Need some encouragement

[doitb4ugo]

My doctor has recently given me a referral to see a therapist to deal with my issues of being a happily married, gay person. I certainly want to explore why at age 59 did I seek out my first M2M encounter. I also need to better work through my sexual desires to be the most submissive pig I can be.....mostly safely so far. I know that if a hook-up wanted to be unsafe, I would go along in order to please....it seems that my sexuality is all directed at making the partners pleasure paramount....For this reason I have only been with escorts so that the level of trust can be there.....

 

I have had a year and a half of depression over this and recently have rejected the meds I was on....I would prefer to be me rather than chemically stimulated....

 

What can I expect (or what should expect) from therapy....how can you possibly give the therapist all of your information without droning on and on....."I was born on a runnaway train,,,,,etc"

 

There have been many threads over my time here which mentions therapy but I hoping you guys can shed some light on the process and what I should expect...needless to say I have had the referral over a week and have done nothing....

[Phil_musc]

Rich,

This is a really heavy issue. Therapy, I understand, can be a slow process. Most people I know who have gone through it have come out on the other side more comfortable with themselves and accepting of their lot in life. There is something to be said for the prayer - grant me the courage to change the things I can, accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. As far as droning on and on - well isn't that the purpose of the therapy session? You have to be honest with your therapist (and yourself) and that takes a lot of time and a lot of verbal processing.

 

I am concerned for your safety, though, when you talk about the possibility of engaging in unsafe sex in order to please your partner. I think I understand your mentality on this, but please please please do not go there unless you want to do it for you. And think twice about it before you do it for you. It's true that HIV is a somewhat more manageable disease, but do you really want to start taking pills for that? A few moments of wild ecstasy can have a tremendous long-term cost and a long range effect that you will regret.

 

Keep us posted - everyone here cares about you and enjoys what you bring to the boards. I don't think you and I have ever met - I'm not even sure if we have written to each other here on the message boards. But I don' want you to do something rash and something that you know in your heart of hearts you should not do, even to please a partner.

[jackcali]

Rich, I agree with everything Phil has said. Please be careful. While HIV infection is generally more manageable than it used to be, there's a lot more to it than just taking some pills. I know people who cannot tolerate the current protocols for treating HIV infection, and their lives, though extended by the medications, are miserable because of them. It is crazy to take such a risk just to give momentary pleasure (even really, really hot momentary pleasure) to yourself or another.

 

As to your question of what to expect in therapy, there's not an easy answer. It can range from a 50/50 exchange of ideas with a therapist to nearly 100% non-stop talking by the patient. The best way to find out what your experience will be is to go see the referred therapist. You don't have to sign up for a year -- just see him/her once or maybe a few times and then decide whether you think talking with him/her will help you function as a healthier human being and if this therapist is the right person to talk to. At worst you've spent a few hours of your time with this therapist, and maybe you'll conclude that therapy could be helpful with a different therapist (in which case you can ask your doctor for another referral) or you may decide that therapy won't be helpful. That conclusion may be wrong, but it's certainly true that if you don't think it will help, it probably won't.

 

My experience in therapy was only short-term. My doctor suggested seeing a therapist after he told me that I had cancer. I saw the therapist through my surgery and the chemo and for a few months thereafter, but he helped me sort out the jumble of emotions that were overwhelming my usually rational self and making it difficult for me to function. You may also find that a short course of therapy is sufficient or you may find it a lifelong help to you, as many of my friends do. Only time will tell.

 

Good luck to you, Rich, and please stay safe.

[+ purplekow]

Rich

 

First let me say that there is no one who needs to be pleased enough to make it worth risking HIV infection. Even your own pleasure is not worth that consequence.

Second, therapy is mostly about what you put into it. The more honest and comfortable you are with a therapist the more likely you are to benefit. You need the right therapist and hopefully your MD has recommended a gay friendly therapist. If you find the therapist is not helping you, you can always do it again, after all it is just therapy.

[Diverdan]

Rich,

I have to second what has been said here. I am going to send you a PM with further thoughts... but please don't please someone to the potential detriment of your health.

DD

[+ Tygerscent]

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My doctor has recently given me a referral to see a therapist to deal with my issues of being a happily married, gay person. I certainly want to explore why at age 59 did I seek out my first M2M encounter. I also need to better work through my sexual desires to be the most submissive pig I can be.....mostly safely so far. I know that if a hook-up wanted to be unsafe, I would go along in order to please....it seems that my sexuality is all directed at making the partners pleasure paramount....For this reason I have only been with escorts so that the level of trust can be there.....

 

I have had a year and a half of depression over this and recently have rejected the meds I was on....I would prefer to be me rather than chemically stimulated....

 

What can I expect (or what should expect) from therapy....how can you possibly give the therapist all of your information without droning on and on....."I was born on a runnaway train,,,,,etc"

 

There have been many threads over my time here which mentions therapy but I hoping you guys can shed some light on the process and what I should expect...needless to say I have had the referral over a week and have done nothing....

[orbital sander]

over 16,000 people died of AIDS in the USA last year, as well as the year previous.

It is uncertain how many people passed away as a result of taking HIV meds as they can take a heavy toll on one's body.

Please take care of yourself.

[uwsman2]

Joining the chorus. My partner is HIV+ and it's no picnic. Every time he changes meds it has side effects to adjust to. Although he's generally healthy, his energy is sometimes low. He's been living with HIV for almost 20 years now. We've been together more than 30. The sex in our relationship died down after the first 5 years or so, but we had so bonded emotionally and socially that we are like brothers in many respects, and have remained together - even married when that became possible, own a home together, etc. But he was infected after we had stopped having sex together, because he was careless and allowed somebody to fuck him without a condom in a moment of carelessness. (He even knows exactly who and when....)

 

I have remained negative, thankfully, and I think that's because most of the sex I've had has been with escorts who know the drill and respect the safer sex rules. I urge you to live by those rules, to be fair to yourself and your wife.

 

I have no experience with therapists, have never felt the need for one, so can't contribute on that score.