Is Parenting In Your Future...............

[Godiva]

K...............I...........D...............S

......K............I..............D.....S

K..........I...........D........S

 

 

As you get older and more resolved in your lives ..how many of you desire to be married (or whatever they want to call it) or most importantly... wish to have children.

 

Have you thought about it...huh..

 

Do you think you would make a good parents??

Would you consider adoption??...

 

I have always desired to have a family and I am laying the plans for it now.

 

Do any of you have kids now who know that your gay? How is it working out? What recommendations would you give to those of us here who would like to start a family someday...with or without a spouse..

[Guest fukamarine]

>As you get older and more resolved in your lives ..how many

>of you desire to be married (or whatever they want to call

>it)

 

I presume you mean to a woman. If so, ABSOLUTELY NOT. I'm gay and have no desire to be a "Will & Grace" look-a-like.

 

>or most importantly... wish to have children.

 

Are you out of your fucking mind?

 

>Have you thought about it...huh..

 

Why would I voluntarily bring on a nightmare?

 

>I have always desired to have a family and I am laying the

>plans for it now.

 

You should make sure you are not doing this for selfish reasons. You could ruin the life of your "wife" (if it's in a hetro mimiced arrangement).

 

>What recommendations would you give to those

>of us here who would like to start a family someday...with

>or without a spouse..

 

Give your head a shake, leaps to mind.

 

fukamarine

[Flower]

>Do any of you have kids now who know that your gay? How is

>it working out? What recommendations would you give to those

>of us here who would like to start a family someday...with

>or without a spouse..

 

Unlike fuckamarine, I assume you are thinking of either single parenting or a gay domestic partnership situation. Personally, you will find nothing more rewarding if you are really ready to be tied down to a lot of responsibility. Your entire life changes beyond your wildest dreams, much for the better, but there is a very real down side in that you would then be responsible--totally for many years--to another little person that you just couldn't pack up and leave if the going got tough.

 

You probably don't remember or even read the original thread I wrote here, but I was closeted for many years, married and had 3 great kids--last March I told my wife and kids I was gay and they all responded very well, and with the kids, anyway, it hasn't been an issue. As to my wife and I, not so easy, but at least no more lies and I expect to be separated soon. So, yes, I've told my kids and they still love me and told me so and treat me just like before they knew.

 

Whatever you do, be up front about your sexuality to your kids when they start asking questions or even before (hard to hide anyway if you are not closeted, which I doubt you are) and be proud of it for THEM--don't push it on your kids or make a big deal about being different, but be open about it--and if you are proud of it, so will they be, or at least not ashamed. Of course you will be dealing with much younger kids knowing you are gay than mine were when I told them, but I think we often anticipate peoples' reaction to our gayness to be worse than it turns out to be. With younger kids, they grow up accepting. Fortunately, mine grew up accepting as many of peoples' variations as possible, so accepting a gay dad when they had gay friends they brought home wasn't such a big step.

 

Good luck, and if you feel in your heart that this is something you want to do, and have looked at the responsibility and downside issues and still CRAVE children then go for it despite thoughtless comments from guys without those same cravings--but just be sure that you DO crave children and know it is a bond and commitment that you can never break, but one that will truly make your cup runneth over :+

(Oh.........and sorry if I got too preachy )

 

Flower :*

[KY_TOP]

>As you get older and more resolved in your lives ..how many

>of you desire to be married (or whatever they want to call

>it) or most importantly... wish to have children.

 

No gay man should marry just to have children. In my early 20's I married. Thought if I got married and had kids I wouldn't be gay...Yea Right! We seperated after 7 years...the divorce fight went on for 3 years. I can honestly say I have had sex more times with a couple of escorts than I had with her in the 7 years we were together.

 

 

>Have you thought about it...huh..

>

>Do you think you would make a good parents??

>Would you consider adoption??...

 

My marriage produced 2 great kids,a girl and a boy. Both now in their early 20's. (I still swear that my second child was conceived when I woke up with a boner and she jumped on.)

 

Two of my friends adopted a child from a woman who did not want the child. She worked with one of them and was considering aborting the child until they agreed to adopt the child as soon as it was born. This has seemed to work out great for them and their take on many things in life has changed. They are very happy and it seems to have firmed up their relationship. It also worked out for the young mom that knew there was no way she could support and raise the child.

