Clients and friends

[RickyDC]

I apologize if this question has been previously discussed, but I am curious:

 

Escorts, when your "professional" relationship ends with a client - how often does it happen that your former client becomes a regular friend?

 

I have been seeing an escort regularly for several months. We always have an awesome time together and we have really become close on an emotional and intellectual level. I think the time has come to move on - but I genuinely like the escort, care for him, and would really like to remain his friend.

 

I'd appreciate any advice on how to end the professional relationship but retain the friendship.

 

Thanks!

[Boston Guy]

You might consider telling the escort what you just wrote here. If a friendship is possible, you must be able to talk about things that are important to you and to him.

 

"I always have an awesome time with you but I think that I'm at a point where I'm ready to try another escort. But I genuinely like you, care for you and would really like to remain your friend."

 

Please be aware, however, that good escorts must necessarily develop specific skills that include the ability to make each client feel special and like a close friend. Once the money stops flowing, you may find that the relationship is not what you expected it to be. This is an old story and one that has left many clients hurt and surprised because they never expect it to happen to them.

 

I'd recommend going into this with your eyes wide open. If the escort says that he'd like to stay friends, too, then you've made a new friend and that's terrific. If, however, he brushes you off or otherwise makes it clear that he needs to move on, too, then remember that while it might seem really -- really -- personal, it's not really. Good escorts need to keep a part of them separate from all their escort clients, a place where they can be themselves and not the escort they project when they are on stage. If you find it has all been a part of the show then consider yourself lucky for having found a skilled escort who made you feel good for a period of time. That's what you were paying him for, after all.

[RickyDC]

Thanks!

 

Boston Guy - thanks for those words of wisdom. Maybe the friendship I perceive was just part of the show - maybe not. Don't think I'll know for sure until the money stops rolling. Either way - I can accept what follows - and will have no regrets on having had wonderful times with a great guy.

[Lookin]

I think Boston Guy's advice was spot on: just tell him what you wrote here. It sounds like you're prepared for whatever course things take.

 

If the friendship survives, it's worth having. If it doesn't, it isn't.

 

Good luck!

[Guest greatness]

You rock!

 

You seem like Dear Abby... I just love your post...

 

You might consider telling the escort what you just wrote here. If a friendship is possible, you must be able to talk about things that are important to you and to him.

 

"I always have an awesome time with you but I think that I'm at a point where I'm ready to try another escort. But I genuinely like you, care for you and would really like to remain your friend."

 

Please be aware, however, that good escorts must necessarily develop specific skills that include the ability to make each client feel special and like a close friend. Once the money stops flowing, you may find that the relationship is not what you expected it to be. This is an old story and one that has left many clients hurt and surprised because they never expect it to happen to them.

 

I'd recommend going into this with your eyes wide open. If the escort says that he'd like to stay friends, too, then you've made a new friend and that's terrific. If, however, he brushes you off or otherwise makes it clear that he needs to move on, too, then remember that while it might seem really -- really -- personal, it's not really. Good escorts need to keep a part of them separate from all their escort clients, a place where they can be themselves and not the escort they project when they are on stage. If you find it has all been a part of the show then consider yourself lucky for having found a skilled escort who made you feel good for a period of time. That's what you were paying him for, after all.

[Boston Guy]

You seem like Dear Abby... I just love your post...

 

Thanks.

[Mark Gordon]

Boston Guy has given some excellent advice, but since this question is directed at escorts, I'll share my perspective.

 

I have had several clients who have become & remained good genuine friends over the years. In some cases, the exchange of money stopped, while in others it did not. The line between client & friend can sometimes become blurred over time: the categories are not mutually exclusive for me. Since returning to Canada, I have remained in contact with several of my regulars in the UK, without any real expectation that I'll see them as clients again. On the other hand, there have been cases where clients with whom I was friendly sought to remove money from the equation relatively early in our relationship & I have not been open to this. I have also had clients whom I regarded as friends cut me off completely when they chose to move on.

 

Each case is different, & your relationship of "several months" is not very long, but if you genuinely care about this guy, but want to move on as a client, then it is worth seeing if he is open to maintaining a friendship.

If he is, ace. If not, try not to blame him or yourself or to devalue the memory of your "wonderful times with a great guy."

[BaronArtz]

This is what I found on the blog of Dave (aka Rockin) in DC:

 

"After Your Own Happy Ending, End Things Right:

 

Don't ask for him to be your friend, or your boyfriend.

 

You can expect an escort or masseur to treat you professionally. He sees you as a client, and perhaps as an “appointment-based friend.” He will not view you as his boyfriend or girlfriend, a friend to hang out with for free, or even a buddy to be with for movies (or a dinner on your tab.) With escorts and masseurs, you should not be looking for a friendship, relationship, nor romance.

 

Don’t expect to get together without any fees, and don’t put the service provider in the uncomfortable position of having to clarify the above directly to your face."

 

I happen to entirely agree with this. You should not expect friendship at all. If it happens - great. But I would think it's extremely rare. On occasion, escorts that I have seen regularly have asked me to take them to the movies, dinner etc. while making clear that I didn't need to compensate them for their time. Is that 'friendship' or is it just clever marketing? Who knows?

