I'm in love with an escort - Help me please

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

Hi. I posted here a while ago.

 

I have a big problem and I don't know how to deal with it so I thought I could come here and see if anyone else could share something with me that might make this easier.

 

Let me just explain what happened:

 

For quite a long time (many years), I have thought about seeking out a male companion. I have no sexual experience to speak of, I've never been on a date, I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm incredibly lonely.

 

I'm also getting older - I'll be 27 soon.

 

I'll just call myself "Noah," and let's just call the companion that I saw "Adam." (I don't want to give away our identities.)

 

Anyway, so here's what happened... it's a very long story.

 

After looking at lots of profiles for escorts, I found Adam's website. He's very beautiful, but that's not really what attracted me to him. It was what he wrote on his website. Nobody else talked about who they were and although what he said wasn't much, it was at least something. He just in general seemed like the perfect choice for someone like me. He's basically my age and he shares a lot of my same interests.

 

There was something about his pictures though that made me feel terribly sad - His eyes just looked sad - like beneath it all, you could tell he was very unhappy.

 

Well, I emailed Adam and he was very sweet to me right from the start and he asked me what I was "into." I listed all of my interests (history, philosophy, politics)... but I knew that's not what he meant. So right away I wanted to make this a long-term companionship kind of a relationship that didn't really have anything to do with sex. I'm very shy about sex (obviously) and so the concept of just meeting someone for an hour and becoming physically intimate with them right away just seemed like something I couldn't do.

 

We started to text one another and it was kinda at this stage that it happened. He wrote such beautiful things to me and that's when I started to develop feelings for this person. He treated me the way no one's ever treated me and it wasn't hard to fall for him. I hadn't even met him yet and it had already really happened.

 

I did meet Adam - I drove six hours to where he lived so it was quite a trip but I was desperate to meet this man that I had these feelings for.

 

Meeting him was not the experience I thought it would be. He was as nice as could be, but right from the beginning it seemed as if he was acting, and at least to me, it was very transparent. I knew very well that underneath all of his "interest," he really didn't want to spend time with me at all, that this was just his job.

 

I made it clear before hand that this was just going to be a meeting and that I wasn't going to ask him to do anything. Besides, all I really wanted to do was talk to this fascinating guy, right? Well of course when I met him, I realized how physically attracted I was to him and that made it very hard to talk to him. It was almost torturous and titillating at the same time to be with him, because I knew other people had come to him and experienced all of these sexual fantasies and there I was just sitting there having what really was a kinda depressing conversation.

 

I drove back home crying - yes, I cry - over this man and the overwhelming feelings I had for him. He hates doing this - he hates being an escort - and he's had a very hard life, and I could feel his pain. I'm also very unhappy and very depressed and I took his misery and made it my own.

 

So these feelings I had for him just grew and grew. The truth is I've never really stopped thinking about him.

 

I've emailed him about maybe 20 times since we met, and he's written back, not nearly as much as I have, but everything he's said has been tremendously meaningful.

 

He's a wonderful human being but he's kinda like a turtle. He has this shell around him and he only probably likes to talk to other turtles. I've reached out to him in so many ways, but he doesn't really accept my help.

 

Basically I'm trying to help him get out of his life as an escort since I know its not a sustainable way of life for him anymore.

 

So I am sure that there has been a lonely, kind-hearted gay man out there who has hired an escort and done what I've done.

 

What I've learned from this experience is that these people- these guys- that you hire for an hour or two hours or a whole night - they're more than just pieces of meat to be used for sexual purposes.

 

I know that's a pretty controversial thing to say on a forum like this, but I know all of you really do understand. Gay men are innately sensitive and caring people - and also extremely horny - and like all men, the sexual desire overwhelms the body, but gay men also have big hearts, and so this is the problem:

 

When you find yourself falling in love with an escort, what do you do? Do you just walk away? Do you try and become a friend? Do you keep seeing them?

 

Has anyone else experienced this?

[JT Brooklyn]

Your 27? I'm sure he thinks of you as a Stalker by now! Move On before HE Calls the Cops!

[Boner]

 

Basically I'm trying to help him get out of his life as an escort since I know its not a sustainable way of life for him anymore.

 

 

I'm sure you're in mental anquish over this, but really, trying to save someone who you don't really know, percieve to be unhappy and miserable with their life - all the while your life seemingly appears to be spinning out of control, is something you really need to get some professional help with.

