Has the world of anon sex changed since the 60s?

[+ FreshFluff]

Humphreys, the author of that Tearoom book I mentioned, kept talking about how men were bottoms when they were young. Then, according to him, the "nightmare of aging" happened, and due to the magic of the market, these same "insertors" became "insertees." (Most of what was going on in tearooms at that time was oral sex.)

 

He quotes one guy as saying [paraphrasing]: "When I was young and hot, I would never have put one of those things in my mouth. Now that I"m older and have grown kids, I'm the biggest cocksucker in the city."

 

When men tell him that they LIKE being bottoms, he claims that they are trying to justify to themselves the role change that must come with aging.

 

And yet, there are plenty of bottoms here, younger and older, and despite the fact that paying gives one additional power. So what gives? I tend to believe that there's nothing new under the sun, so I'm surprised that so much has changed--if, indeed, it has.

[Samai139]

Humphreys, the author of that Tearoom book I mentioned, kept talking about how men were bottoms when they were young. Then, according to him, the "nightmare of aging" happened, and due to the magic of the market, these same "insertors" became "insertees." (Most of what was going on in tearooms at that time was oral sex.)

 

This paragraph confuses the hell out of me. Granted since I am old enough to remember the'60s, maybe it's just the "aging process" which has got me, but....... I was under the impression that "bottom" refered to men who receive in anal sex. Those who suck cock? Never thought of them (and me) as a "bottom."

So I went to Urbandictionary and read the definitions of "bottom." Generally they agreed that "bottom" refers to a homosexual man who receives in anal sex, is the passive person in a sado-masochistic act, can be a man or woman who is the passive partner in sexual activity.

I'm still a little bit confused about "bottom." Do most people here think of cock-suckers as bottoms? If that's true, I would be a little uncomfortable referring to myself as a bottom since I am NOT into anal sex, as a receptor or a giver, when it comes to describing my preferences to an escort or anyone else. OK, OK I can go into what I am into by spelling it out in detail, but I would still like a little clarification--just call it an old man's need to know. Thanks.

[+ FreshFluff]

I don't know the terminology too well. I thought a bottom was the person "receiving" regardless of the type of sex.

[Steven_Draker]

This paragraph confuses the hell out of me. Granted since I am old enough to remember the'60s, maybe it's just the "aging process" which has got me, but....... I was under the impression that "bottom" refered to men who receive in anal sex. Those who suck cock? Never thought of them (and me) as a "bottom".

 

I think the terms used in the USA "top" and "bottom" are similar to the british english terms ACTIVE and PASSIVE. The active (the top) is the one who gives and the passive (the bottom) is the one who receives. In oral sex, the one who gives head is the active and the one who gets head is the passive. Does that make sense?

[TruthBTold]

I was around for much of the period spoken about and bottom generally meant the one who received anally. There may have been situations where the top did not suck cock and only fucked the other guy. The guy who received would obviously be the bottom. But there also might be situations where I as the top sucked the other guy's cock and then I fucked him. I was still the top and he was the bottom even though I sucked his cock. If all we did is suck cock, I always found it kind of irrelevant. That was how I always understood it and I am sticking with it. : )

[seeker630]

I think the terms used in the USA "top" and "bottom" are similar to the british english terms ACTIVE and PASSIVE. The active (the top) is the one who gives and the passive (the bottom) is the one who receives. In oral sex, the one who gives head is the active and the one who gets head is the passive. Does that make sense?[/color]

I guess the point of all these posts is that different poeple have different interpretations and we can't make assumptions about how others uses the terms. I htink there is general consistency about the meaning of 'top' and 'bottom' in the context of anal sex. But when it comes to oral sex, I've always thought that the insertor was the top and the insertee was the bottom.

 

I find the European terminology a bit misleading, since not all bottoms are passive in the general sense.

.

[+ deej]

I find the European terminology a bit misleading, since not all bottoms are passive in the general sense.

.

