addicted to hiring escorts...?

[spunky]

hey there. so i've been a lurker of this forum for years and altho i think i'm confident enough to just date random people, i have always been intimidated by the idea of hiring escorts so i am totally new to it all. after learning everything i could from here, rentboy, etc. i overcame my fear and decided to make my first call about a month ago and it was fantastic. then i did it again with another guy. and again with another...and again with another... and again... etc. it seems as if this fantasic gift had been waiting for me and now that it's open i can't get enough of it. suddenly all those fantasies, sexy scenarios or even weird stuff i wanted to do (or get done to me) are within my reach at what i consider pretty reasonable prices. there is no drama, no fear of rejection, no need to massage someone else's ego to get them in bed. it's just like... woha!

 

 

a very good friend of mine, however, says she's worried about me because, in her opinion, it seems like i've become a little too fond of hiring guys. and maybe it's true... i rarely go on my manhunt or grindr anymore. and when i do so and feel "the need", so to speak, i immediatley switch to rentboy and see what catches my eye. so after having this little insight i am starting to wonder whether if this newfound ability to get maximum pleasure with minimum (personal) investment is something i might regert down the line.

 

 

i'm wondering if anyone's felt like this before... or if it's just a phase from which i will get over once the novelty fades off...

 

 

if it serves, me: white 27-y/o professional guy who just recently moved to vancouver, canada. pic in my profile

[Guest countryboywny]

Spunky,

 

I say "if it feels good, do it!" My only concern would be if you're spending your grocery or rent money on escorts. If not, HAVE A BLAST!

[tsgarp]

Keep an eye on your finances, make sure your play is safe and make sure you're not emotionally isolating yourself so when a guy you SHOULD actually date comes along you don't miss the boat.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[seeker630]

Keep an eye on your finances, make sure your play is safe and make sure you're not emotionally isolating yourself so when a guy you SHOULD actually date comes along you don't miss the boat.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

That seems to cover the bases!

[bigvalboy]

Ya know Spunky, from what I can tell, I am damn near a senior citizen, (hard to say that sometimes) and I have been hiring since I was 17 years old. I personally love hiring, and in all those years I would have to say that I have no regrets. This game has served me well. I am not sure that I would have changed much about my life. That being said however, I did notice that you are not only young but very cute. I would not limit my sexual activity to hiring only. Leave yourself, your heart, and your mind open to any positive sexual encounter, whether or not that includes the exchange of money or not. Just my opinion, but good luck, keep an open mind, have fun, and play safe...

[josephga]

I think it depends. are you spending money that needs to go to bills? Are you maxing out credit cards to finance hiring? Is it affecting relationships with family or friends?

Is it affecting your ability to find a real relationship? Does it affect your job performance and ability to perform daily tasks? If the answer is no then I wouldn't see a problem

[Decatur Guy]

I know what you mean. Frankly, I'd hire more often if it were financially feasible. Fortunately, my sense of prudent financial spending is almost as strong as my desire to hire, so it pretty well balances out.

 

I do look forward to the day I can afford an Okliehomo style get together with four hot guys plus me for an overnight. I'm one unlikely home sale away from that. But when that happens, that will be my celebratory gift to myself.

 

I think some of the excitement of this will fade with time, too. I has for me.

[Diverdan]

All good advise above... hiring has its place, IMHO, but it is not the be all and end all of what good/great sex can provide. As long as you are open to relationships with other guys and don't dismiss them because of your hiring, you will probably be ok..... but addiction of any kind can be difficult to manage and can have serious consequences, and not just financial, but emotional as well. Enjoy what you have available, but keep it in perspective. As someone who is relatively young, good looking, at least an average personality with other desirable characteristics, there are a lot of other avenues for a successful and emotionally satisfying sexual life, emotional life and rewarding life. Just make sure you have a balance.

[down_to_business]

It is good as a hobby or recreational thing. If it starts to replace your interactions with other human beings (or hits your income too hard) then it might be time to reassess.

