Some Questions are best left unasked.

[Guest jwraustin]

I have this client whom I just adore, and has been a client of mine for several years. Tonight, while we were having our pillow talk after sex, the conversation went something like this:

 

"Jon, I want you to answer this question truthfully. If we didnt know each other at all, and you met me at a party or at a bar, would you be attracted to me, sexually? Would you hit on me, try to pick me up, or would you just walk away? Am I your type of guy?"

 

I have been an escort for longer than I care to mention, but this was the first time I was asked this question by a client. To me, it is a question that cuts to the core of what escorting is all about: "would you be attracted to me, sexually.."

 

Guys, how do you answer a question like that?? TRUTHFULLY..

 

P.S. I can post this here, since my client would never in a million years check out this site.

 

 

Jon Dean

http://www.manfuck.net

[+ Lucky]

>Guys, how do you answer a question like that?? TRUTHFULLY

 

In order to answer that, we need to see a pic of the client!

[eastbayguy]

Hi,

 

>I have been an escort for longer than I care to mention, but

>this was the first time I was asked this question by a

>client. To me, it is a question that cuts to the core of what

>escorting is all about: "would you be attracted to me,

>sexually.."

>

>Guys, how do you answer a question like that?? TRUTHFULLY..

>

>P.S. I can post this here, since my client would never in a

>million years check out this site.

 

That you are having difficulty answering speaks volumes.

 

There are really a few possible ways to answer. The bare, naked truth sounds like, in this case, it might hurt the client deeply. Sounds like you also want to maintain a relationship with the client, so perhaps the truth, unblunted, might not be the wisest course of action. Also sounds like the client has some self-confidence issues.

 

This leaves you with truth + tact or truth + diplomacy, or some combination of the two from which to construct a response. Surely a customer service professional like yourself can truthfully and honestly, yet tactfully and diplomatically respond. There are a couple of people in the world that I truly loathe who I can say kind things about without lying. Almost everyone has lots of positives about them.

 

Seems to me that anyone who escorts successfully must know how to see positives about some pretty unpleasant people. How else could you functional sexually around people you wouldn't go near aside from the escort aspect?

 

I'd be interested in knowing what you said, did, how the client reacted, etc.

 

--EBG

[VaHawk]

I agree with Lucky, we'd have to know more about your client. And did you mean to post this in the ask escorts forum, as it seems it is more appropriate for an escort than a client.

 

I seriously doubt you would hear this question from a client that you hadn't seen before or had only seen a few times before, as I believe most of us aren't under any illusions on this topic.

 

I could see why this client asked you this question, because after years of seeing you and being able to satisfy him physically, he must feel that you find him attractive enough to be able to do this over and over.

 

I'd be interested in knowing what your reply was, and whether you answered his question honestly.

[Guest travel37]

The comment, that you are having trouble answering this speaks volumes is true. This question gets to the question of why people hire escorts. Many guys hire escorts to enjoy the company of someone that would not be probable in a "real life" situation. Your client most likely knows the answer to the question but is hoping for a different answer.

 

You should tell him the truth.

[N.N.]

If he's been your client for several years, he's had time to

reflect on this issue. And he did ask you to answer truthfully.

 

Trying hard to figure out what to say probably isn't going to

work to your advantage. Just say how you really feel.

 

Of all the things escorts have said to me over the years, some

of the biggest turn-offs (to me) were obvious lies--lies that

were told to be polite or complimentary, but which didn't even

come close to being plausible.

[Guest jeffOH]

>Guys, how do you answer a question like that?? TRUTHFULLY..

 

You answer the question with the Truth! Obviously you're not attracted to him sexually, but you give the illusion that you are. That's a quality of a great escort. If you tell the guy you would be attracted to him had you met under different circumstances, you could be leading him on emotionally. I know escorts who do this and I don't think it's right.

 

I've had a couple of clients ask me the same question. You tell the Truth and how they deal with it is their problem. The fact that he asked you the question at all has alot to do with him and how he feels about himself. I have a regular client I've been seeing for 9 years now. He tells me quite often that he loves me. I've never said that I love him. I usually say something like, "well, thank you" or "that's sweet".

