Zman Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 http://img.image-storage.com/2029185840/836aaf9a3f8e4.jpg escortrod, + José Soplanucas and beachboy 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 http://img.image-storage.com/2029185840/836aaf9a3f8e4.jpg I'm not sure I get this. Is he lying about that and is wide open? Gman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 For the scientifically minded amongst us- So Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car... They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies. The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!" The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?" "We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger. The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists. Gman + honcho, + glennnn, TruHart1 and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Gar1eth Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 So why did the chicken cross the road? SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick! BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period. JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road? GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here. DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. AL GORE: I invented the chicken.... and the road. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. DONALD TRUMP: We should build a wall so the chicken can't cross the road. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? Gman beachboy, + glennnn and Nvr2Thick 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ azdr0710 Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 I'm not sure I get this. Is he lying about that and is wide open? Gman yeah, the bottom is trying to be all humble and coy, but the top is noticing something quite different + Gar1eth and + glennnn 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zman Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 http://img.image-storage.com/2029185840/dd3c422e99644.jpg Nvr2Thick 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ azdr0710 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 this is fairly well-known and these same people have mocked it in a more recent commercial, I think.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ azdr0710 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) as always, check out the comments section, too.... Edited January 30, 2017 by azdr0710 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zman Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.” Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy. CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQflavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer. CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT … Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone. CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 — No report. BSR, tanman4u and + José Soplanucas 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 A s0up du jour for our troubled times!!! http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/bs00121.jpg TruHart1 Nvr2Thick, Zman, rvwnsd and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 (edited) ____WARNING: NOT TO BE USED FOR SOUNDING!!! http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/bs10.jpg TruHart1 Edited February 1, 2017 by TruHart1 + Oliver, dlee02, + WmClarke and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 "The course of true love never did run smooth" http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/bs221.jpg TruHart1 Nvr2Thick, Zman, + honcho and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Brother, can you spare a dime? http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/142.jpg TruHart1 + WmClarke, rvwnsd, + quoththeraven and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'm afraid it's the great British porn invasion!!! http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/fs-26.jpg TruHart1 + quoththeraven, beachboy, rvwnsd and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/fs-38.jpg TruHart1 + Oliver, beachboy, rvwnsd and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 If 2017 Oscar Nominated Movie Posters Were Honest http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/16.png TruHart1 rvwnsd, + Oliver, Zman and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 If 2017 Oscar Nominated Movie Posters Were Honest-Part II http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/51.png Truhart1 Zman and rvwnsd 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 If 2017 Oscar Nominated Movie Posters Were Honest-Part III http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/honest-movie-posters-4.png TruHart1 rvwnsd and + quoththeraven 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=614129322127993 Nvr2Thick 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 TruHart1 bigvalboy, beachboy, Nvr2Thick and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 TruHart1 rvwnsd, + deej, + quoththeraven and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 TruHart1 + Oliver, AdamSmith and rvwnsd 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 A Groaner: TruHart1 beachboy, + quoththeraven, rvwnsd and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1286398858105140 + Oliver, rvwnsd and Nvr2Thick 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 TruHart1 + José Soplanucas, Zman, + MasssageGuy and 8 others 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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