He Didn't Watch The Clock - CAN WE HELP HIM?

[Guest IM_Moore]

He claimed to be 18, I hoped he was 18, it wasn’t exactly like the slim raver I just picked up on Santa Monica Blvd. Carried ID. His short, choppy, red hair was dyed two shades of red. His voice cracked as he declared he was into anything. The plastic bag he placed on the floor between his feet contained hair products … tonight he was going to dye his hair a light brown as the red was looking real old, well, so I was told.

 

Anything, great… do you kiss I asked in a voice that must have sounded like a whisper compared to a local radio station blasting out house music on the car stereo. Well, anything but that. OK well do you rim I asked now speaking up as to be sure he understood what I was asking, well, that is one of the other things I won’t do. After narrowing down the menu of sexual delights to the basics I asked how much he charged for his services. What do you normally pay, he asked. Half joking I said about 30. or 40…. OK 40. dollars will be good.

 

I steered my car off of Santa Monica and aimed it at a nearby motel. Hold on a sec I yelled as I jumped out of the car, I will get a room and be right back. I think he nodded affirmative as I headed inside the lobby. All sold out some woman told me. She was quite old, it was hard to tell what country she was from. It wasn’t in Europe and it sure wasn’t Mexico. Jumping back in my vehicle I made the decision that I would spend a few extra dollars on the room since the entertainment was not going to be very expensive. This meant a 15 minute drive to a nearby city.

 

As we cruised through the streets of Los Angeles the raver sitting next to me would comment on people or buildings we passed. At one point he noted as a kid he use to shoot up behind a well known studio. As a kid I thought, he might be 18 when did you use to shoot I heard myself asking. About 3 years ago he said rubbing his hairless arms.

 

Inside the room of a moderately nice hotel he rummaged through his shopping bag. I need to do my hair first he proclaimed. Can’t you do it after we are done I asked, not wanting the dye all over the sheets and myself for that matter. No it is really driving me crazy I need to do it now. Alright, I said as he locked himself in the bathroom for nearly 90 minutes. When he next appeared he was wrapped in a white hotel towel displaying his new shade of brown hair.

 

Jumping in the bed I motioned him to do the same. He slowly came over to lay next to me. It was clear he wasn’t into anything, straight I thought for a second, nope... he was another failure, in part, of the gay community. A kid on the streets selling his body to survive. Obviously, not able to negotiate the complexity of his situation. We dressed, I paid him and gave him a ride to a friend's house. Be careful he told me in a very sincere tone, thank you I said, you too.

 

There are thousands of boys on the street like this raver kid. They hold onto dreams that one day it will get better. They know that it really will only get worse. And the gay community as turned their collective backs on these boys…. Just as their parents, peers and teachers have. Don’t we have a responsibility here somewhere?

 

I feel that we need to take action now so another generation of gay youth isn’t lost to the harshness of the streets. But as I did unintentionally this day gays add to the problem by using these guys for our pleasure. Then we convince ourselves we’re doing good by at least giving them some money to get them off the street for one night.

 

Flashback: to Balboa Park 1996 (this is an area in my hometown of San Diego where very young boys would work). During this time I was determined to try to do something positive, each day about noon several dozen young teens would assemble in the park’s fruit loop section. Instead of being one of the many guys who would pick these boys up for whatever, I decided that I would try and do something positive. So, each day I would go to Jack in the Box and buy enough food for all of them. Then I would head down to the fruit loop park my car and invite them over. At first they were hesitant, feeling me out, thinking I had other motives … then after a few weeks they realized I was sincere and they would give me a innocent hug, even make requests for socks or underwear … it didn’t take much to make their lives a bit easier, it didn’t take much to make them a little more comfortable. The problem was it took a lot more than I could do to get them out of the park. Eventually the INS did a massive sweep of the park for several weeks and the boys were gone. Did I really do any good. I never will know but I sure felt a lot better about myself for the two months I was acting in their best interest.

 

I say it’s time we take some ownership of the problem and as gay men who might have resources, do something to cure this situation. Otherwise, we will lose yet another generation of boys who could have been a force of their own.

[+ bigjoey]

sounds like they could use a GOOD group home that could be a safe place while they got job training or an education. does anyone know of any that we could support? it might make a good group project (imagine, hooboy's home for troubled youth); in all seriousness, if there was a group home or shelter, i would support it.

[Guest cp8036]

I am confused... cannot offer anything in terms of comment.

[+ bigjoey]

simply put, there are young gay men who get thrown out of their home by their parents because they are gay. with no place to go, they often end up on the street as hustlers because there is no other choice for them. this is a huge simplification as there may be drugs involved and other circumstances.