 

I've often had the same question in mind with some of the escorts I've hired, though I've never asked it.

 

So, he asked the question and you left him hanging?

 

JEFF

[email protected]

[Guest jwraustin]

Maybe I made an error by posting this thread, and maybe it should belong in my journal instead. Anyway, I think I answered him truthfully and honestly. It wasn't hard to do, but I had to think it thru, and maybe the pause is what he picked up on.

 

Instead of saying yes or no and dwelling on the physical parts, I said "Let me tell you the things I think are very appealing to me about you" and that was not hard to do at all. Other than the obvious physical attributes, I also realized that there were the other less definable, yet equally appealing aspects of him that I am attracted to: his confidence, his walk, his smile, that certain look in his eyes, the way he wears his clothes, the way he handles people - all of which I discovered after I got to know him.

 

It seemed to me, for that brief moment, the line between lover and hired escort became blurred.

 

Thanks for taking the time to give me some feed back. I was just taken off guard with the question, and thinking out loud.

 

But, I really do think there are some questions that don't need to be asked.

 

Jon Dean

http://www.manfuck.net

[Flower]

[font color="green"

]JW--you answered the question just right--sometimes the cold truth can be unnecessarily cruel at the moment, even to questions that should not have been asked. And not because of business reasons, but simply because he is a nice person whom you'd rather not hurt.

 

I don't suggest lying to him or giving him undue encouragement--but your answer was perfect, whether he picked up on the silence or not. And look at it this way, you DID tell him the truth--but in a way he could better accept or deal with it, and that's what counts. You sound like a nice person

[Guest jeffOH]

>>It seemed to me, for that brief moment, the line between lover

>and hired escort became blurred.

 

And that can be awkward. I have very clearly defined boundaries when it comes to business so, if a client asks such a question, I want to answer in a manner that makes my feelings absolutely clear.

 

>But, I really do think there are some questions that don't

>need to be asked.

 

Most definitely.

 

JEFF

[email protected]

[Guest]

I agree with Flower that it sounds like you answered the question tactfully. I feel, however, that you're taking his question too seriously. Why get so freaked out by it? He may have just been curious, not contemplating domestic partnership. He's a long-time client, not a stalker... You should feel flattered. :-)

[Guest]

And it's far better than being hit on in the gym by a real psycho loser! }(

[Guest mmdumont]

Your an escort and your job is to make a client feel good, before, during, and after sex. You should have lied like a cheap rug.

[+ Charlie]

Under the circumstances, your answer was very good, although you wouldn't have asked the question here if you weren't concerned that it could have been better. I don't think you should second guess yourself now, although from your response it sounds as though you may be wondering the same thing about your feelings for him.

 

I am interested in why the client chose to ask such a question at this time in the relationship. Obviously, for him the relationship is at some sort of changing point, and he wants to understand something before continuing. He may be wondering if it could turn into something deeper, or he may feel that he can no longer maintain whatever illusion he has about it that keeps it working for him. If I were you, the next time you get together, I would ask him what prompted the question.

[Will]

Yes, I fully agree with Charlie. And with several other posters, including JeffOH (whose client I am). But I would like to highlight a few issues that might have escaped notice.

 

1. You opened your thread by telling us how much you like this client. The very fact that you were troubled by the question and fretted over your answer further confirms the first impression I had, namely, that you are a decent, caring, and sensitive man -- whatever your profession may be.

 

2. Your answer to the client was pitch-perfect, especially in light of the silliness of the question itself. And, as you rightly observed, you discovered that there are things about this man you find attractive, but might not have even known about had you encountered him in the context his question posed: a bar.

 

3. Both my #1 and #2 point to a third fact, and this is one that your client should get through his thick skull. A man who looks hot in a bar at midnight may look as cold as ice by dawn's early light. Conversely, a man whom no one would notice in a bar might be hugely attractive in some other venue. In other words, not everybody looks his best in a bar; not everybody looks his best in a tuxedo; not everybody looks his best in running gear; not everybody looks his best in an A&F outfit. Men are attractive for an almost infinite variety of reasons; and if escorts don't discover that soon, I can't see how they stay in business.

