Married guys cheating on their wives with gay escorts

[Epigonos]

AMEN to that NYTomcat. I'm with you. Mark Twain always said that "heaven was for climate and hell was for society". I've always liked that concept.

[instudiocity]

... I simply choose not to judge or condem anyone, as my understanding of my christian faith is that judgment is left to God, and not us...

Ha! Right you are - we are to be WITNESSES not judges or juries - or as the good book says, "Judge not, for so shall you be JUDGED!"

[leigh.bess.toad]

I think it's important to note that I hate the sin, not the sinner

 

I guess I'm in the minority that still beleive cheating men are heartless, selfish pigs.

 

Cheaters are scum of the earth.

 

I guess I'll just be labelled "self righteous" on this gay escort message board for beleiving a MARRIED man in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship is a SCUM BAG for cheating on his innocent wife

 

I have never met anyone yet who comes out with the pablum of "hate the sin love the sinner" who really does it. It is all a a lie. A way to make themselves feel better thinking they are non-judgmental. Obviously TBL can't see the disconnect between his own words.

[+ deej]

Irrational because I think cheating is wrong. And you think I act like God?

 

No and no. And it was not a request.

 

Thank you for playing.

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

tbl28, the prison you've created for yourself sounds absolutely horrible. And it sounds like you're not liking it much either. But it's your choice if you want to stay living there.

 

When I started this response, there were a lot fewer posts, so excuse if I repeat some of the points of other poster, but I'd still like to add a few thoughts to this stew.

 

First off , please recognize that all "cheaters" (your word, not mine) are INDIVIDUALS, with INDIVIDUAL situations. (I think this is what TK was meaning by personal, but I think individual is a little more specific).

 

Please think about the following situations(no trick question here, just trying to assess your POV):

-If a married couple,(gay or straight), decides between themselves that their relationship allows for sexual expression with others, and one or both expresses their sexuality with others, does that make them "cheaters"?

 

-If the married couple, gay or straight, has decided that their relationship does not allow for sexual expression with others, and one person explores sexuality with someone else, once. Does that make him/her a cheater?

-If yes, should they be forgiven if discovered? Yes? No? Maybe?

 

-If the married couple,( gay or straight), has decided that their relationship does not allow for sexual expression with others, and one person explores sexuality repeatedly with someone else, but it's a different someone else each time. Does that make him/her a cheater?

If yes, should they be forgiven if discovered? Yes? No? Maybe?

 

-If the married couple, gay or straight, has decided that their relationship does not allow for sexual expression with others, and one person explores sexuality repeatedly with someone else, but it's the same person each time. Does that make him/her a cheater?

If yes, should they be forgiven if discovered? Yes? No? Maybe?

 

For each of the examples above, does your opinion change if the couple are:

-not married, but living together?

-not married, and not living together?

 

If you are judging someone as a cheater, and you don't know the specifics of their relationship together, then aren't you unfairly judging the character of people that you don't know all the facts about?

 

And if you're judging them a cheater, are you linking that to a moral failure of some sort on their part? Does that moral failure negate everything else they do in life? (They are nice to animals and children, and donate time and money to worthy causes)

 

And if you're judging them by one single behaviour, when in fact they are comprised of and exhibit many, many behaviours (behaviours which are changing throughout the path of life), then isn't it very likely that you will be making negative judgements on people and acting accordingly towards them when , in fact, you are totally wrong?

Doesn't this concern you? And if you are comfortable with that, then don't you worry about people judging you on one aspect of your character without knowing the complete story of you?

 

You seem to place a huge premium on sexual fidelity. Any idea why? (To me personally, the issue of sexual fidelity is much less to get upset about, than, say, the issue of lying.) And your belief seems to be providing you with unwanted pain. I would argue that since you ultimately can't control another person's actions, then why would you give that person the power to inflict such pain on you. In reality, aren't you inflicting the pain on yourself, because of your insistence that someone live up to your expectations?

 

At any rate, I think you need to be VERY CAREFUL before you judge someone. Do you have all the knowledge you need to apply your label correctly? If not, then you're letting your feelings trump your knowledge and or wisdom, and that seldom works in your favour.

 

People are people, and mistakes are made. And during the path of an increasingly long life, we change, too---and not always in synch with those we love.

 

Life is messy. It's our reactions that we can control.

If in doubt, between forgiveness and judgement, choose the high ground.

If not in doubt, still choose the high ground.

Either way, forgiving trumps judging.

[gtx1]

IT'S JUST SEX!

 

There's no emotional commitment here. If your careful discrete and safe, what's the problem?

