Mommy, they are just like me

[Steven_Draker]

From http://getstooobsessed.tumblr.com/post/9004061623/mommy-they-are-just-like-me-my-oldest-son-is

 

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq1aa8NpQC1qllic9o1_250.jpg http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq1aa8NpQC1qllic9o3_250.jpg

 

My oldest son is six years old and in love for the first time. He is in love with Blaine from Glee.

 

For those who don’t know Blaine is a boy…a gay boy, the boyfriend of one of the main characters, Kurt.

 

This isn’t a ‘he thinks Blaine is really cool’ kind of love. It is a mooning at a picture of Blaine’s face for a half hour followed by a wistful “He’s so pretty” kind of love.

He loves the episode where two boys kiss. My son will call people in from other parts of the house to make sure they don’t miss his ‘favorite part.’ He’s been known to rewind it and watch it over again…and force other to, as well, if he doesn’t think people have been paying enough attention.

 

This infatuation doesn’t bother me or his father. We live in a very hip-liberal neighborhood, many of our friends are gay, and idea of having a gay son isn’t something that bothers either of us. Our son is going to be who he is, and it is our job to love him. End of story.

 

He is also six. Six year olds get obsessed with all kinds of things. This might not mean anything at all. We always joke that he’s either gay, or we have the best blackmail material in the history of mankind when he’s a 16 year old straight boy. (Take that naked bath time pictures!)

 

Then the other day we were traveling across the state listening to the Warblers album (of course), and in the middle of Candles, my son pipes up from the back seat.

 

“Mommy, Kurt and Blaine are boyfriends.”

“Yes, they are,” I affirm.

“They don’t like kissing girls. They just kiss boys.”

“That’s true.”

“Mommy, they are just like me.”

“That’s great, baby. You know I love you no matter what?”

“I know…” I could hear him rolling his eyes at me.

 

When we got home I recapped this conversation to his Dad, and we stood simply looking into each other’s eyes for a moment. Then we smiled.

 

“So if at 16 he wants to make a big announcement at the dinner table, we can say ‘You told us when you were six. Pass the carrots’ and he’ll be disappointed we stole his big dramatic moment,” my husband says with a laugh and hugs me.

 

Only time will tell if my son is gay, but if he is I am glad he’s mine. I am glad he has been born into our family. A family full of people who will love and accept him. People who will never want him to change. With parents who will look forward to dancing at his wedding.

 

And I have to admit, Blaine would be a really cute son-in-law.

[doitb4ugo]

There, you've gone and done it...you made me cry...thanks,

[Decatur Guy]

God put that boy in the hands of angels.

[leigh.bess.toad]

Thanks for sharing this Steven. I have just reblogged this on my Tumblr account so hopefully my followers will see it and hopefully they may reblog it as well. A truly wonderful story and a mother any child, straight or gay, would be proud to have.

[Bosguy]

God bless that wonderful Mother and Father for putting this topic the way all people should--guided by true love, family, and values.

 

Yes, my box of Kleenex is getting a lot of use.

 

Thank you so much for this inspiring post!!!!!!

 

Boston Bill

[Dave]

i think any father who has engaged in same-sex sex should tell his kids that he has done so.

 

the kid in the post above is extraordinary... the majority of boys and girls would find coming out to be a much easier process if they knew their parents had some history of same sex activity/relationships. our children look to us for acceptance and as role models, and knowing that their parents are involved in alternative* sexual activity gives them a place to start to explore their own interest in sexuality - whether it is orientation, gender, or even just kink and fetish pursuits.

 

*when i say alternative, i'm talking about non-hetero, non vanilla, etc. i dont mean anything negative by that term... just using it in a societal framework.

if you are a closeted guy but currently engage in sex with men, you could always just state it as if it were part of your past. casually letting your kids know. for example, saying "i used to be curious about sex with other men, and had sex with a few guys when i was younger" is a way to state it without letting them know that you are still doing so.

 

telling your kids at ANY age is a good thing. don't talk yourself out of this because "it's not the right time" or "he's too old to hear this now."

 

the gift you will give your children - of acceptance, PLUS first hand knowledge, PLUS sense of sameness in this particular arena - will be priceless.

[justaguy]

Thanks for this one, Steven. It's a fitting start to the holiday season.

[+ Shoreboy]

What a wonderful and inspirational story....wish more parents were this loving

[Guest Merlin]

I am not at all convinced that a boy of six can know that he will be sexually attracted to men and not women when he reaches puberty. I think there is a danger that these parents may be too quick to conclude he is gay and treat him as such, or, at least, treat him differently than they would if they believed he was not gay. Will they give him dolls for Christmas? Fail to encourage him to play sports?