 

4. In a million years, I would never ask an escort -- or anyone else -- the question your client asked you. Why? For three reasons: (a) I already know the answer; (b) I don't want to hear it again; and -- most important -- © I would never embarrass someone else by asking him a question like that. In other words, I think your client was rude and insensitive to you.

 

5. On the other hand, as a man in his early sixties who could be described as "distinguished" and "put together" but not "good-looking" and certainly not "hot," I know full well that there are times when an escort is enjoying himself in my company, and not only when we are both fully dressed. That's because good escorts are wise enough to learn how to eroticize average, ordinary people; and it's also because good escorts have a wider range of erotic potential than most clients do.

 

Yes, I am quite sure that there are some clients who are walking wet-dreams, and that there are some clients who are disgusting trolls. But -- let's face it -- most of us are just ordinary joes who do the best we can with what we have. For the huge majority of the human population, that's just fine. It will be a happy day when the minority, which my intuition tells me is composed almost exclusively of gay men, can grow up and have a good time, too. Will we never learn to stop looking in the mirror?

[Rod Hagen]

All good thoughts. Let me add this

 

Clients and escorts please never forget, physical appearance has absolutely zilch to do with sexual skills. Those of you who've hired steroid-Marys, anticipating the two of you will set the sheets on fire, but discovering he's less than a tall drink of water, he's a drip, you will know what I'm talking about. Ugly or handsome, married men are the best at rimming, and that's what counts in bed...skill. I've been with hot duds, and ugly studs.

 

Further, after an escort's been in the business for awhile the sexual skills of his partners can eventually mean more to him than his pre-defined physical preferences, and so the line between who he finds objectively HOT, and who he finds HOT IN BED becomes blurred. That makes it pretty much impossible to answer the, "would you have fucked me for free" question.

 

You may wonder if your escort would fuck you if you weren't paying him, and that curiosity is understandable. But why torture yourself with such questions? This is how the escort makes a living, case closed. Would there be any reason to ask, in the middle of a case, your attorney if in different circumstances he'd have taken your case pro bono because it's rivetting?

[Will]

Bravo! Bravissimo!!

[axebahia]

>Further, after an escort's been in the business for awhile the

>sexual skills of his partners can eventually mean more to him

>than his pre-defined physical preferences, and so the line

>between who he finds objectively HOT, and who he finds HOT IN

>BED becomes blurred. That makes it pretty much impossible to

>answer the, "would you have fucked me for free" question.

 

In my experience, I think this is the key to what makes a good escort/vclient encounter magical.

 

>You may wonder if your escort would fuck you if you weren't

>paying him, and that curiosity is understandable. But why

>torture yourself with such questions? This is how the escort

>makes a living, case closed. Would there be any reason to

>ask, in the middle of a case, your attorney if in different

>circumstances he'd have taken your case pro bono because it's

>rivetting?

 

But by the same token, a lot of escorts seem to think or expect, and indeed sometimes ask, that clients would have them around absent the sex!

[woodlawn]

>Would there be any reason to

>>ask, in the middle of a case, your attorney if in different

>>circumstances he'd have taken your case pro bono because

>it's

>>rivetting?

 

The one question has nothing to do with the other. For few if any of the people who hire attorneys is their self-esteem in any way dependent on whether their legal problems are inherently interesting to the attorney. For many if not all gay men, rightly or wrongly their sense of their sexual attractiveness to others does affect their self-esteem.

 

>But by the same token, a lot of escorts seem to think or

>expect, and indeed sometimes ask, that clients would have them

>around absent the sex!

 

A very good point, and one that a number of the regulars have ignored in their customary headlong rush to suck up to the escorts who post here. No one who reads the reviews here on a daily basis could fail to appreciate that few of the reviewers would be willing to hire an escort who did not put out.

