As an Older Gay Man - What Do You Do?

[gallahadesquire]

Funny you should mention that. My son has a good friend who is probably one of the most gorgeous men I've ever seen. He looks like pornstar Deangelo Jackson. He is also one of the nicest and most humble guys I know. Not to mention that he's an industrial engineer and makes good money. The three of us had gone out one night to dinner and a movie. On the way home, I asked Marcus (the friend) if he was seeing anyone. He said he was having a hard time meeting anyone that didn't just want sex and he didn't understand why so many people seemed uncomfortable around him. I told him that it was probably because they were intimidated by him. They see this gorgeous built guy and they are afraid to approach because they don't think they'll measure up. He replied that he's never mean or rude to anyone and he has never tried to be intimidating. I told him it wasn't him. It was partly because sometimes some guys are insecure and other times they've been burned by the "professional gays" (not to be confused with escorts). My suggestion was that when he sees someone who looks, but turns away, and if he finds them interesting, he should make the first move or even just nod or smile at them. Well, Marcus has been dating the same guy for over two years now and they are very happy. Marcus' bf could be described as average looking, but he is SO funny and they both obviously love each other very much.

 

I'm no model by any means, but I've been told that people are intimidated by my intelligence. Even my professional Colleagues say that. What does one do?

[Guest Kyle_K]

Perhaps it is bigvalboy. You're just to very comfortable when it comes to being around people who make you uncomfortable.

 

I get that.

 

So then, stop being the voice of the people of whom you choose to represent,

 

Somewhere along the line bigvalboy you really do need to just shut the fuck up. No?

 

WOW! I never posted this or ever said this. Even though my username is attached to this post I never posted this. My last post on this thread was the one before it which I was grateful for the kindness of the people here.

 

This makes me sick to my stomach beyond belief.

[+ glutes]

Sybil has been hacked, damn it!

 

Multiple cities, and multiple personalities...

[jimboivyo]

and I wait for his next post with you tube videos of old disco queens singing. sorta reminds me of someone else who used to post here.

[bigvalboy]

WOW! I never posted this or ever said this. Even though my username is attached to this post I never posted this. My last post on this thread was the one before it which I was grateful for the kindness of the people here.

 

This makes me sick to my stomach beyond belief.

 

Then would should not be opposed to apologizing to me publicly, as I am hard pressed to believe your story. If not, I will consider the source and just move on...

[Guest Kyle_K]

Multiple cities, and multiple personalities...

 

My profile reflects where I am at more times than I have ever wanted to be. I thought that filling out a profile with honesty might be a good thing for me. My "multiple cities" reflect my family and where I am often at more times than I want.

 

"multiple personalities" Really?

[Guest Kyle_K]

Then would should not be opposed to apologizing to me publicly, as I am hard pressed to believe your story. If not, I will consider the source and just move on...

 

Why would I apologize for something which I was never apart of? Hard pressed as you might be, you sir, are now the one owing me an apology.

[bigvalboy]

Why would I apologize for something which I was never apart of?

 

Right!!...Your response was just as I thought it would be. The support I received through private messages and emails was more than enough for me....you have a nice life! Moving on....

[Guest Kyle_K]

Right!!...Your response was just as I thought it would be. The support I received through private messages and emails was more than enough for me....you have a nice life! Moving on....

 

Ok? glad you are moving on. Obviously you are moving on with some sort of healthy support for you. perhaps I should too.

 

This is just queer.

[BewareofNick]

I'm no model by any means, but I've been told that people are intimidated by my intelligence. Even my professional Colleagues say that. What does one do?

 

Is it your intelligence that intimidates them, or could it be the way you convey it? Do you come across as arrogant or dismissive or perhaps holier-than-thou? (No insult intended, just playing devil's advocate)

[Lohengrin1979]

Why would I apologize for something which I was never apart of? Hard pressed as you might be, you sir, are now the one owing me an apology.

 

Now that's a truly unfortunate response. Amnesia or hacking? I'm sure your "evil twin" owes BVB the apology then? Good lord, the internet is full of too much of this sort of thing.

 

Lohengrin

[healthguy]

I know this has nothing to do with the latest responses, but I thought maybe a little levity would help. Checked my hotmail a few minutes ago, and this was the message: "Wow, you have got a very clean inbox." I'm tired, and it made me laugh. How would they know that???

[Samai139]

In a previous post on this thread I ended my comments with a confession that I felt more comfortable sharing thoughts on this Forum than I did in person with most of my friends. After reading some of the latest posts, I'm not so sure about that. Couldn't we all be a little more positive and supportive when a fellow poster asks us to respond to what to him is troubling? I enjoyed many of the earlier responses but somehow my comfort level is not so high right now.

[Phil_musc]

Healthguy, I loved your last post - it made me smile bit time. A little levity is just the thing.

 

I thought things had become more civil around here (I've been somewhat away) but this thread makes me think otherwise. How did this happen - I have neither the courage nor the stomach to go back and re-read. It does seem, though, that some guys here have an ego that will not allow them to apologize - sort of the same mentality, no doubt, that keeps strict tops strict tops - y'know: real men just don't do that.

[+ Gar1eth]

From the original poster: "Age becomes such a cruel reality in our lives - And the success in finding true and fun friendship(s) never seems to be in abundance as we age."

 

This thread seems to have morphed into "As a Younger Gay Man - What Do You Do?". I turned 65 last year, and I have to say that age has not become a cruel reality in my life. I have more friends now that I did when I was younger, mostly because I have lived longer and met and liked more people, and because I value them. It is largely a conceit of younger people that getting old is cruel. It is actually quite delightful. So what if when I walk into a gay bar I am not showered with attention? I wasn't when I was 25, either. Or when I was 35. Or 45. Or 55. So now the younger guys who like the whiter hair and a bit of girth are beginning to gather around. That's nice. I enjoy it. I do hope the younger posters here have the opportunity to get old. er. The alternative is less attractive.

