Let’s Discuss BDSM Techniques!

[whipped guy]

After reading the link in the “B&D Gone Wrong” thread…and in an effort to get a bit of action going in this forum… I began to contemplate the possibility of starting a thread where we could give some suggestions and helpful tips to insure not much will go wrong when playing in the realm of BDSM. I am sure that many of us have had certain experiences along the way where things have not gone exactly according to plan… and as a result I would bet that there is much knowledge to be shared in that regard.

At any rate, I thought I would start things by expanding on the hot wax scenario as recounted in that posting. The first thing that I noted was that an oil based lotion was used for the massage prior to the hot wax incident. Not a good idea as oil exacerbates the effect of hot wax when it makes contact with the epidermis. The last thing one wants to do is overly burn and scar flesh. A good trick to reduce the potential for any injury would be to use a non-oil based skin lotion prior to submitting the sub to the pleasures of the hot wax as that would actually protect the outer layer of skin and thus help alleviate any potential lingering irritation… and may even aid a bit in post play cleanup.

Another thing noted in the link was the use of what seemed to be a pricey-looking high-end candle. Different types of wax have different melting points and in general the more expensive type waxes have higher melting points… and the higher the melting point the more potential for injury. Besides,perfumes and additives in expensive candles have the potential to irritate the skin. Therefore, it is usually best to use a lower quality generic type candle with a lower melting point. Unfortunately, it is often impossible to know the exact composition of any given wax as the melting points of different waxes can vary greatly.

Furthermore, it is impractical to be a chemist and analyze the properties of the wax when doing this sort of activity… so a good way to test the heat generated prior to play would be to use your wrist and forearm to check the properties of the wax at hand. The same way the top can test the feel of a flogger by slapping his wrist with it… so to by dripping a bit of wax one can gauge the heat factor involved. Of course the greater distance from candle to flesh the more time the wax has to cool and the less potential for injury… That is another trick to employ if the melting point of the wax is too high for comfort. Simply by increasing the distance the wax falls can make the difference and thus avoid injury. Also, if one wants to employ a crescendo effect the dripping distance from candle to epidermis can slowly be reduced,thus increasing the heat generated and also providing a bit of variety to the scenario. Of course there are different methods to apply the wax… a slow drip… a fast drip… and even the splash effect. Small drips have a different feel compared to a pooling effect of a larger amount of wax… and this is indeed analogous to the feel of a flogger with slender as opposed to wide strands. However, one must remember that the larger the amount of pooling when contact is made with the skin the less cooling and the more potential for injury. Incidentally,a candle with a reasonably large circumference will allow for better control of the melted wax as it will collect and gather in the area around the wick, as opposed to dripping down the sides thus making it difficult to control the flow of the molten candle wax.

At any rate, when used responsibly and sanely for TT and CBT (or other parts of the body for that matter) hot wax can drive the sub to unparalleled erotic pleasures. Unfortunately it can be a bit messy… and can ruin clothing and furnishings… So it is probably best in a controlled environment such as a dedicated playroom or even a club setting.

In any event, this "Hot Wax 101" posting gets the ball rolling… Sorry if I sound as though I am lecturing… Please feel free to expand and criticize… as there are lots of guys out there who are more knowledgeable than I… Furthermore, I know that several posters have hired individuals who are at the top of the S&M pecking order. Perhaps those posters can enlighten us as well and with any luck we can even get some escorts to participate. There was a time when that was indeed the norm! Also, by all means add new topics…such as flogging, rope work, CBT, TT, etc. Heck… even tickle torture! Let the sky be the limit and let’s generate some activity down here!

In any case, let us share the knowledge and insure that we all play sensibly and rationally all while enjoying to the max. After all, having fun is what it is all about!

[uwsman2]

Thanks for starting this thread, Whipped Guy. I hope it attracts comment.

 

I've been on the receiving end of hot wax twice. The first time many years ago was a scene at NY Bondage Club where The Thai That Binds, who really knows what he is doing, did me with candles that had just the sting to stimulate but not too hot to bear. It's long enough ago that I don't know what kind of candle he was using....