 

I agree. And I'm also quite partial to bottoms who are really active!

[nate_sf]

I found the paragraph confusing too and had to re-read it a number of times. Top/bottom terminology aside, I think what it suggests is that as one ages, he transitions from having his cock sucked, to being the one doing the cock sucking. I'm not sure if this is meant to be specific to the 60s generation being discussed, or is a more general principle related to aging. So I think the question is, when you were younger did you prefer to have your cock sucked rather than be the one sucking, and now that you're older prefer to be the one sucking?

 

And yet, there are plenty of bottoms here, younger and older, and despite the fact that paying gives one additional power. So what gives? I tend to believe that there's nothing new under the sun, so I'm surprised that so much has changed--if, indeed, it has.

 

Often the bottom is the one in the position of power: the phrase "power bottom" always amuses me... I think of a guy yelling "fuck me, you asshole!" (or "give me that thing" in the cocksucking example). The "top" complies if he knows what's good for him!

[Diverdan]

Well, I guess I could classify myself as "older" as I went through the 60s, although at a young age!! However, for what it is worth, there is delight in both IMHO. I would not want to be exclusive either way, and prefer guys who are "active" both ways... reciprocity goes a long way in having fun, again IMHO.

[Steven_Draker]

I was under the impression that "bottom" refered to men who receive in anal sex. Those who suck cock? Never thought of them (and me) as a "bottom."

 

... but I would still like a little clarification.

 

Samai139, come to me, I'll give you a practical demonstration, then you can tell all your friends what new thing you learnt today.

[+ FreshFluff]

Just to be clear, Humphreys used the term "insertee" and "insertor;" I was the one who used the term bottom.

[+ FreshFluff]

I

Often the bottom is the one in the position of power: the phrase "power bottom" always amuses me.

 

I meant that the person paying has more power to decide which position he will be in (as long as the escort is open to the complementary position). If there are gay for pay escorts, how could there not be bottoms-for-pay or tops-for-pay?

[Samai139]

Freshfluff--thanks for clarifying who used the term "bottom" in the paragraph---I should have realised that what was posted was not all direct quoting and now understand that the bottom terminology was yours. Since I was not very sexually active in the '60s I never heard the term "bottom" until many years later---sheltered life? Yes.

Thanks also to all those who responded to my original post---glad to read that I was not alone in being confused. What have I taken away from all this? That it is best to be very specific in describing yourself and your preferences, sexually, whether it is with escorts, casual sex partners, whoever.

Don't recall the poster who offered to demonstrate the differences of various terms, but I am grateful for the offer but have to respectfully decline---made me smile though----thanks )

[TruthBTold]

I am a top but really like pleasing my bottom in as many ways as possible. I have been told I give a great blowjob. That is usually on the way to fucking the other guy. Of course, I do whatever I think is going to please the guy I am with. In my lexicon, that does not make me the bottom.

[Phil_musc]

Might this confusion not stem from the parts of the body used in these actions? Some of you are probably scratching your heads now and thinking, "what is this bozo saying, er writing?" Think about it for a second, especially from the perspective of someone who might be writing for an audience that isn't terribly knowledgeable or experienced in these matters. Don't laugh - remember when Tearoom Trade came out - it was a kinder, simpler time with a lot less opportunity to observe sex in progress since we didn't yet have the internet. In anal sex, we're all pretty much in agreement as to who is the top and who is the bottom and in this aspect it is easy to equate these terms with active and passive (although many have said that they do not want or enjoy a passive bottom who lies there and lets the top do all the work). But in oral sex, the participant who is sucking is quite possibly the more active party in that he (she in the case of straight sex) is the one with the teeth and as such is the one who can be more "active" except in the case of face-f---ing. The insertor in oral sex may not be able to be all that active, whereas the insertee (not a word, I'm sure, but you know what I mean) pretty well can determine how fast and furious the activities may go and is in many instances the more active participant.

 

And for our newest Earl, I'm ready for my demonstration. ;-)