Anonymity

[leigh.bess.toad]

Every escorts I have ever hired knows my name as well. Yes, you are somewhat naive, I believe, in calling so many people friends. I grew up in New England, and perhaps have a too narrow view of the term 'friend.' You deserve a lot of credit for changing your life in such a positive way (just going by what I have read on this site).

 

I don't know William. What would you call someone you are texting with at 130 am while they are out at a bar with other friends, just catching up? As I was this morning with one guy. Or another I spent time with earlier last night with chatting about vacation plans, our last few days, and shit in general? How about guys who come to visit me on their own time, just to see each other, to hang out, to spend time together? How about another who flew across country to spend a couple of days with me last year before surgery to make sure I was all ready, just because he was concerned. Not a hire, just a concerned friend. To me, those aren't acquaintances. Those are friends. Guys I call when I have a question, a concern or a problem. Or just to chat. And guys who have called me when they have a question, a concern or a problem. Be it personal or about "our little hobby" (as Epigonos calls it). Do we see each other all the time? No, of course not. And each relationship is very different, with very different boundaries. But some are as intense and as real as you could ever possibly imagine. And I know that if that stubborn jackass partner of mine ever says that he'll marry me, I'm going to have the best damned looking wedding party ever seen.

[+ WilliamM]

Well none of the guys that I hire know my real name' date=' and I don't want to know theirs. An escort once told me his real name and I inadvertently kept calling him by his advertised age, he got irritated, but I like the anonymity of it all. The truth is that very few of the guys we hire will become real friends. There are exceptions of course, as in the case of Lee, but I believe that there is a time and place for everything. On those rare occasions when someone breaks through that private threshold, I have cautiously revealed that part of me. Only one person in my family knows my address, and no one has been to my house. This is all clearly a personal choice that I am comfortable with. I admire those that can give so freely of themselves, but me...no so much.[/i']

 

I am glad you are doing things your own way. There are problems sometimes in becoming friends with an escort that are not often discussed here.. Escorts have told me far too much about how they treat clients whom they dislike. In one case, I knew an escort's partner (in the closet) was the top aide to a well-know politican in another state. But, I did not want to know his partner's name. I had no choice when they started having problems, and the escort forwarded all of his partner's recent e-mails for my feedback. Friendship with an escort has all the joys and sorrows of any other meaningful relationship. I do understand why you might want to avoid knowing so much about someone whom you pay to have sex.

[leigh.bess.toad]

That's a funny slip

 

I'm not sure if it was a slip.

[bigvalboy]

I'm not sure if it was a slip.

 

lol.... Now that is funny Lee. Not sure how that got typed. Perhaps it wasn't a slip afterall. And if you only knew the escort.

[+ WilliamM]

I don't know William. What would you call someone you are texting with at 130 am while they are out at a bar with other friends' date=' just catching up? As I was this morning with one guy. Or another I spent time with earlier last night with chatting about vacation plans, our last few days, and shit in general? How about guys who come to visit me on their own time, just to see each other, to hang out, to spend time together? How about another who flew across country to spend a couple of days with me last year before surgery to make sure I was all ready, just because he was concerned. Not a hire, just a concerned friend. To me, those aren't acquaintances. Those are friends. Guys I call when I have a question, a concern or a problem. Or just to chat. And guys who have called me when they have a question, a concern or a problem. Be it personal or about "our little hobby" (as Epigonos calls it). Do we see each other all the time? No, of course not. And each relationship is very different, with very different boundaries. But some are as intense and as real as you could ever possibly imagine. And I know that if that stubborn jackass partner of mine ever says that he'll marry me, I'm going to have the best damned looking wedding party ever seen.[/quote']

 

I respect you, Lee. But, we are never going to agree on this subject unless we talk in person. I am more than willing to travel to Washington if we could have a discussion one-on-one.

