Gaining...

[Guest RushNY]

Last night i met a friend of mind for the 1st time in about 5 years now this guy has always been pretty big i've known him since high school but i was shocked when i saw him last night,he told me he had become a gainer-which he explained was someone who wants to be as big as possible.I didnt know what it was ??.

 

Anyway he told me since he started gaining in fall 2000 he has gone from 190lbs to 425lbs currently he's 6"1 tall now the 1st question i asked was WHY ? he said it made him feel good ! and he didnt care what people said or thought (whatever).He explained that he had always struggled to lose weight and in the end gave up and decided to eat what he wanted when he wanted.

 

I said what about the health risks,he replied that his doctor as unhappy but in his words "everybodys gotta go sometime"he's 40 years old and i couldnt believe it he is about 40lbs heavier than me and the BF put TOGETHER.

 

After he left we had a good night,i got thinking what would the attraction be? i know there are a lot of guys out there who are overweight but it seems to me that most aren't happy with it and it causes all sorts of self esteem issues.I know there is a large gay Chubby/Chaser population out there but i still cant figure it out.

 

Interested as always to what u think...

[Traveller]

Harpoons. Hindenburg. Barton Fink. Walking through doors sideways. Sweat stained clothing. Heart attacks. Being buried in a piano box.

 

All of the pretty things.

 

Later.

[Guest Merlin]

I have never heard a fat person say he wanted to be that way. Almost all are very unhappy with it and struggle to lose--or at least wish they could. I suspect your friend is just rationalizing his inability to change. Or it is just a long binge. He will soon regret it if he doesn't already.

[+ deej]

Large people CAN be comfortable with themselves, if everything else in their life is in check.

 

One of my oldest family friends has been grossly obese most of her life. We're talking turning sideways to get through a door, and buying double seats on an airplane. When they buy a new car, they get extra-heavy-duty suspension. When she comes for a visit, you watch closely which chairs you let her sit in.

 

She struggled for a long time to lose, at one point even having her stomach stapled. At one point she did trim down about 250 lbs and realized she was miserable that way. She just wasn't herself. She gained back all the weight and has been happy ever since.

 

Her husband of 50 years (himself not a small person) loves her either way. Who's to say she isn't happy?

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>I said what about the health risks,he replied that his

>doctor as unhappy but in his words "everybodys gotta go

>sometime"he's 40 years old and i couldnt believe it he is

>about 40lbs heavier than me and the BF put TOGETHER.

 

I assume it is his GP that is unhappy - wrong doctor! It's his shrink's opinion he should be concerned about.

 

>I know there is a large gay Chubby/Chaser population out there but

>i still cant figure it out.

 

The chubby chaser guys are into it because they like the look. That's OK - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It wouldn't turn me on but then I don't find a Picasso particularly attractive either, but millions do.

 

What I don't understand him accepting are the obvious health risks. After his stroke - as he lies in a hospital bed somewhere, completly dependent on others for his care, unable to move or even speak - will he still feel the same way?

 

He must have wanted to be thin at one point as he told you he had failed at dieting. To now say he doesn't care what others think of him is just a way for him to justify his present condition. I don't for a second believe he means it. He obviously needs help, but the chances of that happening are slim to nil.

 

 

Thunderbuns

[Guest Spunk]

There is a link at the top of this site called Devon's Diary. In it he speaks of his "biggest fan" a man who is a client and also a gainer. While the comments are interesting & so were the pictures, I do not feel one should follow such a self destructive path.

[Guest DCeBOY]

i think your friend hired me while he was in DC

[Bilbo]

Devon mentions his biggest fan hiring you in today, Tuesday's diary.

[Guest devon_by_proxy]

This topic hits close to home for me because one of my

favorite clients is a gainer. Readers of my diary

know him as my biggest fan -- literally. When I met

him at the end of November he weighed 380 lbs. Now he

estimates he's at 475. We just took new pics. Check

out the latest at:

 

http://www.devonsf.com/mybiggestfan2

 

They've got kind of a John Waters meets Francis Bacon

feel to them. Well, you'll see.