[Rod Hagen]

>The one question has nothing to do with the other. For few if

>any of the people who hire attorneys is their self-esteem in

>any way dependent on whether their legal problems are

>inherently interesting to the attorney. For many if not all

>gay men, rightly or wrongly their sense of their sexual

>attractiveness to others does affect their self-esteem.

 

Of course you're right about self-esteem being unique to these circumstances. I was refering to the oft-made commment on the clients side, and I think it is tied to the "Do you think I'm sexy" question clients ask, the question, "If you're enjoying this (my looks and/or my skills) so much, maybe you should pay me (or it should be free)." It's usually said in jest, but we hear it often enough that I think it too is related to questions of self-esteem. The questions are in the same family, I think, and what I was trying to say is that just because an escort enjoys himself, whether becaue the client is physically hot (see above) or remarkably fun in bed, is no reason to expect, or suggest (even jokingly), that he shouldn't be paid for it. I realize nobody in this thread was saying so, and I was off on an, apparently, invisible tangent, sorry.

 

RH

[+ Cash4Trash]

I'm a bit perplexed and think the client doesn't really

understand the service provided. When I'm hiring I not only get sex but a man willing to put his personal agenda aside and focus solely on me, and my needs for a contracted period of time. He leaves his bad day at the office, his headache, his family - boyfriend problems at the door.

I enjoy the attention, the care and consideration and am happy to pay for it. What I don't want is "Mr. Grumpy, Pissed Off Escort" - you know, a real person with an imperfect life coming through the door. It is a fantasy relationship and call me superficial but I like it like that.:-)

[ready182]

This is an interesting question!

 

First, understand that no one likes the idea of paying for sex, whether gay or straight. That in it self, constitutes a blow to the ego.

The successful escort has to walk the fine line between the illusion of attraction/interest in the client, and the realities of the actual "business-driven" situation. Ideally, the escort shows enough interest to insure the client has a good time, and yet avoids creating the false impression that the escort's interest is more than what the business relationship is about. Smarter clients will understand this - but any client might be inticed by the illusion of "what he wishes it to be" versus "what it is".

 

So, back to your client's question:

 

Disregarding that the client was completely joking (probably never the case), this is a situation where the client is expressing self-doubt; and sensitivity on the escorts part is called for. Yet, it would be wrong for the escort to lie and to describe the situation for anything other than it is. To be tactful, you need to focus on the positives, and delicately handle the negatives. Given that, I think the best response would be for the escort to "draw a line" between the escorts personal life and his professional life. Something along the lines of "I enjoy my escort life, I have a lot of fun, I have great clients, I enjoy the time I spend with them, If I weren't an escort I would never had the joy of knowing you, I'm so glad that you've chosen to spend time with me, etc. -- but also be clear: Just like you, I also enjoy the part of my life that is not about my escort business - I have friends, family, interests, etc that have nothing to do with my professional life. Just as "being a client" is a subset of your life (and probably a fact you do not readily share), being an escort is a subset of my life. Our relationship is not about "hooking up at a bar" - it's a special relationship that we both both share and both enjoy. I've never been into picking up guys at a bar - but I can tell you that I really enjoy our time together, etc.

[+ Lucky]

ready, how would you say that in a sentence?

[Rick Munroe]

>Bravo! Bravissimo!!

 

I agree. Rod's post was so thoughtful & well-done, I almost thought I'd written it myself. Good job, Hagen.

[ready182]

Lucky - apparently you have been following other threads!

 

None the less, I accept your challenge:

 

To review, the question is: "Jon, I want you to answer this question truthfully. If we didnt know each other at all, and you met me at a party or at a bar, would you be attracted to me, sexually? Would you hit on me, try to pick me up, or would you just walk away? Am I your type of guy?"

Off the top of my head, Possible one-liner answers:

 

1. If I were to meet you at a party, I know I have the insight to recognize what jewel you are.

 

2. I have never had much luck at bars or parties - it's intriguing how I meet the nicest people via my professional life.

 

3. The odds of meeting a really great person at a bar or a party are really a crap-shoot -- isn't it great how we found each other, and are able to enjoy our time together?

 

4. I must confess, I have alot of regular clients -- but there is something special about the time I spend with you.