[jjkrkwood]

Well Spunky, only you can know what works for you. but it is very easy to fall under the spell of seasoned escorts that fulfill all your fantasies, needs and desires. However, if this is a pastime you intend to pursue for the long haul, you must be prepared for the financial impact, and the emotional toll in CAN take on you. Many a client has fallen under the spell of his escort, but for the most part, for the escort its just a JOB... IMO a good balance is always the best road, while I will admit that its much easier to pick up the phone (do people still do that?) and order iN.... For me personally, while I am still able to get Free sex, I travel that road, and save all the money I save for other things I enjoy. Now had I won the PowerBall, my behavior might be different. :o

[Juan Vancouver]

Long boring response. Read at your own risk.

 

Hey Spunky,

 

Even though at first it may seem that it's in all escorts' best interest to have more people hiring all the time, I have to say that personally I wish that was not the case. If you have been reading the message centre you may be aware that I have said many times that I see escorting as therapy; and just the same as therapy, there are two different ways to engage in it.

 

One way allows you to learn more about yourself and the ways you interact with others. It helps you become articulate in the language of your body, it helps you get over inhibitions that may be hindering your ability to fully enjoy your interactions, and in a broader way, it only prepares you for a successful and fulfilling sexual life of your own, with real life partners. It teaches you healthy ways to negotiate activities, boundaries and if done in a healthy way, it leaves you feeling more confident, with a sense of being proficient and knowing your limits.

 

The other way will take you exactly in the opposite direction. You will get what you want, when you want, from whomever is available. Since you don't have to negotiate, or entice your partners, you will find it harder and harder to have the patience to sustain the flirting phase of any real life relationship. Since escorts pretty much will do anything with which they feel comfortable, all you have to do to try the out of the ordinary stuff is ask, which will make it harder to negotiate the same activities with non-escort partners. Since you are paying, you will never be sure whether the escort is really attracted to you, and when you interact with non-escorts you may grow impatient with men who don't show the availability displayed by your escorts.

 

People who try escorts as a training tool go through an intense phase of hiring and after that they feel confident and ready to engage in relationship with non escorts, which more often than not are successful because of all the tools they learnt. Since it is an enjoyable thing to do, they remain hiring escorts every now and then, but this is just a little luxury they enjoy, a hobby.

 

People who hire escorts as a substitute for all relationships end up finding non-escorts dull and fat or ugly or boring or too much work, and little by little end up having sex (and sometimes a semblance of intimacy)only with escorts. This, of course, is not very healthy and not very fulfilling, as you never know if the attraction or the connection is genuine. People who do this, end up being curt, bossy, inflexible and generally ill prepared for interactions with other people and sexually they tend to have a couple things that they do. Often people start paying for their friends, sometimes feeling that people would not hang out with them otherwise.

 

I am not worried about your finances. Clearly you are doing fine. I do worry that you may be starting to see escorts as "the godsend solution" to intimate relationships, not just a hot way of schooling yourself. If I were you I would take a little break and think whether I am using this experiences to learn about myself, to prepare myself for my future relationships (and sure, to get my rocks off while having sex with hot and easy people), or if you are substituting real life interactions with hookers.

 

You are a young, successful, beautiful, sexually curious, intelligent man. I was able to see all this just from your post and picture. You deserve a partner (or partners) that are an equal to you, and who want you in exactly the same way than you want them. I am not saying that your escorts don't want you; I am saying that since you are paying them, you will never know for sure.

 

Have great explorations, get your kink sated, fuck those hot guys, but make sure that you are still trying to have fulfilling intimate relationships with men that are your equal and who love you and want you as strongly as you want them.

[Walker1]

You can't buy love. As long as you know the difference-you should be fine. You are young and sowing your wild oats-have fun!!

[bigvalboy]

You can't buy love. As long as you know the difference-you should be fine. You are young and sowing your wild oats-have fun!!

 

Simple, concise and well said....

[spunky]

Oh wow… thank you all guys for the help and great responses (especially Juan’s which I needed to read twice because the first time I was in class and simply stopped taking notes which is never good at the end of the semester, heh).