[Guest greatness]

Well

 

I think TLB is going through a hard time. Everybody does once in a while. Let's encourage and support him instead. He is just asking questions to find answers and comfort himself. I don't see no harm with that. I have cheated on my faith and principles many times. Let's forgive and move on. Hugs~~~

[Guest greatness]

Good to know that~~~ Hugs~~~

 

Not at all negative G. Very comfortable with my life and my choices. They are mine to make right or wrong. But I know enough of my fellow "sinners" here to know that ill happily spend eternity with that group rather than with the self proclaimed angels in judgement of others.

[josephga]

I have cheated on my faith and principles many times.

 

I'm disappointed maybe i put you on a pedestal

[Guest greatness]

I'm no perfect guy... To your consolation, I had no bf whatsoever until very recently so never cheated on them. I came close to a straight marriage several times but it didn't work out and never had sex with a girl... so no infidelity there either. It's so much easier for me. No relationship so no infidelity. I hope my current one to be happily ever after.. I do think I will be devastated if what happened to TBL happens to me though.. But I get rejected a lot so I'm used to it. I think I will be fine. If you are in my business... I think you will understand what I mean by not following my principles.. Sometimes you have to get along and do things you don't like.. Hugs~~~

 

 

I'm disappointed maybe i put you on a pedestal

[instudiocity]

I have a few questions, do you hire escorts or not? If not why are you here bothering us who do. If you do, unless you live outside the US or Vegas you are performing an illegal act.

Prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas, Clark County, Nevada. it is only legal in the other counties of Nevada.

[josephga]

isn't prostitution legal in Rhode Island to? I heard it use to be I could be wrong but heard once that it was

[instudiocity]

isn't prostitution legal in Rhode Island to? I heard it use to be I could be wrong but heard once that it was

from Wiki...

In the United States, each state has the power to decide whether or not prostitution is legal in that state or part of that state. In all but one U.S. state (Nevada) the buying and selling of sexual services is illegal and usually classified as a misdemeanor.

Nevada allows licensed brothels, but only in some parts of the state, in rural counties; all forms of prostitution are illegal in Clark County Las Vegas and its metropolitan area), Washoe County Reno), Carson City, Douglas County, and Lincoln County. The other counties allow brothels, but some of these counties currently have no active brothels (brothels are in operation in only 8 counties).

[Kevin Slater]

Prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas, Clark County, Nevada. it is only legal in the other counties of Nevada.

 

Not all other counties. It is also illegal in Washoe, Douglas, and Lincoln counties, and Carson City. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Nevada

 

Kevin Slater

[josephga]

I did some checking it use to be legal in rhode island. it became illegal in 2009

[josephga]

Do any other cities beside atlanta req a permit to escort? Atlanta reqs a permit to escort or to strip

There was a big write up about it in creative loafing once. Atlanta normally doesn't arrest people for prostitution unless its the street type stuff. They make most of their arrest for escorting without a permit because its much easier to prove. If you get the permit and aren't being a pest hitting up for clients out in the open they pretty much look the other way according to the article

[leigh.bess.toad]

Life is messy. It's our reactions that we can control.

If in doubt, between forgiveness and judgement, choose the high ground.

If not in doubt, still choose the high ground.

Either way, forgiving trumps judging. [/color][/size][/font]

 

Duchess, that is absolutely perfect and dead on target. But the hatred spewed forth by TBL has no ground, no room for forgiveness, for redemption. It's a very binary, black and white world view. Is cheating worse than physical or mental abuse of the spouse? I don't think so, and not even close. And yet he thinks it's the worst thing in the world. There can be no pain worse than his.

 

Would divorcing your spouse before seeing escorts and then starting make the spouse feel any better? Not at all. Why not, he isn't cheating? They still will have to suffer the pains of going through the separation and trauma of not knowing why their spouse left them.

 

Would it be better if the cheater supressed his desires and turned them inward to depression which led to a suicide? Would that make the spouse feel better, having a dead mate? And it happens.

 

Or if by supressing their natural desires, they turn sullen and combative and destroy the marriage that way.

 

To me it takes a special kind of hubris and self-congratulatory arrogance ("I'm better than all of you because I'd never cheat") to come here and insult over half the posters and every single one of the escorts by labelling them as enablers. And yes, over half of the guys here that I know are married. TBL was still posting here while in a committed relationship. Why would he be posting on a forum devoted to escorts if he was in a committed relationship? Even now, he obviously shouldn't be hiring escorts because he is enabling the enablers so he is in an indirect sense contributing as well.

 

And also let's not forget the escorts here (and there are some) who see women clients who are in all likelihood cheating on their husbands. Damn, it's the escorts fault. Maybe if we didn't have male escorts guys wouldn't cheat with other guys. Yeah, that's it. There would be no cheating at all. Blame the escorts. It's your fault guys. So stop escorting and repeat after me the most important phrase you'll need to know in the future: "Would you like fries with that order?"

