Jo Mama

[Godiva]

...side stepping the sex themed topics of late..I asked a few of my friends..Who has been supporting you as you came to terms with your sexuality and is still by your side today?? Rarely was it our fathers or brothers..most of the time it was a sister or Jo Mama

 

Would you recommend newcomers to come out to their family first or friends first?

 

 

G

[Guest Shake]

Shake<------ perks up his ears as he quietly peaks out from his tidy little corner in the closet.

[Rick Munroe]

In my case (I was 16), it was my father who was accepting of it, and my mother who took some time (not much, luckily) to come around. This was actually the same experience that Chastity Bono had; conservative Sonny was cool about it right away, and Cher needed time to think things through. So I guess what I'm saying is that, in a way, Chastity Bono = Rick Munroe.

 

I hope this was a good answer, Godiva.

[chrismac]

I'm saying is that, in a way, Chastity Bono

>= Rick Munroe.

 

And you are soooo chaste

;-)

[chrismac]

I still haven't told my parents - it hasn't been difficult in that regard due to my past history with girlfriends, but I did tell one friend of mine who is also gay. It was a disaster, but that's more to do with my friend's particular insanity than anything else.

 

More recently, while I was freaking out and waiting for my HIV tests to come back, I had to talk to someone or I would have gone mad myself. So I reconnected with an old friend in Hollywood who is HIV+ and spilled the beans. He was very supportive, and continues to be even though my tests came back negative (I said in another thread that I felt bad throughout the ordeal dragging him through it with me). We're just good friends and always will be just that, but we're planning a trip to NYC together in a couple of weeks to paint the town pink.

 

As for my parents, I know they'd deal with it, especially my mother - my father would have a bit more trouble. My sister and brother-in-law, however, would take a more jaundiced view. They would probably worry about my influence on their children, which makes me just sick to think about, since I love them so much.

 

As a tangent to this thread, I've often wondered if there's statistically a higher occurence of "out" gay people, especially men, in divorced families where the mother raised the child and the father was more distant. I don't mean a higher instance of homosexuality, but rather a person feeling more comfortable coming out when a father isn't around to perhaps intimidate (if even unintentionally). By the same token, are gays from families with strong marriages and a father with a strong and influential personality more likely to be closeted?

 

My father is a cowboy (true) - I grew up on a cattle ranch. He also owns a pipeline construction business, so while he has never exhibited any open homophobia, he wouldn't embrace it either (not that cowboys or construction workers couldn't be gay - just look at the Village People ). At least he taught me to act butch

[Houston Bonfires]

I can see only a few similarities. Chastity has a great ass but just doesn't measure up to the Munroe monument. Also you have less chest hair.

 

In fun,

 

H B

[Godiva]

With me it was a very good friend (girl) who knew my family and suggested I tell my grandmother first. After that my Mom..My Dad is having some issues but they are his..

[+ Charlie]

Actually, it was my father who seemed to understand and accept it more easily when I came out to both parents together when I was 19. Perhaps it was because he had already learned to deal with the fact that his favorite cousin had stubbornly insisted on making his lover a member of the family, long before it was socially acceptable to be openly gay. Even after years of living with my partner and myself in our comfortable middle class household, my mother still doesn't quite understand and tells others that she wishes things were different.

 

As to whom to come out to first, I chose my best friend, who turned out to be gay also (big surprise, eh?)

[Guest RushNY]

I must admit i was lucky i didnt realize until i was in my mid 20s that i was gay up until then i was straight(or so i thought) been engaged twice but never went thru with marriage (thank god)but realized there was something missing from those relationships,my parents were both dead when i figured it out my mom who was Irish i think would have freaked BIG TIME and probably have killed me, my pops who was Italian a cop macho as they come i think would have been cool with it,i was so shocked when i had these feelings i knew were right for me it took me over 2 years to tell anyone, i told a straight woman colleague who shocked me by saying she knew how i dont know, still to this day 11 years on about 80% of people i meet would never guess and the figure is even higher for my BF, i sometimes wonder if they had known what it would have been like actually i dont think i would have reached 30 my mom would have had the Catholic Mafia do away with me or i would be in some remote monastery in Southern Ireland shut away for my sins.

[Guest roninx]

I think that culturally there can be a problem coming out. Being asian, I have not come out to anyone. I know for a fact that my parents would never accept it. They are very traditional and "being gay" is looked down upon (I'm talking ostracizing).

 

Being the only son is difficult because they are always asking when I will find a girlfriend and they can have grandchildren.

 

I envy those who have come out and can live "freely" but maybe one day I will be able to do it.

[chrismac]

>I envy those who have come out and can live "freely" but

>maybe one day I will be able to do it.

 

I'm with you all the way on that. At some point, you'll meet someone with whom you want to share the world, and realize that you have a greater need to live for yourself, and make yourself happy rather than others - even others in your family whom you love very much.

 

The same thing happens with heterosexuals when they meet and choose to be with someone "not acceptable" to the family - you may have to choose.

 

In the end - you know how best to manage your life, and it's probably not worth it to rock the boat with your family now if you're not in or getting into a serious relationship. But once that happens - as I've seen it written recently - openly gay men find relationships with closeted partners very frustrating and annoying.

 

You don't want to miss out on the love of your life for fear of your family's disapproval.

[Guest elwood]

The hardest person to "come out" to was myself. Growing up I knew I was attracted to men..but was so repressed about sex in general that I did not explore any of this.It was not talked about at home. All the pressures were towards marriage,having kids etc.I never told my parents. When I was young..once I understood, I was afraid of what they would think and feel...as they and I got older, I did not want them to feel bad. I know it was a cop out. But I have live with the same guy now for over twenty years and there is no one in the family who does not know.On the public level..ones sexual orientation is no ones business.I don't care to ask anyone that question... in fact I think it is a very strange question. Because I live with another man (even though there has been no sexual side to the relationship in many years) most friends assume I am homosexual.. and in that assumption, they are correct..by coincidence. I'm not sure anyone has EVER asked me if I am homosexual. If I was asked, I would say that it is none of their business. Nor have I ever asked that of anyone. We make assumptions,sometimes right,sometimes wrong.I don't believe in "gay" ghettoes or in restricting my friends on the basis of sexual orientation. I don't think its healthy. I do not think the idea of a "gay" community makes any sense at all. I do not identify with people on such a narrow basis as sexual orientation.That is just one feature of a person.There is an immesnse variety out there. Sexual orientation alone says nothing much about anyone. People can be good,bad,brutal,exploitative,honest,dishonest,brave,cowardly,open,kind,closed,prejudiced, conservative,liberal,fascist,dull,witty,sexy,creative,lazy,altruistic,selfish... NO MATTER WHAT SEXUAL ORIENTATION. The only problem...and it is a MAJOR one..is that much of society views sexual orientation on a religious,moral, basis, as being somehow un-natural,perverted,"queer". funny etc when it invloves being attracted to the same sex. Homosexuality is natural,and morally neutral. It is not the "norm" however and the species needs to have societal sanctions for its own procreation ( now however,that is not needed...we are way overpopulated).