+ quoththeraven Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 source TruHart1 and AdamSmith 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ quoththeraven Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? dlee02, + honcho, beachboy and 7 others 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Hold onto your eyeballs. Wait a minute! Except for the fact that he's on a chair and not on the bed, isn't this the "hacker" the Donald spoke of so eloquently? Just sayin' :rolleyes: TruHart1 + quoththeraven, marylander1940 and AdamSmith 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ MasssageGuy Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/funny-animals-2.jpg + WmClarke, + Oliver, rvwnsd and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike carey Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 (edited) Australian Antenna of the Year (source): And (unrelated), OMG, it's finally happened! Edited January 12, 2017 by mike carey AdamSmith, + honcho and Zman 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zman Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 http://img.image-storage.com/2029185840/39e919df31544.jpg Gotta wiggle! http://www.ourgtn.org/public/style_emoticons/default/rotfl.gif beachboy, + honcho, AdamSmith and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1019074608130295 rvwnsd, AdamSmith and + Keith30309 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Truereview Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Well, my three-week beach vacation is almost over... lots of sun, lounging around, hot men, and swimming ...and here is what I learned... http://baconwrappedmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/someecards-1.jpg mike carey, + jeezopete, TruHart1 and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Truereview Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 http://www.abandoningpretense.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Back-to-reality.png + jeezopete, TruHart1 and beachboy 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Truereview Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I do plan to keep my new year's resolutions... All modeled after my dogs... I can proudly state that I will embrace 5, 9, & 11 heartily... http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e5/3c/2e/e53c2ef730c52763389f7674619d9294.jpg + José Soplanucas, TruHart1, + honcho and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Nvr2Thick, + FreshFluff and Zman 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 http://excitabledog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/cat-new-year-resolutions-coloured.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uucwdtCR8Ts/TwR3vQRlNKI/AAAAAAAABCI/6Ixn29jeaT8/s1600/NewYearResolutionCatTreadmill.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zman Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 http://img.image-storage.com/767922749/69fa0b7c23f04.jpg BabyBoomer, + jeezopete, rvwnsd and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beachboy Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 I do plan to keep my new year's resolutions... All modeled after my dogs... I can proudly state that I will embrace 5, 9, & 11 heartily... http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e5/3c/2e/e53c2ef730c52763389f7674619d9294.jpg You really should get a man in to take care of # 9! Oh you do? Why am I not surprised?! + Truereview 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ poolboy48220 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 I do plan to keep my new year's resolutions... All modeled after my dogs... I can proudly state that I will embrace 5, 9, & 11 heartily... http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e5/3c/2e/e53c2ef730c52763389f7674619d9294.jpg This is something I've been thinking about seriously lately. The insane happiness my girl exhibits for little things (like walk time) is something to admire. + Truereview 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zman Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 http://img.image-storage.com/2029185840/609ffec473574.jpg This BTW is for the new Lego build-an-escort kit + glennnn, rvwnsd, + Oliver and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike carey Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 + Oliver, Kevin Slater, + WmClarke and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larstrup Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Too late. He said he graduated from Yale. instudiocity 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ glennnn Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 The same is true for siffilliss, clamedia and crobs! TruHart1 and + WmClarke 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TruHart1 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 French escalator "Love Prank!" TruHart1 mike carey, Rod Hagen, + glennnn and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zman Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 http://img.image-storage.com/2029185840/079e443ca1bc4.jpg + honcho, + Truereview, + Oliver and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 http://img.image-storage.com/2029185840/079e443ca1bc4.jpg That's freakin' hilarious - and I LOVE your avatar. Zman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike carey Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 rvwnsd, MsGuy, Rod Hagen and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvwnsd Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Zman, + Oliver, beachboy and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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