Shocking Suicide of Gay Therapist

[+ FreshFluff]

In my mind, a successful book could have given him a prominent position in gay life, so he had a lot to look forward to.

 

The loss of that hope may have been the trigger. According to the friend quoted in the New York Times article, his hopes for the book's success had dimmed over the last few days of 2011, partially because of the small advance, partially because some of the content was outdated.

 

“I think there was a plan,” Mr. Sackheim said. “ ‘I write this book, it’s successful, maybe there’s a talk show, I’m on “Oprah.” ’ And I think he was coming to realize that all of that that might not happen.”

[bootdad]

Let's be realistic here ... another door stopper of a self help book - how many hundreds - no probably thousands of these are published each year ???

Many people live under the illusion that a book will catapult them into fame and fortune. For every success story the list of failed books that never made it to a first revision is daunting.

Add to this that like the music industry - the book business is in profound transition. How many bookstores have closed in the past decade - maybe he spent a little too much time at the gym and forgot to do his market research. As well - my experience has been most people hope to turn that type of book into a revenue stream with speaking engagements, etc. Too many people assume book deals are a cash cow where in the reality is a very different issue and an advance of more than $50 - $ 100 k is reserved for a very intimate group.

[+ FreshFluff]

One thing I do have to say: I don't find the men here obsessed with aging (or stopping the aging process) at all. I remember starting a thread about reducing visible aging; none of the responses, either from escorts or clients, suggested that anyone was obsessing with making themselves look younger. To the contrary, Deej wrote that many men would avoid eye surgery even if they needed it to improve vision, simply because it's associated with anti-aging.

[jjkrkwood]

thread[/url] about reducing visible aging; none of the responses, either from escorts or clients, suggested that anyone was obsessing with making themselves look younger. To the contrary, Deej wrote that many men would avoid eye surgery even if they needed it to improve vision, simply because it's associated with anti-aging.

 

Well I would nip and tuck, snip and zip ANYTHING I needed to in order to look younger if it was necessary. I am lucky that at 60, people take me for 40-ish, so that aint a bad thing, and I seem to turn more younger heads than I care to, but hey, if they want a toothless BJ, I will accommodate them !

 

But seriously I dont think there is anything wrong with having work done to boost your self esteem, but to a "realistic" point. The problem is some people become delusional or obsessive

and truly believe their life is based on their looks, as if they lose that, they have nothing, and are better off Dead..

[bigvalboy]

thread[/url] about reducing visible aging; none of the responses, either from escorts or clients, suggested that anyone was obsessing with making themselves look younger. To the contrary, Deej wrote that many men would avoid eye surgery even if they needed it to improve vision, simply because it's associated with anti-aging.

 

Ya know FF...I'm not sure that the word 'obsessed' is necessarily the correct word here. I think that this generation of men in general are just more concerned about being healthy. While anti-aging products are being sold at all time highs, I think that most of the people I know just try to stay healthy. It is a two way street, healthy living just makes you look younger. LOL...and don't kid yourself, gay men are all about youth, whether it is chasing the young kids or chasing youth. I think that gay men are certainly more vain than straight men. Now this is not anything that I have read, it is just a personal observation. AND of course a disclaimer here "I could be wrong" LOL

[jjkrkwood]

Oh right, the concern is Health. Thats why after hitting the gym and swabbing on some anti-aging cream, the guys go out barebacking, taking drugs and partying, and smoking...

Yup, says Healthy lifestyle to me. Ludicrous !!! For the most part, guys that are gym bunnies go to the gym to LOOK good to attract others and hookup. How many guys have worked out bodies and cover them up with turtleneck, baggy shirts ? Yup, definitely Health.... and the str8 guys today are as much about scoring Pussy as gay men are about scoring dick/ass.... Studies have now shown as many str8 men are having cosmetic procedures as women and gay men. YUP, HEALTH I SAY!

[bigvalboy]

Oh right, the concern is Health. Thats why after hitting the gym and swabbing on some anti-aging cream, the guys go out barebacking, taking drugs and partying, and smoking...

Yup, says Healthy lifestyle to me. Ludicrous !!! HEALTH I SAY!

 

Who and what the heck are you talking about...what kind of ridiculous rant is this....seriously dude, you need to calm down. Good Lord, go for a walk or something...

[+ FreshFluff]

Studies have now shown as many str8 men are having cosmetic procedures as women and gay men. YUP, HEALTH I SAY!

 

Do you have a cite/link? Survey results show that more men (of all orientations combined) are having cosmetic surgery than ever before. But from what I've heard, plastic surgery clients are still overwhelmingly female.

[jjkrkwood]

Who and what the heck are you talking about...what kind of ridiculous rant is this....seriously dude, you need to calm down. Good Lord, go for a walk or something...

