not into anal anything...

[zenm]

ok so heres the thing... i never got into anal sex at all... never had the desire to top or bottom... i met this guy and he was like "then what is left?"

 

its kinda odd i know, but all i like to do is oral, kissing, etc... so my question to you guys is... how important is anal sex, top/bottom? is it just me then? i feel weird when a guy asks me top/bottom, and i'm like, ummm, i just like to suck cock! so i guess that makes me sideways lol.

 

thoughts?

[jjkrkwood]

Well, I am probably the perfect person to reply here. Although I have experienced anal sex, both as giver and receiver, I discovered early on in my Gay life that anal sex wasnt for me, just not my forte' . I hence started to classify myself as a 100% ORAL guy, and often felt awkward and guilty that I just didnt want, or enjoy anal, while it seemed all around me guys were fucking their brains out and enjoying it. I just never found anything exciting or pleasurable about it and never understood the hype.

 

Luckily for me, I met a guy that shared my interest and enthusiam for Oral, and we were together for 22 years until his sudden death. Now at 60, I find myself back in an anal obsessed gay world, where barebacking seems to have made its way back into favor. Surely, I have no interest in starting to fuck at 60, and my passion is still for Oral. YES, guys will think its odd, and think you are weird, and YES, their will be jokes, but i have learned that there are guys out there, although not as visible, that do enjoy ORAL, although maybe not exclusively. When i hire escorts, its usually extremely well hung ones and the session usually is ME sucking their cock and rimming them. I am often criticised for this and people think its weird that I pay the guy to suck his cock.

I have always believed that you should never be pressured into doing something you dont enjoy, however I also believe you need to give it a fair shot to be certain its truly something you dont like. When asked if I was top or bottom, I usually reply "middle" which elicits a confused look or reply until I explain my preference. I wear the badge of "cocksucker" with honor, and dont feel I am missing out on anything. I like what I like, and always enjoy myself during sex.

 

Zenm, welcome to the ORAL club, and I wish you luck and sucksess. If you DO experiment, just always be SAFE....

[leigh.bess.toad]

Gee, why did I think of you immediately when I saw this question, JJK.

 

JJK did hit it pretty well on the head. There are guys who like strictly oral, some guys who don't. The guys who like only oral are probably a minority, but by no means are you alone or "weird". You like what you like. There shouldn't be any judgments (although getting gay men not to judge others sometimes is like getting cows to fly on their own). If you do meet someone and you want to try anal -- fine. If not, just as fine. But as JJK said, if you DO experiment, be safe.

 

Just kick back, enjoy what you like. That's really all that matters.

 

Good luck.

[adriano46]

Zenm, I found myself nodding in agreement to jj's explanation.

 

I started participating in gay sex in my late 30's, and tried once or twice to top guys, but did not find it all that pleasurable unless I was with a very enthusiastic, active, power bottom who was willing to make the effort to ride me.

 

Tried in my very early 40's to bottom, hated it every single time (only 3 times), and never went beyond 30 seconds of a guy inside me (with condom, of course). Could never relax.

 

I tell an escort up front that, while I preferably hire bottoms or versatile, if I am going to meet a TOP, I tell him it will be purely 100% oral. If he is willing to do that, then we make plans. I have no desire to go beyond oral (and enjoy every aspect of it from kissing, to rimming to worshipping with lips and tongue... ) So you are not alone.

[zenm]

If you DO experiment, just always be SAFE....

 

i can assure you... there will NEVER be any experimentation going on... it is exit only and thats the way it is. lol. i tried it one time with my very first bf and it hurt like HELL, it was only in for like 5 seconds and i remember saying something to the effect of, "if you dont take that out right now i'm never sucking your cock again, ever." and thats all it took lol. so yea, i figure with all the craze for BB (which i do kinda wonder what it feels like to have a guy shoot in you), the curiosity doesn't outweigh the risks for me.

[jjkrkwood]

i can assure you... there will NEVER be any experimentation going on... it is exit only and thats the way it is. lol. i tried it one time with my very first bf and it hurt like HELL, it was only in for like 5 seconds and i remember saying something to the effect of, "if you dont take that out right now i'm never sucking your cock again, ever." and thats all it took lol. so yea, i figure with all the craze for BB (which i do kinda wonder what it feels like to have a guy shoot in you), the curiosity doesn't outweigh the risks for me.

 

FYI - there are dildos that you can control to "squirt" if you want to "safely" experience the feeling (sort of) of a cream pie. ;-) No need to ever wonder !