 

>I have always desired to have a family and I am laying the

>plans for it now.

 

I very much enjoy my children. My daughter is the Apple of my eye as they say and a real daddy's girl. She just got married and instead of asking her mom to help pick out her wedding dress she wanted dad's opinion and help(my son's a momma's boy...which is ok). They bring much joy to my life and I am always there when they need me, Financially and otherwise. My daughter seeks my advice often and my son calls when he needs money. Many of my friends envy me that as a gay man I have this type of support as I grow older in life. My daughter says she'll take me in when I get old and can't care for myself, but says she is putting her mom in a nursing home when she gets too old to care for herself...That's my Girl!

 

Even though I gave up my youth for a terrible marriage, that should never had happened, I cannot say I regret it because it did create two great kids that I love dearly and yes I do think I was and still am a good parent.

 

>Do any of you have kids now who know that your gay? How is

>it working out? What recommendations would you give to those

>of us here who would like to start a family someday...with

>or without a spouse..

 

None of my family, including my kids know I am gay. I am sure my daughter suspects, she lived with me after she turned 18 for awhile, but she never brings up the conversation and I don't see a need to. My ex-wife and son are very strong right wing Christians and outing myself would just bring too much drama into my relationship with the kids. Everyone, including myself are happy now...Why F**k it up?

 

I think many Gay men desire children, many of my friends talk about it often, and that is great...

...BUT don't get married solely to have K...I...D...S..., consider adoption or seek a donor for your sperm. Just remember you have never seen "responsibility" until you try to raise a child and plan for it's future. Also, many things you may enjoy today will have to take a back seat to the raising and future of the child.

 

If you can't make the committment then don't do it.

 

If you can go for it, just don't screw up someone else's life and yours by getting married to do it.

 

Big decision... I wish you all the luck in your decision.

[phage]

>>or most importantly... wish to have children.

>

>Are you out of your fucking mind?

 

Dude, I couldn’t agree with you more. The PC crowd will probably berate me, but I can’t imagine giving up one of the great benefits of being gay (remaining childless) and joining the mini-van set. But that’s just me...different strokes I guess.

 

It’s good that people have options as long as they are doing it for the right reasons and making responsible decisions. I think it’s great to adopt children that wouldn’t otherwise be adopted, but I have to admit that I am uncomfortable with gay people joining the fray and competing for highly desirable babies. I am also uncomfortable with all this surrogate mother stuff.

 

Whether we want to face it or not, the fact that little Johnny has two dads is going to be a problem for Johnny. Even in the most sophisticated urban areas it’s an issue and I don’t understand why people would put that on a kid. I realize that the more common it becomes, the less of an issue it will be. I just don’t think children should be thrust into the role of foot soldier for societal change.

 

Kids are highly adaptable and can certainly survive the drama, but it seems like some people do it just to satisfy a narcissistic need to have a miniature version of them and that seems pretty selfish.

[Guest fukamarine]

>Unlike fuckamarine, I assume you are

>thinking of either single parenting or a gay domestic

>partnership situation.

 

What do you mean "unlike fuckamarine"? He gave us no hint as to how he was planning this idiocy, so why would you assume anything?

 

>Personally, you will find nothing

>more rewarding if you are really ready to be tied down to a

>lot of responsibility. Your entire life changes beyond your

>wildest dreams, much for the better,

 

Just remember - it's very different than bringing home a puppy from the local mall pet store. If it "doesn't work out" you can't morally just abandon it, give it to a friend, take it back, or put an ad in the paper, "free to a good home"

 

>You probably don't remember or even read the original thread

>I wrote here, but I was closeted for many years, married and

>had 3 great kids

 

Actually, now that you mention it, I do.

 

>Good luck, and if you feel in your heart that this is

>something you want to do, and have looked at the

>responsibility and downside issues and still CRAVE children

>then go for it despite thoughtless comments from guys

>without those same cravings

 

How dare you classify comments as "thoughtless" just because they are different from your own thoughts.

