get back on his feet.

 

Offer him a place to stay for a few weeks (no strings attached). Don't place sex as a requirement for someone down and out. However, if your offer is for longer than a few weeks, work out some sort of arrangement.

 

Suggest places for him to go. NYC has Rainbow Roommates and they are great to work with. Craig's List is also great to find a place. But, he will need money for these things. If you consider him a good guy then why not help him a bit. I am sure it will come back to you down the road.

 

Personally, I don't lend money too often. I will hire more, offer a place to stay or even offer to help find a place for them and if I really like and trust the guy I may cosign for them.

 

It all depends on your level of trust with the guy and how much disposable income and time you have. One thing I have learned in NYC, if you help out someone in need, it will come back to you down the road. Example, during the blackout, I helped a few hospital patients down the stairways (even carrying one on my back). When I got home, my gay neighbor had Ben and Jerry's and candles waiting for me. He said he knew I was busy earlier so he went shopping for the both of us.

[Trixie]

RE: Free rent?

 

I let an escort that I'd hired a few times stay with me for two weeks. He was moving back to his home state of Texas, and had a gap between when he had to be out of his apartment, and when his flight departed. I didn't suggest that there was anything he had to "do", however, in terms of repayment. He was in a jam, and that would've been unneeded pressure.

It went very well, I enjoyed his companionship, and he did think to "thank" me for my hospitality, three times. I think, however, this sort of thing should be approached as a case by case matter. There are other escorts I've met to whom I'd never extend a similar offer.

I don't think I'd ever lend a large mount of money, as the original poster was considering. That is simply guaranteed to get messy!

La Trix

[duke37]

>Supposing a former regular escort of yours got in a jam with

>his room mate, and had to move out on short notice: (a) would

>you help him find a place; and (b) would you help with the

>rent? If the escort had previously insited on the commercial

>character of the relationship wold that affect your decision?

 

Ok, if the person in question is you the answer is NO. There is no way you can help in any way, that you won't feel cheated in somehow in the future. I don't really know that, of course, but you have posted quite a few instances of feeling taken advantage of by the sticky uncertain nature of parts of the escort/client relationship. Considering the situation and knowing your tendency to not want to completely and openly discuss your expectations you should absolutely NOT help. I have trouble seeing how it can end up in a way in which you will be happy.

 

For anyone else, shrug. The other posts here seem pretty good. Let him know I have a spare room if he wants.

 

Jeff

[Doc]

RE: Free rent?

 

>

>Funny, that was my first offer, but he did not bite (yet)!?

>

 

This is probably a wild assumption on my part, but just maybe, he saw the post where you referred to escorts as whores. He probably would feel more welcomed living in the street.

[axebahia]

RE: Free rent?

 

>This is probably a wild assumption on my part, but just maybe,

>he saw the post where you referred to escorts as whores.

 

I doubt it, he calls himself "my bitch"!

[axebahia]

>Ok, if the person in question is you the answer is NO. There

>is no way you can help in any way, that you won't feel cheated

>in somehow in the future.

 

Actually, only one instance, and yes it is with the same escort. If I resist helping it is precisely because others here have emphasized the commercial nature of the relationship despite what I thought were very clear words to the contrary on my part. If it is commercial, then I am not sure why I would give him help finding a room or help with the rent. Surely, he can't have it both ways, can he?

[LovesYng]

About ten years ago I helped out a escort that was really down & out. A lot of BIG problems at home with his parents because he came out and they could not deal with their sick son then. The parents really had his head so FUCKED UP. As of today his parents still want nuttin to do with him (They are the sick ones). I was seeing him for a couple of years before his problem popped up, he was not really that much of a escort as escorts are today, only a few guys he seen. He was 20 yo when he moved in with me.

 

We worked out his living space for six weeks only with no sex in return (Yes at times we did but on his doing). It was cute at times during the night he would sneak into my bed just to cuddle and I guess to feel loved but I never asked. My biggest problem I told him was no in calls at my place and that worked out damn good. My one rule with him was as he made any money during escorting it was to be turned over to me so I could put it away for him (bank), a little problem with that at first but I won after he seen how much he was saving. He really enjoyed doing his escorting with a nice client base.

 

He has his own room to sleep in and had to do some work around the house & yard, wish he did all that in the nude (that was his rent). I took care of meals and at times anything he needed, the six weeks went into eight months then into a year and a half till he felt better with himself.

 

Now he is in his last year of college and I think his life going in the right direction, we are still the best of friends & he still plans on doing escorting, that's his call. He even trys to talk with his parents but that is still a no go.

 

Sorry guys for this long post but it felt so good on my part to say how I helped him.

 

 

When in doubt I whip it out:+

[woodlawn]

If he is a "former" regular escort, and that means you stopped seeing him at some time in the past, I suppose you should use the same criteria to evaluate his request as you would use with any other acquaintance. One doesn't usually make personal loans or do personal favors (like opening up one's home) for someone with whom one has had only a commercial, not a personal, relationship. Only you can tell whether your feelings toward him are such that your relationship should be described as purely commercial, we can't.

 

If your relationship is purely commercial, it would be natural for you to help him only if you expect to get (and he understands you will get) something in return. Escorts are accustomed to getting money or gifts from clients in return for sex. If that's what both you and he have in mind on this occasion, it seems simple enough.

 

If there is a personal element to the relationship, you should be willing to help without asking or expecting anything in return.

 

There's often a problem when the two kinds of relationships become mixed. When you become friendly with someone with whom you do business on a regular basis, sooner or later he will appeal to your friendly feelings to get you to do something you wouldn't normally do as a matter of business. It may be something very small, and if so you should probably do it. If it's not something small, you have to decide at that point how important it is to keep the relationship going.