 

I guess he does have a point that goes to the core of the issue which I can see many of you guys touched on. The money aspect is pretty easy to work around with. Let’s just say that my (parents’, lol) money helps me out to afford things most people cannot regularly afford at this age. Hiring has not taken up too much time from me visiting my friends and doing stuff together, but it has changed a little bit the way I approach relationships. I have to make a quick topic detour, though, just to say that I cannot disagree more with AndreG concerning the role of manhunt, grindr, plenty of fish, adam4adam, etc. in terms of dating. I have met fantastic people on there, many with whom I went on to have very fulfilling, satisfying relationships… as well as a bazillion one-night-stands. Some of us are very shy and cannot just walk up to people in bars and strike conversations. And when strangers try to strike conversations with us, an overpowering sense of awkwardness takes over which pretty much prevents us from saying anything even remotely interesting. Heck I still go to bars/clubs (well, more like “get taken to”, not “go”) only when my above-average-looking friends go so the attention gets directed to them and not to me, lol. For many of us, online dating is more like a lifeline that got thrown at us via the magic of the Internet.

 

Ok, back on topic.What did rub me the wrong way was that, as my friend pointed out, I stopped looking for any semblance of a relationship. Feeling lonely tonight? Hire an escort. Wanna chat with someone you’re planning to take to bed? Hire an escort. Weird crazy fantasy came to you while bored in class? Hire an escort. And suddenly the answer to everything is “Hire an escort”. And I guess the worst part was that, until she pointed it out, I was completely oblivious to it. Which made me think “oh, I’m sure it’s just a phase because I have never done this before”… but then I started thinking “well… what if it is *not* a phase? And I guess because I’m both (a) a consummated hedonist and (b) get-off on efficiency and pragmatism, I’m seeing this as a superbly efficient solution to the usual back-and-forth struggle that it can be to interact with people in normal dating settings. It’s.just.so.darn.CONVENIENT! This is one of those moments where I come to realize that this capitalistic society where we live makes things a little easy when it comes to obtaining satisfaction with minimum effort.

 

Now I am musing whether I should stop (even though I have a guy coming over at 6pm, PST…. HA!) OR not? The thing is that if it REALLY is a phase then I’m gonna be kicking myself for forcing me to go back to wherever I was before when in reality I just needed to hire one or two more guys before I said something like “well… it’s just not very interesting anymore…”

 

Let’s make a quick, informal poll here… how many of you guys would say went through “a phase” where you hired guys like crazy at first (within what was financially possible for you at that time) and then stopped?

[instudiocity]

Ok, back on topic.What did rub me the wrong way was that, as my friend pointed out, I stopped looking for any semblance of a relationship. Feeling lonely tonight? Hire an escort. Wanna chat with someone you’re planning to take to bed? Hire an escort. Weird crazy fantasy came to you while bored in class? Hire an escort. And suddenly the answer to everything is “Hire an escort”. And I guess the worst part was that, until she pointed it out, I was completely oblivious to it. Which made me think “oh, I’m sure it’s just a phase because I have never done this before”… but then I started thinking “well… what if it is *not* a phase? And I guess because I’m both (a) a consummated hedonist and (b) get-off on efficiency and pragmatism, I’m seeing this as a superbly efficient solution to the usual back-and-forth struggle that it can be to interact with people in normal dating settings. It’s.just.so.darn.CONVENIENT! This is one of those moments where I come to realize that this capitalistic society where we live makes things a little easy when it comes to obtaining satisfaction with minimum effort.

I dunno now Spunky, you may not be addicted but you are adDICKted, certainly.

 

Let’s make a quick, informal poll here… how many of you guys would say went through “a phase” where you hired guys like crazy at first (within what was financially possible for you at that time) and then stopped?

I did go through that phase, then slowed down. But part of that was moving from QUANTITY of dates to QUALITY of my dates. I'd have to guess most of us went through a phase, or bankruptcy!

 

Now, just how do I apply to your parents for a scholarship for my Escort Selection diploma?

[Michael Wayne]

we are glad you hire! I have been having more and mor eyounger clients lately! http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

[jjkrkwood]

we are glad you hire! I have been having more and mor eyounger clients lately! http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

 

Sure you are, but would you have an issue with it IF the client was harming himself and his finances by doing so ??? Or is that of NO concern of yours and should be left to the client to decide and control ?