[+ azdr0710]

ten people = ten opinions on what they like best, I suppose....

 

currently, I'm not much into any anal at all, either way....the three or four times I've tried bottoming it felt like I had to go take a dump (a common complaint, I hear), but I also wasn't relaxing very well (gotta say Rockin' Dave of DC is the best teacher for all this)....the three or four times I've tried topping, I suffered from what columnist Dan Savage calls "death-grip masturbation" syndrome, my hand being tighter than the real thing.....receiving oral is always good (can you imagine??!!).....and I seem to very much like just watching an in-shape dude showing off, flexing, posing, and getting off.....and I'm sure fear of disease holds many dudes back from serious anal stuff, too

[+ Travis69]

I am also not into anal. Enjoy oral and frottage. As you can see with this thread you are certainly not alone.

[gnosvotos]

I enjoy it from time to time, but I can also live without it. My last relationship of 4 years was an anal-less relationship, and it was great! Personally I find kissing to be the most stimulating, sensual, sexual thing to do, the other stuff just adds to the fireworks.

[Rick Munroe]

I wear the badge of "cocksucker" with honor

 

That reminds me; the deal was that we each get to wear it every other week. It's my turn. Hand it over, cocksucker!!

[gnosvotos]

Is this the Cocksucker residence?

[Epigonos]

Boy does this topic strike close to home. I have tried bottoming a number of times and, with only one exception, it was unpleasantly painful. I have tried topping a number of times and, with only one exception, I have always found it impossible to maintain a hardon in a condom and I DO NOT bareback.

Now, with that out of the way --I love kissing another man, I love stoking another man's body and I love sucking another man’s cock. I also love having all those things done to me. When I was a kid the last thing in the world a male wanted to be called was a cocksucker. Now that I am much older and much wiser I willingly and proudly identify myself as a devoted and an accomplished COCKSUCKER.

[whipped guy]

Another viewpoint...

 

I remember having a phone conversation with a very popular escort regarding the various aspects and approaches to BDSM. The escort was just beginning to investigate the whole BDSM thing and was trying to make sense of it all. Knowing that this guy had a reputation as a freaking fucking machine, I told him that when and if we ever hooked up I would not want to squander any time with anal. In fact, I specifically recall saying, "Why would I want to waste my time doing that when I get so turned on by S&M type activities."

 

I can almost guarantee the I was probably the first and possibly the last client that he never fucked.

 

As for myself it has been a few years since I bottomed in the traditional sense... and the last time I bottomed was due to the fact that the escort was not able to provide the S&M experience that I had hoped for... and since the guy had a certain reputation and I had booked the time I decided to let him have a go at it... It was OK, but in the final analysis not really what I had bargained for. Though of late I have been exploring my more dominant side...

 

So, to each his own...

[+ Lucky]

Hordes of straight men are missing the joys of anal sex lest it be thought that they might be gay. So it is a bit disconcerting to learn that even some gay men think the anus is an exit only orifice.

The pleasures of anal sex are many, from fingers to tongues to dildos to cocks and even the rare cucumber. Okay, I have never had a cucumber up there!

 

My suggestion is that if you are leery of introducing anything into the nice warm place full of millions of sensitive nerve endings that can have you ecstatic with pleasure, try going slowly and seeing what joys you can find that way.

Sometimes it is just meeting the right guy, the guy that will open your world to new pleasures, for which you will be eternally grateful.

Any other bright ideas?

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/medslang/faecal.jpg

[whipped guy]

...millions of sensitive nerve endings that can have you ecstatic with pleasure, try going slowly and seeing what joys you can find that way.

Sometimes it is just meeting the right guy, the guy that will open your world to new pleasures, for which you will be eternally grateful.

I agree... and remember you can also substitute the phrase "S&M"...

[Cal28]

I'm loving this thread -- I'd give it five stars if I could figure out how to do it (newbie here, too) -- because I'm not into being a top or bottom, either. I've pondered using my newfound status as a client, and as a single guy, to explore it. But I'm not yet sold on the idea. I could get into being finger fucked, though...

[josephga]

never been much of a fan of anal. I could be happy as a clam with just kissing making out, cuddling, frottage, rimming, oral and mutual masturbation in a relationship. If actually give the choice of 7 hours of making out and cuddling or 1hr of sex id take the 7hrs of cuddling and kissing

[gallahadesquire]

I enjoy it from time to time, but I can also live without it. My last relationship of 4 years was an anal-less relationship, and it was great! Personally I find kissing to be the most stimulating, sensual, sexual thing to do, the other stuff just adds to the fireworks.