 

But the second time was a real bad trip, with an escort who used to post a lot on this site but has stopped doing so for a while now. He had me blindfolded at the time so I don't know what kind of candle he was using, but it was severely painful compared to my prior experience with TTTB and so I quickly asked him to stop.

 

Your tips on "best practices" for hot wax are much appreciated.

[whipped guy]

Uwsman2... To give credit where credit is due... The lotion tip was learned from the Thai That Binds... Also, a trick I learned from the regrettably late Adam Faust that I neglected to mention: If available have ice cubes on hand... They can cool things down if things get out of hand... and if not they can always be used as another factor in the equation... A fire and ice effect so to speak... It was definitely a "cool" CBT surprise when he did it while I was blindfolded. The fire and ice effect drove me crazy with delight and especially since I did not expect it!!

 

Now that the ball is rolling let's hit some other topics as well...

[ErieBear]

I've also had 2 experiences with hot wax. The first one was wonderful. It was just enough to be exciting, but not enough to hurt.

 

The second one, also with an escort, wasn't so great. He was determined to push my limits and held the candles very closely to my skin, so when it hit the skin, it hurt like a mother. uwsman2, I suspect it was the same escort, lol.

 

One thing I'd love to talk about is the role of limits and pushing limits. Sometimes as the sub, I feel like I have to let my limits be pushed. And other times, they've just been pushed so far they've been broken. Yet, at the time, I felt like I had no choice in the matter. But I've made the decision not to play with that person again.

[Bosguy]

Just a quick remark on the wax issue. I became fascinated with this a while ago and WG gave me the above mentioned advice--Thanks WG. When I approached my favorite guys who were all well versed in the BDSM arena, they all admitted that they did not have the proper knowledge, expertise, or experience to do this safely and enjoyably for BOTH of us. That's what I call professional working guys. I still want to experience this, but I will wait for the right time and person.

One more example of the fact that you should know and trust your partner(s) in the world of BDSM

 

Boston Bill

[doitb4ugo]

I have only had a wax trreatment a couple of times...I'm reminded of a very hot session with AndrewD who knew just how to handle wax and many other things so well. He was the kind of guy who I felt safe and in good hands even as he pushed my limits somewhat...I was very new to this stuff when we met and he certainly gave me some of everything....good memories here.

 

I should mention that the wax used had a very low melting temperature which spared me too much pain and had the added benefit of becoming soft in the got shower so it scrubbed out of my hair without further torture....

[whipped guy]

Onething I'd love to talk about is the role of limits and pushing limits.

It would be great to discuss this important aspect of BDSM… I have some very specific thoughts on how to best achieve this. However, other than to say that the cardinal rule is “the bottom always rules” it would be great to get input from some others (as I have already spouted off quite a bit in this thread) regarding how to safely push limits and in the process still respect those limits.

Even if some guys have no specific thoughts on the matter, perhaps they can relate some specific experiences (both good and bad) from which we all might learn…

[Adam_6969]

Surprised there aren't more responses to this excellent discussion. As to hot wax scenes, I do them often, both as Dom and sub. One enhancement I use for hot wax scenes is to put a spandex hood on my sub. This deprives him of most sight but still lets him see the flickering of the candle as I move it around over his squirming body. Although he can see the flame, he can't tell where it is and where the next molten drops will fall to inflict pain/pleasure. I also like to be hooded if my Dom uses hot wax on me.

 

As to safely pushing limits, one effective way I do this is to engage my sub in an activity he gets much pleasure out of then at the same time introduce a new activity. For instance, if my sub has never experienced nipple play, I will slowly start him down the road of nipple play/torture while edging him. Usually, much to the sub's pleasure delight, he discovers the nipple play distracts from the edge play thus taking him further into edging while at the same time, the edging pleasure makes the nipple play an intense pleasurabe experience. I always like to combine multiple activities during play such they play off each other and allow the sub to go even further into a scene than he ever thought he could do. In turn, I really appreciate it when I am a sub if my Dom treats me likewise. Another good way to expand a sub's limits is to let him dominate you in a scene. As you probably know, we give like we like to get. Having the sub dominate tells me how he likes to receive. I get lots of limit expanding information from my subs that way. But, I am a Daddy and enjoy Daddy/boy play so have no issues with directing my boy to spank me, or whatever.

