Why are tops, tops, and bottoms, bottoms?

[Guest 7Zach]

Has anyone ever seen any literature or have any ideas on why bottoms are bottoms and tops just like to top?

[taylorky]

>

i have a question :i understand the basic use of the terms "top">is the fucker.."bottom">is the fuckee;but it seems (with how some people use the terms) that it is more than just the mechanics of the sex that qualifies the dude as one or the other. ie: top or bottom. so guys give me a quick interpertation of the terms..sort of like a sex 101 for dummies thank's y'all taylor

[chrismac]

>"top">is the fucker.."bottom">is the fuckee

 

I think that's the basic interpretation, but a lot depends on the individuals.

 

I'm mostly a bottom (I love the feeling of something inside me), but I'm not submissive, and tend to avoid people who label themselves as "total tops" - which in today's vernacular seems to indicate that the top dictates the activities and the pleasure emphasis is on him.

 

But I want what I want too - and nowadays I'm not so bashful at saying things like, "you know what really turns me on? When you do this, dah dah dah..."

 

I love to give pleasure but also receive it - and I know what I like. But I'm the innie, and I look for outies.

[DaninWA]

I don't care, as long as he wants to top or bottom with me.

:7

 

Dan

[ad rian]

>>

>i have a question :i understand the basic use of the terms

>"top">is the fucker.."bottom">is the fuckee;but it seems

>(with how some people use the terms) that it is more than

>just the mechanics of the sex that qualifies the dude as one

>or the other. ie: top or bottom. so guys give me a quick

>interpertation of the terms..sort of like a sex 101 for

>dummies thank's y'all taylor

 

If you think that's confusing, what about the European distinction between "active" and "passive". It seems that theone who is active for anal, is passive for oral, and the one who is passive for anal, is active for oral. I hope I have that right. What I have never understood though is "versatile top" or "versatile bottom". Isn't someone either a top, bottom or versatile? What does it mean when the words are combined?

[Guest bottomboykk]

Versatile tops or versatile bottoms are versatile, but prefer topping or bottoming respectively. Someone who's just versatile is pretty much 50-50.

 

One of the posters referred to the idea among some that top="active" and bottom="passive." In some cases, that may be true, but at its most basic, top simply refers to the fucker and bottom the fuckee. Beyond that, different people have somewhat different concepts about the terms.

 

Despite my screen name here (which I chose during a time when I was an exclusive bottom), these days I'm more versatile or even at times a versatile top.

[guyinsf]

One of my friends epitomized "pushy bottom," a not so nice term for someone who only gets fucked but takes control of the situation. I don't think he was "passive" in the least, though he lived for dick in his ass.

 

I really do think that "top" just refers to the inserter and "bottom" to the insertee.

 

Although I agree that, technically speaking, "versatile top" should mean someone who both bottoms and tops but prefers top, sometimes it means the guy is a top who wants to get your hopes up that he will let you fuck him. The same is true for "versatile bottom" in reverse. I know that there are true versatile tops and versatile bottoms (and people who enjoy both equally), but sometimes the language is marketing, I'm afraid. It just opens one up (pun intended) to a larger market.

[CT Dick]

RE: Why are guys only tops or bottoms?

 

Guys who are only one are missing half the fun.

 

There is nothing like rimming and fingering a hot bottom to get him ready, then slowly mount him, and gradually increase to a frenzy.

 

Unless, it's having a talented top do it to you.

 

(I just got a woody typing this. :7 )

 

Dick

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Psychology

 

I believe it has much to do with your mental make up, as with other preferences. Why do some men prefer hair and why do some prefer smooth, for example? Some of these preferences are certainly societally conditioned, but others are definited and defined preferences one arrives at from experience. I was never particularly fond of sucking cock but I have learned to enjoy it and now my clients tell me, to my unending surprise, that they enjoy what I do. If I were paying myself for a blow job, I would definitely be disappointed, as I have yet to base an above average cock other than for a few "split" seconds.

 

Other than studies which are based on self-reporting, which are rarely vviewed as purely scientific or objective, I honestly do not believe the topic has been studied. I like to fuck. It is something I truly enjoy but one of the things I enjoy the most is seeing the expressions, reactions and outcome which I helped caused in the man underneath me. For me, the biggest turn on is for the guy, while on his back, to stay rock hard or even to come without touching himself.

[chrismac]

RE: Psychology

 

Franco - I was able to come recently for the first time without touching myself when I was with this guy in Germany. It was fantastic.

 

I believe you're right about the psychological aspect - the most erotic stimulation goes on in my mind.

 

And the guy must, absolutely HAS TO give me his tongue for that to work. Some well-versed dirty talk completes the picture. }>

[ad rian]

RE: Psychology

 

>Other than studies which are based on self-reporting, which

>are rarely vviewed as purely scientific or objective, I

>honestly do not believe the topic has been studied.

 

Well even if there are no scientific studies, is it possible to make casual observations about this. I once talked to a Dutch escort who told me that he was happy to visit the U.S. because there was more demand for bottoms here than in Amsterdam, and he was tired and bored of being a top. Another Dutch escort once told me that he did not like to go to the Gulf or be with Arabic men because they liked to get fucked after, they had fucked, and he thought it was too much work.

