Do you wish you were straight?

[hunkymuscles]

I lived the str8 life for many years and remained in the closet. I'm much happier being out and honest as to who I am. It took me a long time, but I'm happy to be who I am. I like being gay!

http://hunkymuscles.tumblr.com

http://www.daddysreviews.com/review/raul_sf

[NYTomcat]

Like zapped after living the str8 life hiding being gay I can't imagine going back. But I guess the real dream is not do I wish I was straight or gay but do I find myself happy being myself. I think I would have loved my straight life. If I were straight. I am loving being gay if I didn't feel I have to still hide it in some aspects for my kids. God knows middle school is tough enough without the public stigma in this area of having the gay dad. So for me the journey was just being happy with who you are and in fact I have found great joy in being accepted for who I am. Its really what it's all about isn't it. Learning to be you and being comfortable with who and what that is. Guess im still a closet Buddhist. Happiness through enlightenment.

[best hotel]

Hi Tom......check your "daddys reviews" email please

[NYTomcat]

ok......as a young man, i prayed to God to be straight.. ....i have been married to a woman who was, and is, truly a dear friend with whom i fathered my four amazing children.....i came out with a sense of joy and emancipation, as well as profound remorse about the people i hurt..... i have been in love with a sexy seductive straight guy who was "gay for pay" in that he exploited me in many ways.........i have been in love with a "gay" man who left me for a woman he met in AA....and i have spent many a night sleeping alone, frozen, lonely.......i have been fat and thin, poor and rich, humiliated and applauded .....and like Tomcat, sexually assaulted....i have been in therapy since the 70s.....as i type this soap opera, i am in my early 50s and i thank God i am gay.....go figure

 

Its amazing isn't it bh the comfort we find in just being happy with yourself. Through all the shit life throws at you the truest sense of happiness cones from just accepting who you are and liking it. Str8 gay dom sub boy daddy bottom top whatever. Thank you for sharing. It means alot to know there are others. And thanks to the o.p. what a great thread this is

[Guest jstlooknthx]

Love this thread

 

This is why I keep coming back to this forum. It gives me an insight to experiences so different than my own. That was quite a post, Zapped. Thanks for posting it.

One line stands out in all this for me, "I basked in the approval and reacceptance." I think that just about sums up all this convoluted self judgement in all of us, and fuels the folly of straight envy. I know miserable people. I know happy people. Gay or straight usually has absolutely NADA to do with it. It all comes down to feeling seen, feeling accepted, feeling love. Without self love none of this will happen. Straight or Gay.

 

I was blessed and cursed as a child by almost literally raising myself on my own. As a result, I didn't develop parental based guilt or the need to please them. The dark side of that was having no love or support growing up. I learned that gay was bad from society, school, TV. Though I came out early, because I always had a strong sense of who I am. Still, I've had girlfriends and boyfriends in my life. Always honest about who I am, but not afraid or judgmental of my hearts desires. I knew what I was giving up being predominantly gay. I also knew that I became the funny, compassionate, insightful man I am BECAUSE I was forced to deal with this and many difficult issues that rubbed society the wrong way early in my life. My jedi training if you will, is very valuable to me.

 

Today I live in a very progressive area. I see gay couples with homes and babies all over town. They have today what we thought we would never have in the past. Families. It touches me so deeply I still tear up. When I hear people say, "I wish I was straight" I think, what does that mean exactly? Does it mean I wish I was like everybody else? No such thing. Does it mean I wish I had a spouse, home, and kids? Well, I think if we turn off the blame machine and put down all the baggage we end up leaving room for these things. Perhaps it just means we wish we lived in a society where no one was ever made to feel they were sick, unwanted, disgusting, and hated. I think that's a good wish, but it has nothing to do with being straight.

[leigh.bess.toad]

jstlooknthx -- Thank you for another remarkable post to what is turning out for me to be maybe the best thread I've been a part of since I've been here on the forum. This has truly been an amazing thread and I hope it keeps going for a while. It has been an inspiration to me to read all the stories and messages from so many different points of view and so many wonderful men. To all of you who have contributed, thank you. Each of you have enriched me life by your contribution here. I know I'll be reading this thread for a long time to come.