[ErieBear]

One enhancement I use for hot wax scenes is to put a spandex hood on my sub.

 

I LOVE wearing a spandex hood. One of the best things, for me, is that spandex still breathes. Sometimes, if I'm in a leather hood, I get overheated. You don't get that so much with a spandex hood.

[whipped guy]

Surprised there aren't more responses to this excellent discussion.

DITTO!!!

 

Let's get with it guys!!!!

 

Another good way to expand a sub's limits is to let him dominate you in a scene. As you probably know, we give like we like to get. Having the sub dominate tells me how he likes to receive. I get lots of limit expanding information from my subs that way. But, I am a Daddy and enjoy Daddy/boy play so have no issues with directing my boy to spank me, or whatever.

That's an important take on things... Plus, give and take in a scene is a total turn on... I love to play with guy who likes not only to get but also likes to give... Along these lines another favorite activity is reciprocal tit torture... it can be fun to see who has the most endurance.

 

For some reason I feel deprived if I don't get a get a bit of reciprocal action... and especially when playing the role of the dom... For example, during a flogging scene if the guy is a total passive type I often find myself wearing nipple clamps while flogging the sub... it tends not only to egg me on but also makes me feel as I am totally and fully participating in the pleasures of the scene.

[Adam_6969]

Whipped Guy, we think along the same lines. Reciprocity is great fun, such as mutual tit play, who can take the hardest spanking, drain the enema bag the quickest. Like you, when I am having fun with a total passive, I'll wear tit clamps and very often, ball weights. I like threeways where the third person is the sub's Dom. He will administer corporal pain/pleasure to me while I do the same to his sub. There are just so many combinations for erotic play.

[Decatur Guy]

Whipped Guy, we think along the same lines. Reciprocity is great fun, such as mutual tit play, who can take the hardest spanking, drain the enema bag the quickest. Like you, when I am having fun with a total passive, I'll wear tit clamps and very often, ball weights. I like threeways where the third person is the sub's Dom. He will administer corporal pain/pleasure to me while I do the same to his sub. There are just so many combinations for erotic play.

 

It's interesting how we all respond differently to such things. I'm versatile in the sense that I can be interested in dominating or submitting, depending on what the other guy likes, my mood, the tides, etc. But I'm no good at doing both in the same scene. It takes me out of my head space to switch. I admire people who can, though.

 

If you're working my tits, I just can't turn around and do yours. I don't easily arrive in "the zone," and if you manage to take me there, I need to stay there. And if I'm doing your tits, I really don't want mine molested that night. It somehow diminishes my enjoyment of dishing out that erotic pain/pleasure if I'm subjected to the same thing.

[whipped guy]

Regarding mutual tit play a few months ago I was at a club and a guy started playing with my tits. I savored the moment and then began working his. He then stepped back and said, "Oh,no no no no!" He even shook his finger as a admonition not to touch. He then started to work mine again. I made direct eye contact with him and stood there as rigid as a cold fish as I needed the reciprocity right then and there. He moved on.

 

Decatur Guy.... if that was you in NYC back in November I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

 

All kidding aside, it just proves that it takes different strokes to get "in the zone"... and at times that can even change based a multiplicity of factors. Perhaps I would been more open to being more passive with a different guy at a different time. So DG who knows??!!

[Decatur Guy]

Regarding mutual tit play a few months ago I was at a club and a guy started playing with my tits. I savored the moment and then began working his. He then stepped back and said, "Oh,no no no no!" He even shook his finger as a admonition not to touch. He then started to work mine again. I made direct eye contact with him and stood there as rigid as a cold fish as I needed the reciprocity right then and there. He moved on.

 

Decatur Guy.... if that was you in NYC back in November I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

 

All kidding aside, it just proves that it takes different strokes to get "in the zone"... and at times that can even change based a multiplicity of factors. Perhaps I would been more open to being more passive with a different guy at a different time. So DG who knows??!!

 

That's one of the great things about hiring escorts and being in the Internet age. It's easier to get those expectations across and met than the ol' meeting in a bar and asking someone back for a drink.

