coffee talk 6/6 - why did we start to hire?

[BaronArtz]

houses with boys

 

Speaking of 'houses with boys' ... that brings back many memories of trips to Pattaya, Thailand when I was living in Asia in the early 1980s. Those places were WILD.

 

Incidentally, there was a gay bar in Pattaya called 'Why Not'. Which is where I had my first gay experience EVER. Never been to the one in Amsterdam though.

 

Thanks, guys, for bringing back memories. I needed that on a Monday morning ...

[seeker630]

A difficult question

 

Well while I admire you selectivity in escorts, do you refuse ice cream from a vendor who has no other options, or turn down the cab ride from a driver who looks particularly desparate for cash? Most of us work because we have to work.

 

No, but I would prefer to buy my ice cream from a vendor who is reasonably happy in his profession.

 

And I prefer escorts who *choose to escort vs those who only escort because there are no other acceptable options. And knowing, or suspecting, that someone would really rather NOT have sex with you is, for me, a reall buzz-killer.

 

In my own mind at least, having sex with someone is not the same as driving someone to their desired destination. FOr me, there needs to be at least the *illusion of some connection on a personal level, however short-lived.

 

All of this speaks to my own mindset - I have no intention of prescribing it for others. nor did I intend any judgments.

[uwsman2]

earliest times

 

When I moved to NYC in the late 1970s, a 20-something young professional who knew nobody in the gay scene, I quickly discovered the handful of gay bars on the upper East Side where I lived and just as quickly discovered that I was no good at connecting up in those places. I didn't care for the deafening rock & disco music, the crowded quality, the thick smoke in the air (when I got home my clothes were wreaking with smoke stench - I don't smoke and have always hated the smell of it), and the sheer intimidation factor. I felt that the really hottest guys I saw were unlikely to give me the time of day so was too intimidated to approach them. The few times I took somebody home was when they had approached me, which was rare. After all, I was the one standing around looking and feeling uncomfortable, so I couldn't have been giving off a very inviting vibe....

 

And then from some of my reading of gay fiction I came across stories about hustlers and the idea was planted in my head. In those days, the pink pages in The Advocate was where you could find brief classified ads for "escorts" - so after much trepidation and debating I took the plunge and made the call. What I discovered -- and I guess I was lucky in my earliest hires -- was that the guys I called were eager to please, eager to make you want to call them again, and they were occasionally like the hot guys I saw in the bar but was afraid to approach for fear of rejection. I discovered that without the inconvenience of the bar scene, I could "order in" and have a really hot stud who was totally devoted to giving me a great time for an hour. Sure, there were occasional duds, but I discovered an outlet for my horniness, and have been an occasional patron of the boys for hire ever since, a 40-year veteran of this game...

[adriano46]

Starting in Europe...

 

TomKat,

 

Enjoying this discussion you began, and was catching up on some threads and read AZHiker's and laughed as it is similar to my own.

 

Because of jobs, moving around a lot, traveling, and being unable in most of the places I worked to hook up with anyone, it was not until I was nearly 40 that I ever took the plunge. I am grateful I was in Europe at the time.. (My only previous experience was in the old movie houses around Times Square in the '60's, where "I" was the victim, getting felt up by an older gentleman while watching a European cult film, not knowing what he was doing with his hands on my leg, thigh and crotch, but enjoying the feeling....)

 

I had an opportunity to go to Amsterdam for a weekend in 1989. While there, through a surruptitiously acquired copy of the SPARTICUS Guide, I found a House of Boys then in the outskirts of the city, went (with heart pounding) and had my first real gay sex. I have to admit, I was ridden with guilt afterwards, and as the guy was barely 18 or 19, it was entirely UNsafisfactory (I have always preferred men in their late 20's and upwards to 50). It scared me away for a year, but the dye was cast.

 

A year later, I returned - this time steeled to do the WHY NOT/BLUE BOY bar scene, and it was amazing. I was one of the younger patrons in the bar, somewhat fitter than most, and so I had my share of attention with guys doing lap dances and trying to entice me to take them "upstairs" -- which I gladly did for a Russian and a Brazilian (ah... my taste in Slavs begins!!!)