[Guest greatness]

I can't agree more~~ Hugs~~

 

This is why I keep coming back to this forum. It gives me an insight to experiences so different than my own. That was quite a post, Zapped. Thanks for posting it.

[dane michaels]

Thank you Dane for an incredibly sensitive and wonderful post. While I have always known I was gay deep down and denied it. ... but I certainly know what you mean about feeling changed by the experience of the past. I was always a very romantic sort but of late well lets just say my desires have been changed by my history. What once scared and fascinated me has truly changed my sexual turn ons. Thank you for sharing.

 

Not a problem NYTomcat. I am glad that this forum is here for this reason. I prefer conversations vice stabbing comments and idle conversation and this thread I thought posed a great question.

[+ Oliver]

Straight - Gay: Both Sides

 

This thread brought to mind one of my earliest posts (actually seven years ago) on the subject of my straight/gay life. It still describes my feelings.

Not Experiencing Gay Sex/Love While Young

When I first read [this] beginning thread, it resonated through me like nothing before. I thought “I didn’t have those opportunities when I was young either.” And I was feeling some regret also. But after reading compassionate responses from [various posters] I realized that regret is probably not the right word. Nevertheless, What if?

 

I am undoubtedly much older than [anyone here … lol] and, therefore, was brought up in an even more repressive atmosphere relative to “gayness”. The word didn’t even exist when I was a teenager. It was “queer” or “fag”, and don’t wear green on Thursday, because that means you’re queer. I knew that I liked looking at men’s bodies and muscles but one didn’t or couldn’t act on that, or even dwell on it too long – I couldn’t be queer.

 

So I did what was expected of me, went to college, got married, and had three children. I was married until my wife died almost [twelve] years ago. I wasn’t fair to her because of who I am, but we did end up as best friends, because we had a lot in common (other than sex) and we raised three great kids together. Did she know? – probably.

 

I am in much the same place as [others … with … children] … but I wouldn’t trade my relationship with mine. I also don’t have to wish. And being a grandfather is beyond words.

 

I had my first sex with a man when I was 51. Mine have all been paid encounters until [seven years ago]. When guess what? – I was reunited purely by happenstance with a friend from junior high and high school. (We were j/o buddies – but that was OK because boys did that and we didn’t touch each other!!!) Turns out he’s gay, too!!! … We have agreed that to dwell on what if’s is pointless and a waste of what time there is. …

 

Sooo, all of that being said – I, too, am enjoying life, although at my age I’m having to speed along a path leading to “Two roads diverged in a wood…”

 

Thank you for opening this topic. This is the longest post I’ve ever made [to date]. I’ve been too vulnerable before.

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?40270-Not-Experiencing-Gay-Sex-Love-While-Young/

[Guest skrubber]

No, I just wish I were wealthy

[Guest greatness]

Oliver whenever I read your post I can feel so much youthfulness that I don't think you are anything over 30. You are so energetic and witty. It's a great pleasure to have you on this forum.

[leigh.bess.toad]

Oliver -- Thank you for the link back to the old 2004 thread. I guess the old adage is true: "the more things change, the more things stay the same". Although from a slightly different point of view, "Do you regret not experiencing gay sex/love while young" it does bring out a lot of the same feelings and thoughts this thread has stirred within me. I remember a couple of months ago I was at a choral concert at Bruton Parish Church in Williamsburg, VA. And I was seated in a church box with a few other couples, one of whom were two very young good looking young guys – probably students at Wiliam and Mary. And although there were no overt signs such as handholding or PDA, I could tell immediately: they were a couple. You could feel an intensity between them. And I grew horribly, horribly sad. I was so happy that now young guys can find each other and fall in love. But I was regretting the fact that I will never know what it is like to know young love like that. I regret what seemed like the waste of a good part of my life following the "straight" and narrow as it were. And I cried that night. I had just come out to my wife a few weeks earlier. And I so wanted to go up to them and tell them to hold onto each other and treasure what they have now. My mind went to one of my favorite poems, which was posted on the other thread and I think also belongs here. It is certainly one of the greatest of all American poems ever written, by Robert Frost:

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

 

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

 

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

 

Many of us here did initially not take the one less traveled. And that has made all the difference as well. And has led to much regret -- at least by me. I don't regret having my son for he is the light of my life. But I feel like I've missed so much. But I've gained much as well. And being here, on this forum, participating in this wonderful thread, has been a blessing to me. One thing you notice in the older thread is the ongoing battles between several of the participants. Here, this thread, it has been absolutely amazing with none of that.

 

I have talked here frequently about this being a journey for me. But unlike Frost, who doubted he should come back, I feel I was given a second chance at the two roads and am now on the different road. And although there are troubles and regrets, I am happy on this new path. It is the path I should have been on my whole life.

 

Do I wish I were straight? No. Do I wish I had had the courage when younger to act -- to take the road less traveled? Absolutely. But that lack of ability to break out of the confines of societal and familial expectations has made all the difference.

[Guest greatness]

Beautiful..

 

Lee that is such a touching story. You are a wonderful person. As I have suggested numerous times. Let's not dwell on the past and things we can't change but focus on things we can do right now. I hope you have an amazing life from now on and meet great people. I love the forum where people can open up and encourage one another. Thank you for sharing your life here.

[ChiTown]

Oliver & Lee,

 

Being a married fiftysomething man with a son and daughter in their 20's I can totally relate to what has been said. I too made the choice to take the well worn path, the "straight and narrow" because it was the expected thing to do at the time. I remember being in my late teens or early 20's and my mom quoting Polonius's line from Hamlet, "This above all: to thine own self be true,". I think that she was more accepting of me than I was of myself at the time. Regrets, yes . . . but I wouldn't trade anything for the two wonderful kids that I have.

 

Lee, your story of the two young guys in love made me cry a bit as well, wondering what might have been if I had taken that first brave step years ago. Thanks

[doitb4ugo]

Looking back at my life as a straight guy, married with family, has proven a zero sum game. I have found more benefit from trying as hard as that is to look forward and trying decide how to act and what to do now that I know I am gay. I have many choices ahead of me both sexually and socially but while I can no longer dwell on the past life I need to bring forward and consider that life when making my new one....In the end they may be the same....only time wil tell.

 

Do I wish I were straight....no not even given that the majority of my life has been happily screwed up.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Oliver & Lee,

 

Being a married fiftysomething man with a son and daughter in their 20's I can totally relate to what has been said. I too made the choice to take the well worn path, the "straight and narrow" because it was the expected thing to do at the time. I remember being in my late teens or early 20's and my mom quoting Polonius's line from Hamlet, "This above all: to thine own self be true,".

 

Yes, that self acceptance can take quite a while. It was only recently that I've come to that point and have never been more confident, both personally and professionally.

 

Looking back at my life as a straight guy, married with family, has proven a zero sum game. I have found more benefit from trying as hard as that is to look forward and trying decide how to act and what to do now that I know I am gay. I have many choices ahead of me both sexually and socially but while I can no longer dwell on the past life I need to bring forward and consider that life when making my new one....In the end they may be the same....only time will tell.

 

Do I wish I were straight....no not even given that the majority of my life has been happily screwed up.

 

While I would enjoy being a father and occasionally regret not having children, I also feel fortunate that I never got married. It has truly made moving forward much easier for me than I believe it has for many others who accept being gay in their 40's.

 

It is a wonderful feeling to no longer be questioning my sexuality. I doubt I will ever wish I were straight.

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

PLEASE See Earlier Post

 

After reading the "gay for pay" thread, I got to thinking... I am a gay guy who loves straight guys. I don't know why, nor do I care why... I just do. In thinking about this, I started thinking, "do I wish I were straight"? The answer is "yes". I know and accept that I am gay, but I do wish I were straight.