 

He is an interesting case because he used to be

physically very active and was in a rugby league for

years. He was always on the beefy side but athletic.

Then he injured his knee, stopped working out, started

gaining weight and at some point it turned erotic for

him. When we play a lot of it is me jiggling his fat

around. He responds as if it were a high -- he's all

hazy, happy and sensual, and laughing a lot, like

someone on ecstacy. Last time we ordered in Thai food

-- six containers, mostly for him -- and after eating

he was as blissed out as I've ever seen him. SF had a

5.2 quake while we were together but he held the bed

down pretty good.

 

He is conscious of the health risks and speaks of a

time when it will be necessary to "reverse the

process." Before everyone laughs this off, consider:

his brother recently lost 175 pounds so he has a

positive example very close to home. He's also a very

disciplined and accomplished guy who has a sense of

something to lose and plenty to live for. He has one

of the most solid egos of anybody I've ever met, with

a good-humored, live-and-let-live approach to others.

He has many good friends and an active social life,

including keeping in close touch with his rugby

buddies (who don't seem to have a concept of just how

much weight he's gained). I've been out and about

with him and people treat him with respect and

deference, and he carries an air of someone used to

being respected and deferred to. He doesn't fit my

profile of a self-hating fat man.

 

I have a question for any doctors in the house: would

the fact that he was athletic for many years (he's now

in his early forties) bode better, worse or neutrally

for his odds of a) being able to reverse the process

to some extent and b) to withstand the toll he's

taking on his body for a longer time than otherwise?

 

The diary entries about, and pictures of, him that

I've posted have gotten a widespread, enthusiastic

response, including from many unhappily overweight

people who came away with a revised body image of

themselves. It wasn't that they suddenly wanted to

gain weight, just that their ideas about beauty had

been shifted a little.

 

It would be an interesting and positive development if

some folks out there, drawing inspiration from my

biggest fan's high self esteem, were able to translate

that self-acceptance into a greater sense of control

over their own bodies. We've learned that guilt and

shame don't do a heck of a lot to promote weight loss

or fitness among overweight people (who constitute

ever greater percentages of the national population).

Maybe more images of fat people who are able to enjoy

the eroticism of his their bodies could end up having

a net positive effect on the mental and physical

health of overweight people. I hope so.

 

=====

xoxo,

 

Devon

http://www.devonsf.com

[Guest happyguy]

hi guys,

 

A very good friend of mine is overweight. Remember, I asked you how do you top a fat guy? Well, I agree with the premise that these people have some sort of self-defeating death wish. I love my friend, but I really beleive that he wants to kill himself. He topped me, and I am not into that. Nevertheless, I wish I could find the way to tell him that he might NOT die, and he could end up dependent on others for life suppoort.

 

I would really like to hear more from the chubby chasers, and from others like Devon who find some thrill from them. I don't care how fat a person is. I do care if he will be left totally incapicated. There must be some psycological reason for this. How can we help. It has nothing to do with appearance, it has everything to do with their well-being.

thanks.

happyguy

[foxy]

A doctor friend of mine believes all addictions, food, drugs, drinking, even gambling and shop lifting are cause by depression. He thinks, if properly treated with anti-depressants, the endorphin levels could be brought up and the addiction will subside. It sounds logical to me. Personally if I had an addiction to something, I think it's something I would explore. I'm not sure about sex addiction, but I think that's under control. Sort of...

I do think that over-eating is slow suicide and that sure sounds like depression to me.

[guyinsf]

I do find some of these comments about the health risks and "self destruction" amusing in this context. Tell almost any doctor that you are having multiple, relatively anonymous sex partners and you'll also be labeled "high risk." Yes, there is SAFER sex but nothing is purely safe (unless you are extremely limited in what you do -- mutual masturbation or the like). I'm sure that some people would view this as indirect suicidal behavior as well. I don't think this is necessarily the case with either food or sex obsession, but it obviously can be true in some cases.

