Good Jokes

[Guest ncm2169]

Sometimes this place gets too serious, and it's time for a good joke or two. Or, we could talk about cooking.

 

I'll start with a joke I heard about ten years ago. Feel free to add to the list.

 

Bubba, down in South Alabama, is charged, based on an eye-witness account, of having sexual relations with a goat.

 

A pre-trial hearing is set when Bubba can choose a Public Defender. The judge tells Bubba he has two choices: #1 is a brilliant lawyer with a Juris Doctor degree from Harvard Law School, however he is a bit arrogant and tends to piss off locale citizens; #2 is a local attorney, graduate of North Alabama Law School only 2 years ago, a bit green in The Law, but he is known as being the best local lawyer for picking a jury. Bubba pauses, thinks, and then chooses the local lawyer.

 

The case gets to trial, and the Prosecutor puts the eyewitness on the Stand.

 

"What did you see, sir?" asked the Prosecutor.

 

"I saw that man right there having sexual relations with a goat!" he said, pointing to Bubba.

 

"Did you see anything else, sir?" asked the Prosecutor.

 

The eyewitness says, "Yes, after they were done having sex, the goat turned around and cleaned up Bubba real good."

 

At that point, one juror says to the juror next to him, "Ya know, good goats will do that."

 

[Guest greatness]

wow

 

That lawyer is really good.

 

Sometimes this place gets too serious, and it's time for a good joke or two. Or, we could talk about cooking.

 

I'll start with a joke I heard about ten years ago. Feel free to add to the list.

 

Bubba, down in South Alabama, is charged, based on an eye-witness account, of having sexual relations with a goat.

 

A pre-trial hearing is set when Bubba can choose a Public Defender. The judge tells Bubba he has two choices: #1 is a brilliant lawyer with a Juris Doctor degree from Harvard Law School, however he is a bit arrogant and tends to piss off locale citizens; #2 is a local attorney, graduate of North Alabama Law School only 2 years ago, a bit green in The Law, but he is known as being the best local lawyer for picking a jury. Bubba pauses, thinks, and then chooses the local lawyer.

 

The case gets to trial, and the Prosecutor puts the eyewitness on the Stand.

 

"What did you see, sir?" asked the Prosecutor.

 

"I saw that man right there having sexual relations with a goat!" he said, pointing to Bubba.

 

"Did you see anything else, sir?" asked the Prosecutor.

 

The eyewitness says, "Yes, after they were done having sex, the goat turned around and cleaned up Bubba real good."

 

At that point, one juror says to the juror next to him, "Ya know, good goats will do that."

 

[Guest TBinCHI]

A woman in labor is screaming in agony and berating her husband for putting her in that predicament. "Don't blame me" he says, "I wanted to fuck you in the ass that night, but noooo, you said you thought it would hurt too much."

[+ purplekow]

I started to tell this joke which I thought amusing but not laugh out loud funny, but when I got to the punchline, I could not control my own laughter. Usually, I am not one to laugh at his own jokes but something came over me and I was rolling for about 3 minutes as my audience of 1 looked at me as though I were insane. I have not had an episode of uncontrolled laughter like that in a long time. So thanks for the laugh and to readers, when was the last time you laughed long and hard and what caused it?

[Guest ncm2169]

< I started to tell this joke

 

Thanks for sharing the joke.

[jackcali]

That's a great joke. I've also heard it told with sheep. But as long as we're talking about sex with goats, here's another one.

 

A door-to-door salesman (remember those?) rings a doorbell, and the door is answered by a little boy. "Young man," says the salesman, "is your mother at home and may I speak with her?" The boy answers, "She's home, but you can't speak with her right now."

 

"Why not?" asks the salesman, and the boy casually replies "Because she's in the backyard getting fucked by one of our goats." The salesman is taken aback by this and by the boy's seeming indifference. "She's in the backyard getting fucked by a goat? Doesn't that bother you?" asks the salesman. The boy replies "Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

 

I think it's a better joke to hear than to read, but as dumb as it is, it's always cracked me up, so I thought I'd share it.

[AdamSmith]

Stooping to a new low...

 

Q: What did O.J. Simpson, returning to the scene to hide the evidence, have in common with Michael Jackson?

 

A: They both wanted to get there before the fuzz.

[Kevin Slater]

What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?

 

Only one retarded thing came out of her vagina.

[Guest zipperzone]

What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?

 

Only one retarded thing came out of her vagina.

 

SICK - I love it.........

[Mark Gordon]

Q: How do you make a rentboy moan?

 

A: Don't pay him!

[Kevin Slater]

Q: How do you make a rentboy moan?

 

A: Don't pay him!

 

I always heard it: How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her.

 

Relatedly, my dad once took a horticulture class. Says he didn't learn a thing except on the first day the prof announced "you can lead a horticulture but you can't force her to think".

 

Kevin Slater

[happyguy2]

Here is another joke, I never saw it coming!

 

 

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

 

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

 

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk..

 

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

 

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick up your heels.'

 

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

 

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him..

 

She quietly called him over to her.

 

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

 

'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

 

'Now take off my stockings.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

 

'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

 

 

'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

 

 

Then she looked at him and said,

 

 

'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

[+ glutes]

pms & gps

 

What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?

 

 

A crazy bitch who will find you.