I think most boys have someone they want to be like, often a ball player, movie star or their dad. This kid may have decided he want to be like Blaine, including being gay, but that does not prove that he is or will be gay. It is not a matter of choice. What he feels may be more like hero worship than sexual attraction. If he thinks he is gay and his parents are too "understanding" and encouraging, will he act feminine and choose sissy activities? How will other kids treat him? This is a step, perhaps a false step, which may affect the entire rest of his life.

I think the parents should consult a psychiatrist for advice how to handle it. In any event, they should try to convince the boy it is too early to know and encourage him to engage in sports and the usual activities of boys.

Yes, some gays later feel that they always knew that they were different, etc. But what they feel at that age is not necessarily sexual attraction. Science has not yet determined what causes some to be gay, whether it is something physical or psychological. It probably can result from different causes, since there are different types of gays, i.e. unavoidably feminine or masculine, dominant or submissive. Not every boy who is a sissy at six turns out to be gay, nor is the reverse true.

[Phil_musc]

Merlin, you may be right, but what is described in Steven's post seems a bit more pointed than mere hero worship. It seems to me that the boy's parents are unconditionally loving and accepting of their son and they have the sophistication to at least allow their minds to think that he might be gay. For so long a time and for so many people, the possibility of a gay child didn't even cross the radar screen of possibility. At least these parents can read the scrawlings on the wall of their boy's psyche to figure out where he may be headed. They plan to treat him as they would regardless of where he may ultimately wind up and love him for the fine human being that he already is.

[orbital sander]

I am not at all convinced that a boy of six can know that he will be sexually attracted to men and not women when he reaches puberty. I think there is a danger that these parents may be too quick to conclude he is gay and treat him as such, or, at least, treat him differently than they would if they believed he was not gay. Will they give him dolls for Christmas? Fail to encourage him to play sports?

I think most boys have someone they want to be like, often a ball player, movie star or their dad. This kid may have decided he want to be like Blaine, including being gay, but that does not prove that he is or will be gay. It is not a matter of choice. What he feels may be more like hero worship than sexual attraction. If he thinks he is gay and his parents are too "understanding" and encouraging, will he act feminine and choose sissy activities? How will other kids treat him? This is a step, perhaps a false step, which may affect the entire rest of his life.

I think the parents should consult a psychiatrist for advice how to handle it. In any event, they should try to convince the boy it is too early to know and encourage him to engage in sports and the usual activities of boys.

Yes, some gays later feel that they always knew that they were different, etc. But what they feel at that age is not necessarily sexual attraction. Science has not yet determined what causes some to be gay, whether it is something physical or psychological. It probably can result from different causes, since there are different types of gays, i.e. unavoidably feminine or masculine, dominant or submissive. Not every boy who is a sissy at six turns out to be gay, nor is the reverse true.

 

Wet blanket much...

[KMEM]

I partially agree with M2 and also philmusc. Just everyone relax and see what happens after several years. This kid will be whatever he will be and everyone should just let that happen.

 

It is nice or even great that his parents recognize that he might be different but, so what, we all are different in various ways. Just let things happen. Being supportive or whatever is certainly and obviously a plus but we all have survived with "otherwise", haven't we? OK, some of us have.

 

Just keep on keeping on.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[Phil_musc]

In my prior post here I didn't acknowledge the validity of what Dave had written here about fathers telling their sons that they had engaged in same sex sexual encounters. That seems like a really good way to convince a confused son (as many of us were) that sex is a part of life and isn't something to be ashamed about. I wish I had absorbed that lesson earlier on in my own life.

 

Yes, KMEM, but my money is on the six year old growing up to be gay. We can all wait and see what happens but I think the signals are pretty clear and strong here.

[bigvalboy]

Merlin2 I must take issue with several things that you have said. While it is true that not every boy at six who has an attraction for another man grows up to be gay, there are, I can assure you some of us who knew even at that age. At six I lived in a suburb of L.A., next door to us lived a motor cycle Police officer. I not only was infatuated with him, but at my age now I still remember, with great detail, the sexual fantasy that I had about him. It went on for several years until we moved. I knew then, though not the correct terms to use, that I was attracted to men. I have never been attracted to a woman. It was most definitely sexual attraction.

 

I must tell you that I have a problem with your assumption that he needs to be taken to a psychiatrist and encouraged to participate in sports. My parents attempted both, and it was a complete waste of time, money and emotionally draining for me, and my parents.

 

I believe that we are all sexual beings, the degree to which we are gay or straight might swing the pendulum one way or another, but putting people in catagories or trying to, I believe is impossible, and certainly using the word "sissy" does nothing to encourage conversation. It only serves to limit and catagorize people. I applaud all of the young men and women coming along in this society that have the courage to stand up to what they know to be the truth and not subjugate themselves to years of hiding in the shadows from society at large, and trying or pretending to be something that ultimately they know they are not.