 

>(Oh.........and sorry if I got too preachy

 

Preachy doesn't even begin to describe it. If you ever get fired from your present job you could probably get a job writing TV sit-coms.

 

fukamarine

[Guest fukamarine]

>and my son

>calls when he needs money.

 

He sees you as an ATM and this is what you call a good relationship?

 

>None of my family, including my kids know I am gay. I am

>sure my daughter suspects, she lived with me after she

>turned 18 for awhile, but she never brings up the

>conversation and I don't see a need to. My ex-wife and son

>are very strong right wing Christians and outing myself

>would just bring too much drama into my relationship with

>the kids. Everyone, including myself are happy now...Why

>F**k it up?

 

Sorry, but I can't see how living your life as a lie can be a healthy thing for either you or your children. If your kids truly love you it should make no difference to them, right wing Christians or not. In fact, if your son can't handle it, he's deceiving himself in believing he's any kind of a Christian. And if your wife can't handle it, that's her problem.

 

fukamarine

[Godiva]

Perhaps I should have been more clear...I meant with a domestic partner(man) or by myself with a great support network. My desire to have children has been with me long before I realized that I like to fornicate with members of the same sex. It shouldn't change because of my sexual preference.

 

I believe that anyone who has kids has their own reason..whether they be selfish or otherwise. We all probably know of hetero couples who have done this many times..in some case to save a marriage in others for their own selfish reasons.

 

I firmly believe that with anything else it will be an uphill battle. But I know I would be a great father (alot better that many of the losers out there that call themselves dads.) I know this because I have a great father.

 

I know you see it happening with many celebrities now ..ie..Rosie..Jodie and you know there are many others. Of course I know they are sheilded from reality by their money but at least it is out there and it is possible.

 

We probably would not be here if it were not for those brave few men who put their high heels in the ground and said to the world that if you all can do it why can't I.

 

Fuckamarine ..you may be right in thinking that it could "fuck a kid up" knowing that he has 2 dads..but maybe the 2nd generation of these kids will be more tolerant..and the 3rd generation won't give a shit.

We see this happening with children of Bi-racial couples. It certainly hasn't stopped them and it is slowly becomming the norm

 

I remember the Civil Rights and the Womens Movements all too well.

 

All of your opinions are greatly appreciated..

 

ps...sorry about my spelling..the Sopranos are comming on and I have to pick up my food..:*

[IamI2002]

Having had a son is the greatest joy I have ever experienced. Oh, it's ranged from bliss and ego trips at parent-teacher conferences to deep pain when he decided to leave home for a two-month country-wide adventure that kept me on the edge until he returned. He is now grown, successful and a beautiful person all around. My former wife and I are now friends and I recently told her I still love the girl I once married. In spite of the ups and downs, I would do it again.

:-)

[Guest elwood]

I have a grown daughter... a fantastic woman despite my poor parenrting and .. no doubt..largely..thanks to her mother and to her own wonderful resources.There have been many wise and thoughtful postings on this thread.As for my history in all this..not proud of it....We are so pressured to give in to the traditional family thing and our lack of courage and lack of self knowledge at an early age do justice to no one.Of course that goes for most straight people too. Kids are indeed not puppies or dolls or toys.Wish more people would forbear having kids..and also that more would adopt those children who need lolving parents.

[Huey]

>>and my son

>>calls when he needs money.

>

>He sees you as an ATM and this is what you call a good

>relationship?

 

You can take one fragment of a sentence and are able to decide if a stranger is having a good relationship with his son? Would you check your crystal ball and give me the Lotto numbers for this Saturday please?

 

>

>>None of my family, including my kids know I am gay. I am

>>sure my daughter suspects, she lived with me after she

>>turned 18 for awhile, but she never brings up the

>>conversation and I don't see a need to. My ex-wife and son

>>are very strong right wing Christians and outing myself

>>would just bring too much drama into my relationship with

>>the kids. Everyone, including myself are happy now...Why

>>F**k it up?

 

KY-Top I agree with you 100%. If it isn't broke why fuck with it. I never understood why most Gay people have this overwhelming need to "declare" they are Gay.

