I will probably regret this

[+ tristanbaldwin]

Hey Guys! Apologize in advance for any typos here...just getting back from the West coast and my internal clock is still off. =)

 

Sought the counsel of a few members of this board, as to whether to reply to this thread or not- lest the response merely add fuel to the fire, and get the thread bumped continually to the top again. The general consensus was notto do so, but I'm an ardent believer in that the longer you boil something down, what's left is going to condensed and closer to the sequence of events with perspective from bothsides.

 

It is no secret that I have had difficulty balancing private/personal life, the working life as an escort, and the venture I have back East. Anyone who has seen me face to face knows that as a personality type; I'm a pleaser/placater; I'll bend over backwards to make other have a good time...and we aren't talking just in the working world. My happiness is derived from the impact on others; so to think for one second any of this is malevolent or intentional couldn't be more off.

 

The greatest difficulties I faced mentally were in 2011; if you read one of the negative reviews, you'll notice that the dates indicated were mainly 2011; and early 2012. Now...halfway through 2013, the review(For a session that never occured...?)is posted. Timing; interesting. But I'll own up to all my fallacies in a minute.

 

Second negative review(again, for a client that didn't see me..), was also late 2011; I still have one of his voicemails saved to remind myself of something of a personal nature- I will gladly snap a picture of the visual voicemail folder to illustrate the exact date/time stamp, if the forum so desires to see it; I just will not out someone's personal contact information in the process, even if they hold a negative opinion of me. A year and a half later...a review is submitted for a session that didn't take place.

 

The reason I mention the timing, is that I will own up to this- those that are close to me know I've suffered from depression, and have often displaced these symptoms upon others through action or inaction. As I pointed out above, my struggles were most acute in 2011; and I genuinely apologize to those who feel I have wronged them...as that was never my intent. However, to my own defense- I busted my butt in 2012 to please all that I could, preserve and entrench myself in the industry by showing who I REALLY am, and trying to do things the right way. Now, in 2013, I'm OFF Lexapro, am 22 lbs. larger than I was back a year or two ago; and going forward in a positive direction while not ever forgetting those that helped me to get here. Thus, here and now in May 2013...if those of you who don't see the reasoning behind a 'Pearl Harbor' review coming out of nowhere from 2011, I'll help fill it in for you. I'm sorry you were disappointed, I had my problems and I wish I could wave a magic wand to go back in time and either see you and do a slam up job...or never commit to begin with. But the submission as much as 16 MONTHS later, when I have busted my ASS to change myself...of such things has NO intention other than to try and derail someone. The timing speaks for itself..but I am legitimately sorry you were disappointed.

 

This forum is often clouded with alot of negativity, whereas people could do well to concentrate on shaping these young men's lives through positive interactions. Having met more escorts this year both on tours, porn sets, and at the Palm Springs weekend...I'll say this...some of us ARE older, and as someone pointed out, a higher degree of maturity is to be expected in that department. I failed at that in the past, but am working hard on it- the EOY award and those of you who met me would attest to it. But what I was driving at in the first sentance of this paragraph...is that many of those who don't have the years under their belts...are much more impressionable. The greatest impact any of you will ever make in their lives isn't dollar amounts; it's how you build or destroy their self esteem and how you help guide them to lives post-escorting.

 

With that in mind, I offer my apologies...I really do..again to those disappointed in years past; but I ask those with clarity of mind to read in between the lines on the timing of these posts.

 

Hope you all have a great Memorial Day weekend!

[Becket]

It's really a powerful thing to observe anyone in the midst of serious self-reflection. How many of us take the time to look at the events in our own pasts and consider where we might have done better? And how many would perform such an exercise in public, for strangers and friends alike, to judge? The cynics among us will all have clever and catty barbs to hurl. I for one am impressed with Tristan here, and I'll leave it at that.

 

Now get your butt to Dallas, boy! I am WAY past the time of wanting to meet that man. :o

[doitb4ugo]

Amen.

[bigvalboy]

It's really a powerful thing to observe anyone in the midst of serious self-reflection. How many of us take the time to look at the events in our own pasts and consider where we might have done better? And how many would perform such an exercise in public, for strangers and friends alike, to judge? The cynics among us will all have clever and catty barbs to hurl. I for one am impressed with Tristan here, and I'll leave it at that.

 

Now get your butt to Dallas, boy! I am WAY past the time of wanting to meet that man. :o

 

I second that Becket...Depression devastated a portion of my life, and unless you personally go through something like that, it is impossible to understand the impact it has on you and those around you. I lost a very lucrative job once because of depression.

 

I probably would have been one of those members who advised you not to post...lol...that being said, sometimes you just need to vent. The anonymous nature of the forum often allows people to post things that they would rarely say to someones face, but now that you've jumped in with both feet, hold your ground young man.

 

Oh you are right TB, people will no doubt come here and hurl the insults, but I for one applaud your efforts, your honesty, the humble tone in your post, and the spirit that you struggle to keep alive..."Bless you my son"...NOW onto the important shit...after Dallas boy, should you have a desire to head on down South, I might even break my rule of not driving more than 20 minutes to see someone for you..