 

So why go to an escort? First to try to avoid the STD issue TBL talks about. Unless TBL is implying that some/most/all escorts are rampant transmitters of STDs that clients in turn take home to their wife, escorts will present a far lower risk than if the guy picked up someone at the local bar or gay bathhouse.

 

And you might go to an escort to avoid the emotional entaglements that can come from hooking up with guys either on-line or at the local bar, club or police station. Because they are emotionally committed to someone but part of their needs cannot and will never be met at home. So they are left with the choice: divorce and destroy your spouse, see an escort to safely and discreetly explore and pursue their natural desires but stay committed to their spouse in all other ways, or do nothing and grow resentful and destroy the relationship from within. Because it is next to impossible to deny nature. Nature will out. Unless TBL just think guys are cheating with male escorts just for the hell of it. Because we know most of the gay escorts clients' are straight men who want to play for the other team. Not. Guys cheating on their spouses with other women is far more likely to be an expression of self-indulgence than a married gay man seeking to explore his true with men because guys cheating on their spouses with women can always get that at home. That tells the spouse they aren't good enough to keep their spouse happy. Whereas being with a male escort gives the client a chance to explore part of himself he can't get at home.

 

The anger and hatred that TBL radiates like the corona of the sun has burned him so badly that he must now turn that anger and hatred outwards towards others. The vituperative attacks on people he knows nothing about show me that his therapists' Ph.D. must mean Piled Higher and Deeper for he has done him no good at all if after two years he still has so much anger and rage to have the need to vent on strangers like this after all this time. Why today? Why now? The hurt has been gnawing at his soul for so long I doubt there is much of a soul left. The anger and hatred have internalized to such an extent that he can know no peace but must strike out at anyone he perceives to be a villain.

 

I feel pity for such a sorry soul and hope that he will eventually at least learn to cope with his issues. But attacking others isn't going to help. Hatred feeds hatred. Anger feeds anger. Hate the sin and love the sinner is as much a myth as a unicorn. He wants cheaters to feel as badly as he feels. An eye for an eye. But soon that will leave the whole world blind.

[instudiocity]

...To me it takes a special kind of hubris and self-congratulatory arrogance...

 

Special kind of hubris = very special kind, found in pastures EVERYWHERE!

self-congratulatory arrogance = oxymoronic to say the least...

 

Good post Lee!

 

But I'm afraid you found another idiot in aluminum foil!

[leigh.bess.toad]

IT'S JUST SEX!

 

There's no emotional commitment here. If your careful discrete and safe, what's the problem?

 

gtx, i think i'm starting to fall for you

 

smart and cums on command.

[Epigonos]

Hey guys haven't we exhausted this topic? It seems to me that we have all said all we have to say regarding this matter and now are simply beginning to repeat ourselves. Time to move on and go out and have pizza.

[Guest greatness]

I had a slice of vegan pizza tonight with mushrooms. It was so good. TBL I can understand what you are going through. Contact me if you want to. I am not a good advice giver but I can listen. Time will heal you and I hope you can feel better soon.

 

Hey guys haven't we exhausted this topic? It seems to me that we have all said all we have to say regarding this matter and now are simply beginning to repeat ourselves. Time to move on and go out and have pizza.

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

Or Order In . . .

 

Hey guys haven't we exhausted this topic? It seems to me that we have all said all we have to say regarding this matter and now are simply beginning to repeat ourselves. Time to move on and go out and have pizza.

 

Or Order in and have the Pizza Boy!

[NYTomcat]

Or Order in and have the Pizza Boy!

 

I tried that one night wwb. Cute well built young blonde blue eyed arrived at the door. But I don't know... I just wasn't into HER. Damn. But I ate the pie. Pizza that is.

[JoeBlow]

Get a Life.

 

Twinkyboylover:

Go back and read all your egocentric, judgmental dribble...No wonder, here, why you drove your partner away. I don't live my life trying to fucking please YOU!

[Guest GQ Pro]

In a perfect world, wouldn't it be nice if there were no cheating? Unfortuantely, we don't live in such a world. Who are we to judge others for cheating? There are so many reasons why cheating occurs. I've been with guys who are very happily married but prefer being with a man sometimes. These guys enjoy exploring different aspects of their sexuality. There are plenty of guys who got married at a time when being gay wasn't an option. These guys raised their families and carried through with their responsibilites. As long as they play safe, I don't see anything wrong if they choose to be with a man every now and then. At least with an escort, there are no strings attached.

 

"Secret Escapdes of a Gay Gigolo" http://gqpro.tumblr.com/