 

>

>Sorry, but I can't see how living your life as a lie can be

>a healthy thing for either you or your children. If your

>kids truly love you it should make no difference to them,

>right wing Christians or not. In fact, if your son can't

>handle it, he's deceiving himself in believing he's any kind

>of a Christian. And if your wife can't handle it, that's her

>problem.

>

 

You should be "sorry." This man took the time to write a little bit about his life so others might benefit and you have nothing better to do than judge him sentence by fragmented sentence?

 

He is not living his life as a lie ... he is simply living his life. What is the lie? That he determined not to reveal to certain people that he enjoys sex with men? Have you disclosed every aspect of your life to everyone who knows you? Don't we all select what we want to share with friends and family? There is no reason for him to create havoc in his life to please your sick desires.

 

Your post is as empty as your soul

 

-----------

WAR IS OVER

if you want it

GIVE PEACE A CHANCE

[Guest fukamarine]

>Fukamarine..you may be right in thinking that it could

>"fuck a kid up" knowing that he has 2 dads..

 

Just to keep the record straight, it was Phague who said it, not me. But I do agree with him.

 

fukamarine

[Guest fukamarine]

>You can take one fragment of a sentence and are able to

>decide if a stranger is having a good relationship with his

>son?

 

Well it's basically the only comment he made about him other than the fact that his being a right wing Christian would affect his ability to accept his queer father. He sure didn't paint a glowing picture of the son like he did of his daughter.

 

>Would you check your crystal ball and give me the Lotto

>numbers for this Saturday please?

 

Hell no! Why would I help you win millions when you tell me my sole is empty. I'm not your ATM either.

 

>KY-Top I agree with you 100%. If it isn't broke why fuck

>with it. I never understood why most Gay people have this

>overwhelming need to "declare" they are Gay.

 

Perhaps it has something to do with honesty, an attribute that possibly has escaped you.

 

>>Sorry, but I can't see how living your life as a lie can be

>>a healthy thing for either you or your children. If your

>>kids truly love you it should make no difference to them,

>>right wing Christians or not. In fact, if your son can't

>>handle it, he's deceiving himself in believing he's any kind

>>of a Christian. And if your wife can't handle it, that's her

>>problem.

 

>You should be "sorry." This man took the time to write a

>little bit about his life so others might benefit and you

>have nothing better to do than judge him sentence by

>fragmented sentence?

 

Perhaps it's a skill I learned from FFF. But regardless of where I acquired it, it is perfectly legitimate. Give me one good reason why a sentence shouldn't stand alone. You make a statement, and that's a statement, period.

 

>He is not living his life as a lie ... he is simply living

>his life. What is the lie? That he determined not to reveal

>to certain people that he enjoys sex with men?

 

Yes.

 

>Have you disclosed every aspect of your life to everyone who knows

>you?

 

We're not talking "everyone he knows" here. We're talking about the people he claims are his nearest and dearest. It's called family. Anyone who would not want to be honest with family is devious at best.

 

>Don't we all select what we want to share with friends

>and family? There is no reason for him to create havoc in

>his life to please your sick desires.

 

My sick desires? Buddy, you are so far out of line it's pathetic. If there is a sicko here, perhaps you should look in the mirror.

 

>Your post is as empty as your soul.

 

Actually my soul is in pretty good shape. I checked it this afternoon and found it to be full to the brim. I attribute that to living my life in a forthright and honest manner. How's yours?

 

fukamarine

[Flower]

Fuckamarine--Why do you get so defensive and grouchy all the time? Especially as to a post so innocuous as this? First of all, my post wasn't even referring to you or your comments except for the fact you assumed he was going to get married and went off on a tangent about that, and I (correctly assumed he was talking about a gay relationship. Other than that, any statements I made had nothing to do with you or what you said--in fact, I usually only skim if that, anything you write since it is obvious that you are trying to mimic Kalifornia's offensive and bitter style of writing--so again, sorry you took umbrage with my comments, but maybe you "protest too much" or the shoe fits--who knows

 

And as far as being preachy sometimes, hey--I'm the first to admit it--what do TV preachers pay anyway? But since you evidently haven't had kids, why would you even be trying to give advise here other than just to hear yourself spout off about something you know nothing about. So chill a little and learn to pick your battles better dude :+

 

Flower :*

[Guest fukamarine]

>Fuckamarine--Why do you get so

>defensive and grouchy all the time?