 

i know of one former escort whose parents showed him the door when he came out; he was a senior in high school and made his own way. i met him when he was in his early 30's and got his act together and now at over 40 has retired from escorting and doing well in the regular world. however, he is probabally an exception.

 

these men have no choice compared to someone like rod hagen who had a good job but chose escorting not from despiration. in addition to just staying alive, these guys are often looking for the love and attention that they did not get at home; often, they get this from the john as well as money.

 

the original post was to see if there was something we could do for these young men. is there a gay community and if so, are we responsible for each other? i feel we are responsible if for no other reason than these young men are human; gay or straight, we should help.

[marc anthony]

Poignant post, IM...

 

Like all other social problems without broad based community or government support, these boys can only be helped as you have helped them... one boy at a time.

 

Jack in the Box, a hand on the shoulder, and kind word.

 

Will it help all of them? Of course not. But if you help one of them, then you have made some difference.

 

Analogous to the water conservation effort, you can only start with your own behavior. Even if you hire these boys, a little compassion and genuine caring can go a long way.

[sdg]

Of the 15000 young people in L.A. that are homeless, 6000 are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender. That is a statistic from the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center. They run a program in LA for homeless gay teenagers of which I support, well when they call me every couple of months I send them some money. Not as much as I spend on escorts but at least I feel it helps somewhat to get these kids off the streets. If anyone is interested in helping to get these kids off the street, at least the gay homeless youth of LA, they should contact this agency at 323 993 7620 or send your checks to Friends of the Center, P.O.Box 51896. Loa Angeles, CA 90051 9778.

 

Moore if you are serious about helping the gay homeless teens in San Diego maybe you should contact this agency and find out if there is anyway they could assist you in setting up a program in San Diego. If they can and you need assistance I also live in San Diego and would be more than happy to help all that I can.

 

sdg

 

Other stats they quote:

 

Homeless youth sleep on bus stops and sidewalk curbs all over Hollywood

Homeless youth are contracting HIV at an alarming rate.

Living on the streets is ofter safet than living at home.

[+ Lucky]

RE:CAN WE HELP HIM?

 

That'a a great suggestion to send money to agencies that help these kids. There is a school of thought that they are helped when an older man takes them in, feeds them, and fucks them.

Then, of course, there are the agencies that are pretty good at abusing the kids themselves.

It's a sad dilemma.

There is no simple answer to the question.

[Guest cp8036]

RE:CAN WE HELP HIM?

 

I am not sure hiring a boy off the street is a solution or even helpful. Often will enable a bad life on the streets, and without any way of getting him out of that life. If he knows he can hustle for food/housing, he will keep at it.

 

There is no easy answer. Maybe supporting shelters, training, family therapy, local laws, parental involvment, etc., etc.

 

BigJ, I understood the meanign behind the post... I was more confused or surprized at the source.

[Guest Thunderbuns]

If

>anyone is interested in helping to get these kids off the

>street, at least the gay homeless youth of LA, they should

>contact this agency at 323 993 7620 or send your checks to

>Friends of the Center, P.O.Box 51896. Loa Angeles, CA 90051

>9778.

 

 

I must have ancestors who are from Missouri. I always hesitate to donate money to charities unless I have some reliable stats as to what percentage of the $$ actually sees it's way to the cause. One hears of so many examples of gross mismanagement and uncontrolled administrative costs. Don't know if this is true or not but I read recently that the head of the American Red Cross actually makes more than President Bush. If it is true, it illustrates my point.

 

For that reason, I would much prefer to make my contribution as a volunteer of whatever charity I wish to suport. That way I know where my "donation" is spent and I personally get a sense of satisfaction that merely popping a cheque in the mail does not give me.

 

Thunderbuns

[sdg]

I totally agree Thunder and it is this same rationale that has me grasping my pocketbook, ha, and saying they aren't going to get my money. Hell that means there will be less to spend on what I truely want. I commend you for your willingness to volunteer, however, this is not always possible or done. I had a someone I trusted who did volunteer work for this orgainzation that referred them to me. Yes I'm sure the staff takes part of my donation to enjoy things with but I'm also sure that some of what I give helps some kid even if it is to get them a hamburger. It's real easy to be the cynic and not do anything, I know I do it all the time. But I trust my fellow gay "brothers" not to rip off or abuse, at least not as much as heteros. So investigate, volunteer, whatever it takes but do something.

 

sdg

[Guest Thunderbuns]

But I trust my fellow gay "brothers" not to

>rip off or abuse, at least not as much as heteros. So

>investigate, volunteer, whatever it takes but do something.