 

I know this is controversial, but being truthful, I have always wished I were straight. It is not because I was teased or bullied as a kid, I wasn't. I had a great childhood. I guess, when I think about it, I wish I had the whole straight package, wife, kids, soccer games, house with the white picket fence.

 

So, are there others like me? Do you wish you were straight, or are you totally content with being gay? Please don't make this judgmental. I think everyone should feel comfortable with who and what they are, but that doesn't mean we can't wish we were something else. Hell, I wish I were a billionaire too (a little plug for Travie McCoy!). So, please keep the discussion civil.

 

Thanks

 

 

 

FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I AM AN OUT AND PROUD GAY MAN AND HAVE BEEN SO SINCE I AM 19 - (WHICH WAS A LONG TIME AGO!)

 

If you want a family - you can have one - and Be OUT and GAY and PROUD of Who You Are!

 

And the Reason you can do that today - is that 25-30 Yearrs ago - Gay Men and Lesbian Women Stood Up to

 

Liars/Haters and Scumtoad Bible Boasting-Born-Again Bigots and Said - I am as Good - If Not Better Than You -

 

And I will Be as Good If Not a Better Parent than You ---You Hatemonging Bible-Toteing

 

Born-Again Bat-Shit Bigot-Bastards - And You Will Not Keep me from my inherent right to be

 

a Full Citizen of this society - Including the right to be a parent if I so choose to be.

 

So DADDY Lets Lock and Bury this Thread - as to keep raising it is Insulting and Demeaning to those of us who fought - sacrifiiced - suffered and continue

 

to fight for the Equality of Gay Men - Lesbian Women - Bisexuals and Transgendered Peoples.

[+ MakeMeCowboy]

The existence of prejudice and bigotry cause us to contemplate this question however it has also accelerated many of us into living more enlightened lives… I wouldn’t trade that simply to be straight.

[Guy Fawkes]

Never! I have this problem; I like straight men...

http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/boost.jpg?w=295&h=405

The straighter they are; the better I like it.

 

On a more sober note: I don't believe that sexual orientation is a light switch but rather more like a light dimmer. IMHO it may change over time. How can I wish to be anything other than what I am?

[+ FreshFluff]

I don't believe that sexual orientation is a light switch but rather more like a light dimmer. IMHO it may change over time. How can I wish to be anything other than what I am?

 

I agree with the first sentence completely. But do you know of any males whose orientation changes over time? Female sexuality is more malleable, but I've yet to see that happen in a man. (Then again, I know far fewer gay men than you do.) I know you weren't referring to deliberate change, but even Exodus admits that the best they can achieve is celibacy in most cases.

[+ deej]

I agree with the first sentence completely. But do you know of any males whose orientation changes over time? Female sexuality is more malleable, but I've yet to see that happen in a man. (Then again, I know far fewer gay men than you do.) I know you weren't referring to deliberate change, but even Exodus admits that the best they can achieve is celibacy in most cases.

 

Change? Perhaps. Kinsey sure seemed to think so, claiming that sexuality was a sliding scale and few people were stuck in one spot all their lives. I suspect more frequently than change, people are finally honest with themselves.

 

Young men tend to be more socialized, sexually, than young women. They are indoctrinated no end into the macho world where bangin' chicks is the only acceptable way. These are the "all it takes is a six pack" guys in college who won't look you in the eye the next day after, like, TOTALLY rocking your world. A few years later, in the dark of the night, they may finally admit it to themselves. Some people will see that as change, but it isn't change at all.

[gp0560]

These are the "all it takes is a six pack" guys

 

But isn't that the best kind? . . . oh wait, you mean THAT kind of six pack. My bad.