 

This isn't about Adam - This is about YOU.

 

Good luck.

[jjkrkwood]

Your lonely life is causing you to have these "attachment feelings" to this guy. And its clear from your story that he does NOT really want any help, at last not from you. dont take it personally, some people just need to work out their issues on their Own....

 

Find other interests and things to keep you busy. Hiring can be fun, but you must keep your hiring "goals" in perspective. You are not the only person who has "fallen" for an escort. Its easy to do. They are charming. sexual, and its their "job" to make you feel good. Operative word: JOB....

 

Best of luck to you...

[MiamiLooker]

Hi. I posted here a while ago.

 

I have a big problem and I don't know how to deal with it so I thought I could come here and see if anyone else could share something with me that might make this easier.

 

Let me just explain what happened:

 

For quite a long time (many years), I have thought about seeking out a male companion. I have no sexual experience to speak of, I've never been on a date, I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm incredibly lonely.

 

I'm also getting older - I'll be 27 soon.

 

I'll just call myself "Noah," and let's just call the companion that I saw "Adam." (I don't want to give away our identities.)

 

Anyway, so here's what happened... it's a very long story.

 

After looking at lots of profiles for escorts, I found Adam's website. He's very beautiful, but that's not really what attracted me to him. It was what he wrote on his website. Nobody else talked about who they were and although what he said wasn't much, it was at least something. He just in general seemed like the perfect choice for someone like me. He's basically my age and he shares a lot of my same interests.

 

There was something about his pictures though that made me feel terribly sad - His eyes just looked sad - like beneath it all, you could tell he was very unhappy.

 

Well, I emailed Adam and he was very sweet to me right from the start and he asked me what I was "into." I listed all of my interests (history, philosophy, politics)... but I knew that's not what he meant. So right away I wanted to make this a long-term companionship kind of a relationship that didn't really have anything to do with sex. I'm very shy about sex (obviously) and so the concept of just meeting someone for an hour and becoming physically intimate with them right away just seemed like something I couldn't do.

 

We started to text one another and it was kinda at this stage that it happened. He wrote such beautiful things to me and that's when I started to develop feelings for this person. He treated me the way no one's ever treated me and it wasn't hard to fall for him. I hadn't even met him yet and it had already really happened.

 

I did meet Adam - I drove six hours to where he lived so it was quite a trip but I was desperate to meet this man that I had these feelings for.

 

Meeting him was not the experience I thought it would be. He was as nice as could be, but right from the beginning it seemed as if he was acting, and at least to me, it was very transparent. I knew very well that underneath all of his "interest," he really didn't want to spend time with me at all, that this was just his job.

 

I made it clear before hand that this was just going to be a meeting and that I wasn't going to ask him to do anything. Besides, all I really wanted to do was talk to this fascinating guy, right? Well of course when I met him, I realized how physically attracted I was to him and that made it very hard to talk to him. It was almost torturous and titillating at the same time to be with him, because I knew other people had come to him and experienced all of these sexual fantasies and there I was just sitting there having what really was a kinda depressing conversation.

 

I drove back home crying - yes, I cry - over this man and the overwhelming feelings I had for him. He hates doing this - he hates being an escort - and he's had a very hard life, and I could feel his pain. I'm also very unhappy and very depressed and I took his misery and made it my own.

 

So these feelings I had for him just grew and grew. The truth is I've never really stopped thinking about him.

 

I've emailed him about maybe 20 times since we met, and he's written back, not nearly as much as I have, but everything he's said has been tremendously meaningful.

 

He's a wonderful human being but he's kinda like a turtle. He has this shell around him and he only probably likes to talk to other turtles. I've reached out to him in so many ways, but he doesn't really accept my help.

 

Basically I'm trying to help him get out of his life as an escort since I know its not a sustainable way of life for him anymore.

 

So I am sure that there has been a lonely, kind-hearted gay man out there who has hired an escort and done what I've done.

 

What I've learned from this experience is that these people- these guys- that you hire for an hour or two hours or a whole night - they're more than just pieces of meat to be used for sexual purposes.