>

>sdg

 

 

 

It's nice to hear you say you trust your gay brothers - but there are probably some of our members who would disagree. They didn't approve when I said we should all respect each other so I hardly thing they would agree that we should all trust each other - just because we're gay.

 

Would I automatically trust all my fellow gay brothers when it comes to money? Hmmmmmmmmm.......... I think not.

 

Thunderbuns

[Guest WetDream]

As someone who has spent some time in the fundraising game, I can tell you you are correct to check out charities before you donate. If they are reputable, they should be willing to disclose what percentage of their donations go to supporting programs. On the other hand, you should be aware that it costs money to raise money. The ones that you should be especially suspicious of are the organizations that hire outside "experts" to run their fundraising activities (i.e., all of those "police" support groups that bug you over the telephone).

 

I know that people are often shocked at the salaries of executive directors for large non-profit groups; they think that they should be paid minimum wage. Many of these organizations handle millions of dollars in contributions each year and oversee complex programs. To attract a competent staff, decent wages must be offered.

 

Volunteering is also an excellent way to provide help -- either by adding your expertise in support of a program or doing office work to free up staff time for program-related work. Being a volunteer is also a good way to size up an organization, to get an inside view on how it works and its policies.

 

It is naive to think that any group is without its shysters. In my hometown recently two successful pyramid schemes were just uncovered. Both worked through local churches (one was headed by the minister's son). Here in San Francisco, the head of the local Catholic Charities was fired because it was discovered that he had listed solo lunches at an extremely costly restuarant and costs for plastic surgery as business expenses. I don't mean to come down on religious organizations here; skulduggery is afoot everywhere.

 

Give your time or give your money. Just don't be stupid about who you support.

[sdg]

Give your time or give your money. Just don't be stupid about who you support.

 

Exactly, I agree. You have made very good points. However, I need to add again don't use the excuse that you might get burnt to ignore the situation. Do the research or whatever you need to make yourself comfortable but get involved.

 

sdg

[BewareofNick]

Well...IM has manifested a third distinct personality here and I think I like this guy.

 

The first thing that you have to realize is that you cannot help everyone. It can be an extraordinarily difficult thing to do, but even as you cannot save everyone, you also must realize that not everyone is salvageable. So what can you do?

 

I used to pick up street boys when I lived in Orlando. Most of them were hustling to live and so that they had money for drugs. I tried to help them and did some of the things that have been suggested. Most of them are in jail or still out on the streets. Except one. This kid seemed special. He was about 5'10", nice tight body and very into what he was doing. I began seeing him regularly. Unlike many of the others, he avoided the drugs. Eventually, he saved up enough money to get his own place. I continued to see him as a client, but we also hung out together: watching movies, going to the mall, having dinner. He paid for dinner about half the time and sometimes we had sex and he wouldn't take money for it. And then he disappeared.

 

Six years later, I'm at the mall and I hear someone yell out my name. I turned to see this vision of manliness. It was Robby. he looked awesome. We chatted for a little while over dinner. Six years prior, he had disappeared to go back to Miami to take care of his mother. His Mom got better and he took that time to go back to school and get a degree. He continued to hustle to pay his way through school, but upon graduation, he got a good job and abandoned his prior vocation.

 

As fate would have it, his company moved him back to Orlando. We went back to his house..yes, his HOUSE (he showed me the mortgage with his name on it)..and he made love to me. It was fantastic. He told me that in all these years, he had never forgotten me because I was the one client who treated him like a human being. The times we had spent just doing normal human things had meant the world to him and had helped him to rediscover his self worth.

 

I moved to Atlanta shortly thereafter, but I still keep in touch with Robby. He has a partner now and they are living a quiet and fulfilling life.

 

Since coming to Atlanta, I have become a mentor to, at last count, four young gay men. None of them are hustlers, but they needed someone in their life who understnads and can support them emotionally. Two of them I played matchmaker for and they have been together for six months now. I also volunteer for the local gay youth organization.

 

Some of you might remember the old RainbowBoys outfit. I had been perusing their site and had decided to hire one of the boys. We set up a date for Friday. On wednesday, who should walk in the door of the youth center but the boy I had a date with. He did not know who I was. I decided right then I would not be going through with our date. Later on that night, I talked with him privately and mentioned that I had seen him on the RB site. He smirked and asked if I wanted a date. I told him no, that I didn't hire boys (ha!) and that I was concerned that he was doing this for a living. I trotted out all the obvious concerns. he smiled and said he appreciated the concern but it was none of my business. He asked me not to mention this to anyone else at the center. Since he was 18 there was nothing I could really do. A few months later, he's in jail.