 

Dunno - must be the jock itch.

 

>and I (correctly assumed he was talking about a gay relationship.

 

Three gold stars for Flower!

 

>Other than that, any

>statements I made had nothing to do with you or what you

>said--in fact, I usually only skim if that, anything you

>write since it is obvious that you are trying to mimic

>Kalifornia's offensive and bitter style of writing--so

>again, sorry you took umbrage with my comments, but maybe

>you "protest too much" or the shoe fits--who knows

 

Yada yada yada. You've got the cliche market cornered.

 

>But since you

>evidently haven't had kids, why would you even be trying to

>give advise here other than just to hear yourself spout off

>about something you know nothing about.

 

I can't lay an egg either, but I know when I smell a rotten one.

 

>So chill a little and learn to pick your battles better dude.

 

If you have two grown children, you must be in your fifties. Why do you talk like a teeny-bopper?

 

fukamarine

[Godiva]

OOPs sorry about that..got my screen names mixed..

 

 

Are there any escorts who are considering having children in your future?

 

Hey Rick..would you and Derrick consider it??

[BewareofNick]

Time for a little revelation about BewareofNick (lol)

 

For the past three years, I have been working with gay youth (and no, not THAT way), thanks in no small part to a young man who came into my life at the age of 16 at my job.

 

He is 19 now and a freshman at UGA. During the past two and one half years, he has helped me to find a purpose in life, specifically becoming a mentor to gay youth. He is the son that I never would have had. He has told me that I fulfill in his life a role that his own father never could. I see him about twice a month and talk to him almost every day, either on the phone or on the computer. He's one of the lights of my life.

 

I also have another son (but daughter is a more apt word in his case) who also came into my life at the age of 16. He is 20 now and is currently in a relationship of almost 2 years. They recently moved to my town just to be closer to me.

 

There are also four others that I have a father /son relationship with, in addition to the other kids I work with. (And just to clarify, none of these relationships are sex for pay. I have never had sex with any of them) Yes, some of them I do help out financially, but for the most part it's not about that. They changed my life forever in a way I could never have dreamed possible.

[SmallTownJohn]

I have a four year old daughter. She loooooves her Daddy!:0) We have a blast together.

 

 

John

http://www.SmallTownJohn1.com

[Rick Munroe]

>Hey Rick..would you and Derek consider it??

 

Well, considering that Derek often says that he was forced to become a father when he was 19 (when he acquired me), I guess the answer is no. I think one child is enough for him. And I know that I'd be too neurotic of a parent, like my parents were. The kid would not be allowed out of the house (germs! snipers! drunk drivers!). We do plan to rescue a puppy from a shelter in the spring...something we've planned to do for years. We both grew up with dogs and...(oh, before I forget, check out this site http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites.woa and click everyday to feed an animal in need!)

 

As for my responses to other posters in this thread (in particular Huey & KY_Top), I agree every time with fukamarine, except when he agrees with phage, in which case I agree with Godiva (that wasn't hard to follow, was it?) Fukamarine said pretty much everything I would have said (although I would have done it with smilies and kept it light because that's my style ). I do respect KY's decision to live his life however he wants and would never judge him or anyone on this site...but I do feel that a life lived without honesty is not a complete & full life. When I was 16 or 17 and came out, I decided that if my parents couldn't deal with it, I'd disown them (well, teens are such drama queens) because I did not ever want conditional love in my life. Having said that, I hope our new puppy will not be teased too badly for having 2 (in)famous prostitutes as his daddies. Dogs can be so cruel.

[KY_TOP]

>As for my responses to other posters in this thread (in

>particular Huey & KY_Top), I agree every time with

>fukamarine, except when he agrees with phage, in which case

>I agree with Godiva (that wasn't hard to follow, was it?)

>Fukamarine said pretty much everything I would have said

>(although I would have done it with smilies and kept it

>light because that's my style ). I do respect

>KY's decision to live his life however he wants and would

>never judge him or anyone on this site...but I do feel that

>a life lived without honesty is not a complete & full life.