[Adam_6969]

I LOVE wearing a spandex hood. One of the best things, for me, is that spandex still breathes. Sometimes, if I'm in a leather hood, I get overheated. You don't get that so much with a spandex hood.

 

Spandex hoods have great advantages to leather or rubber. They are not as confining so offer a lower risk to cause panic in an uninitiated sub; they are easy to remove when/if needed; they are easy to adjust so that mouth is accessable as needed/desired by Daddy; they are washable; easy to enhale poppers.

[Adam_6969]

Tried something new and interesting last night. I have known for many years the exceptional blow job to enjoy by having the sub chew 4 or 5 Altoid ments before going down on my cock. I wondered if this might work for rimming. So, last night I had my sub of the evening chew some Altoids before I let him rim my asshole. Damn, what a sensational experience that was. Once I knew what it was like, I treated my sub to the same incredible experience. Just another new trick to add to my repitoire in the playroom.

[whipped guy]

In light of the ballbusting thread perhaps we could share some knowledge here. Being more into the C as opposed to the B of CBT I am not an expert. However, I do have a parachute and weights, a cock and ball separator, and a TENS electrical unit that can be effective. I personally don't like too much pressure on my nuts and electricity can torture them without any pressure. However, that's just me. So the leather cock and ball separator suits me perfectly... and can look hot as well. I find that with a parachute and weights that one must be carefully not to cause chaffing or bleeding if the device is too tight. Unfortunately I have been there and that is not a good place to be. I have noted that a parachute with a thicker and firmer leather stays on better and can be more effective as long as it is sized properly for the wearer. In any event, one can easily make incremental weights to attach to a parachute by using fishing leads spray painted black and then attaching S hooks. As noted above, in general one must be careful playing with balls as they can be tender and hematoma and bleeding can result. Even using simple clothespins improperly might result in injury...

 

So that gets the "ball" rolling. Let's bounce this one around for a bit.

[doitb4ugo]

I too have balls that are too sensitive for too much impact but clothespins are a real turnon....One of my regular escorts here in Boston will sometimes line up 12-20 on them on my cock and balls (usually trying to create a nice picture). Ripping them off is another story...OUCH.

 

What really gets me hot is tying my cock and balls up with rawhide cords and then tying them to the bed....no ouch but Ohhh!

[whipped guy]

Regarding tying up balls to a bed post or any type of post, I recall reading somewhere that it is important that the person be in a position where he would not be prone to falling over or loosing his balance lest his balls be literally ripped away from the rest of his body. The implication being that an incline position would be best for that type of activity or at least the victim would need to be securely fastened to said post so as to keep him in a safe position that would prevent him from toppling over. Another thing to consider I guess!!!!

[doitb4ugo]

A Sub and his master's toys....

 

Let's add...Submission, chastity and toys to the mix....

 

http://25.media.tumblr.com/82c6eafbd49d5b103f74c9db1d918ee4/tumblr_mkczlpaFWS1r3yt08o1_500.jpg

[HawkKinkaid]

What if you know your BDSM skills aren't right for the client's ask?

 

I love this thread ... it's a conversation I was just having with Leo Forte about this very subject - mostly that a client will sometimes ask for something a bit heavier on the kink and the escort isn't prepared or his skill level isn't up to par on the actual activity. Techniques are important and not every guy who gets asked by a client to perform them has those skills. What do you do?

 

The advice above is awesome and definitely helps me better understand what to do in situations involving wax (though I think some trial and error before I get to a client would be fun AND smart, no?), but if someone approached you with something outside the comfort zone (say you had no real experience in Impact Play and the client said "I want you to bust me in the gut 5 or 6 times"), would you turn away the client? How does an escort know when they are out of their comfort zone? Do you fake it?

 

Hope this isn't bending the convo an unintended way but the above posts made me think of it.

[whipped guy]

...but if someone approached you with something outside the comfort zone (say you had no real experience in Impact Play and the client said "I want you to bust me in the gut 5 or 6 times"), would you turn away the client? How does an escort know when they are out of their comfort zone? Do you fake it?