 

I know that's a pretty controversial thing to say on a forum like this, but I know all of you really do understand. Gay men are innately sensitive and caring people - and also extremely horny - and like all men, the sexual desire overwhelms the body, but gay men also have big hearts, and so this is the problem:

 

When you find yourself falling in love with an escort, what do you do? Do you just walk away? Do you try and become a friend? Do you keep seeing them?

 

Has anyone else experienced this?

 

Are you a woman, yet?

[jjkrkwood]

Are you a woman, yet?

 

Now, now Miami, THAT was then, THIS is Now....:o

[josephga]

keep in mind everything nice and sweet he is saying to you he is saying to 100 other guys. IMO I think you are just lonely most likely very kind and loving. maybe try stepping away from the escort and find someone to date make them your own. someone that can return those loving feelings you deserve and that can provide you with real intimacy

[MiamiLooker]

Now, now Miami, THAT was then, THIS is Now....:o

 

It was just 7 months ago the OP was discussing his/her upcoming transformation to become a beautiful woman, to be done in stages. I was just curious what stage (s)he’s at…

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

I had a facial operation already. It didn't work. It didn't magically transform me into anything.

 

As for the escorting thing, yes I know I was very naive about it all along, and it wasn't for me. I learned my lesson, and I'll never ever do it again.

 

It's just so unfair. I'm just so tortured and there's no place for me to go anywhere. I didn't make the transition to adulthood even though I'm three years from turning 30. I'm sick. There's something seriously wrong with me.

 

I'm desperately lonely. I have no job, no friends, my family's nearly all died off...

 

There's nothing to live for. What? Another day like this? Another day of misery?

 

I pray now that I never wake up.

 

My life is a living hell - I mean im writing all of this on a site called "Daddys reviews" - a fucking site where gay guys post reviews about the prostitutes that they screw - I mean How the fuck did I wind up on here in the first place?

 

Sick, it just makes me sick... im a fucking loser.

[maxwellissmart]

Go see a counselor. We can help you with your escort-related problems to a point—but it sounds like you're past that.

 

Good luck.

[jjkrkwood]

Dolphin, your posts are disturbing, and I am Truly concerned about you. PLEASE dont be so down on yourself as you are not alone in your situation or feelings. Many here have similar issues, and this site is created for SUPPORT.

 

If you truly are reaching out for help here, any of the members would welcome a pvt message from you, and will do there best to Support you. Hiring is not soley about the sex. It is also for people looking for an emotional connection like you. However, for the escort , it is his Job... You need to seek out friends... Perhaps at support groups in your area, or a local LGBT center. You are nOT a Loser, simply a person lloking for love and affection just like the rest of us. Please feel free to contact me pprivately if you wish. - JJ

[+ FreshFluff]

I'm sorry to hear this, Dolphin. I know how it feels to be depressed and feel hopeless.

 

Many men fall for escorts. Hell, if unrequited love didn't exist, most of the great poetry in the world would never have been written.

 

It sounds like you're looking for friends, first and foremost. But like people said, many escorts aren't interested in making that happen, any more than, say, your doctor is interested in seeing you for free. Would you be open to meeting up with other gay men or transgender people just to talk? There are other men who feel like you and have similar interests. Why not hang out with them and see if that improves things.

 

As far as the FFS goes, I've heard that it often takes several surgeries to get the effect you want. Don't get discouraged.

[BostonPhil]

First, you're not a loser. Calling yourself one for being here is the same as calling the rest of the clients here losers.

 

I don't think you were prepared for hiring an escort, that is for sure. Is it possible you went in thinking he was going to be acting and that is all you saw?

 

If you've started the surgeries already, you should already be seeing a counselor of some sort and these are all issues you should be talking to them about. You sound like you are extremely shy. Escorts as a rule aren't. You want to break out of your shell and have a good time, you can always hire one of us to go out and show you around and how to have a good time.

 

Trying to have a deep relationship with an escort can happen but is not often likely. We are use to being who and what you want us to be. I am always genuine with my clients but there are some things about my personal life that will always be for me. You can look on it as unfortunate that it is a wall you can't break through or you can take me for what I am. If I didn't cut it off like that it would be difficult to keep working.

 

If you're not seeing some one professionally to talk about these things, you really need to. Sorry if I am not making much sense, I'm a little drugged up today.

[+ not2rowdy]

I regularly look at this site - but seldom actually log in to where I could see if I have a PM. But I will do that for the next several days in case you want to establish more private contact.