[Newly]

Interesting thread, the level of confidentiality seems to be directly related to the personality of the person hiring the escort. As someone who has almost no experience I have no clue as to who's right here, probably both. For me it's really not an option. I've only seen two, they were both great people and the last guy is a better human being (and smarter and a lot more fun may I add) than any friend I've ever had. I can't imagine not trusting him. I'm not a total nut job, I realize that it's possible that I could end up really getting hurt but having said that, I guess I can't imagine going through life and not getting hurt once in a while. Isn't it worth the risk if you like someone as a human being?

[good ol boy]

I am single, I am gay, I am out... if anyone cares... I do not block my number... I had one escort tell me that my name came up one his iphone he googled my name, he saw who I was on facebook. NOW i find that to be CRAZY because everyone thinks IT IS US the clients who are scheming to try to find out the real identities of the escorts, oh please... when he leaves I am moving on.... I have things to do

[Epigonos]

Newtothis is absolutely correct this entire issue is a matter of individual personality. I taught high school for thirty six years and was generally as open with my students as I was with my family and friends regarding my personal life. When I finally reached an age where students couldn’t possibly mistake me for a peer I even suggested they call me by my first name – very few could comfortably do so. Immediately upon being introduced to someone I ask them to drop the Mr. and use my first name. If you know me, you know me. That’s my style and that’s who I am. Now I’m not for a minute suggesting that everybody should live their life according to my rules. As individuals we all have our own personalities and styles and isn’t that great. What a boring world it would be if we were all the same. If anonymity is your thing great go for it – for me it is just way too much f—king work.

[leigh.bess.toad]

I respect you, Lee. But, we are never going to agree on this subject unless we talk in person. I am more than willing to travel to Washington if we could have a discussion one-on-one.

 

I'm more than willing to do that. I've driven from Richmond to Blacksburg to meet a client forum friend who was working at VaTech. I've been to DC more times than I can count just to meet client forum friends in DC on business (and yes escort friends as well when I wasn't hiring) just to have dinner and meet. I've flown to Boston just to visit and spend time with forum friends. I drove up and back from Richmond to NYC just to attend a birthday party for a friend here. My partner and I drove to Raleigh for our anniversary to spend part of it with Dane Michaels when he was retired. I've hosted escort forum members in town when I wasn't hiring just to be a "familiar face' and to help them get a lay of the city. So going to meet others is hardly something new for me.

 

Of course, you could always come to the DC luncheon. The weekend of January 18-20. How's that for a plug?

[+ Charlie]

There is no right or wrong way to look at this issue. Clients have different personal situations, they hire for different reasons, and they hire different kinds of "escorts." When I started hiring, it was illegal to engage in gay sex, much less to pay for it, so I was pretty cautious about what information I offered about myself, and to whom. I have never hired an "escort" in the sense of someone with whom I would have a social relationship, even for an evening--it was always strictly for sex for a couple of hours (or less), so it was fine for me if we were both mostly anonymous to one another. Sometimes in conversation after the sex, we would discover more about one another that led to a relaxed exchange of some personal information, but I never developed friendships with my escorts. With one exception, the only escorts I know socially are ones I have never hired. Since most of my hires were one-time-only experiences, often while travelling, I preferred to hire escorts who entertained in their own homes, which I considered a more secure option. Most of my hiring was done in the days before the Internet, so I never worried about the kind of information gathering that can be done so easily today; of course, that now goes two ways, and the client can find out as much about the escort as vice versa, which has led to more openness in the whole interchange, which is probably a good thing. As Epigonos says, if you are really worried about being identified as a client, the only absolute assurance is not to hire at all.

[gp0560]

From a slightly different angle -- What about the escort who says, without being "prompted," that he considers you to be a friend? Is he sincere? Is he taking advantage of your desire for a friend?

[+ purplekow]

i was recently out to dinner with a man I hired as an escort and with whom I have become social acquaintances. He uses my professional services and as a result, I no longer use his. I was travelling into Manhattan and invited him and his partner to dinner. He texted me just prior to dinner and asked that i not mention our past encounters. I know his partner is aware that this man is an escort, but had no intention of mentioning my past encounters. We had a great evening and I look forward to seeing them again.

I have a pretty rigid definition of friendship and so I would not consider this man a friend, but he is a close acquaintance. He would be invited to the wedding but not be in the wedding party.