unsub2O17 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Seeing is believing?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Gender benefits..... For most of us, we all know that there are some great benefits to being a guy. But perhaps there are some benefits that you weren't aware of. This list was probably made up with st8 guys in mind, but there are some pretty funny and accurate benefits for us gay men as well. Great Reasons To Be A Guy Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. (ok, for a gay man, this may not be true) Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. (again, for a gay man, the opposite may be true). Wedding plans take care of themselves. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. (again, gay exception) Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Foreplay is optional. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work.. more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 'Nuff said.. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. (OK, for us it's another body part) Princess Di's death was just another obituary. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or irreparably mangle your feet. Porn movies are designed with you in mind. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Just for laughs..... Hope this will give you a chuckle or two. Have a good weekend... [video=youtube;1u4J-q03G0s] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Keep on truckin'......... As I get older, I am constantly reminded of the following and eternally grateful. The best part of being over 40 is that I did all my STUPID stuff before the internet. These two chuckles are from the vault. Hope they make you smile. Enjoy your weekend. Go Pats. A Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?' ****************************************************** An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love?You know, the one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Taking a break for a few weeks while I wrestle with some health issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bosguy Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Taking a break for a few weeks while I wrestle with some health issues. [/color][/size][/font] Thank you for the update, but the important thing is to take care of yourself. My best wishes go to you!!! See you at Oliver's in a couple of months. :-) Boston Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Following directions........ Gun Control. It has already started at Gander Mountain Sporting Goods. When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card-reader. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. I still don't think I looked that bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Gun Control. It has already started at Gander Mountain Sporting Goods. When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card-reader. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. I still don't think I looked that bad.[/color][/size][/font] A cashier actually said that to me the other day. She said, "Strip down facing forward" and since I had heard the joke before, I smiled and said, "Me or the card" I don't think she expected me to get her subtle joke, and it stopped her for a moment, then we both just started laughing...thanks for the chuckle Jackhammer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Two paths...... DIVORCE VS. MURDER A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ poolboy48220 Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 One of my coworkers sent me a link to this site and it's had our office laughing for days. it's very tech-geek oriented humor. Some fall flat, but the good ones are VERY good. http://devopsreactions.tumblr.com/post/74929845851/watching-the-new-team-deploy-to-prod Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 That was a nice break in the day....and laugh-out-loud-stuff....very clever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leigh.bess.toad Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Funguy Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Poor guy……giggle….LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 To honor the great Cid Ceasar's passing....The German General.. we lost this great comedian this week.. In his honor, enjoy Cid Caesar.... [video=youtube;5m6Czgl1acU] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 In full "Way Back Machine" mode.... I guess at some point in one's life, we begin to look back fondly at times gone by.... Well, this week I am in full "Way Back Machine" mode ( in honor of Mr Peabody and Sherman). Take a look back with me and enjoy Uncle Otis from Burns and Allen. [video=youtube;yDCjhLOaNZI] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 That is "Way" back. I forget how brilliant they were together. Loved Uncle Otis's campaign promise.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Hey Sport..... Any Golfers here? Hope you enjoy . Fifty Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night.. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey...... On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want." So, Here I am! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Any Golfers here? Hope you enjoy . Fifty Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night.. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey...... On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want." So, Here I am! [/color][/size][/font] LOL...Didn't see that one coming at all....Very very funny Jackhammer. Loved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 Sperm Count It's Hell to be Old OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! A 79-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 79-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing ..' The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 It's Hell to be Old OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! A 79-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 79-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing ..' The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.' [/color][/size][/font] LOL....Thanks Jackhammer...as always, a nice chuckle for the afternoon. Very cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylander1940 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 [video=youtube;HNLC-b8zWEk] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylander1940 Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 [video=youtube;-j_XyPrtMqw] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigvalboy Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Both vids are Laugh-out-loud stuff Marylander. Just classic... I loved Homer and the lie detector, it literally made me choke on my morning coffee, I just was not expecting that. Damn funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bosguy Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Jackhammer. I gotta say, you always find these fun stories that have such an unexpected ending, but this one really caught me by total surprise. GREAT!!! Reminds me of the day I was picking up prescriptions and this older gentleman was complaining to the pharmacist that the prescription didn't work properly. The pharmacist asked why and the man said " couldn't get the damn cap off". The pharmacist somehow kept his composure. I felt sorry for the guy but it just hit my funny bone. Boston Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackhammer91406 Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 Undertaker THE UNDERTAKER'S BLACK EYE Bob, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. "What happened to you?" asked his wife. "I had a terrible day." replied Bob . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see" said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?" Bob replied: " Wrong room." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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