[Guest]

It's a difficult question--whether I wish I were straight. Many things would have been easier, yet I would have missed out on a lot of other things in life. Certainly I would have a very different set of friends. I very much value the friendships I have. Most likely my sex life would have been more limited. Of course, many aspects of my life would have been easier, especially in high school. What I cannot for the life of me understand, however, is why someone would rather have sex with a straight man than a gay man. I certainly can understand a preference for masculine guys, but if you really enjoy having sex with straight men more, then, by definition, you prefer having sex with men who don't enjoy having sex with you! How can that possibly be as hot as having sex with a guy who's into it? That makes absolutely no sense to me. I've quickly learned to steer clear of any escorts who advertise as "straight," because the sex is always frustrating for its lack of enthusiasm. Would a straight woman want to hire a gay escort for sex? I for one don't want to hire someone who's thinking "Ew, yuck!" while I'm trying to get physical with him. Thinking of going down on a woman turns my stomach, and I imagine straight men would have to put in a big effort not to be revolted at going down on a guy...

[seeker630]

.... I certainly can understand a preference for masculine guys, but if you really enjoy having sex with straight men more, then, by definition, you prefer having sex with men who don't enjoy having sex with you! How can that possibly be as hot as having sex with a guy who's into it? ...

 

My feelings exactly!

[Leap Year]

When I started this thread, I never dreamed that it would have had 99 posts. Now, as the 100th, I am amazed. So, to answer my own question... to be truly honest, yes, I do wish I were straight. Growing up, I did not know any gay guys, although, I do suspect that my best friend in high school was gay. But, we never showed any attraction to each other. I grew up in a house that simply didn't talk AT ALL about sex. As evidence, I later found out that 2 of my three brothers were gay! My parents never showed any emotion and I don't think were really attracted to each other by the time I was 10 or so. They fought a lot and that's how I remember them. I was probably the most naive guy on this forum. I didn't know anything about sex growing up. The first time I masturbated (I thought I invented it!) I was about 14. I always thought about guys as I jacked off. I learned about sex from the encyclopedia. I was pretty sure I was gay and one day I told my mother that I thought I was. I have to say, she handled it great. She didn't try to convince me I wasn't. She didn't get angry with me or anything like that. What she did do was take me to our family doctor who 1st told me "the facts of life" that my parents never did. Then he asked me several questions about my sexual attractions. He was kind and understanding. I told him I thought I was going out of my mind. He referred me to a psychiatrist to talk things through (he was a jerk!). Surprisingly, I never felt hesitant about telling my mother I thought I was gay. Yet today, I am over 60 and still in the closet. Go figure. In high school, no one "was gay". It just didn't exist. I had girl friends, but in my high school, there was no fooling around (at least not in my circle of friends). So, I grew up somewhat (totally) sexually repressed. Now, I see that never having come out, I missed out on so much. But back then, it just wasn't done. Did I know I was gay? Yes, but, I always wanted the straight life all my life. I wanted the girl friend, the wife, the kids, the house with the white picket fence and the dog in the yard. I wanted the family that I didn't have. And, to be honest, I still do. I have always been attracted to girls, but not in a sexual way. It is hard to explain. I recognize and appreciate pretty girls, but when it comes to thinking of having sex with them, I am totally turned off. Is this strange? I don't know. I have always been sexually attracted to the straight jocks and the "guy next door" types. I am not into the muscle bound guys nor the feminine types, but taut bodies, they turn me on. I get great pleasure seeing these guys on the beach, in magazines, on TV and in movies, in porn and just walking along on the street. But, I would give up these desires in an instant to have the same desires for women.

 

So, when I asked the question, "do you wish you were straight?", I knew the answer but thought I might be the only one. I am glad to see that that isn't the case. I am also happy that there are those (maybe even a majority) who feel the opposite. I never felt there was a "right" answer. People feel the way they do. They shouldn't be criticized for their feelings one way or the other. As so many have said, "I am who I am". My feelings are my feelings. I can't change them any more than I can get my wish of being straight.

 

I want to thank all of you who have responded to this thread. It has been so enlightening. To share such personal feelings, on both sides of this issue, has touched me beyond words. Thanks.