 

DUDE, you seem to be the one with a comprehension problem. My "rant" as you call it, was a response to your comment which i found ridiculous, about these guys merely being concerned with being Healthy. Maybe if you would turn on another light bulb in your head you would understand my comment, and the tone in which it was written ?. Its called "sarcasm"...Seriously DUDE, Its always amusing that you find my comments "rants" but when you spout off they are simply "comments". You are a serious piece of work DUDE ! And WAY too old to even use the word DUDE.

[bigvalboy]

DUDE, you seem to be the one with a comprehension problem. My "rant" as you call it, was a response to your comment which i found ridiculous, about these guys merely being concerned with being Healthy. Maybe if you would turn on another light bulb in your head you would understand my comment, and the tone in which it was written ?. Its called "sarcasm"...Seriously DUDE, Its always amusing that you find my comments "rants" but when you spout off they are simply "comments". You are a serious piece of work DUDE ! And WAY too old to even use the word DUDE.

 

My God..what a mess.

[robberbaron4u]

Narcisstic personality disorder. . .

[robberbaron4u]

Narcisstic personality disorder; those afflicted with it do not deal well with the aging process. . .

[jjkrkwood]

My God..what a mess.

 

YES you are ! We finally agree. And FYI, your 3-5 word replies are always a VERY valuable contribution. I learn alot from them.

 

Now, can i offer you some Chocolate Cream cheese on a cracker ?

[bigvalboy]

YES you are ! We finally agree. And FYI, your 3-5 word replies are always a VERY valuable contribution. I learn alot from them.

 

Now, can i offer you some Chocolate Cream cheese on a cracker ?

 

Say good night Gladys...

[bcohen7719]

Let's be realistic here ... another door stopper of a self help book - how many hundreds - no probably thousands of these are published each year ???

Many people live under the illusion that a book will catapult them into fame and fortune. For every success story the list of failed books that never made it to a first revision is daunting.

Add to this that like the music industry - the book business is in profound transition. How many bookstores have closed in the past decade - maybe he spent a little too much time at the gym and forgot to do his market research. As well - my experience has been most people hope to turn that type of book into a revenue stream with speaking engagements, etc. Too many people assume book deals are a cash cow where in the reality is a very different issue and an advance of more than $50 - $ 100 k is reserved for a very intimate group.

 

Bootdad:

 

As someone familiar with that particular book project, I can say that you are 100% on target. You are absolutely right...the author had intended to use the book (after being turned down by major publishing houses) as a method to obtain speaking engagements and to increase his private psychotherapy practice income by obtaining new patients. This will sound crass and insensitive to some readers, but it is the god damn truth. The author's friends attested to this in industry reports. I have a aome experience in the scholarly psychotherapy publishing industry, and this method of "personal income enhance" in our popular industry counterpart made me sick to my stomach. The main reason is that many of these self-help books have absolutely no basis in scientific research. The author simply makes up a theory, goes through some patient case histories, professes that he/she helped the patients tremendously--and voila, a cure is found! What utter cr*p. Also, about 60% of "trade" (popular) books are self-published.

 

The author was reported to have taped a note to his unpublished manuscript, "All lies...based on bad information." It was said to have been one of his suicide notes. The author himself may have needed psychiatric care and medication therapy. God knows what he was doing with his patients.

 

IMHO, hordes of so-called psychotherapists and mental health counselors are out there with insufficient training or just hang out a shingle. The above author himself was a social worker, not even a clinical psychologist or clinical psychiatrist, although critically speaking the advantage of seeing therapists from other disciplines is not that clear.

 

Others again may find this commentary unkind and even cruel. They are invited to weigh in.

 

BC

[JT Brooklyn]

Totally Agree with BC on this....

[jjkrkwood]

Bootdad:

 

As someone familiar with that particular book project, I can say that you are 100% on target. You are absolutely right...the author had intended to use the book (after being turned down by major publishing houses) as a method to obtain speaking engagements and to increase his private psychotherapy practice income by obtaining new patients. This will sound crass and insensitive to some readers, but it is the god damn truth. The author's friends attested to this in industry reports. I have a aome experience in the scholarly psychotherapy publishing industry, and this method of "personal income enhance" in our popular industry counterpart made me sick to my stomach. The main reason is that many of these self-help books have absolutely no basis in scientific research. The author simply makes up a theory, goes through some patient case histories, professes that he/she helped the patients tremendously--and voila, a cure is found! What utter cr*p. Also, about 60% of "trade" (popular) books are self-published.

 

The author was reported to have taped a note to his unpublished manuscript, "All lies...based on bad information." It was said to have been one of his suicide notes. The author himself may have needed psychiatric care and medication therapy. God knows what he was doing with his patients.

 

IMHO, hordes of so-called psychotherapists and mental health counselors are out there with insufficient training or just hang out a shingle. The above author himself was a social worker, not even a clinical psychologist or clinical psychiatrist, although critically speaking the advantage of seeing therapists from other disciplines is not that clear.

 

Others again may find this commentary unkind and even cruel. They are invited to weigh in.