 

Later I began traveling to other haunts such as Frankfort (amazing bar and house of boys' scenes in the 90's), really reveling in the chase of anonymous (safe) sex in bars, houses of boys and SAUNAS!!! Ah, the European gay sauna scene was something not to be missed.

 

Went from Frankfort to the sleazy side of Hamburg, on to Paris, London, back to Munich... but always going back to Amsterdam having the largest selection.

 

IN all this, I found a gem who will always remain such in my heart, a Russian working in Amsterdam, amazingly nice guy, somewhat sporty body. What was amazing is that he was not the most handsome, most built nor most sexually atractive of the guys I met, but it was the first time there was real chemistry. He and I had amazing sex over and over, but more, we became friends. He is now over 40 - still very attractive to me - and in another age, another time - I may have pursued him to be a partner as we get along so well.

 

Why escorts and this site? Well first of all, I began my travels in this era just when HooBoy began this thread which I accidentally found (I posted under another name for 10 years, so my peer rank, if I had kept the old name, would rank in the thousands!!!). Inspired and encouraged by guys here, I met some interesting fellows, but the prediliction was always for Europeans (and more recently for Russians, Hungarians and Czechs, but also Brazilians and that rarest of finds, the Middle Eastern guy who is really built, passionate, and hairy!!).

 

Again, WHY ESCORTS? Well, with my work and career, not having time for long-term relationships, and I also do not like to be walked over like a stupid ATM machine (given my age now, some escorts think I AM that!!!). I prefer the anonymity and no-strings approach. Hell, would love to find something more, but reality BITES and in my case, it would not work out. So, this is how I take care of some deep inner needs within my economic means.

 

Plan to travel soon back to Europe to visit some of the old haunts, and am friends with a famous 90's porn star who is now in his mid-30's (age I prefer), and who wants to travel with me on a car trip through middle Europe, which may be fun. Am thinking too of a 7-day cruise but not sure if I can find the right guy for that one. Hope to be able to stay active as long as the wallet holds out.

[NYTomcat]

TomKat,

 

Enjoying this discussion you began, and was catching up on some threads and read AZHiker's and laughed as it is similar to my own.

 

Because of jobs, moving around a lot, traveling, and being unable in most of the places I worked to hook up with anyone, it was not until I was nearly 40 that I ever took the plunge. I am grateful I was in Europe at the time.. (My only previous experience was in the old movie houses around Times Square in the '60's, where "I" was the victim, getting felt up by an older gentleman while watching a European cult film, not knowing what he was doing with his hands on my leg, thigh and crotch, but enjoying the feeling....)

 

I had an opportunity to go to Amsterdam for a weekend in 1989. While there, through a surruptitiously acquired copy of the SPARTICUS Guide, I found a House of Boys then in the outskirts of the city, went (with heart pounding) and had my first real gay sex. I have to admit, I was ridden with guilt afterwards, and as the guy was barely 18 or 19, it was entirely UNsafisfactory (I have always preferred men in their late 20's and upwards to 50). It scared me away for a year, but the dye was cast.

 

A year later, I returned - this time steeled to do the WHY NOT/BLUE BOY bar scene, and it was amazing. I was one of the younger patrons in the bar, somewhat fitter than most, and so I had my share of attention with guys doing lap dances and trying to entice me to take them "upstairs" -- which I gladly did for a Russian and a Brazilian (ah... my taste in Slavs begins!!!)

 

Later I began traveling to other haunts such as Frankfort (amazing bar and house of boys' scenes in the 90's), really reveling in the chase of anonymous (safe) sex in bars, houses of boys and SAUNAS!!! Ah, the European gay sauna scene was something not to be missed.

 

Went from Frankfort to the sleazy side of Hamburg, on to Paris, London, back to Munich... but always going back to Amsterdam having the largest selection.

 

IN all this, I found a gem who will always remain such in my heart, a Russian working in Amsterdam, amazingly nice guy, somewhat sporty body. What was amazing is that he was not the most handsome, most built nor most sexually atractive of the guys I met, but it was the first time there was real chemistry. He and I had amazing sex over and over, but more, we became friends. He is now over 40 - still very attractive to me - and in another age, another time - I may have pursued him to be a partner as we get along so well.