[+ purplekow]

While I would not expect friendship, there are a lot of people in this world that are in need of a good ear and a strong shoulder. If you and your escort provide those things for each other, a hard cock and a warm hole do not have to figure in the mix.

It is important though for you to realize that while you may be friends, you are not likely to be friends with benefits unless the wallet comes out again.

[RickyDC]

Thanks again

 

Mark Gordon: I appreciate your perspective, because I was hoping to hear from escorts on the topic. When I read that you have prior clients that are now friends - it made me smile - to think that something genuine could arise from what would otherwise be a purely business transaction.

 

BaronArtz: Thanks for posting the blog entry. It presents a different persepctive - and that's valuable for its own sake. The most attractive aspect of the blog is the simplicity of the principle: business is just business, expect nothing more and nothing less. I could see how both escorts and clients could save themselves alot of confusion and headache by adhering to that simple principle. On the other hand, I have always enjoyed the complexities of life - and the results they bring - both good and bad.

 

PurpleKow: Thanks for your input. I have used the term "friend" to mean a platonic relationship - which would be just fine with me - but as others have pointed out - might not happen - which is okay too.

"Friendship + benefits" = "F*** Buddy" - wish I had those - but with me, it's friend, professional, boyfriend, or husband. I have had each.

[Epigonos]

RickyDC although you requested information from escorts a numbers of clients have offered their advice as well. Thus here I go with my two cents.

 

I see three escorts on a somewhat regular basis. Two of these guys are full time escorts and are very open about it, the third is not. The third guy only escorts to augment his income because his “real” job, which he loves, doesn’t pay him enough to live on. I see the first two escorts with some frequency OFF THE CLOCK. We might go to lunch or dinner or even a movie BUT no sex is involved unless I am paying for their time. This does NOT happen with the third escort because though he is openly gay in his private and professional life he is extremely careful to keep his escorting activities in the closet. He doesn’t really want to be seen in public with his clients.

 

You might want to consider approaching your escort in the following manner. Simply ask him if he would be interested in getting together for coffee, lunch or even dinner OFF THE CLOCK sometime. If you do this make it perfectly clear, to him, that sex in not part of that arrangement. All he can say is no. If he is NOT interested and he is a classy guy he will decline politely and your relationship can, if you wish, continue in its current fashion..

GOOD LUCK

[Guest RianB]

If he is NOT interested and he is a classy guy he will decline politely and your relationship can, if you wish, continue in its current fashion..

GOOD LUCK

 

I enjoyed reading your post on the different aspects of it, as it can vary...

 

I have also had clients whom I regarded as friends cut me off completely when they chose to move on.

 

I've had it happen also. Like a couple of times...

 

I would not want a 'proper friendship' to arise from a client and I. When I was very new and didnt know about any of the forums (much less any experience) I didnt see anything wrong with making friends with clients...But I would rather enjoy it for what it is.

 

Do I love conversating and enjoying the company of my clents? Absolutely. Even the occasional email or phone call leading up to a booking from a client is much welcomed. As long as its mutual that the 'relationship' will remain business on both parts e.g. my being discreet and professional for them and their taking into consideration of the nature of my work, which just might mean I may not be in the position to meet for 'complimentary' lunch or 'dates' if Im actually needing to meet a client.

 

Personally, I think the non-friendship arrangement is healthier and better off than trying to make friends with. There's boundaries and no expectations. I dont expect to go back to Florida after having been gone for nearly a year and start from where I left off with anybody: clients or friends. I'd have to start from scratch. Things change. People change. I wouldnt want to risk the sync between a client and I by expecting more than what it actually is.

[Guest flamengo]

Do I love conversating .

 

Another illiterate! There is not and never has been a word "conversating" However, use of this non-word indicates many words regarding the user's intellect!!

[+ purplekow]

Another illiterate! There is not and never has been a word "conversating" However, use of this non-word indicates many words regarding the user's intellect!!

 

 

Using a slang term or even making up a word does not make one illiterate. Drawing wide assumptions from a single use of a word, probably makes one a bit judgmental. If you would like to do so, we could conversate over it.

[MsGuy]

Another illiterate! There is not and never has been a word "conversating" However, use of this non-word indicates many words regarding the user's intellect!!

 

This from good ole "stupid! idiot!! moronic moron!!!" shouting flamengo? Bless your heart, F, you're back. I thought (hoped?) your syphilis ridden brain had lost the address of the board.

[RickyDC]

It's only English

 

Flamengo - not necessarily so.

 

For example, one of my best friends has very poor English grammar. He does, however, write and speak beautifully in German and French. He's an extremely intelligent fellow - but English is not his native language. Perhaps the same is true here?

 

I also know people who are mathematically or musically brilliant - but are at a total loss when it comes to writing.

 

In any case, RianB's point is fairly clear -- he prefers not to mix business with pleasure -- but I think the line is not always clear when dealing with those who are in the business of giving pleasure.

[Mark Gordon]

Flaming Netiquette

 

Another illiterate! There is not and never has been a word "conversating" However, use of this non-word indicates many words regarding the user's intellect!!