 

BC

 

BC, I would have to agree that there was something MORE going on with this guy besides a failed book attempt, which under normal circumstances shouldnt be the reason for someone to take their own life. YES the outcome is sad, and the circumstances alot of heresay and mystery. It IS what it IS, and unless a person some some morbid fascination with this sort of thing, really not worthy of an endless discussion based on speculation. But all points made are well taken..

[robberbaron4u]

I am in agreement with you. As by our correspondence, you are informed that my godson is afflicted with numerous behavorial and personality disorders, and, as a matter of fact, was committed to an institutional setting for treatment of "deviant behavior" by his parents in his adolescence, and, having a preference for young children as sexual partners, he is a registered "sex offender". His employer, who had become concerned about his presentations of rage in the workplace, recommended him to a "high profile" therapist who appeared regularly on a local television talk show. After several sessions, the therapist pronounced there to be "nothing wrong with him" but "a little immaturity".

[bigvalboy]

I have a hard time NOT understanding suicide.

 

If I were terminally ill I would much prefer suicide rather than living with the disease. Likewise, when life is no longer bringing me long-term happiness then I'd consider suicide.

 

That being said, I'm not one that would off myself without considerable reflection. It's certainly not something I'd do based on a single problem. However, I firmly believe that suicide and assisted suicide are reasonable alternatives.

 

Well OneFinger, I do partially agree with you. I of course can only speak from my own personal experience. Of the unfortunately many suicides were I have known the people, over the course of my life, none were because of an illness. They all had to do with the fact that in these specific cases, the people I knew, some of them dear friends, had just become distraught over situations in their life. Some went through horrible breakups or devastating down turn in their financial situation. One of my friends just became very distraught about his life, he just could not explain to any of his friends why he was so sad. He refused counseling and constant efforts by myself and others did not help. That was a tough call to get when I learned that he felt so desperate that suicide was his only option. In those cases I do have a hard time understanding suicide. For me living is always the better option, but then again I am a very optimistic person, so I believe despite the situation that things will always get better. Not everyone feels that however. I think one of the most tragic situations is one someone very young, gives up on living.

 

Now in the case of someone that was terminally ill, I can understand that. I have been with friends at the end of a long illness, my mother also, and I can tell you that I understand when someone would say to me in that situation that they just don't want to live any longer. All of this is sad and of none of us really knows what goes through the mind of a person in that situation.

[nate_sf]

 

IMHO, hordes of so-called psychotherapists and mental health counselors are out there with insufficient training or just hang out a shingle. The above author himself was a social worker, not even a clinical psychologist or clinical psychiatrist, although critically speaking the advantage of seeing therapists from other disciplines is not that clear.

 

Others again may find this commentary unkind and even cruel. They are invited to weigh in.

 

BC

 

I'm in agreement with this too. It was unclear whether the guy was really fit to be giving counseling as he was doing it. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I found his concept of people having a "peak" troubling and misguided, and wondered what kind of advice he was giving his clients. It did appear he was in need of help himself.

 

It does not take away from the tragedy of all of this, but I think it's fair to make these observations. And when engaging any professional (particularly therapists) it's important to carefully consider the individual's qualifications and not make the decisions based on things like a book, TV appearance, or looks alone.

[+ Lucky]

Given the variety of ages that we see here in the forum, it would seem that this is a great place for men to share their experiences in aging. I am on vacation, and writing on an IPod, so it won't be me.

I do remember it all, from being young, successful,and having lots of sex. Time flew by, and in a flash I was 40, then 50' and now I am looking at 65. It seemed to happen so fast. Now it's aches and pains and insurance and. Planning for the so-called Golden Years. I wish that I had had a mentor to help me through it, and that's what a thread here might do.

[jjkrkwood]

Given the variety of ages that we see here in the forum, it would seem that this is a great place for men to share their experiences in aging. I am on vacation, and writing on an IPod, so it won't be me.

I do remember it all, from being young, successful,and having lots of sex. Time flew by, and in a flash I was 40, then 50' and now I am looking at 65. It seemed to happen so fast. Now it's aches and pains and insurance and. Planning for the so-called Golden Years. I wish that I had had a mentor to help me through it, and that's what a thread here might do.

 

Lucky, although people may have experience, I dont think anyone has ALL the answers. Basically its all trial and error, and you only really get ONE shot at it. I am with you, I went to bed one nite and woke up a 60 year Gay man, single in a culture obsessed with youth and sex. Although mentally I am still a sexual dynamo, but physically I find myself more content to spending a quiet nite at home watching porn and "taling care of myself"... Less effort ! I suppose thats the true sign of Age ?

[bcohen7719]

BC, I would have to agree that there was something MORE going on with this guy besides a failed book attempt, which under normal circumstances shouldnt be the reason for someone to take their own life. YES the outcome is sad, and the circumstances alot of heresay and mystery. It IS what it IS, and unless a person some some morbid fascination with this sort of thing, really not worthy of an endless discussion based on speculation. But all points made are well taken..

 

JJ:

 

Yes, I have a morbid curiosity about psychotherapy book authors who commit suicide.

 

BC