"The Real Reason Gay Men Don't Get Fat"

[Guest BrandonWilliams]

After an afternoon appointment yesterday at Laser for Less and then a grueling session with my personal trainer this morning, I stumbled upon this article from Brian Moylan at gawker.com.

 

My disclaimer: I like men of all shapes and sizes....I'm not stating that you must be buff to be beautiful. I am more intrigued by the psychosocial comments in the piece...it certainly made me smile and self-reflect, all in one quick read. Enjoy!

 

"New York gay about town and Barneys creative director Simon Doonan just sold a manuscript for a diet book called Gay Men Don't Get Fat. While this is true, the real reason why gay men don't get fat might not be the most marketable message.

 

I'm a little upset at myself that I didn't think of this idea first. Doonan's book seems to be a take on the best-selling book French Women Don't Get Fat, which makes an argument that if you follow the culturally ingrained diet and lifestyle of a French woman, you too can be skinny, fabulous, and look good in Chanel. The advice from French woman (and millionaire CEO) Mireille Guiliano is cute, fun, and witty.

 

Doonan's advice will probably be equally cute, fun, and witty. The book is supposedly, "a stylishly slimming discourse that proves gay men really ARE French women: prone to disdain, favoring cheeky underwear, convinced of their own artistic brilliance, and (of course) calorie-obsessed." Clever, but where does that obsession come from? The advice as to why gay men don't get fat isn't as palatable.

 

There is only one thing that keeps gay men in shape: fear. Yes, every gay—at least those of the stereotypical abdominal-obsessed physique that populates Fire Island and Palm Springs—is brought about because gay men are afraid that they will be alone for the rest of their lives. If a gay man is not "serving body" while competing to find a trick or boyfriend in one of the more muscle-bound climates of gay culture, he will be sorely shut out. That is why gay men don't get fat, because if they don't have pecs, guns, and glutes, they're going home alone.

 

Gay men, unlike their straight counterparts, don't have the luxury to stay in "fighting shape" just long enough to find a partner before letting their bodies fall to shit afterwords. No, gay men have to get buff, get married, and stay buff. Why? Because of three-ways, obviously. I'm going to let you in on a little secret: There are countless committed gay couples out there who like to either play on the side or invite guest stars into their beds. And you're not going to get any A-list guest stars if you're giving D-list torso with a four-star gut. Yes, gay men go to the gym to stay competitive, but since the man-eating marathon doesn't end after marriage, they just keep on competing and competing until death do they part.

 

The funny thing about the gay competition is that, because men (especially of the gay variety) are so visually stimulated, the only piece on the chess board that matters is having that traditional lean body. If straight men are lacking in some area, they usually make up for it by becoming rich or powerful, things that some women (see: Real Housewives of Orange County) find just as attractive as a washboard stomach dusted with natural body hair. But for gay men, only body will do. If a gay guy is a little short, his solution is to go to the gym. Got a shitty job? Go to the gym. Busted in the face? No biggie! Head to the gym and no one will look above your neck. Totally shy and doesn't socialize well? Gym, baby, gym! A good body is the only currency in this game.

 

What also makes this unique for gay men is one of the other strange quirks of homosexuality. Gay men are attracted to, essentially, themselves. No straight man wants to look like a woman (and certainly not the reverse) but gay men find what they are physically attracted to and often remake their bodies in the image of their ideal mate. Since society tells us to want muscle-bound athletes, that's what gays want, and that's what they make themselves look like in the pursuit of their ideal. If you want to bed muscles you have to have muscles, if you want to land a twink, you better be a twink (or at least some other type that is easily cast in any gay porn movie).

 

Still, gay men come in all shapes and sizes (embrace the rainbow, people) but still gay culture and iconography is largely dominated by the same juiced-out body type (and awful tribal tattoos) that you'd find on Jersey Shore. While there are plenty of average-physiqued homosexuals (who barely merit mentioning) there has been a reaction to all this body fascism over the past so many years. Yes, the "bear" movement, spearheaded by gay men who are hairier and chubbier than average, is forever gaining steam. Mostly it's because these guys gave up on the regular competition and decided to host a competition of their own. Theirs, instead of relying on protein shakes and bicep curls, relies on barbecue ribs and beer guts. These men only socialize (and sexualize) with other men that are as big and burly as they are. While they might be reversing the normal aesthetic ideals of gay culture and American culture at large, they still discriminate just as much based on physicality as their circuit party-loving brethren.

 

Doonan is trying to capitalize on those skinny gay men of legend, but what governs them and governs the bear is really the same thing: fear. Many gay men spend their adolescence as outcasts or misfits, and when they finally get to a place where they can join the gay culture at large, they react to their years of social solitude by conforming with the sort of fervor usually reserved for packs of teenage girls. That means looking the part, which, of course, means joining the gym and becoming a regular. It has nothing to do with being healthy or looking good, it has to do with that deep-seated fear that one day you will wake up and it will be just like high school all over again, with people hating you or picking on you for being different. Never again!

 

That middle-of-the-night terror is not an easy thing to teach, and it's not really the kind of advice that you can slap a sassy cover photo on and get millions of people to pay $22 for. Most gay men get it for free, and now, with this book, you too can be a pariah for years, then enter a conformist culture of casual sex and glistening bodies, followed by a lifetime of hookups with your significant other and the waxed dolphins you pick up on Grindr. That's the secret of how gay men don't get fat.

 

For me, well, I'd much rather be French."