 

Get involved and help. Sometimes you'll win and sometimes you'll lose. until you try, you'll never know if you coudl have made a difference.

[BuckyXTC]

Dear IM_Moore:

 

At times you utterly baffle me. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have posted the negative feedback I gave you some time ago. I wish this site had a feature that allowed us to reconsider or retract feedback we posted. I'm not saying that you haven't irritated me from time to time, but that's not a crime. So I apologize for that feedback and your latest post convinces me that you're truly a complex, multidimensional human being. I like the caring and compassion you expressed in this thread. You've inspired me to be much more thoughtful before posting feedback. And you've given me pause to consider the plight of the young who hustle because they have few other options, if they want to eat and survive.

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>Dear IM_Moore:

>

>At times you utterly baffle me. If I had it to do over

>again, I wouldn't have posted the negative feedback I gave

>you some time ago. I wish this site had a feature that

>allowed us to reconsider or retract feedback we posted.

 

If we're not able to retract a negative review, surely there is nothing to stop you from now posting a positive one which will at least give the 2 points back. Or is there?

 

Thunderbuns

[Guest Stefano]

>Poignant post, IM...

>

>Like all other social problems without broad based community

>or government support, these boys can only be helped as you

>have helped them... one boy at a time.

>

>Jack in the Box, a hand on the shoulder, and kind word.

>

>Will it help all of them? Of course not. But if you help

>one of them, then you have made some difference.

>

>Analogous to the water conservation effort, you can only

>start with your own behavior. Even if you hire these boys,

>a little compassion and genuine caring can go a long way.

 

I completely agree. I believe that for the most part there is always hope for a better tomorrow. The fact is that we as human beings are inevitably alone. In thought and alot of times in reality.

 

Sometimes the only thing that can reawaken the thirst for survival within a hopeless soul are kind words. Words that sincerely flow from your heart to theirs when you see what position they may be in and truely feel for them.

 

It's sad that most times nothing works. But it isn't because you didn't try. It's because they didn't try. Not to much you can do for a lazy self pittying generation (For the most part). I am touched that you felt the need to express your feelings on a more delicate subject here.

 

Anyways,,

 

That's all I got.

 

Mike ;-)~

[Guest JT]

>If we're not able to retract a negative review, surely there

>is nothing to stop you from now posting a positive one which

>will at least give the 2 points back. Or is there?

>

 

Hi Thunderbuns,

 

Sorry to disappoint but the rating system does not allow "double-dipping". One strike you're out! Unless you sign up with another alias, you're only allowed to rate each person once.

 

JT

(almost called you TB but that is such a yucky name. I love your handle...hmmm..."thunderbuns" sounds so yummy, as long as they don't come with noises, hehe)

[Guest JT]

Dear IM,

 

Thank you for such a thoughtful and moving post. I agree with those who have already posted. There're things that we can do: monetary donations and/or volunteer our time and talents for charitable organizations that help homeless/runaway young people. Not only do some of these organizations provide food and shelter for them, but they also offer counselling, job-training and educational programs. Some of these kids turn out to be success stories and live a productive adult life while others disappeared and were never heard from again. Yes, it could be heartbreaking at times but my philosophy is, if there is even one kid that is helped, we have made a difference and the world is a better place already.

 

Mike was right. Talk to them. Or better, listen to them! You'll be surprised what a conversation can do for a lonely, unloved soul. At times, I know it could be very tough to convince them that there're still people who do care about them! It's tough to show them that there is still hope and a better future for them when they look around and see so many of their "peers" have been lost to drugs and diseases! But if we, as fellow human beings, don't even try, then there is no doubt in my mind where most, if not all of them are heading!

 

Homelessness is now a huge problem in many big North American cities. The combination of drugs, physical/sexual/psychological abuses, dysfunctional families, sexual orientation, poverty as well as poor health and umemployment have all contributed to the problem. While all of us can try to do our shares, personally I don't believe the problem is going to be solved without a more coherent and concerted efforts among the governments, organizations, schools, parents and individuals.

 

 

JT

(I've never hired a street "hustler" but I'm not sure whether by hiring them it would help solve the problem)

[Guest tmbg]

It's obvious that group homes, youth shelters, gay youth services and the like have had little impact on these boy's lives. I believe a new approach must be developed to bring a resolution to this horrific problem.

 

As individuals I don't know if we can really do much aside from letting our representatives know that their lack of concern has not gone unoticed.

 

Cheers! Ritchie