Beyond Vanilla Extract

[doitb4ugo]

If one wanted to explore beyond "Vanilla", how would they engage someone to show them the ropes in a way that was both illustrative and still safe and comfortable (within not yet known boundaries). I would guess that any boundaries would only present themselves when one is pushed beyond them and needs to retrench (so to speak). Is it possible to move down this road and still maintain a sense of fun and sexual excitement.

 

I've been led to believe that finding escorts who are comfortable in non-vanilla activities or offer those services are not a common as I would have thought. Given a smaller population of potential mentors, many of those escorts may also not be into showing someone the ropes, per se.

 

How does a client separate the many escorts who list non-vanilla activities in their profiles yet really do not have much expertise or desire to offer those services.

 

Thoughts.

 

If this question belongs in the fetish forum, I would be happy to move it or repost.

[NYTomcat]

May I suggest an escort who is good both at the vanilla but also highly praised in more experimental pursuits. Raul G. Manzo in NY now but im sure he will hit Boston sometime. Now I am not sure exactly where you want to experiment but ....

[whipped guy]

doit really wants to do it!

 

If one wanted to explore beyond "Vanilla", how would they engage someone to show them the ropes in a way that was both illustrative and still safe and comfortable (within not yet known boundaries). I would guess that any boundaries would only present themselves when one is pushed beyond them and needs to retrench (so to speak). Is it possible to move down this road and still maintain a sense of fun and sexual excitement.

One needs to move slowly and hire someone with experience and patience… someone who will prod and push you a bit, but ever so slowly. I recall my first time where I enumerated my limits… but I was still not sure how far I would be comfortable with those limits. I actually amazed myself as to how far I actually got, but I then felt uncomfortable and I recall the escort sensing my hesitance as he was nudging me on and said, “Come on boy… come on boy… you know what I want boy? You know what I really want boy?” He then paused and added, “I really want my boy not to do anything he is not yet ready to do!” That made me so relaxed and comfortable beyond words.

 

Now hand in hand with such a situation would be the use of a safe word. However, the good ones can read you and play you like a Strad. Just this past week I saw a guy and he sensed from my reaction that I was taken a bit aback by a certain toy that he had used on me... and he was right on target... he was able to read my body language perfectly before a "safe word" was even uttered. Now I really did not need him to back off as my reaction was more due to unfamiliarity than a lack of desire... but he erred on the side of caution and that is the sign of a true professional.

I've been led to believe that finding escorts who are comfortable in non-vanilla activities or offer those services are not a common as I would have thought. Given a smaller population of potential mentors, many of those escorts may also not be into showing someone the ropes, per se.

Yes, this is a problem in NYC so it might be an even bigger dilemma in Boston. Now I am not sure how non-vanilla you want to go, but if it is something relatively mild you might not have much trouble finding someone to take you down that path.

 

How does a client separate the many escorts who list non-vanilla activities in their profiles yet really do not have much expertise or desire to offer those services.

This is a most difficult situation even for the fully initiated. Many guys list BDSM etc. on their Rentboy ad and really have no clue how to deal with someone who is experienced, much less a novice. Therefore, it is a very tricky proposition to hire someone with out the proper “credentials”. Notice how nobody seems to be jumping on the bandwagon of the most recent S&M prospect in NYC as per two threads, one in the Deli and the other in the Fetish Forum! As I noted above, if your non-vanilla desires are mild then it might be a bit easier... but no matter what one really needs to study and do their homework... and read those reviews and comments here in this forum... and ask questions in this forum as well...

 

As noted by NYTC Raul might just be your guy if he ever gets to Boston...

[uwsman2]

diverging from "the path"

 

Yes, the whipped one knows whereof he speaks. Finding an escort with whom to experiment in the more esoteric vices is difficult. I'd say do your research on this site, monitor the conversation in the fetish forum, and be guided by the experience of others. And perhaps be willing to travel in order to connect with an appropriate guy.

 

Raul is excellent. You can have a conversation with him and establish what you want to try out, and I'm sure he would be most accommodating. For people who are not well reviewed, I would advise caution in this area. You can get hurt, not because the escort wants to inflict damage but because he doesn't have the experience to know the difference between administering some pleasurable pain and doing permanent damage.

[Guest Spanky]

While I truly enjoy BDSM play, I've never hired for it. I prefer to play with guys that I KNOW and TRUST so that I am confident that they are safe, responsible, and have at least some familiarity with reading my body language and non-verbal cues (non-verbal being key if you've got a gagged stuffed down your throat!).

 

That said, the title of your post is "beyond vanilla extract" and not "BDSM." There is a helluva long journey between the two, and, while I don't know you, I suspect from your posts that you probably aren't ready for some hardcore BDSM scene and you don't want to give the impression that you are. I am guessing that there are a lot of escorts out there that could help you gradually explore your kinky interests and slowly help you move further along the kink continuum. Perhaps you should talk to guys you've already hired and see if they would be willing? You could start out by trying some more gentle spanking, nip play, light CBT, and maybe even some not overly-restrictive bondage. I would guess that most of the good escorts out there could help you with that - and these are all things I've done with escorts that don't advertise themselves as BDSM specialists. At least with someone you've hired before, you have some experience with them, know that they are safe and sane, and would be more trusting of them to treat you properly. And believe me - at the end of the day (or night, or hopefully both) that trust will help you have a MUCH better experience. You'll also get a chance to figure out what kinky stuff really turns you on, and then when/if you move to the more hardcore stuff, you'll be better able to assess whether a BDSM specialist would be right for you.