 

Why escorts and this site? Well first of all, I began my travels in this era just when HooBoy began this thread which I accidentally found (I posted under another name for 10 years, so my peer rank, if I had kept the old name, would rank in the thousands!!!). Inspired and encouraged by guys here, I met some interesting fellows, but the prediliction was always for Europeans (and more recently for Russians, Hungarians and Czechs, but also Brazilians and that rarest of finds, the Middle Eastern guy who is really built, passionate, and hairy!!).

 

Again, WHY ESCORTS? Well, with my work and career, not having time for long-term relationships, and I also do not like to be walked over like a stupid ATM machine (given my age now, some escorts think I AM that!!!). I prefer the anonymity and no-strings approach. Hell, would love to find something more, but reality BITES and in my case, it would not work out. So, this is how I take care of some deep inner needs within my economic means.

 

Plan to travel soon back to Europe to visit some of the old haunts, and am friends with a famous 90's porn star who is now in his mid-30's (age I prefer), and who wants to travel with me on a car trip through middle Europe, which may be fun. Am thinking too of a 7-day cruise but not sure if I can find the right guy for that one. Hope to be able to stay active as long as the wallet holds out.

 

Adriano. I cannot thank you enough. This is exactly Why I posted this thread. We each cone at this from different places but the themes really do start to shine through. Mine the closet searching for the forbidden but desired. Yours the unable to have the time to pursue your own private relationships and the joy of having exactly what you enjoy. I think its important to see how much we all have in common. But also. Fun as he'll to hear these stories. How we get to these things is really a hoot.

[happyguy2]

I started while visiting Montreal in my twenties and I literally stumbled into it. Some very goodlooking sexy guy picked me up and before I knew it, I was in bed with him. After a wild encounter, he told me he was "commercial" and I forget what he asked for, but it was a pittance. That was it, the Montreal guys were always so sexy, it was no fuss, no muss, no complications. I was hooked (get it lol). I still love returning to Montreal, but don't hire much at all any more. I went on to hire everywhere I went, cause it was no fuss, no muss: NYC, MiamiBeach, Fort Lauderdale, Chiccago, to name a few US cities; also Paris, Milan, London and Dublin - all were gr8, and I cold count the number of bad experiences on one hand. I could also count about five guys from all those cities I would like to meet again.

[skynyc]

Urban Legend...

 

I don't recall where I heard this story...but I remember a tale that Clark Gable, who apparently liked renting young ladies (and perhaps boys as well) in Hollywood was once actually questioned about it. His reply was something like..."I have never paid anyone for sex...however I can be quite generous to get them to leave."

 

That kind of sums it up for me. I like the fact that I get to sleep alone.

 

Also, while gregarious with friends, in bars I cannot talk to people until I have had three or four drinks...and by that time, what's the point. Not shy, really...just insecure. Even when calling a new hire my hand shakes when I dial the phone. That's my gauge for an escort, how quickly they can put me at ease. And why I tend to stick to my favorites.

 

My first hire was back in the late 80s. I was in my late 20s and chubby. I think I found him in the back of the Advocate (before Advocate Classifieds was a separate publication) and had to do an outcall in the village. A very upscale building across from St. Vincents. The guy (Mike, I think) was great. I went back a couple of times and then he disappeared.

 

In the early 90s I moved to LA for a couple years and fell for a guy named Rick (or Todd one might have been his real name, but I don't remember which)...who when we met put me at ease quickly and then pulled out a pretty little dick. I started to suck and man, it was a GROWER. At one point I said..."It's gotten too big...I can't suck it anymore." And he immediately replied "Then let's put it somewhere else." Well, I was in love with his playful aggression. Let's just say he put it somewhere else often for those three years.

 

Back in NY I was a regular at the Gaiety, and recently have settled down with a couple regulars. And I still like to sleep alone.

[Guest LatinoRican]

Cumming Soon!

 

I have still to pick up the phone and call an advertised escort, but I am sure getting close to it. I have travelled to countries where guys that go out with you expect a "gratuity" of sorts...Dominican Republic, Mexico, Costa Rica, Rio, etc. Those scenarios usually involve a few drinks, flirting, and an albeit short "getting to know you" phase before making the decision to take/not take him to your hotel room/apartment. Now, I have moved to the Orlando area of Florida and am seriously thinking of hiring. I have checked out escorts in this area and there seem to be more than enough to my liking, but picking up the phone and making that call still makes me somewhat unsure even with all those other experiences under my belt!