 

Also yesterday, coincidentally, a co-worker and I had a conversation where he estimated that 75% of Asians gay males are bottoms, 2/3 of white males are bottoms, and 50-75% of Black men are tops in his experience and observation. I said that I thought there was a lot of pyscho-sexual stereotyping in that. Opinions? Does this reflect your experience and observation? If so, do you think people are adhering to socially-contructed stereotypes, or culturally-determined preferences?

[Guest in yer face]

This was this one time that I convinced this guy that I picked up on the street, ok, this hitchiker, to stick his whole foot up my ass. He got as far as the top of his ankle, and it felt really good. Does that make me a bottom?

[Rod Hagen]

RE: Psychology

 

AR, the racial stuff is really touchy stuff, career-poison actually and anybody who comments on it is liable to get his virtual ass kicked: and so I must. In my experience, which includes escorting as a top, and casual sex as versatile, Southeast Asians are bottoms. And I don't mean most SOAs are bottoms, I mean SOAs are bottoms, period. Black guys...black guys I find like to bottom too, as well as white guys, HOWEVER there are a couple important caveats:

1. I live in West Hollywood and there are no real tops in West Hollywood, just bottoms in denial.

2. In "Life" and with the one client I bottom for I could best be described by that pesky term "Versatile Top", and so my pool of men is WAY skewed.

 

 

I've also found that guys older than 60 LIVE to bottom, and young guys 25 and under are terrified, but ultimately open up if you're a sweet-talker and a great Lover.

 

And so I suppose that that doesn't help at all. Sorry, but I did enjoy typing it! :*

[chrismac]

RE: Psychology

 

This also opens up another question: Why (or how) do tops enjoy being tops? From a bottom's perspective, as long as it doesn't hurt (and I'm pretty good at figuring out how (or whom) not to get it to hurt), it's the greatest feeling.

 

Tops have to don these little latex things that would seem to deaden the sensation somewhat, and listen to me babble on about, "oh lick my nips! Now kiss me! Mmmm, yeah that's just right. Now jerk me a little." God, what they have to put up with (in reality, I'm not THAT demanding). Although I always bring a supply of them with me, I've never put a condom on my own dick, never having been a top myself. I just hand it over to my partner du noir and say, "Here. I'm not the expert in these things."

 

In order to truly enjoy bottoming, however, I've realized my limits. I can't nor won't do it more than twice a month for fear of permanent damage or injury. And only once a month if someone has been particularly rough on the little puss. ;-)

[Traveller]

RE: Psychology

 

>I can't nor won't do it more than twice a month for

>fear of permanent damage or injury. And only once a month if

>someone has been particularly rough on the little puss.

 

As I'm trying to top Wilt the Stilt's 20,000 career lays, this limitation is truly unfathomable to me; however there are two general rules:

 

1. Over 8 inches, I'm a bottom; under 8, I'm a top. Which can be pre-empted by:

 

2. More than 6 shots, I'm a bottom; under 6, I'm a top.

 

Later.

 

PS. There were certainly plenty of big-dicked, tall Chinese men in Beijing. They topped exclusively.

[Rick Munroe]

RE: Psychology

 

>one of the

>things I enjoy the most is seeing the expressions, reactions

>and outcome which I helped cause in the man underneath me.

 

I love that too, Franco. But I always thought that that was just the "bottom" in me, wanting to please my partner. I'm one of those guys who likes his tops to be selfish & his bottoms to be subservient. That's also why I don't think of topping & bottoming as strictly involving fucking. For me, it can mean oral, or even just a mindfuck. However, having said that, I also really enjoy being versatile with another versatile guy...and just having things progress naturally without playing roles. Maybe we should avoid labels like "top" and "bottom" and combine them into one: "horny."

 

>For me, the biggest turn on is for the guy, while on his

>back, to stay rock hard or even to come without touching

>himself.

 

That's hard for me; I don't always stay hard when getting fucked, no matter how turned on I am. All my pleasure is in my ass at that time, and my concentration is on the top's dick. I've actually had guys tell me that they thought that was hot...that I was obviously enjoying it but that my dick didn't matter to me at that moment; it was all about them.

[Bilbo]

RE: Psychology

 

Personally, I am a top. I've only been topped and enjoyed it roughly once or twice a decade. I think that that has something to do (though probably not entirely) with my autonomos nervous system. It is virtually impossible to put eyedrops directly into my eyes, too, and you should see me fighting to stay still when the eye doctor shoots that blast of air in my eyes. I've been known to have to retake that test two or three times. Perhaps now, after learning meditation, and to a greater extent later, when I hope to have taken the Body Electric course on self anal play, I will be able to change that more. (Though it is also a matter of habit, I suppose.) But I don't think that I will ever be good enough at bottoming to consider charging for it. I was jealous of bottoms for many years, feeling that they had twice the opportunity for fun I have. But I got over it.

