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jackhammer91406

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Not funny in itself, but this deserves to be in a humour thread.

 

Vale Andrew Sachs, best known as Manuel (from Barcelona), who died on 23 November. Born in 1930 in Berlin, his family fled to the UK in 1938. He had an extensive career on radio, TV and the stage. He had suffered from dementia for the last four years. He is survived by his wife of 56 years, Melody Long.

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some classic commercials from the 70s/80s.....

 

Yegads! "This small Chrysler"!! And WTF is Corinthian leather??

 

I remember in my junior high school, the foreign language teachers were authorized to give vouchers for 2 free big macs for every kid who could say "Two all beef patties..." in their foreign language in under 6 seconds. I won 2 each for French, Spanish, and German!

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Yegads! "This small Chrysler"!! And WTF is Corinthian leather??

 

I remember in my junior high school, the foreign language teachers were authorized to give vouchers for 2 free big macs for every kid who could say "Two all beef patties..." in their foreign language in under 6 seconds. I won 2 each for French, Spanish, and German!

 

yeah, "the small Chrysler" was a tank...."rich Corinthian leather" was a total marketing scheme....Ricardo explains it here on David Letterman:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p9g3JCZv1E

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There is no such thing as "Corinthian leather".

 

It's a made up Madison Avenue term meant to imply that there was something elite, luxurious and exclusive about the very ordinary leather Chrysler seats covers.

 

Suckered me right in, too. That was back when I was young and innocent and could not imagine anyone pulling such a brazen fraud right out in public.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corinthian_leather

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Or the proper name "Featheringstonehaugh" which is apparently pronounced "Fanshaw." (According to Guinness Book of World Records which lists it as the longest surname in English.)

 

There must be something of the same in the priceless Are You Being Served episode where, producing some mad party conceived by Young Mr Grace, our young-callow-buck salesman Mr Lucas has to wear a tuxedo shirt so short it displays his midriff (forgive, I searched but cannot find an image :( ) and therein announce one "Lady Weeble-Able-Smith!"

 

And the Monty Python Sketch, where Mr. Raymond Luxury Yacht goes in to the Ear, Nose, and Throat surgeon:

  • Well, it's Mister Raymond Luxury Yacht now, isn't it?

  • That's not my name. It's spelled Raymond Luxury Yacht, but it's pronounced Throatwarbler-Mangrove.

Then there's the tale of the fellow who has visited his Chum in the UK, and was completely awestruck by the name pronunciations: "Mawdlin" for "Magdalan", for instance.

 

His Chum comes to visit the US. They decide to go look at some geographical highlights.

 

"Oh, let's go to Niagara Falls!" the Chum says.

"It's not pronounced Niagara Falls," the American says.

"Really? How is it pronounced?"

"Niffles."

Of Worcestershire, it's kind of like ... well ... wʊstərʃər. The town in Central Massachusetts is

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Somebody did an entire book of poetry in this fashion

 

https://smile.amazon.com/Mots-dHeures-Gousses-dAntin-Manuscript/dp/0670490644/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1480579970&sr=8-1&keywords=mot+d'heure

 

The title is

Mots d'Heures: Gousses, Rames: The d'Antin Manuscript

one of the poems begins

un petit, d'un petit ... s'étonne aux halles .*

 

Literally, "the little child of the child was astonished by [the great marketplace Les] Halles"

but that's kinda besides the point.

 

*Un petit, d'un petit ... the little one of a little one. The inevitable result of a childhood marriage. [footnote to said quote].

 

My favorite was Reine, reine [then I can't write it phonetically]. It finishes un Horreur! Te.

Translation: Queen, queen arouse the rabble / Of those who use their girdles as [Horror!] pillow-slips.

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There is no such thing as "Corinthian leather".

 

It's a made up Madison Avenue term meant to imply that there was something elite, luxurious and exclusive about the very ordinary leather Chrysler seats covers.

 

Suckered me right in, too. That was back when I was young and innocent and could not imagine anyone pulling such a brazen fraud right out in public.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corinthian_leather

 

Monty Python: "String"

 

Adrian Wapcaplet: Aah, come in, come in, Mr....Simpson. Aaah, welcome to Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver, Vendetta and Prang!