[Alan]

Can certainly understand your reluctance to proceed. We've most all been reluctant at the beginning and all the doubts and worries that one can work up in our minds. But let me be one who suggests that you pick carefully for the first time or two and once you have some experience, you'll really enjoy the play time and the many wonderful boys out there. I not sorry I made the first call! PM me if you want more assurances or suggestions.

[NYTomcat]

cumming all the time. - for those who truly know me

 

I have still to pick up the phone and call an advertised escort, but I am sure getting close to it. I have travelled to countries where guys that go out with you expect a "gratuity" of sorts...Dominican Republic, Mexico, Costa Rica, Rio, etc. Those scenarios usually involve a few drinks, flirting, and an albeit short "getting to know you" phase before making the decision to take/not take him to your hotel room/apartment. Now, I have moved to the Orlando area of Florida and am seriously thinking of hiring. I have checked out escorts in this area and there seem to be more than enough to my liking, but picking up the phone and making that call still makes me somewhat unsure even with all those other experiences under my belt!

 

Boy do I know how you feel. It was like this post had my name all over it. Choose wisely. Take a drink or two. And pick up that phone. I promise you will be glad you Did as the stories here can attest.

[adriano46]

Making the call

 

NYTomcat and others,

 

My very first encounter with an escort was before cell phones...

 

I was in Amsterdam for 4 days (mentioned earlier), and after thinking it over (and over... and over.... and over...), I set out with a badly worn street map to find a small "house for boys" on one of the outer rings around the canals. My heart was beating wildly, wondering what would happen after I rang the doorbell. I stood outside this non-descript apartment complex, walking up and down like some bad lurker, and finally had the courage to press the botton, hear the voice asking "Can I help?" and with dry mouth say, "I am here to see a guy."

 

Door snaps open, I walk up two flights, and see the apartment door slightly ajar. I walk in, see the "patron" (male form of the matrisse I suppose??), and see to or three very young guys (maybe 18 or 19 at most) and he asks me, "Which one interests you?"

 

I wanted to bolt and run, but felt stuck to the chair as one of the boys offered me a glass of wine. I passed - suspicious it was laced - and finally pointed to the one who appeared the "oldest" and we went into a room. Disrobing in front of him was a nightmare. Would he find me attractive? repulsive? boring? I had never been this nervous with another person, probably since my first time in a locker room in high school!!!

 

He quickly got out of his worn training suit, and I was hit by a strange odor -- obviously I was NOT his first client for the day. This immediately set my mind reeling, but I was 90% naked at this point, and decided to go for it.

 

Sadly, the experience was perfunctory, even repulsive --- probably the same for many who dipped into the waters for the very first time at a higher age, I guess.

 

Fast forward to a year later, I was now filled with raging hormones and determined to see once and for all if this is what I wanted. Cruised bars in the Amstel area for days, went into video parlours, bars... finally was ready, and glad I "got back on the bike" after the negative first adventure. Had a wild few days, in bars, houses of boys and the imfamous saunas --- went without sleep for some 72 hours with this raging hard-on!!!

 

As for now, I still have a bit of a tingle of doubt picking up a phone and absolutely prefer making contact first with a guy via internet or text message. Quite a few do not like doing this -- and I undersand they must meet their fair share of flakes and guys who waste their time. But if the guy does answer promptly, and if my wallet is ready, I usually follow through with the commitment to meet, and generally a day or so before the encounter, we call and chat - briefly - on the phone. These two or three written (and spoken) encounters help to clear up any questions, and clarify my own needs and the ability of the guy I am approaching o fulfill them (I rarely if ever do "anal" sex so I tend to think I am an easy date, but BOY would I like to once meet a very voracious power bottom who would take over!!! :-))

 

Making the first call is hard -- just as opening the door for him the first time is hard --- but I also try to think of the escort. Imagine how he is feeling at that same time, as he picks up the phone, or knocks at the door for the encounter with me? What must he be feeling too? This always makes me aware of how to be "hospitable" to him, no matter what, and make the experience positive for him. In the end, such encounters are memorable... and keep me going back for more.