 

Hope this isn't bending the convo an unintended way but the above posts made me think of it.

Hey Hawk... Great addition to the discussion! Great first post as well! Glad to see you here! No! You are not bending anything. That is one of the reasons I started this thread as often guys are attracted to non-specialist escorts or there are not many specialists from which to choose. The answer is to be honest and not fake it... and if the client feels a bond or affinity with you... and being honest helps establish that bond... he just might hire you. Plus, many clients are quite knowledgable and will guide the escort in the direction that they want him to go by having a frank discussion prior to meeting... and then continuing the discussion at the session as a kind of give and take. Think how an escort teaches a "first time with a man" vanilla client and it works... It can be the same thing in reverse.

 

It has been done more often than one might think... The caveat concerns the fact that the client must know exactly what he wants and then have the patience to get his points across. Often the session will start slowly and then build from there... and if a level of affinity and trust is indeed established will continue over time. It is possible... with the right client that is...

 

Of course, if BDSM is something that intrigues you, many escorts have themselves hired BDSM escorts, and done so for the express purpose of learning the trade. The best BDSM escorts have had experiences as subs along the way... and since the sub ultimately determines how far the action goes that is a valuable learning experience. Furthermore, knowing how things feel makes one a better Dom... It is analogous to the CEO that worked his way up from the mail room and knows every aspect of the business operation. That's one reason why S&M bottoms can be good teachers. They know what it feels like and can impart that information to the top. That's why part of the learning process should be to know and experience both sides of the equation.

 

Just some quick thoughts here... and enough to get the ball rolling. The bottom line concerns the fact that one must do this kind of thing in a safe and sane way... Faking it can lead to problems. Knowledge is the key to success... and there are different directions from where one can obtain the knowledge and know how...

[uwsman2]

I want to second Whipped Guy's comment about the importance of a dom having experienced being a sub.

 

Some of the best hiring experiences I had were with Master Victor in NYC back in the days when he was active. In the chit-chat after a scene once, he mentioned that he had put a lot of time into going to NY Bondage Club and getting worked over so he understood what the sub was feeling and picked up pointer before he started advertising as a BDSM master escort. And it showed. He really knew what he was doing. I wanted to experience being blindfolded, tied down and flogged. And I told him ahead of time that I was a novice and this was a fantasy I wanted to enact. We had lots of back and forth email conversation so that by the time we met, he knew exactly what I was looking for, knew how to start things off, and knew how far to push it along. It was awesome and I still live off the memories of that.

[HawkKinkaid]

Of course, if BDSM is something that intrigues you, many escorts have themselves hired BDSM escorts, and done so for the express purpose of learning the trade.

 

Thanks so much for your insightful reply!

 

This is actually really interesting to me --- as I have heard of many men who are in the industry transitioning out to other careers and hiring men in the industry, but I have not heard too much of this. How pervasive is this kind 'hiring to train'?

 

I'l'l be honest, I would love to see if there was someone with this experience that would write an article on it for HOOK. I think it would be really enlightening for a lot of people.

 

As for what you are saying above regarding the client leading the session, that's really interesting as well - we are working on a BDSM class for Rent U (with Leo Forte teaching) that deals with these scenarios of not being familiar with a client ask. Letting the client play a role in that education is great - but to play devil's advocate, do you worry that it is also putting the worker in vulnerable position? I know the client can be in that same position as well, which is why we are teaching the class so a worker doesn't do harm to them.

 

Thank you again!

[Adam_6969]

Discussion, discussion, discussion along with direct honesty. If a client wants to go down a path you are not familiar with, talk about it and express your hesitation due to lack of experience. From time to time I hire a Dom escort and want him to administer enemas to me. If he is not familiar, I am always eager to educate him. One Dom even agreed to let me administer an enema to him so he could feel what it was like to experience what I call "the power of the enema." He was a quick learner. There are so many avenues for learning and the larger your "repetoire" the more potential clients for you. I am not interested in being with a Dom who only fucks and has never been fucked. With that one sided experience, how the hell can he know what his sub experiences. The same comparison holds for all aspects/activities of BDSM, or as I call it, playful erotic kink.