 

I wish my aging were like your aging. Of course I never really did anything when I was younger except hide from being gay- not so much from myself- I knew I was gay and castigated myself routinely for it. But I almost never acted on being gay- maybe 6 or so visits to gay clubs over the years until I was 42. But I never 'hooked- up' with anyone there- too scared, plus I never felt comfortable in the club scene- gay or straight- felt like a fish out of water. So I just wish I could age as gracefully as you.

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

I wish my aging were like your aging. Of course I never really did anything when I was younger except hide from being gay- not so much from myself- I knew I was gay and castigated myself routinely for it. But I almost never acted on being gay- maybe 6 or so visits to gay clubs over the years until I was 42. But I never 'hooked- up' with anyone there- too scared, plus I never felt comfortable in the club scene- gay or straight- felt like a fish out of water. So I just wish I could age as gracefully as you.

 

Gman

 

Being GAY is much more than just sex. There are many other issues significant to Aging gays and lesbians as they often dont have spouses or children to look after them. YES, everyone gets old and eventually dies, but its the quality of life up to that part that makes and leaves it mark.

 

Gar, i dont believe you should have any regrets of your past. Its wiser to just make the most of your present while you have the time. Many a senior CAN lead a fulfilling and happy life despite all the factors of aging that are thrown at them. Its all in the attitude.

[edjames]

Growing up as an only child and going to school far out of my neighborhood, I grew up without close friends. Once I entered college in the late 1960's that changed dramatically and I had a healthy and robust group of gay men I socialized with throughout the 1970's and into the early 1980's. We went everywhere. Then people began to disappear, some moved away from NYC, other succumbed to a variety of disease, AIDS, cancer, aneurisms, etc. Local bars began to close and life slowly became different. However, the life lessons I learned as a child stuck with me and I've always made my own fun, so I have continued to travel and go out as if nothing is different. I go to theater, concerts and other performing arts events and often stop afterward at bars for a drink, or two, to finish the evening. I don't feel compelled to stay out all night and I am often satisfied with seeing a great show or concert. Of course, nothing beats a great lap dance!

I have a small circle of friends but in truth, most of them are women my age or a little older. They love going out and we have a nice time together. Life is about enjoying every moment we are given and I am not one to sit around and boo-hoo over shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Yes, my physical well-being is not what it used to be but so what? I've already planned a trip to LV next month for Broadway Bares-LV, a visit to Montreal in late May, a week in P-town in Aug, and a visit to Paris/London in Nov. Who knows what else will pop up in between? I’m anxious to get to Istanbul and one of my lady friends has a house in Italy (Umbria) and I have an open invitation to use the property anytime. I have theater and concert tickets for a slew of shows coming up and there are always more on the horizon. Thank God for all the blessings!

[jjkrkwood]

Growing up as an only child and going to school far out of my neighborhood, I grew up without close friends. Once I entered college in the late 1960's that changed dramatically and I had a healthy and robust group of gay men I socialized with throughout the 1970's and into the early 1980's. We went everywhere. Then people began to disappear, some moved away from NYC, other succumbed to a variety of disease, AIDS, cancer, aneurisms, etc. Local bars began to close and life slowly became different. However, the life lessons I learned as a child stuck with me and I've always made my own fun, so I have continued to travel and go out as if nothing is different. I go to theater, concerts and other performing arts events and often stop afterward at bars for a drink, or two, to finish the evening. I don't feel compelled to stay out all night and I am often satisfied with seeing a great show or concert. Of course, nothing beats a great lap dance!

I have a small circle of friends but in truth, most of them are women my age or a little older. They love going out and we have a nice time together. Life is about enjoying every moment we are given and I am not one to sit around and boo-hoo over shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Yes, my physical well-being is not what it used to be but so what? I've already planned a trip to LV next month for Broadway Bares-LV, a visit to Montreal in late May, a week in P-town in Aug, and a visit to Paris/London in Nov. Who knows what else will pop up in between? I’m anxious to get to Istanbul and one of my lady friends has a house in Italy (Umbria) and I have an open invitation to use the property anytime. I have theater and concert tickets for a slew of shows coming up and there are always more on the horizon. Thank God for all the blessings!

 

Ed, it certainly sounds like you have a blessed and charmed life, however in contrast to MANY older folk who dont have the ambition, health or Funds to indulge themselves, although most DO have the time. As I have said, Quality of life at any age is of utmost importance, and more so as your age. Alot of elderly folk just resign themselves to being homebound. If you visit a senior center, when you ask the residents about their lives, most will say they are just there "waiting to die". They have become defeated for whatever reason. While anyone

would cherish living their Golden years as YOU do, most dont have that luxury, and THAT is truly the sad part.

[+ FreshFluff]

I'm no model by any means, but I've been told that people are intimidated by my intelligence. Even my professional Colleagues say that. What does one do?

 

I hear this also. If I'm honest with myself, I know that--in my case--it's largely a result of my brand name pedigree combined with the way I speak. It's amazing how little information people require before making judgments on intelligence.

[Guest Kyle_K]

As the original author of this thread I remain more than sad that I have been demonized by some here for postings within this thread which I did not make. I now understand how a hamster feels whilst contained in an aquarium with a boa-constrictor.

 

Thanks for the warm welcome.

[BgMstr4u]

Hey, Kyle. I'm glad you started this thread. Thanks. Don't be hard on yourself!