Relationships--Open or not?

[+ Gar1eth]

Ok--I don't have any experience with relationships. So I'm wondering--it seems like an 'open relationship' is what gay males are stereotypically supposed to have--but it seems to me--again--from the outside looking in--that it's playing with fire.

 

I have to presume that most relationships hit rough patches. What incentive is there to work it out, if you can hop into bed with someone else anytime you feel like it? I mean obviously some couples can handle it. Frankly, if I ever had a relationship--I'm not sure I could.

 

Gman

[doitb4ugo]

Great Question....I am struggling with the meaning of a relationship for a while now....I have been not been able to resolve my issues. The complexity is overwhelming.

[RockHard]

"I wouldn't date a man who slept around." Joan Collins

 

it seems like an 'open relationship' is what gay males are stereotypically supposed to have

 

With the advent of legal marriage, I hope that stereotype dies a quick a death. And I hope the gay men, the ones who are desperate, oversexed, selfish pigs, will come to respect relationships by assuming all are monogamous, unless informed otherwise.

 

Gay men who openly and aggressively flirt with other gay men's partners are among the rudest, most self-centered gay men one can meet. Some gay men think that 24/7 cruising, no matter where you are, no matter who the guy is, no matter what his feelings are, and no matter what his story is, is acceptable behavior. Gay men who behave like this give new meaning to the word predator.

 

I look forward to the day when chivalry becomes the gay stereotype, and fists fly when a rude gay man crosses the line.

 

Behavior is changing for the better, and I figure more change will come as the marriage numbers grow and gay adoptions become more common. Personally, every gay couple I know lives in a committed relationship. Each has made a vow to the other to not have sex with other men. Several have told me that their love is so strong, any former desire to sex around has died. (For a few, that was remarkable news.)

 

Sexual "openness" is a very common subject among gay couples in NYC. The threat of HIV persists and many married gay couples are enjoying condom-less sex as part of their committed status. If a breakdown in trust occurs, gay couples often seek counseling because news of sexual infidelity can put your entire life at risk.

 

Unless you truly know what every couple's agreement is, the kindest, most respectful behavior is to assume full commitment. If you receive an invitation to a couple's bed, you cross those sheets when they're flapping you in the face.

[down_to_business]

I had a friend with an open relationship. To them it meant when they went out to a club together, either could pick up a third to take back to their place where the three of them would play together. It worked for them.

 

I think it is OK to have some kind of open relationship as long as both parties agree to it and both parties stick to the rules 100%.

[jjkrkwood]

With the advent of legal marriage, I hope that stereotype dies a quick a death. And I hope the gay men, the ones who are desperate, oversexed, selfish pigs, will come to respect relationships by assuming all are monogamous, unless informed otherwise.

 

Gay men who openly and aggressively flirt with other gay men's partners are among the rudest, most self-centered gay men one can meet. Some gay men think that 24/7 cruising, no matter where you are, no matter who the guy is, no matter what his feelings are, and no matter what his story is, is acceptable behavior. Gay men who behave like this give new meaning to the word predator.

 

I look forward to the day when chivalry becomes the gay stereotype, and fists fly when a rude gay man crosses the line.

 

Behavior is changing for the better, and I figure more change will come as the marriage numbers grow and gay adoptions become more common. Personally, every gay couple I know lives in a committed relationship. Each has made a vow to the other to not have sex with other men. Several have told me that their love is so strong, any former desire to sex around has died. (For a few, that was remarkable news.)

 

Sexual "openness" is a very common subject among gay couples in NYC. The threat of HIV persists and many married gay couples are enjoying condom-less sex as part of their committed status. If a breakdown in trust occurs, gay couples often seek counseling because news of sexual infidelity can put your entire life at risk.

 

Unless you truly know what every couple's agreement is, the kindest, most respectful behavior is to assume full commitment. If you receive an invitation to a couple's bed, you cross those sheets when they're flapping you in the face.

 

People need to stop calling it GAY MARRIAGE. Its Marriage of same sex couples, and therefore as MARRIAGE it opens itself to the same issues that Heterosexual couples encounter, financial problems, infidelity, loss of interest, etc, etc.... This has absolutely nothing to do with the sanctity of Marriage, but more so with the personalities of the 2 individuals involved. If they can be swayed into bed by a pretty face, huge cock or bubble butt, then just maybe the committment to and love for their partner just wasnt there ? Or maybe it was, and they are able to separate Love from Lust? Regardless, who are we to judge them ? There are all sorts of unconventional relationships now a-days. Even what WAS the traditional family is changing, giving way to all sorts of alternative versions. I believe the key is to find a relationship that WORKS for the 2 people involved, whatever that may be. If it includes ground rules and a deep understanding of what it is, then so be it. They key is to make it work, if in fact having a relationship is that important to you in the first place. On a personal note, I had a 22 year same sex relationship which started off traditional and 100% monogamous (to my knowledge), and over the years it morphed into something slightly different, yet still within our tolerances. We BOTH were in agreement about it. And until his sudden death 11 years ago, we were happy and fulfilled in our love and what we had built and shared. So I say, as with anything else in life, to each their own.

[gcursor]

The 2nd coming is near!

 

wow, are you ever in the wrong social community RockHard. With as popular as porn is and how much people enjoy having sex with newer, hotter people...chivalry ain't comin' back for a VERY............LONG.........TIME.

 

If I were you, I'd start waiting for the 2nd coming to happen before the other.

 

 

I look forward to the day when chivalry becomes the gay stereotype, and fists fly when a rude gay man crosses the line.