[bigvalboy]

Thank you Steven for posting that, great story!!

[Guest Merlin]

Meantime, they have outed him on a blog to show how understanding and tolerant they are. Will they out him to their friends? Will he tell his friends and classmates? Are they encouraging him to keep it a secret at least while he is in school? We don't like it but the fact is that he will be treated differently by many, perhaps most people if he lets it be known. Even if he turns out to be gay, I think most of us would agree that he will have a better life as a gay man if he develops a strong, athletic, healthy body as a teenager, and his best chance is in sports. If he thinks he is gay will he participate? Will he be accepted by the others and the coach? Perhaps it will turn out, after puberty, that he is not gay at all. His decision at this age that he is gay, whether correct or incorrect, is likely to be the most important factor in his entire life. I doubt if it will be a good thing.

[bigvalboy]

Even if he turns out to be gay, I think most of us would agree that he will have a better life as a gay man if he develops a strong, athletic, healthy body as a teenager, and his best chance is in sports.

 

Merlin, What scares me is that you really believe that. Please tell me you are not a psychiatrist.

[Phil_musc]

Merlin, I think I understand you and where you're coming from. From the outside looking in. I would hope that the boy could be who he naturally is with no repercussions, but from the inside, the perspective is completely different. Life is easier for those who fit in and to counsel someone otherwise in the name of moving society forward is no personal favor to the person (child in this case) who will directly live with the consequences of these actions. Still, these people sound like wonderfully understanding and supportive parents to me and perhaps the world is actually large enough for this boy to find his own niche in life ultimately. But he could have some pretty tough years ahead of him until adulthood.

[Guest Merlin]

Actually, I suggest the PARENTS consult a psychiatrist about how to handle it. I did not suggest the boy be taken, although that may be the recommendation. I used "sissy activities" as a shorthand description of such things as playing with dolls, dressing women's clothes etc.

bigvalboy, I cannot believe you disagree that his life as a gay will be better if he has a strong, athletic and healthy body. Obviously he will be more attractive and as such will lead a better life than if his body is less attractive. Is your avatar really you or merely what you would like to look like? Perhaps you disagree that sports are the best way to develop such a body. If so, then we must simply disagree.

KMEM, time may indeed tell. But in the meantime if he tells people he is gay, if his parents tell, it will be hard to live down and it will affect his time in school and the rest of his live.

[RockCreekRunr]

For me, the point is not whether the child is gay. It's that he is blessed with amazing parents who are prepared to love, embrace and support him--gay or straight. Shouldn't every child be so fortunate?

[bigvalboy]

I used "sissy activities" as a shorthand description of such things as playing with dolls, dressing women's clothes etc.

 

That is just one of the many things in your statement that I disagree with. I do not believe that the word "sissy" (a word used 30 years ago) has any place in a conversation when talking about human beings and there search for sexual identity. It has negative connotations and in my view is inappropriate. That is my opinion.

 

bigvalboy, I cannot believe you disagree that his life as a gay will be better if he has a strong, athletic and healthy body. Obviously he will be more attractive and as such will lead a better life than if his body is less attractive.

 

"his life as a gay" ? Who uses that kind of wording?

The problem for me continues with your perception that in order for someone to be happy that they need to have a particular type of body. That unless they do not have a "athletic body" that somehow they are not 'strong' or 'attractive' to the rest of society. What does having an athletic body have to do with being happy?

 

We bombard these kids everyday through advertising, the media with this general mentality that you have to look a certain way. As if to say that this is the only way you can be happy. I can't tell you how many members have private messaged me, telling me how bad they feel about themselves because they are over weight. And how they know that people look at them in disgust. They would be much more accepting of themselves if we were not so judgemental. If we as a society, just would alter our perception a little bit as to what we think would make them happy so that we could embrace these kids and just let them live there lives not burdened by some preconceived notion or standard that we have set.

 

One of the problems with teen suicide among gay youths, is that they have this perception that somehow they do not fit into society because they are 'different'. It is sad for me to hear an adult, especially a gay man (and I am making an assumption here, so forgive me if I am wrong), use words like 'sissy' and assuming some of the things you do.

 

Merlin we are obviously far apart on this issue, but I am currently dealing with a nephew who is very young and having some serious issues at school. As the only gay man in the family. I as his Uncle was asked to step in by my sister. So when he comes home emotionally upset because the kids at school use the word 'sissy' and 'fag' I know where that comes from... they got it from some adult who used those words, and should not have.

 

And no, my avatar is not me... Would you like me better if it was? I am guessing you would, and that is the problem.

[BewareofNick]

I am not at all convinced that a boy of six can know that he will be sexually attracted to men and not women when he reaches puberty. I think there is a danger that these parents may be too quick to conclude he is gay and treat him as such, or, at least, treat him differently than they would if they believed he was not gay. Will they give him dolls for Christmas? Fail to encourage him to play sports?