 

Mr. Simpson: Thank you.

 

Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet...

 

Mr. Simpson: how'd'y'do.

 

Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?

 

S: No.

 

W: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.

 

S: String.

 

W: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell *anything*.

 

S: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two thousand *miles* of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it...

 

W: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.

 

S: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very useful.

 

W: Well, that's our selling point! 'SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!'

 

S: What?

 

W: 'THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!'

 

S: For what?

 

W: 'A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!'

 

S: Such as?

 

W: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests...

 

S: Destroying household pests?! How?

 

W: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!

 

S: Well *surely*!....

 

W: 'DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!'

 

S: 'Ospitals!?!?!?!!?

 

W: Have you ever been in a Hospital where they didn't have string?

 

S: No, but it's only *string*!

 

W: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's...it's waterproof!

 

S: No it isn't!

 

W: All right, it's water resistant then!

 

S: It isn't!

 

W: All right, it's water absorbent! It's...Super Absorbent String! 'ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX STRINGETTES! AWAY WITH FLOODS!'

 

S: You just said it was waterproof!

 

W: 'AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!'

 

S: You're mad!

 

W: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex sex, must get sex into it. Wait, I see a television commercial- There's this nude woman in a bath holding a bit of your string. That's great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion. There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor--that's too sexy. Put an Archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we need children and animals. There's two kids admiring the string, and a dog admiring the Archbishop who's blessing the string. Uhh...international flavor's missing...make the Archbishop Greek Orthodox.... why not Archbishop Makarios? No no, he's dead. Never mind, we'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper. So, there's Archbishop Makarios's brother... (fade out)

 

http://www.montypython.net/scripts/string.php

Edited by AdamSmith
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Monty Python: "String"

 

Adrian Wapcaplet: Aah, come in, come in, Mr....Simpson. Aaah, welcome to Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver, Vendetta and Prang!

 

Mr. Simpson: Thank you.

 

Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet...

 

Mr. Simpson: how'd'y'do.

 

Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?

 

S: No.

 

W: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.

 

S: String.

 

W: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell *anything*.

 

S: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two thousand *miles* of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it...

 

W: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.

 

S: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very useful.

 

W: Well, that's our selling point! 'SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!'

 

S: What?

 

W: 'THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!'

 

S: For what?

 

W: 'A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!'

 

S: Such as?

 

W: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests...

 

S: Destroying household pests?! How?

 

W: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!

 

S: Well *surely*!....

 

W: 'DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!'

 

S: 'Ospitals!?!?!?!!?

 

W: Have you ever in a Hospital where they didn't have string?

 

S: No, but it's only *string*!

 

W: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's...it's waterproof!

 

S: No it isn't!

 

W: All right, it's water resistant then!

 

S: It isn't!

 

W: All right, it's water absorbent! It's...Super Absorbent String! 'ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX STRINGETTES! AWAY WITH FLOODS!'

 

S: You just said it was waterproof!

 

W: 'AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!'

 

S: You're mad!

 

W: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex sex, must get sex into it. Wait, I see a television commercial- There's this nude woman in a bath holding a bit of your string. That's great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion. There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor--that's too sexy. Put an Archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we need children and animals. There's two kids admiring the string, and a dog admiring the Archbishop who's blessing the string. Uhh...international flavor's missing...make the Archbishop Greek Orthodox.... why not Archbishop Makarios? No no, he's dead. Never mind, we'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper. So, there's Archbishop Makarios's brother... (fade out)

 

http://www.montypython.net/scripts/string.php

Hysterical! Thank you @AdamSmith!

I never really paid attention to Monty Python when I was younger.

So it is great to have discovered its humor later in my life.

This reminded me of David Ogilvy quote that goes something like

the best ideas come as jokes, so make your thinking as funny as possible.

It's really interesting to live our lives - particularly the dull parts of it - using a funny outlook.

I call it Ellenating life.

 

Anyway, back to funnies.

http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/files/2012/03/belvedere.jpg

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