 

As someone who, one year ago, was at the peak of my weight (250 pounds) and not happy about it, I found a new doctor who has actually been helpful to me regarding weight loss. (I had gained 70 pounds over 3 years while seeing my previous physician and he did not comment on it at all and, after my first visit, never did any bloodwork.) It isn't that the new doctor told me anything I didn't already know (except the lab results showing my cholesterol levels), but somehow hearing it from a "professional" from a medical point of view had a different impact than a friend or acquaintance saying, with a perhaps subtle but obviously negative tone in his voice or look in his eye, that I was clearly gaining weight and wasn't I concerned about the health implications?

 

I will add, however, that if someone feels good about his weight, I do not think that he should feel like he has to lose weight to please others, including his physician. He can be given information about te health risks but shouldn't be hassled about it unless he is expressing a desire for change. Just as someone using drugs will not attempt to "get clean" until he wants to, a person who is "fat" by our cultural standards will not lose weight until he decides that is something he wants to do for himself.

[Guest RushNY]

There has been some interesting comments,i must read Devons Diary more often-my friend Larry doesnt fit the bill of a im fat so i must be depressed/suicidl/there must be a problem because im this big.

 

In fact he told me when he was on a diet he went from 255 to 190 he actually became depressed after he had lost the weight although he did joke that it was when he found out how much it had cost him in gym membership/personal trainers etc .

 

I still dont get it personally i cant get past the WHY factor for whatever reason you may choose to do it i dunno why you would,but you could say that for 101 other things smoking,drinking,drugs,bareback sex etc etc.I suppose the good thing is he's happy and its his life when all said and done -me i think im fat when i go past 170 !(166 at the moment phew! )

[Guest bighugbearphx]

Interesting thread. I can bring a bit of a perspective, since I have been big (fat) all my life, and have been a part of the gay chubby/chaser community at times.

 

There are fat gay men (chubbys) and those attracted to them (chasers). In some cases, the chasers are also chubby, although I sometimes suspect that this may not so much an attraction as a rationalization that they are more likely to find success trying to "hook up" with another big man. I have met chasers who equate weight with power, success and masculinity, and look at chubby men as a kind of "mentor" they respect. On the opposite side of the coin, some chasers are "players" who build on a chubby man's low self-esteem to get what they want out of the relationship (Not necessarily money, but essentially being able to control the other person by threatening to withhold his attention/affection.) And most gay men who are chasers deal with kind of a "double closet" ... having to come out to a straight society as a gay man, and then having to come out to their gay friends as someone who is attracted mostly to men they find disgusting (I am told the second group is more judgemental than the first.)

 

The chubby/chaser scene is separate from a subset of men we refer to as *gainers* (men who intentionally gain weight to become fat) and *encouragers* (usually thin/normal size guys who are turned on by the idea of *gaining* weight, and get a thrill "helping" the gainer get as big as a tank. Of course, there is an aspect of "control" in this as well.)

 

Very few chasers I have encountered over the years are also encouragers. Most want the chubby man they are interested in to be happy and reasonably healthy, and - although they may lose interest if the guy loses enough weight to be their size - this doesn't usually happen.

 

As difficult as it seems to you to understand why someone would want to gain 200 lbs, consider how this would seem to a chubby man who spent half of his life trying to LOSE weight. Most chubby men I know (who may have lost his body weight more than once on fad diets, then gained it back) can't understand what can possibly motivate a gainer to want to become fat. I worked on a local gay hotline for 15 years, and I've learned never to second-guess anyone's sexual kinks (as long as not dangerous to anyone else except yourself), but I still struggle with how anyone rationalizes this.

 

As for whether a "gainer" will find it easier to lose weight, I believe that would depend on how long they remain heavy, since studies have shown that someone heavy for an extended period has a tougher time eliminating fat cells. And I don't buy the argument that they'll find it easier because they used to be thin (Hell, I weighed 7 lbs at birth, so shouldn't that count? Of course, since they remember themselves at "normal" weight, this could provide encouragement to compliment their willpower. I wish them luck.