 

[+ Charlie]

My partner and I have always been able to separate our sexual desires from our emotional commitment, and so we have had an open relationship from the moment the stars in our eyes faded. Other persons (not just gay men) have different psychologies. Some are only happy in a totally monogamous set-up, others are comfortable with threesomes, some say, "Do it, but don't tell me about it," some are fine with one partner sleeping around and the other one staying monogamous, etc. I've seen all the variations in successful couples I have known. What works for one couple, gay or straight, may be disastrous for another. One has to really understand oneself and one's partner to make a sensible decision on the kind of relationship that will be satisfactory.

 

And one should try to avoid being judgmental about the choices that other people make, just because it wouldn't work for you.

[Bosguy]

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. I ended a 30 year monogamous relationship a year ago and am happier now than I was that entire time. It did not end because of "infidelity" but from staying together for all the wrong reasons for too long. After this disaster, I vowed it would be a while before I entered into another relationship. I have spent time with a number of GREAT escorts and become close friends from the Forum, plus I have dated locally. I'm enjoying life!

If I enter into another relationship, it would be "open/restricted". I would be up front with the new person that there will be a certain selected group of guys that I will continue to see but that neither of us will do the bar trade or on-line quickies.

Probably not gonna find that kind of guy, but I'll wait cause I want to be honest and be me so WE can go forward

 

Boston Bill

[jjkrkwood]

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. I ended a 30 year monogamous relationship a year ago and am happier now than I was that entire time. It did not end because of "infidelity" but from staying together for all the wrong reasons for too long. After this disaster, I vowed it would be a while before I entered into another relationship. I have spent time with a number of GREAT escorts and become close friends from the Forum, plus I have dated locally. I'm enjoying life!

If I enter into another relationship, it would be "open/restricted". I would be up front with the new person that there will be a certain selected group of guys that I will continue to see but that neither of us will do the bar trade or on-line quickies.

Probably not gonna find that kind of guy, but I'll wait cause I want to be honest and be me so WE can go forward

 

Boston Bill

 

30 years. WOW Bosguy. Despite the outcome, you deserve congratulations. That certainly IS an accomplishment. Maybe you should call Kim Kardashian and give her some relationship advice? she needs help.

[Bosguy]

30 years. WOW Bosguy. Despite the outcome, you deserve congratulations. That certainly IS an accomplishment. Maybe you should call Kim Kardashian and give her some relationship advice? she needs help.

 

Good idea! She certainly could afford the fee. I'd be interested in meeting her brother, too.

 

By the way. Gay guys who have straight women around them, call the women "fag hags" What do straight women who have gay guys around them call the guys

 

Boston Bill

[jjkrkwood]

Good idea! She certainly could afford the fee. I'd be interested in meeting her brother, too.

 

By the way. Gay guys who have straight women around them, call the women "fag hags" What do straight women who have gay guys around them call the guys

 

Boston Bill

 

Girlfriends !

[RockHard]

one should try to avoid being judgmental about the choices that other people make

 

I agree. If anyone thinks I was judging the choice of an open relationship, then I would suggest they check their reading comprehension skills. I judge public behavior as I see it. Many gay men have manners. Many do not. And some of the mannerless are quite loud, obnoxious, and in your face. They deserve a kick in the ass if not a punch in the mouth.

 

I love choices and I've never believed monogamy was for everybody. Personally, I don't know how I feel about monogamy at this stage of my life. I'm not in a relationship. I'm not looking for one. So I'm glad I don't have to think about it.

 

But when I meet a couple for the first time, I take the safe assumption and assume they are committed to each other, fully, in every way. If I get to know them better and they share more details, then we start anew from there.

[+ Gar1eth]

Good idea! She certainly could afford the fee. I'd be interested in meeting her brother, too.

 

By the way. Gay guys who have straight women around them, call the women "fag hags" What do straight women who have gay guys around them call the guys

 

Boston Bill

 

Mr. Bill,

 

This is not aimed at you. But I really hate that term. I think it's derogatory towards us, and the women who like us. It's my hope that the term sometime soon comes to its well-deserved end.

 

Gman

[Bosguy]

Mr. Bill,

 

This is not aimed at you. But I really hate that term. I think it's derogatory towards us, and the women who like us. It's my hope that the term sometime soon comes to its well-deserved end.

 

Gman

 

I totally agree but that's the term commonly used. It actually made my skin crawl typing it. Please realize I did not mean to offend anyone by using that wording. Yes, let's change it!!!!

 

Boston Bill

[Phil_musc]

Some interesting ideas here. My partner and I have been together for 33 years at this point. We started out with the traditional monogamous ideal that many of us have had drummed into our psyches since we were children. Over the years our ideas on this have evolved, and yet in all our time together we have only ever done a threesome once. And that was because it happened while we were on a vacation in an exotic locale where for some reason it was relatively easy to think outside the relationship box. The next day after the big event we had some of the hottest sex with each other that we had in years. So I guess the spice made us see each other differently. I do occasionally like an outside diversion but my emotional commitment within the relationship is strong as ever. We are both very different people and yet we both come from backgrounds in which our parents stayed married through thick and thin. And even though we are quite different as people, it's amazing how our tastes have grown and converged. We both share a willingness to try new things and as a result of trying many things together we have forged a stronger emotional bond and commitment. In retrospect I think it also helps that when we were younger and still somewhat new at the relationship game, we moved out of the gay area of Philly and made a life for ourselves in a predominantly straight environment where temptation was less likely to be a problem. Now that we are older there are fewer threats to worry about and having spent so many years together we have a history that just fits us well and suits us. I don't claim it's perfect, so please if my tone seems smug to some, I don't mean it to be. Thanks also for not being judgmental about the extra-curricular stuff - I don't really think men are programmed to be monogamous and at this point in our life together we have the emotional maturity to see what is important to us in a relationship and what is insignificant.