[maxwellissmart]

Sure you are, but would you have an issue with it IF the client was harming himself and his finances by doing so ??? Or is that of NO concern of yours and should be left to the client to decide and control ?

 

I'm an escort, not a parent.

[jjkrkwood]

I'm an escort, not a parent.

 

Thats kinda what casinos and race tracks say to gambling addicts. Noone is asking you to parent, but simply to be sensitive to an issue that a person may be struggling with...

 

Even casinos cut people off at some point ! No problem, Ill just call you "Honey Boo Boo II" (you Holla for a Dolla)...

[josephga]

lol Honey Boo Boo id never seen that show until few weeks ago it was on so i watched to see what it was all about: That miss Georgia sure is purty I bet she doesn't even fart lol

[Xander]

1. You are asking if you have a problem on a forum that is dedicated to the further expansion of the escorting culture. The supportive opinions here are biased.

2. You are young and hot, and using escorts *regularly* IS a financially irresponsible move -- unless you're bringing home 100k/yr after taxes (and at your age ... not likely)

3. Just like how some escorts have problems with intimate relationships after their career, I believe that a client who regularly hires will equally have intimacy issues later on in life

 

Do what you will -- this worlds a fiction and made up of contradiction.

[Juan Vancouver]

we are glad you hire! I have been having more and mor eyounger clients lately!

 

Personally, and regardless of how fun it may be to have young clients, I find the trend of young regular clients slightly alarming. I am perfectly happy to be there for younger kids wanting to learn and explore and finesse their chops if I know this will only be a temporary stage in their development, like school.

 

On the other hand, if I know that the only sexual and intimacy output that my client has is entirely circumscribed to escorts, then I worry, and while it is technically not my responsibility and it would be outside of what is expected of me, I try to encourage them to engage into non-escorting interactions.

 

For some reason more and more really young guys are opting for the immediate gratification and the complication free benefits of hiring escorts. In an age where most human interactions happen through computers and where we meet our friends on Facebook, I do worry that fewer men are wanting to put the time and effort that it takes to meet real people and engage in real relationships.

 

I'm an escort, not a parent.

 

I agree. I am not a parent, and my responsibility is not to scold or be didactic, but I love my work and I like to feel that when I am doing it I am providing an actual benefit to my clients: either I am providing fun sex, or knowledge about their bodies, or exciting companionship, or help dealing with a sexual disfunction, or help getting over self-image issues, you name it. When I realize that my interaction with my client stopped being beneficial and becomes a crutch, a substitute, a coping mechanism or an addiction, (And at least I can always tell when that happens), then I feel uneasy, uncomfortable and unfulfilled, and in good conscience I am unable to continue engaging in it. Don't get me wrong; I am not a goody goody two shoes; I like money as much as the greediest gold digger tramp out there and if there is a client who wants to just mail me money every week I will be all over that offer like pig on shit. I am not moralizing here or riding a high horse; I have to confess that I would not stop seeing that client for his benefit: it is likely that if he wants to indulge in an unhealthy hiring habit he will do it with me or with someone else. I may try to point out to him why it is not the best thing to do and I will do my best to suggest he deals with it, but the real reason for me to stop seeing a client like this is because it just feels wrong to me. The relationship becomes harsh, uncomfortable, laden with drama, over-demanding and unsatisfactory and simply put I would go home disliking myself for what I did.

 

Personally, no amount of money is worth losing respect of myself.

 

Now, I am not saying that escorts who do otherwise are mean or evil or wrong. Hell, for all I know, I could be the one that is wrong and by kiddygloving my clients' perceived issues I may be doing nothing but enabling them. Who knows! What I do know is that I don't feel comfortable doing so. Right? Wrong? Who cares? I just believe that there is right for me and wrong for me.

 

Lastly Xander, I kind of disagree with you a little... (Hard to disagree with a cute redhead, though.) Money comes and goes. We live once and take nothing to the grave. And again, I am latino and we are not very well known for our financial savvy, but I say spend it all! The reason for which I am a little worried about Spunky and why I am recommending him to take a break and re-evaluate his habits is because what he is describing in his post makes it sound as if he is bypassing intimacy to achieve instant gratification and that becomes a really ugly habit really fast.