[JamesK840]

That's exactly the kind of situation I was hoping to hear is possible.

 

Lending money just doesn't sound like it could turn out well, and co-signing could haunt you for years if they do something really stupid... But letting them stay, maybe getting a deposit of an amount similar to your homeowners/renters insurance deductable, and having some fun whenever you both feel like it sounds great.

[axebahia]

>If he is a "former" regular escort, and that means you

>stopped seeing him at some time in the past,

 

No, it means I stopped seeing him "regularly"

 

>I suppose you

>should use the same criteria to evaluate his request as you

>would use with any other acquaintance.

 

Good point.

 

>If your relationship is purely commercial, it would be natural

>for you to help him only if you expect to get (and he

>understands you will get) something in return.

 

I agree.

 

>If there is a personal element to the relationship, you should

>be willing to help without asking or expecting anything in

>return.

 

Why?

 

>There's often a problem when the two kinds of relationships

>become mixed. When you become friendly with someone with whom

>you do business on a regular basis, sooner or later he will

>appeal to your friendly feelings to get you to do something

>you wouldn't normally do as a matter of business.

 

Very true. I think this is a "mixed" relationship, and yes that's what confuses me about the appropriate response.

[woodlawn]

>>If there is a personal element to the relationship, you

>should

>>be willing to help without asking or expecting anything in

>>return.

 

>Why?

 

Because that's what friendship means. If someone is your friend, by definition you are happy to do something for him. That happiness is your reward for doing it, no other reward is necessary.

 

>Very true. I think this is a "mixed" relationship, and yes

>that's what confuses me about the appropriate response.

 

Are you sure it's mixed? Feeling sexual attraction to someone is not the same as feeling friendship for that person, although some people are unwise enough to confuse the two. Only if you have genuine feelings of friendship that have nothing to do with sex can you say that your relationship has a real personal element. If there was never again any possibility that you could have sex with this person, would you still have positive feelings about him?

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Shocking But True

 

I actually find myself in complete agreement with two posts in a row written by Woodlawn.

 

 

Et tu, Lucky?

[axebahia]

>Only if you have genuine feelings of friendship that have

>nothing to do with sex can you say that your relationship has

>a real personal element. If there was never again any

>possibility that you could have sex with this person, would

>you still have positive feelings about him?

 

That's a tough standard that you advance. It is not one that many heterosexual marriages could pass, if my friends are to be believed. I would put it this way. As expressed elsewhere, I believed that we had moved from a commercial arrangement only to be told otherwise. Had we moved from that point, I would have no compunction about helping not in return for sex, but rather for a "full" friendship. In the "mixed" category, I a not sure whether to react in friendship or in commerce.

[Will]

I could reiterate Woodlawn's suggestion word for word, because what I understand to be his assessment of your situation is precisely mine.

 

If you have had and continue to have a relationship with this person that is strictly professional, you are under no ethical obligation to respond to his request for a gift, which is what the offer of accommodation in your house amounts to. Within the boundaries of that professional relationship, however, you are perfectly free to rent space in your house to him, if you have good reason to believe that he is trustworthy.

 

How you decide to collect the rent should be your decision, with his verbal -- and perhaps even written -- agreement.

 

The same would be true for money. If your relationship with him is strictly professional, then you can simply hire him more often, thereby increasing his income. Unless you're prepared to use a lawyer to draw up a contract and do a background credit check on him, however, it would seem foolish to "lend" him money.

 

HOWEVER, if you consider your relationship to be a friendship, then you will probably want to offer him your hospitality, which is a form of gift-giving. Similarly, if you want to and can afford it, you may give him money.

 

I never lend money. But occasionally I give money to someone who has asked to borrow it. If he doesn't want to accept the money as a gift, then I keep the money.

 

I don't think it makes any difference whether this man was your escort or your dentist. If he's a professional acquaintance, all of your dealings will need to be purely professional. If he's a friend as well as a professional whose services you use, then you'll want to treat him as a friend.

 

But it would seem wisest to me for it to be clearly one or the other, and for both of you to agree on the ground rules well in advance.

[woodlawn]

>That's a tough standard that you advance. It is not one that

>many heterosexual marriages could pass, if my friends are to

>be believed.

 

Sorry to hear it. A time comes for almost everyone when the drive and/or ability for sexual activity wanes, so if a marriage doesn't last beyond mutual sexual interest the couple will be splitting up when one of them gets old enough to reach that point. Virtually all the senior citizens I know are either still married or widowed, so perhaps it's a generational thing.

 

 

>I would put it this way. As expressed

>elsewhere, I believed that we had moved from a commercial

>arrangement only to be told otherwise.

 

I remember something about that from the previous thread, but not much. Was it that he wanted you to let him visit you but also wanted you to pay for his time?

 

>Had we moved from that

>point, I would have no compunction about helping not in return

>for sex, but rather for a "full" friendship. In the "mixed"

>category, I a not sure whether to react in friendship or in

>commerce.

 

As I said, it depends on how much you want to preserve the relationship. When a business associate appeals to you as a friend to do something for him that falls outside the bounds of your business relationship, if you agree to do it you will preserve your relationship with him but you can be sure he will ask for something similar again. If you refuse, you doom the personal side of the relationship but may preserve the business side if you are very diplomatic. As we know, diplomacy is not your strong suit.

 

If I remember right, and maybe I don't, in the last thread you told him that if he wanted to visit you as a friend fine, but if he wanted to be paid you had other, more cost-effective options. If so, that seems to confirm that you are not willing to have a mixed relationship and that it has to be one or the other. If so, you should follow the advice of others and help the guy out ONLY by hiring him for enough time that he can earn what he needs.