 

Does that help?

[+ Charlie]

If you are thinking of hiring someone who lists on Rentboy some "specialty" that interests you, don't take it for granted that he is really experienced in that field. My impression is that a number of newer escorts, especially those who consider themselves bi or straight, just list things that sound to them like something that would be easy to do, even though they have never done it. Be sure to discuss the activity with him in some detail beforehand, to make sure he understands what he is expected to do.

[doitb4ugo]

Whole enchilada...(?)

 

I want to thank all those that responded to this post. As a very new guy on this site, I wanted to get some insight on moving in a different direction. I don;t mean to sugest that I am at all ready to venture beyond very vanilla transactions, but I am very serious in trying to meld my fantasy sex life to my real one, even if it is only on rare occurances. I seem to want to walk and run at the same time. My obsessive/compulsive nature meets the reality of my tame existence..

 

I think at a faster pace than I do....so what else is new....Thanks for giving such advice as could only come from caring people who have lived the experience.

[+ Tygerscent]

check reviews~

 

Might find it helpful to check with reviews for Non vanilla Escorts... Ask/write to reviewers what they found good and bad about theri Escorts who were "wild".

Pick a "wild" Escort" who openly and conscienciously takes interest and seeks to understand your wildness, accessing the reality of it and what you can proceede with together... and if meeting on going with wildness buklding and exploration seems like teh liekly desired path, then talk openly and communicate about the goals and basic desires...

I've had boi/sub wild side clients for 5 plus better years... growing together and augementing each other and each others experience on the wild side. You have specific questions? Please feel free to ask.

tygerkink@yahoo.com (EMAIL works BEST~!)

Cell is 503.747.8269 (but really... email works best~)

my other cell, (checked less often), is 503.719.9274

http://www.tygerscent.biz

http://www.daddysreviews.com/finder.php?loc=T-12-139-10&who=tyger_portland

http://www.maleescortreview.com (Tygerscent in Portland, Oregon)

http://www.rentmen.com (AAAtygerscentXXX in Portland Oregon)

http://www.men4rentnow.com (tygerscent in Portland, Oregon)

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[Guest Jonas]

I don't know how it is over there but here you simply hire a studio to resolve the trust/safety problem. Obviously you are still alone in the room with your partner but not in the building. Not many freaks will try much in such setting.

 

As for me I just loved the first time a guy went further with me, caring but firm, pushing me a notch at a time without asking. There was an agreed safe word so he assumed I would use it if needed. I actually worried that asking him to stop might prevent me from discovering unknown buttons. So even if I squirmed at some points I am glad he didn't back up. Now I do the same when someone wants to be a sub with me. This is not to say that I am an actual hardcore

 

I am getting carried away... the point is, you don't need to see a review to know a guy is good. Most will have session photos to promote. Ask.

[doitb4ugo]

Tell me more

 

I don't know how it is over there but here you simply hire a studio to resolve the trust/safety problem. Obviously you are still alone in the room with your partner but not in the building. Not many freaks will try much in such setting.

 

I am getting carried away... the point is, you don't need to see a review to know a guy is good. Most will have session photos to promote. Ask.

 

Hey Jonas,

 

Can you expand on your post. It seems things are really different where you are located...Or is my newness showing again(I hate it when that happens). Do escorts generaly have "session photos". Do we in the various US cities have studios to hire through....Is that like our agencies?

 

Would love to hear about the logistics in your part of the world.

[Guest Jonas]

It is about Germany but not really different in France or Holland etc. In almost every (big) city there is at least one such establishment, the rooms can be rented during the day or night for some tens of euros (multiply by 1.3 to get the price in $) and you get fuck machines or even racks (the latter always fascinates me despite the week long numbness).

 

Since the local group interest is not that big, the said places host parties relatively rarely during the week, so private guests usually can get a free time slot in the next couple of days.

 

Some owners try to play smart and ask higher rent from escorts with the argument he is getting 300, why would I charge only 40. I oppose this simply because it is the client who gets ripped off in the end and no dude is going to profit on my back unless he gets his ass sore too. Mentioning some is better than nothing usually calms them down:cool:

 

I find it always amazing when colleagues advertise an own studio. The investment seems kind of pointless, at least here.

 

As for the session photos, I know I have some. My point was if someone is at least a little into some fetish, he would be able to demonstrate it. A flip of an interest's box on a webpage is indeed unreliable.

 

I see 20 year olds "into" fisting. Yeah right.

[doitb4ugo]

Thank You

 

Thanks a lot for your response, Jonas. Very interesting.