 

On an aside, this site and the reviews and recomendations (and warnings) of so many since my first years here in the early '90's have helped me avoid some pretty bad scenes, and also to enhance the enjoyment of others. Thanks guys!

[Guest LatinoRican]

Many thanks to you guys for your words of advice. I will definitely be taking them into consideration when I make that first (and subsequent) calls.!

[Traveler North]

I was in a happy marriage unitl my wife died. After two years as a widower, I began to become interested in experimenting with man-to-man. Saw a homo movie and decided to call a local agency to get a guy. Guy was very handsome but with a bad attitude. Would do nearly nothing. For a time, did not try again. Then went to Florida and got horny one niight and called a local agency. Guy who came was really great guy. I explained to him what happened first time. He tought me a lot about man-to-man sex.

He was a student studying to be a nurse. He shot fantastic loads. WOW. When he graduated, he retired. I then moved on to advertised guys in Florida, Toronto, SF, LA,

SD and NYC. Now have two regulars who I see twice a year and others who I see from time to tiime.

[NYTomcat]

I was in a happy marriage unitl my wife died. After two years as a widower, I began to become interested in experimenting with man-to-man. Saw a homo movie and decided to call a local agency to get a guy. Guy was very handsome but with a bad attitude. Would do nearly nothing. For a time, did not try again. Then went to Florida and got horny one niight and called a local agency. Guy who came was really great guy. I explained to him what happened first time. He tought me a lot about man-to-man sex.

He was a student studying to be a nurse. He shot fantastic loads. WOW. When he graduated, he retired. I then moved on to advertised guys in Florida, Toronto, SF, LA,

SD and NYC. Now have two regulars who I see twice a year and others who I see from time to tiime.

 

I was not surprised your not alone. A lot of widowers on the hiring circuit. In fact many of my favorite posters. Hey guys.

[Guest]

In my 20s, I could usually enter any bar and walk out with a guy I had the hots for. As my 30s dragged on, it became increasingly difficult and timely, and, at the same time, my income increased. I could go out often and not hook up with guys I liked. Money became less important and time more important. Looking back, I wish I had hired more often and sooner. Some of my best, happiest, and most lasting memories come from some fantastic times with escorts. I do sometimes look back at pictures of past escorts and wish I had hired them when I had the chance. I've also wanted to go back and thank some of the really great escorts who really showed me some bliss, but I tried unsuccessfully to contact a couple of them recently (who retired, I guess).

[adriano46]

In my 20s, I could usually enter any bar and walk out with a guy I had the hots for. As my 30s dragged on, it became increasingly difficult and timely, and, at the same time, my income increased. I could go out often and not hook up with guys I liked. Money became less important and time more important. Looking back, I wish I had hired more often and sooner. Some of my best, happiest, and most lasting memories come from some fantastic times with escorts. I do sometimes look back at pictures of past escorts and wish I had hired them when I had the chance. I've also wanted to go back and thank some of the really great escorts who really showed me some bliss, but I tried unsuccessfully to contact a couple of them recently (who retired, I guess).

 

Unicorn,

 

Occasionally many others here have had the same sentiment of really wanting to reach out and sincerely thank a few outstanding individuals we have met over the years.

 

In Europe, I would begin with "Alexi" of Amsterdam whose real name is Ravil, hands down the singularly best guy I have ever met, now retired and still very sexy in his 40's. Woof.

 

Also to remember fondly from Hungary are Misi (George Vidanov), Mario Magabe, and a guy who calls himself "Impressive" on GayRomeo (and he IS in every sense). All 3 are outstanding both in and out of bed.

 

Czech Rep -- most wonderful was and remains KEVIN, who is a really sweet (but very masculine) guy with fantastic attributes. The rest, well, I wish I could have met a few more honest ones.

 

In my US lurking years, my favorite has been Joey Ciccone (where is he now???) who was amazing in every way, great for weekend dates, theatre, movies, walking, and in bed... wow. There have been literally dozens of others, but Joey was a true escort head above all the others, especially if you liked a sort of Jersey Boy with an edge type who in bed was a sweetheart.

 

There are many others I have met, most only for 1-night stands. Still seeking one who can stand up to the standards of these others. But to all -- THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES!!!

[Decatur Guy]

I only recently discovered this forum, but I enjoy it. I've hired fewer than 10 times ... why did I do it?