 

Speaking of getting over things, it seems to me that you should maybe try to get over your aversion to condoms. Perhaps you should try putting one on sometime when you are alone and whacking off. You'll find that they simply aren't as uncomfortable as you seem to feel that they must be. (Just like bath houses are great fun, but not the over the top places, by and large, that you fantasize them to be before you've ever been to one.) For me, and I am pretty thick, it's like someone loving and gently squeezing my dick continually. Which is pretty good foreplay when you think about it. ;-)

[Bob]

RE: Psychology

 

Rod mentioned that those over 60 live to bottom and those under 25 are scared to death of it. I don't know about others but that is definitely my situation. However, another factor comes into play with me. When I was 25 AIDS was not a factor in my corner of the world and I spent all my energy cruising for a good ass to dump my load into. Ah, the good old days. When condoms became a necessity I found that no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't achieve an orgasm using one, so I spent my middle years mainly giving and receiving oral sex. Recently I found a very well-endowed partner who gently and passionately fucked my brains out. I was blown away with pleasure. Since then I've been trying to hone my skills in this arena and am enjoying sex more than I ever have. Keep up the good work, Rod, but don't convert the entire country. We desperately need good tops.

[chrismac]

RE: Psychology

 

I dated a woman once who was definitely a top. That's probably why I am the man I am today.

[DaninWA]

RE: Psychology

 

>For me, the biggest turn on is for the guy, while on his

>back, to stay rock hard or even to come without touching

>himself.

 

Franco,

 

That's me! While getting fucked, I stay hard and cum without touching myself. Also, to toot my own horn, I stay hard for about a half hour after I've cum for the first time. If he's up for it, I can then fuck the guy who just fucked me. Yippee!

 

I'll have to make a trip to LA, as well as New York.}>

 

Dan

[taylorky]

RE: Psychology

 

well ok,but what group do those of us that do NOT like butt-fucking at all fall into. (tried it both ways,did'nt like it either way).my first time somebody did it to me i was 15 (hated it) my second and only other time was my b/f doing it to me and me to him about a month after the 1st.(still did'nt like it,and neither did he).but we are both equally into the other stuff....sooooooo i guess we are neither tops or bottoms;right?

[Rod Hagen]

RE: Psychology

 

>well ok,but what group do those of us that do NOT like

>butt-fucking at all fall into.

 

"Limited"

[guyinsf]

RE: Psychology

 

Rod: You definitely have not met the Southeast Asian men I have.

 

I think one's experience is definitely defined by one's own inclinations. Because I scream "bottom," I manage to find Asian tops. To refute another stereotype, I have also found more than a couple of Asian tops with big dicks. One in particular has a dick just the right size and angle for my ass that I have to fight off cumming 20 seconds after he enters my ass.

[guyinsf]

RE: Psychology

 

I didn't like cocksucking when I first tried it. My poor boyfriend at the time only got licks and strokes from me. I don't know why, but I always gagged when he put it in my mouth, even just a little bit; and I definitely didn't want to taste his cum, which would cause me to come close to vomiting. For whatever reason, a number of years later after he and I had broken up, I found myself to be a voracious cocksucker. I still am to this day. I think the only thing that changed was my mind.

 

I would suggest revisiting anal sex if it's been a long time since you determined you didn't like it; you may have a different experience with it now. If you still don't like it, you can always put it aside again.

 

As someone else said, one can be into oral sex only and still be top, bottom, or versatile. I didn't believe that oral bottoms existed until I met a couple of guys who definitely did NOT like their dicks sucked or even touched by another guy; they only wanted to suck other guys' dicks. It blew my mind: Who wouldn't want his dick sucked?!

[Guest man2man4u40]

>Has anyone ever seen any literature...on why

>bottoms are bottoms and tops just like to top?

 

For those interested in what the "literature" has to say, I did run across this reference that covers some of the issues people have mentioned so far:

 

 

JOURNAL

Sexualities: Studies in Culture and Society

Volume 04 Issue 04 - Publication Date: 1 November 2001. pp. 413-434

 

TITLE

"Anal Intercourse and Power in Sex Between Men"

 

AUTHOR

Susan Kippax and Gary Smith University of New South Wales

 

ABSTRACT

Anal intercourse between men is discussed using various texts, primarily interview narratives. The focus is upon the way men talk about and experience anal intercourse as a relation of power between men. Drawing upon the work of Foucault, a distinction is made between power as domination and power as negotiated between people.

The latter opens up the possibility of intimacy and mutual pleasure within fantasies of domination and submission. Some of the men's narratives embraced the idea that the anally insertive partner dominated the receptive partner. Others resisted such an understanding by drawing upon the concepts of 'versatility', 'getting on top', 'sex is not about power' and 'active passivity'. It is argued in the article that such resistant practices redistribute power from the insertor to the insertee rather than eliminate power in sex, and this argument is supported through Norbert Elias's concept of power chances. The idea that the receptive partner in anal intercourse is 'vulnerable' is discussed with reference to how the practice is structured historically, linguistically and corporeally.