 

RianB has offered a useful response to a question directed at escorts in the 'Ask An Escort' section. It is only the 2nd response from an escort in this, the first new thread in this section in the last week. The minor grammatical error of his having used "conversating" when he should have used "conversing with" makes his contribution no less clear or useful. Perhaps your handle of 'flamengo' is aptly chosen, but you should know that flaming (blasting others with offensive comments) is against the netiquette of this and all online discussion forums as well as showing extremely poor manners. Escort participation in this forum is quite low & in decline. If clients wish to use this venue to have a useful dialogue with escorts, rather than a somewhat stale conversation amongst themselves, then they would do well to foster a more welcoming atmosphere, and allow the escorts who are here to express themselves without fear of petty attacks.

[Epigonos]

You know guys language is a living thing and is thus constantly evolving. All carping about traditional grammar and usage does is indicate ones age – older. Words change their meanings. When I was young, a "gay party" certainly wasn’t what it is today. Ending a sentence with a preposition was a major sin but it is done all the time today – in fact at times the correct usage sounds wrong and stilted ie. "With whom were you speaking?" Most people today would say -- "Who were you speaking with?" “My bad” instead of “I’m wrong or incorrect” is a relatively new expression that drives some traditionalists crazy. I must admit I don’t care for the way the word disrespect is beginning to be used. Hearing something like “He disrespects me” rattles my teeth.

 

In the end the object is communication NOT perfect traditional grammar and usage. William F. Buckley was, in many ways, the last of the great American English traditionalists. He would never have been caught dead saying “I will” rather than “I shall”.

 

Let’s loosen up boys after all guys posting on this site are NOT writing PhD dissertations

[jackcali]

Amen. Also, "conversate" is a fairly common slang expression, at least in some circles, and I've heard it used ironically in very educated and erudite company. I actually love the word, though I know it's not in the OED.

 

Rian B, if you want to use some slang, we're with you -- please remember, though, that a lot of us readers are older and don't know all the current phrases, so stick with slang that we can understand in context. "Conversate" was just fine.

 

Flamengo, if you want to bitch about slang and want everyone to write in the Queen's English, I think you're out of luck. Society has moved well past that, but I bet there's a website where you and like-minded people can complain about improper grammar. Please go find it.

[Mark Gordon]

Conversating

 

I might add that 'conversating' is found in all of the following dictionaries, and that I was surprised to learn that The Urban Dictionary includes "engaging in the act of sex" as one of its meanings. So, perhaps RianB's usage of the word in this context is doubly appropriate!

 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conversating

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Conversating&defid=1169243

 

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/conversating

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Give it a rest!

 

However, use of this non-word indicates many words regarding the user's intellect!!

 

I'd suggest that your conduct in questioning RianB's intellect in this way indicates many words regarding your character....and none of them are very complimentary.

 

Honestly, is your world so perfect that you can't cut anyone any slack?

 

Pity that you are so unhappy.

 

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

I might add that 'conversating' is found in all of the following dictionaries,

 

Good sleuthing, Mark.

Too bad Flamengo couldn't be as energetic before he dissed RianB.

 

Flamengo....an apology is definitely due.

[Guest RianB]

I'm glad that several of you totally reversed what was said earlier...I was just giving a point and all of a sudden I get a grammar lesson LOL. Of course this isnt the first time on here someone has given me complimentary grammar pointers LOL

 

Someone mentioned something about dialects? Couldn't of said it better. In the U.K. they say tyres and whilst. The Spanish language also has various ways of pronouncing things in slang and such...I was never taught ¡Oye! in class but some use it others dont. Its just another way of using a word. Maybe I'd get points taken off on my next 'thesis' statement...but I've completed all my credits for English for now hahaha

 

Whether Im conversing or conversating, the message is whats improtant. I doubt that a real grammar teacher would get very far calling his students illiterate....

[Guest TBinCHI]

RianB has offered a useful response to a question directed at escorts in the 'Ask An Escort' section. It is only the 2nd response from an escort in this, the first new thread in this section in the last week. The minor grammatical error of his having used "conversating" when he should have used "conversing with" makes his contribution no less clear or useful. Perhaps your handle of 'flamengo' is aptly chosen, but you should know that flaming (blasting others with offensive comments) is against the netiquette of this and all online discussion forums as well as showing extremely poor manners. Escort participation in this forum is quite low & in decline. If clients wish to use this venue to have a useful dialogue with escorts, rather than a somewhat stale conversation amongst themselves, then they would do well to foster a more welcoming atmosphere, and allow the escorts who are here to express themselves without fear of petty attacks.

 

Hear, Hear! ;-) Well said, Mark.

[Guest zipperzone]

I find it amusing the length some people will go to excuse poor grammar. Excuses such as "the world's changing" just don't cut it IMO. Many unconventional uses of English words originated in ghettos where the standard of education was sub par. The more this occurred the more some people thought it was "trendy" and assimilated it into their own speech patterns.

 

To me, proper English language as spoken in North America is still the Queen's English. Bastardization of same may be acceptable in some occupations - i.e. escorting - but try and get hired in corporate America with that kind of usage on your resume and see how far past the front door you don't get.