 

Welcome, gnovi and zenm! I quote gnovi because he relates my feelings. Only once did I really, really desire a guy to top me, and it was ... ok. He, on the other hand, was hot as hell, and a wonderful kisser.

SO I agree - finding each other's erogenous zones is loads of fun. Playing with whipped cream is (a) fattening (b) dangerous if you try to inhale the nitrous oxide. I think it was Anton who gave the definitive list of "other things to do".

 

I do love rimming - not receiving, but giving, and I've been told I'm good at it, which doesn't hurt my ego at all. But give me a good kisser anytime ...

[uwsman2]

Sex is sex. Whatever gets you aroused is OK for you. When I was first experimenting as a young man, I was very frightened of anal sex. But my first real boyfriend taught me how to relax and what the best positions were for enjoying it, and ultimately I became a very enthusiastic bottom... Even though sometimes it hurts at first, once you've learned to relax those muscles enough to let the top in, it can be totally ecstatic getting fucked, just totally surrendering control of yourself to a man, being intimately connected on that level of total penetration. But in order for it to be hot you really need to want it. If you don't want it, it's not likely to turn you on. And there are so many different ways, as Anton pointed out, to get sexually turned on, that clearly getting fucked is not essential for everyone.

[OneFinger]

Oral vs Anal vs Rimming

 

...i never got into anal sex at all...

 

OK, I need a little clarification. I know that "traditional" anal sex refers intercourse (either as a top or bottom). But, isn't rimming a form of anal sex? Granted, rimming involves oral manipulation but I've also thought of it as anal sex.

 

And, while we're clarifying things, a lot of escorts list their preference as top, bottom, or versatile. However, I've always been confused how to determine if a "top" is open to rimming. Typically, I usually try to clarify their limitations before booking an appointment. But, is there some "code" wording or "handy dandy hanky color decoder" equivalent for rimming passers and receivers?

[gallahadesquire]

OK, I need a little clarification. I know that "traditional" anal sex refers intercourse (either as a top or bottom). But, isn't rimming a form of anal sex? Granted, rimming involves oral manipulation but I've also thought of it as anal sex.

 

And, while we're clarifying things, a lot of escorts list their preference as top, bottom, or versatile. However, I've always been confused how to determine if a "top" is open to rimming. Typically, I usually try to clarify their limitations before booking an appointment. But, is there some "code" wording or "handy dandy hanky color decoder" equivalent for rimming passers and receivers?

 

"Do you rim? Do you like being rimmed?" would, I think, fit the bill.

[Lohengrin1979]

I am surprised to see so many gay men saying they could do without anal. I always assumed most of us liked it. I know I more than like it. If I could bottom every day, I surely would. Could part of this lack of enthusiasm for gay sex be because it's the riskiest form of sex for gay men, even taking all the precautions possible?

 

Lohengrin

[jjkrkwood]

I am surprised to see so many gay men saying they could do without anal. I always assumed most of us liked it. I know I more than like it. If I could bottom every day, I surely would. Could part of this lack of enthusiasm for gay sex be because it's the riskiest form of sex for gay men, even taking all the precautions possible?

 

Lohengrin

 

Loh, as there is no such thing as SAFE sex, only SAFER sex, the risk factor has never been the issue for me, since I am educated and know how to reduce the risks of infection. I dont like it because it just doesnt feel good to me, is not pleasurable, and really takes too much time and effort to prepare for. I think its silly to assume that all gay men will love anal sex because I dont think that sex act alone defines you as a gay man. Its really no different than any other prefernece, such as kissing, which alot of gay men dont indulge in. Its a personal thing and I believe everyone should do what they Enjoy without stigma....

[jjkrkwood]

That reminds me; the deal was that we each get to wear it every other week. It's my turn. Hand it over, cocksucker!!

 

I will share the honor with YOU with Pride.....

[whipped guy]

Could part of this lack of enthusiasm for gay sex be because it's the riskiest form of sex for gay men, even taking all the precautions possible?

I think that there are two components at play: It is probably a greater enthusiasm for other forms of sex... but there is indeed a component involving safety issues that cause some to shy away from what is considered to be one of the more traditional forms of sex. I personally came to gay sex via the BDSM route... and secondarily felt comfortable there from a safety angle as well.