[gcursor]

I do agree with the concept of it. gay society, in particular, seems to be very driven by extremely high standards of aesthetics and beauty....possibly more so than it seems any other part of society. gay men are constantly setting higher and higher standards for the people within their community which they find as being "socially acceptable". the "outlying" groups splinter off and have formed their own sub-cultures.

 

however it has always amazed me how gay people within their own community can discriminate against people within their community based on looks, weight,age, etc. while we ourselves are constantly being discriminated against from people outside our community.

Gcursor

[leigh.bess.toad]

Thanks Brandon. The amazing thing is that is damned near the conversation I had with my own trainer (who is straight but I am out to) yesterday, which I find hysterical. I don't think he believed me. I'll probably have to print that and give him a copy when I see him on Thursday.

 

And gcursor, you are right. We do tend to be body fascists and in the end it isn't the best thing. But if everyone is accepting of the many subcultures we have within our community I don't kinow if it's a problem. But the acceptance and celebration of everyone in the community is key.

 

Thanks BMW.

[JT Brooklyn]

No offense to Mr Doonan.. But he seems to be the type who was "Born Thin and will stay Thin his Whole life". I'm guessing one of the prerequisites for a Barney's Boy!

 

If he ever turned Fatty he would probably lose his High Barney's Status.

 

He's a little wisp of a guy and the Ascots he wears do not make him look any heavier either. IMHO of course.

[Rick Munroe]

Gay men are attracted to, essentially, themselves.

 

I thought the whole article was silly and outdated (esp. since straight men in 2011 are very concerned about their appearance), but that sentence in particular sounds like something out of a 1950s text book about the mental illness of homosexuality. "They are narcissists with a sick desire to have sex with themselves!"

[Guest Rich.]

I thought the whole article was silly and outdated (esp. since straight men in 2011 are very concerned about their appearance), but that sentence in particular sounds like something out of a 1950s text book about the mental illness of homosexuality. "They are narcissists with a sick desire to have sex with themselves!"

 

Mirror, Mirror... on the wall... who is the fairest of them all?

 

Richard

[Poolboy21409]

Mirror, Mirror... on the wall... who is the fairest of them all?

 

Richard

 

Why you both are...of course!!

 

I started working out for health reasons and the beauty part came later (NOT). Seriously, body fat down to 13% and for a 62 year old fart, that ain't bad...plus the slightly emerging abs, notice I said slightly, are going to look good in the speedo (in the back yard) this year.

[uwsman2]

Doonan is totally about perpetuating stereotypes. Anybody with a really wide acquaintance in the gay male community knows that the body fascist contingent is only a subset -- and I think a minority subset -- of the community as a whole. Go to gay professional groups, social groups, interest groups, etc., and you will see a wide variety of men, some gym-obsessed, some night. I went to a bar association gay pride event recently. Room packed with scores of gay lawyers and law students, all different body types, all different personalities, some obvious gym-goers, most not obvious gym-goers, etc.

[Decatur Guy]

I find gay men in general to be youth-obsessed more than gym-obsessed.

 

How many ads have I seen on CL from someone in his mid-40s who describes himself along my terms, and then says "only those 35 and under need apply"?

[josephga]

I find gay men in general to be youth-obsessed more than gym-obsessed.

 

How many ads have I seen on CL from someone in his mid-40s who describes himself along my terms, and then says "only those 35 and under need apply"?

 

I agree

Iv know guys in their 40's 50's only wanting guys in their 20's

Iv seen way too many cases to were the then 20ish guys turn 30 and leave those now 50 and 60 years olds too.

[Steven_Draker]

Doonan is totally about perpetuating stereotypes.

 

And it's good to have people here to rebuke these stereotypes. http://messenger.msn.com/MMM2006-04-19_17.00/Resource/emoticons/thumbs_up.gif

[Rick Munroe]

I find gay men in general to be youth-obsessed more than gym-obsessed.

 

I think that's just men in general, not gay men. How many straight men dump their spouses for older trophy wives?

[josephga]

One thing I see allot of I don't get is being picky about these things when looking for just friends. Iv seen profiles on line reading no hookups just looking for friends. must be under x amount age. Must have face pic. If a person is just looking for friends why do these 2 things matter? I personally never cared about age weight or looks when just looking for friends. I don't have sex with friends so these quality's don't matter. I'm actually wonder is just looking for friends the new code word for hookups maybe they think it's a classier way of saying it. or is it that pretty people only want to be friends with other pretty people?

[gcursor]

Interesting chat

 

Interesting post Joseph. I belong to a few chat sites where u can chat online. I have clearly detailed in my profile that I'm not looking for "real life" meetings and only chatting or email pen pals....however people don't like the idea that I don't have a picture...however I explain to them that I'm not looking for meetings in real life. it's just very interesting that it happens

Gcursor

 

One thing I see allot of I don't get is being picky about these things when looking for just friends. Iv seen profiles on line reading no hookups just looking for friends. must be under x amount age. Must have face pic. If a person is just looking for friends why do these 2 things matter? I personally never cared about age weight or looks when just looking for friends. I don't have sex with friends so these quality's don't matter. I'm actually wonder is just looking for friends the new code word for hookups maybe they think it's a classier way of saying it. or is it that pretty people only want to be friends with other pretty people?

[Phil_musc]

Uwsman2 is right - even in bars, I see a broad spectrum of guys - of course there is the gym-going subset, but there are also the regular guys who have jobs, interests, and lives that have nothing to do with the gym. I too think in general gay culture is more about youth-obsession rather than gym-obsession and a part of that is fascination with the new and novel simply because it is new and novel. Good comment about straight men not trading in their wives for an older trophy wife - I had a good chuckle on that! Thanks for the all the thought-provoking ideas again, Men.