 

And... not all clients nor all escorts have intimacy and relationship issues. Some do, and some don't, but exactly the same goes for every layman out there; it's just that we get a lot of press. All great operas, novels, movies and pieces of gossip are about the poor sad old hooker who died alone.

 

That said... I gotta go. Have to go back to my whoring. =)

[Juan Vancouver]

Xander, I just read your post again and you do say that some escorts have issues with intimacy.

 

Sorry.

 

Now I shut up.

[Greathands]

I have a different perspective on this, from my own experience, that I've rarely seen discussed on here. I think escorts provide a very valuable service. And, as I've shared in other posts, I think there's a huge difference between escorts and hustlers and/or prostititutes.

 

I hired escorts for many years, the majority of which were extremely good experiences.

 

Eight years ago, I met my partner. He is considerably younger than I am ... 20 years actually. We both experienced friends and family who were concerned about the age difference, but we went into the relationship with open eyes and hearts, and over time all those friends and family have come around and completely support our relationship.

 

I should mention that my partner is very hot. In previous posts I've mentioned that we're very different from each other. I'm in my late 40's, an overweight bear who's into younger athletic guys ... and he's in his late 20's, in great shape and into older, heavier bears. I've often joked that he would do extremely well as an escort!

 

But here's why I'm responding to this post.

 

Having spent years hiring escorts ... being able to decide whatever caught my eye that day ... whether it be race or build or hair color, etc. ... there was a certain excitement in hiring whatever you found appealing at that time.

 

However, no matter how hot I think my partner is ... and I still think he's very hot ... the excitement of hiring someone new is gone. This has greatly affected our sex life. It has nothing to do with him, or how hot he is, etc. It's all about how exciting it was to be able to hire the 'flavor of the day'.

 

I'm quite open with my friends, and one of my best friends and I have often talked about this. He has shared that he's actually glad that his wife is the only person he's ever had sex with because he's never able to compare her against previously girlfiends, etc.

 

This is something my partner and I are working through, but it is certainly not anything I ever considered back in the day when I was hiring escorts on a routine basis.

[maxwellissmart]

I have a different perspective on this, from my own experience, that I've rarely seen discussed on here. I think escorts provide a very valuable service. And, as I've shared in other posts, I think there's a huge difference between escorts and hustlers and/or prostititutes.

 

I hired escorts for many years, the majority of which were extremely good experiences.

 

Eight years ago, I met my partner. He is considerably younger than I am ... 20 years actually. We both experienced friends and family who were concerned about the age difference, but we went into the relationship with open eyes and hearts, and over time all those friends and family have come around and completely support our relationship.

 

I should mention that my partner is very hot. In previous posts I've mentioned that we're very different from each other. I'm in my late 40's, an overweight bear who's into younger athletic guys ... and he's in his late 20's, in great shape and into older, heavier bears. I've often joked that he would do extremely well as an escort!

 

But here's why I'm responding to this post.

 

Having spent years hiring escorts ... being able to decide whatever caught my eye that day ... whether it be race or build or hair color, etc. ... there was a certain excitement in hiring whatever you found appealing at that time.

 

However, no matter how hot I think my partner is ... and I still think he's very hot ... the excitement of hiring someone new is gone. This has greatly affected our sex life. It has nothing to do with him, or how hot he is, etc. It's all about how exciting it was to be able to hire the 'flavor of the day'.

 

I'm quite open with my friends, and one of my best friends and I have often talked about this. He has shared that he's actually glad that his wife is the only person he's ever had sex with because he's never able to compare her against previously girlfiends, etc.

 

This is something my partner and I are working through, but it is certainly not anything I ever considered back in the day when I was hiring escorts on a routine basis.

 

This sort of thinking is one of the reasons why I continue to escort—because I like variety. It sometimes scares me to think that I may never have a satisfying sexual relationship with someone because they can't change on my whim. Maybe I won't need that if I find the right person, but maybe I will.