 

The biggest reason is simply age. I'm well into my 40s, and that's ancient in the gay world, especially if you haven't morphed into a Daddy type, which I'm not. It just started getting harder to meet sex partners.

 

Secondary reasons: Fantasy fulfillment (which an escort is more likely to provide) and these guys are escorts for a reason; the good ones are damn good at sex, I've learned.

 

I'd hire more often except I'm very frugal with money, I don't have piles of it laying around and it doesn't do wonders for my self-esteem to have to pay for sex. I've been lucky with escorts who if they didn't enjoy their job with me did a convincing job of making me think so.

[Guest socal30]

Well I have hired very few. But have had plenty of sensual massage which occasionally morphs into some extra, but rarely full blown.

 

I did mention this in another thread that NYtom cat brought up and thanks for his encouraging words! But I was bought up in a culture where being gay was really not an option. Pretty much grow up, get married and have kids. I am slightly attracted to women, but mostly men. Mentally I guess I couldn't let myself go there. So threw myself at work and put all my energy there.

 

So I kinda grew in different areas. Normally I am poised, collected and quite reserved and dignified and always get the job done. But as far as my sexuality is concerned, it is like I am a prepubescent boy. I did hire my first escort a long time ago. I was in my 20s and really didn't know anything. he was very good, but it was an overnight and I didn't tell him it was my first time and we ended up doing every type of fetish from golden showers to pretty much everything.(Well he specialized in fetish and at that time I didn't know what fetish was-just liked his picture). He was good, just tried to see what would click for me and I was just shutting down more and more.

 

After that I withdrew for a few years and just focussed on work. A few years later discovered massage and that has been my intermediate thing. As I have grown, the chasm has grown deeper. In all other aspects of life, I have grown, gained experience and am strong and stable and yet when it comes to sexuality, I am still a frightened , inexperienced little boy. I just stuck to satisfying myslef and massage. Lately I am finding massage is not enough and so I think I am going to have to get my feet wet again.

 

It is quite fearful, I do feel vulnerable-not something I am used to. I rather be in control. Then of course you have the fear of STDs and police. These type of sites is good, because at least the multiple reviews kinda put the threat of being hauled off to jail at ease.

 

I would like to develop that part of me. I think the mind palys a very big role. I walled off my sexual life and focussed on career and enjoyed nature and animals . But I think I have seen enough people die -some very young-to realize my time here is limited. Until now I just convinced myself, that I am not a bar guy or a dance floor type of guy. But truth is I have never even been in one-just going off sterotypes. But acknowledging that has made my very neatly organized life very wobbly. So I think I will hire again just to maybe ease the transition and bring my sexuality and my personal side into the forefront again. Just taking some effort getting over all the excuses my mind keeps throwing up.

 

At least this time around, I am a little bit more sure of where I am .

[+ purplekow]

Socal Since you are comfortable with massage, why not hire for a massage and let it go from there. Let the escort know you are anxious about how far you can go but tell him you want more than massage. I well seasoned, sane and professional escort will take you beyond your limits safely and sanely.

Socal, I would also suggest you hire based on professionalism even if this man is not exactly your idealized physical specimen. Most escorts are sexy and good looking and the differences usually relate to personal preference. So at least until you are comfortable hire for compatiblity of his skills and your needs and then look for the ideal male form for you

[Diverdan]

First Experiences

 

The first "hire" was a result of meeting someone at a YMCA in Chicago. I was in graduate school and visiting friends in Chicago and this was a very clean and cheap place to stay as my friends had no extra room. I connected with a number of guys in the showers who all were looking for what I was able to give. However, on the last night there, I found someone who I really wanted. He informed me he kept a room at the YMCA to help augment his income and the rest is history. I too sampled Amsterdam and a number of other places in Europe, Asia and Australia. Now, I have a couple of very well reviewed guys that I try to see a few times a year. I also see a few guys for massages, some strictly therapeutic and some for more than that, but I remain very discrete and expect the same in return. I don't go to bars very often, as I have always hated loud music and smoke, but now that I am older and a "daddy type" I find that I can often find guys who wants someone older to play with. It is really fascinating to me that the cycle of age, looks, body types and "hotness" seems to go through cycles for each of us and for the guys that we like to spend time with for companionship. I was a lurker here for many years before signing on and contributing. Thanks, Tomcat for starting this thread. I have really enjoyed reading all the posts.