>When I was 16 or 17 and came out, I decided that if my

>parents couldn't deal with it, I'd disown them (well,

>teens are such drama queens) because I did not ever want

>conditional love in my life. Having said that, I hope our

>new puppy will not be teased too badly for having 2

>(in)famous prostitutes as his daddies. Dogs can be so cruel.

 

In agreeing "every time with fuksmarine" it does surprise me how someone can seem to know about a persons life from a few sentences posted on a message board. First let say I am more than an "ATM Machine" to my son. I assure you that when he was diagnosed with Leukemia several years ago and the many times that dad (me) sat and rubbed this stomach for hours from the pain and nausea during 5 years of Chemo I was more than an ATM machine. When he started school late and was a slow learner, partly due to 2 weeks of radiation to his brain, and dad (me) spent time with his teachers and obtained tutors so my son could complete high school I was more than an ATM machine. When dad (me) say my son receive a graduation award as most improved student in his entire school, I was more than an ATM machine. When I have dinner with my son, (which happens often but always at Pizza Hut even for special events such as his birthday at his request, because to this day most foods don't taste good to him after years of Chemo) and we catch up on each other I am more than an ATM machine. I am thankful he is still alive to have dinner with.

 

Just because I mentioned my daughter more in an earlier post, mostly due to her recent wedding, does not mean I love my son any less.

 

I have never understood the argument that just because a person does not out themselves to all they know that the easy thing to say is that they are a "liar" or dishonest. Being "GAY" is a very small part of my life and who I am, and by no means does that fact dominate my life. Especially Now that my kids are grown,I'd say 50% of my life is my job that I dearly love, and being gay has nothing to do with that. And telling everyone who I fucked last weekend, even if I was straight, around the office or with friends, would not be me. I only tell who I fuck in the Escort Reviews.

 

I "honestly" do not regret in not outing myself when my kids were younger,(and especially during my son's illness) and probably would have lost much of the unlimited open visitation and contact I had with them as they were growing up. I also know that I would not be in the job position I am in presently, and have been in for 20 years, if I were openly gay because I would never have been promoted and would have been fired long ago. I am glad that times have changed within the company I work for, plus my division's success, I would not fear for my job today with the present owners if they knew I was gay, as I would have 10-20 years ago.

 

As I mentioned in my earlier post, I believe my daughter knows I am gay. If she or my son ever asks, I will not lie but will be open about my orientation, and YES I believe thay will BOTH still love me.

Do I believe this would cause them trouble with their mother...Yes.

 

I realize many openly gay men can not understand that people can be very happy without the world knowing they are gay, but they can. I doubt you will find many people that are anymore satisfied with their life and as happy with their life as I am at this point in my life. I am sorry you and many others cannot understand this, but I do not feel I am a liar, just happy in life! I assure you I have a very complete and full life, maybe because I have seen alot and been through alot but most of all I have a very Thankful Life, Life is truly good.

 

Take Care

KY

 

Happiness is a journey...

... not a destination.

[KY_TOP]

RE: PS to previous post

 

Also, I can assure you, Rick and Fukamarine that there is still much more to my life than my few sentences on this message board.

 

To Godiva, I still say if you want a kid, can make the committment, sacrifices, and not just Love the kid but be able to show that Love in all you do...Then go for it!

[Rick Munroe]

>First let say I am more

>than an "ATM Machine" to my son.

 

I didn't notice anything about ATM's. I must admit I more often than not skim these threads; otherwise I couldn't post as much as I do, and I constantly get emails asking me to post more often. Anyway...I did say I respect your right to live your life the way you choose to. Sorry to have upset you so!

[Guest elwood]

KY......thanks for your honest and brave post.

It bespeaks INTEGRITY.....an honest..caring..complex human being.

[Rick Munroe]

>I am glad that times have

>changed within the company I work for

 

And who do you have to thank for that? The men and women who were brave enough to come out when things were different!

[KY_TOP]

>>I am glad that times have

>>changed within the company I work for

>

>And who do you have to thank for that? The men and women

>who were brave enough to come out when things were

>different!

 

No, a younger generation that is more open minded than my generation, more educated about AIDS than my generation and taking a division from $20,000 in revenue to $25 million in revenue. Money changes many peoples mind, unfortunately.