 

You have worth. Everyone has value. I have faith that members of this forum, including myself, can offer various forms of support to help you through this hard period. That support can be shared via the forum or more privately.

 

So take take a deep breath. Step outside and feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Listen to the sounds. Look at the beauty. Remember that YOU are part of this.

[MiamiLooker]

If you're not seeing some one professionally to talk about these things, you really need to.

 

Agree. If the OP’s post is genuine, then the only advice offered here should be for him to seek qualified professional help.

[+ FreshFluff]

I agree that Dolphin should be seeking professional help in any case since he's transitioning. But that's not a substitute for friends, online or in real life.

 

Dolphin, as you can see from my posts, I'm a female. But I know how much it sucks to feel as low as you do right now. If you'd like to PM me, I will do what I can to help.

[citylaw1]

im a fucking loser.

 

I was just thinking the same thing:)

[+ Charlie]

I'm sure you're in mental anquish over this, but really, trying to save someone who you don't really know, percieve to be unhappy and miserable with their life - all the while your life seemingly appears to be spinning out of control, is something you really need to get some professional help with.

 

This isn't about Adam - This is about YOU.

 

Good luck.

Boner is absolutely correct. You are projecting all sorts of things onto "Adam," because it is really you who are terribly unhappy and want to be saved by someone. Your one clear perception came when you met him and realized he was "acting." Acting is not necessarily a bad thing: it's what we pay escorts to do, and reward them when they do it well. He is probably a nice, sensitive guy who picked up on your pain and wanted to be kind. He may continue to be kind, but he won't be the prince that will rescue you (and if he starts hinting that you can rescue him, watch out!). The posters who are responding here, including me, are also sensitive to your pain and want to be kind, but we can't rescue you, either. You need serious professional help, and I sincerely hope you can find it.

[citylaw1]

and this site is created for SUPPORT.

 

It most certainly was not created for support JJ.

 

Dolphin dear, go for a quick swim and then call a suicide hotline. PM'ing members here is crazy. Call a doctor!

 

The only psychiatrist that participates in this forum can be found here: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://images.hollywood.com/site/hanniballecter.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.hollywood.com/news/Hannibal_Lecter_TV_Series_in_the_Works/7838216&h=340&w=295&sz=42&tbnid=BJbD3qKx7UWJvM:&tbnh=100&tbnw=87&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhannibal%2Blecter%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=hannibal+lecter&usg=__MV2X4y1xFI9WEL3-RkdkuXYdWYA=&docid=faiCcwokof9VAM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=_TD3T6TREpKW8gT-xNjNBg&ved=0CF0Q9QEwBA&dur=2337

[Guest countryboywny]

Dolphin,

 

It seems that you're in a state of change in everything about you. I would think that this alone is as much as anyone could handle. You are not a loser, you are a worth while person but you need to work on "you" right now. I echo the encouragement to seek professional help. You will be a much happier person and will come to realize your own self-worth. It won't be easy, but the journey is definitely worth it. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and Good Luck!

[MiamiLooker]

Dolphin dear, go for a quick swim and then call a suicide hotline.

 

Shouldn't the call be made prior to the swim?

[jjkrkwood]

It most certainly was not created for support JJ.

 

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It supported YOU when you had your meltdown over being rejected by the young escort your were crushing on, so be a little fucking sensitive to someone else's pain Lady.

[citylaw1]

Shouldn't the call be made prior to the swim?

 

No. I thought Dolphin should loosen up a bit first, and this heat...oye vey!

[citylaw1]

It supported YOU when you had your meltdown over being rejected by the young escort your were crushing on, so be a little fucking sensitive to someone else's pain Lady.

 

It's not about sensitivity JJ. Dolphin needs to be held for 72 hours, not counseled by a bald nudnik interested in face fucking in a Times Square love den.

[jjkrkwood]

It's not about sensitivity JJ. Dolphin needs to be held for 72 hours, not counseled by a bald nudnik interested in face fucking in a Times Square love den.

 

You know something, you operate in your own little weird world. Noone was attempting to "counsel" him as none of us are qualified. We were offering an understanding ear and friendship so he didnt feel alone or lonely. Can YOU understand THAT ? Its the same type of thing you get from those paid boys lying face down on your bed, COMFORT.. And calling people names is not pretty, not even for a jewish lawyer.....