[Guest socal30]

Thanks for the advice purplekow. Yes that is what I have been thinking. It is just getting over that initial hump of being honest with the masseur/escort with my experience level. I am pretty competent on other levels or at least project that energy and when it comes to this, I am all mush and then I just withdraw the moment even a massage starts to get into the really erotic place(more than the usual happy ending or some other light stuff). I guess being unsure and out of control is rather frightening. of course then I hop from one masseur to another , instead of figuring out my issue. I think before I just hired someone who was extremely attractive and didn't realize I had so much fear/reservations going in. Maybe instead of me focussing on pure sexual attraction first, it would help getting over the fear first with someone who has been there.

 

Just so used to living this way for so long, that the initial steps are a little frightening!

[+ purplekow]

Socal I will quote myself, probably a bit pompous to do so but when you come upon some succinct good advice, you should roll with it. So that advice is: It is just sex you get to do it again. So remember, an orgasm by its very nature is a loss of control. So dont fear the loss of control, rather embrace it and ride it until the leg quivering and panting stop. Of course, try not to lose control too early, but that is where the it is just sex you get to do it again part comes in.

[doitb4ugo]

Hey Socal30, we seem also to have some of the same issues. For me, I am new to m2m sex(4 months) but prior to hiring escorts I got my feet wet with massage guys...I was somewhat comfortable with the massage routine because for me I did not need to be in control and massage was the perfect environment to let the masseur be the in-charge.

 

With my first escort session, I did not do very well beause I had no idea what to do and felt like there were a lot of expectations for me to live up to with the escort...starting with the inquiry of waht I wanted to do...I had no idea and did not feel comfortable choosing the activities. I wanted someone else to take over.

 

My second escort session was a huge success because the guy was both a massage guy and an escort....He started with the massage and just took over and turned it into a real sexual adenture for me...No thinking, no decisions.

 

Unlike you, who seems to get nervous when not in control, I was finding ways to abandon control to the other guy...Now my escort sessions are more of the Dom/Sub variety where I can let go and the escort does whatever he wants (within reason and as long as some sensual lovin comes with it).

 

Hope tis helps youn knowing that you are certainly not alone in exploring this part of yourself...I'm 60 years old and just starting....I intend to make sure that I doitb4Igo.

 

Good luck and don't look back.

[NYTomcat]

Ok so-called im the other side from doitb. New to m2m sex myself. 6 months here. The idea of starting with an erotic massage would have scared the living crap out of me. The idea you start with you naked uh no. Then he runs his hands all over your body while you lie still and inactive. Uh no again. For me it was the opposite. Hire an ovnt. Someone who was reviewed extremely well not only as a sex machine slamming guys against the wall. But as a great romantic. He was told I was new but not much else. But we had all night. Time to go to dinner, time to talk before and after dinner. He made no overt moves. He never pressured or pushed. He was just engaging with no expectations. We talked we laughed. We got comfortable or I did. By the time I was ready. There was no holding me back. I felt I was with someone I Could open up to at least a little

 

The most sage advice I got was the advice you got above. Its just sex. If you do it wrong you can always do it again. Thanks pk then and now. But I got lucky in finding an escort both my style and type as well as having the comfort and understanding to let me set the pace. Whatever That pace was going to be. So I think pk is right again. The escort you want is not one necessarily who you think is the most like your desires but is the most patient with your speed. You need one That can read you better than you read yourself

 

 

Ok for those Who have posted this has been one of my favorite threads ever. Thank you all for the answers. And Please keep them coming.

[whipped guy]

The escort you want is not one necessarily who you think is the most like your desires but is the most patient with your speed. You need one That can read you better than you read yourself...

Oh, that is such good advice... or to put it in another way you need to find someone who knows what you want even before you realize that you need it yourself... and some guys can read you to the point that they know exactly in which direction to take you and also how fast and how far to go... and even when you yourself have no clue.

 

Interestingly, a couple of years ago I briefly had a signature that expressed that very sentiment.

 

“A talented escort is like a great philosopher… he will take you places that you need to discover.”