I think most boys have someone they want to be like, often a ball player, movie star or their dad. This kid may have decided he want to be like Blaine, including being gay, but that does not prove that he is or will be gay. It is not a matter of choice. What he feels may be more like hero worship than sexual attraction. If he thinks he is gay and his parents are too "understanding" and encouraging, will he act feminine and choose sissy activities? How will other kids treat him? This is a step, perhaps a false step, which may affect the entire rest of his life.

I think the parents should consult a psychiatrist for advice how to handle it. In any event, they should try to convince the boy it is too early to know and encourage him to engage in sports and the usual activities of boys.

Yes, some gays later feel that they always knew that they were different, etc. But what they feel at that age is not necessarily sexual attraction. Science has not yet determined what causes some to be gay, whether it is something physical or psychological. It probably can result from different causes, since there are different types of gays, i.e. unavoidably feminine or masculine, dominant or submissive. Not every boy who is a sissy at six turns out to be gay, nor is the reverse true.

 

Once again, Merlin, you either didn't read the original post or your reading comprehension is being stunted by overexposure to the conservative media. These parents have not made any judgements nor have they made any pre-determinations. they are letting their son be who he is. Why in the name of Harvey Milk would they consult a psychiatrist? Just because you're so fucked in the head?? When are you going to a psychiatrist to confront YOUR self loathing??

 

You are to the gay community what Uncle Ruckus is to the Boondocks.

[Guest Merlin]

Inadvertently you prove my point, when you tell me of the people who would prefer to have more attractive (less fat) bodies. The boy in question will be happier with an attractive, athletic body. I assume you are not arguing against strong and healthy.

Why did you choose that avatar if not because you found it attractive, and knew we would as well, and, perhaps you hoped we would think it was you. I might not "like" you better if it was you but I find him very attractive and would like to meet him. Liking someone as a person and finding him sexually attractive are not the same thing. We have all known less attractive guys we liked and very attractive guys with bad personalities.

You can preach against it all you want, but sexual attractiveness will always be important, and athletic bodies will always be considered more attractive by more people than not. Having sexual preferences are an inevitable and unavoidable part of sexuality and are not the same as being judgmental. If you tell me that you do not have some sexual preferences, blond or dark, smooth or hairy, thin or muscular or fat, I will be very skeptical.

Ask a few gays if they would be happier with strong, athletic and healthy bodies and see how many negatives you get. My point is the 6 year old in question will develop a better body with sports, which may be less available to him if he goes through school with people knowing or believing him to be gay.

[Phil_musc]

Ohgod, here we go again - we're teetering on the brink of lapsing into incivility and losing track of the wonderful sentiments expressed in the original post. While I'm not sure the parents are doing all the right things for their son, they seem unconditionally accepting and wonderfully supportive regardless of what course their son may take. Perhaps we all need to step back a moment and just see the posting for what it is. As a person who tends to over-analyze most things in my life, I can't believe I'm actually advocating for not reading anything too dark into this piece. And a part of me sees how the world has changed since I was a six year old boy (for one thing, dinosaurs no longer walk on the earth. I would have said some wise crack about Neanderthals, but I know how that would have bee misinterpreted, so I'll not bother). When I was six, being gay was a taboo subject and to be gay was to live a life of isolated loneliness, misery, and constant hiding - really it was, just look at The Boys in the Band. But that certainly isn't how my life has turned out. A lot HAS changed since Stonewall.

[orbital sander]

Ohgod, here we go again - we're teetering on the brink of lapsing into incivility and losing track of the wonderful sentiments expressed in the original post. While I'm not sure the parents are doing all the right things for their son, they seem unconditionally accepting and wonderfully supportive regardless of what course their son may take. Perhaps we all need to step back a moment and just see the posting for what it is. As a person who tends to over-analyze most things in my life, I can't believe I'm actually advocating for not reading anything too dark into this piece. And a part of me sees how the world has changed since I was a six year old boy (for one thing, dinosaurs no longer walk on the earth. I would have said some wise crack about Neanderthals, but I know how that would have bee misinterpreted, so I'll not bother). When I was six, being gay was a taboo subject and to be gay was to live a life of isolated loneliness, misery, and constant hiding - really it was, just look at The Boys in the Band. But that certainly isn't how my life has turned out. A lot HAS changed since Stonewall.

 

I do not doubt the good intentions of Steven posting this, but now that I look at it it almost seems like a "bait" piece. Perhaps someone is subtlety trying to show the evils of homosexuality in American Television and how it corrupts children...or something like that. It would be interesting to know who the original author is really who she claims. So typical of the hip-liberal neighborhood...right Merlin?