Alangkarn in Pattaya

[HooBoy]

Last night my assistant, Foxy and I took some friends to Alangkarn in Pattaya. I would liken it to a glitzy, elaborate show in a 2,000 seat air conditioned theater where beautiful dancers with elaborate traditional Thai costumes present an on hour dazzling display of the history of Thailand, complete with live elephants "fighting" on stage.

 

It is a typical tourist trap destination and the local boys we took with us had never seen it, of course because the price is close to USD $50 per person, including a buffet.

 

The only reason I went is because my best friend from New York flew in from Tokyo to see me and he insisted we go.

 

I do not like buffets because I think people drop snot onto the food and this buffet was the worst conglomeration of overcooked cat, mice and unrecognizable vermin I have ever seen.

 

The show itself was a beautiful Las Vegas - style extravaganza depicting the history and dance of Thailand in a 2000 seat auditorium. Thanks to Valium I took to calm my stomach, I was having a wonderful nap, when one of the girls came off the stage and grabbed my Slovak friend and assistant, Foxy, to join them onstage.

 

He was fantastic, dancing and smiling. Earlier, we had pictures taken on an elephant, but owners were not amused that I got on the beast backward and then attempted to stand on his head. I wanted to replicate Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic" saying "I am the king of the world." The resulting photo was about USD $12 but is priceless to me. (I deplore the use of magnificent animals for this sort of thing, but I relented upon the insistence of my guests.)

 

Alright, here is my advice on Alangkarn if you like indigenous tourist oriented spectacles.

 

Do not take the van from your hotel to the venue. It took over an hour to get there stopping at hotel after hotel. The van picked us up at 5:30 PM, the show began at 8:45pm and we had to endure the heat in the meantime. Take a cab instead and show up for the show about 8:15pm. The theater is lovely, the sound system clean, dancers beautiful and costumes elaborate.

 

We took a Taxi back to our hotel, a 20 minute ride for USD $6.50.

 

Then, we went out for dinner and played mini-golf.

 

(edited for misunderdandings about ATM Machines)

[UDH]

Dear Hoo

It was a great report, Alangkarn is as you say and taxi advise spot on.

 

Khun Num sounds like a treasured find as you are to him.

 

Now this is where I am going to sound incredibly cheap maybe I am getting guide services confused with sexual services but $200 (7684 baht) for an evening steep compared to the cost of a bar boys time.

A bar guys "time" for 1 - 2 hours "service" is on average $26 (1000 baht) in Pattaya.

 

I am familiar with Pattaya as have been going there on the average of 4 times a year for the last 15 years.

 

I believe I have bought my share of Buffalos and help sick Mamas!

 

Keep up the great reports on Pattaya but don't let everyone know it is Paradise

[HooBoy]

You know, I thought long and hard about posting this. I really do not want people to come here. I want it all for myself. Totally Oz does a magnificent job on updating us, but I think he is really busy with family right now and is an area with little or no Internet connections. I was just so appalled with Alangkarn, I wanted to alert the media and in my rambling I ended up writing more than I intended.

 

Besides that, I have been having HORRENDOUS INTERNET problems here even after buying a the maximum amount of bandwidth I could. (This has nothing to do with the problems about reviews getting to me, only getting the site uploaded by my 6am EST deadline.)

[Guest msclonly]

Do you think of yourself as an ATM machine?

 

I have not found the guys in Thailand to think of me as an ATM outlet!

You are projecting this feeling, unfairly onto the people you surround yourself with.

 

I do get this in the US, since I look like ED MCMAHON and only wish I had as much money as he does! But never have I experienced anything but respect in Thailand.

But then, I don't act like an ATM machine at any time.

 

 

:+

[HooBoy]

RE: Do you think of yourself as an ATM machine?

 

Hi ms...

 

Here is what I said:

 

"Believe me, he saves me much more than I would lose from the tourist traps and hustlers you find in any country who see visitors as a walking ATM machine"

 

I do not think of myself as a walking ATM machine ever. Heck, I don't have enough money to even fathom the thought about myself. It is a term bandied about here often.

 

I agree with you about the Thai people.

[kjun]

RE: Do you think of yourself as an ATM machine?

 

I think that the point being made to you is that paying someone $200 a day as a guide is acting like a broken ATM machine paying out too much.

 

the Cajun

[HooBoy]

RE: Do you think of yourself as an ATM machine?

 

I guess it all depends on the added value to me. I could go into greater detail, but I just don't have time right now. And I am not sure many readers here understand, want or appreciate what really turns me on.

 

I experienced places, things and people I never would have otherwise. Places that are not in the tour books. Hangouts that only locals know of, some down dark alleys or places you get to by crawling under garage doors. Real people who enriched my life far more than a meager $200.

 

Sure, I can go to the go-go bars, see the ex-pats and tourists any day for far less, but I have made some dear friends that I never would have found on the jaded pink-lighted streets filled with boys I, frankly, feel sorry for. And yes, I have a picture of myself on an elephant in a place filled with tourists haggling over 10 cents.

 

My personal preference is to drill into the society and the culture be welcome in people's home, rather than spending my days and nights satisfying my carnal pleasures. Certainly the carnal brain in my pants kicks in and for that I don't shell out that kind of money.

 

Like I said, I was not asked for payment. I gave it as a tip to help out a friend. You would probably do the same if you think about it. I made friends for life and if I can afford to help them out, I am happy to do so.

 

But that's just me.

 

Anyone wanna buy a fake Rolex?

}(

[floridarob]

RE: Do you think of yourself as an ATM machine?

 

I don't know, maybe I am wrong...but you say you did it as a tip to help out a friend, but then why do you post it here except to tell everyone that you are doing it? It seems that you want the people here to know you were so "generous".

 

Don't misconstrue what I am saying But I've been reading some posts here lately where the poster feels a need to brag about what they are paying...maybe that could become another forum titled something like "look how much I paid someone" or the opposite "look what I got for free"

 

I think it would be more rewarding if you just kept that part of your story to yourself...if that was your true intention, believe me.

[HooBoy]

RE: Do you think of yourself as an ATM machine?

 

It was not my intention.

[+ Lucky]

RE: Do you think of yourself as a friend for life?

 

"I made friends for life and if I can afford to help them out, I am happy to do so.

 

But that's just me."

 

Hooboy made many friends, as evidenced in the Lounge. This last thread is such a good example of his wit and personality. Friends for life...how true it turned out to be.

[Bilbo]

RE: Do you think of yourself as a friend for life?

 

That man had friends all over the globe, whether they had met him or not. I haven't been able to know what to say, other than you know he's probably in a part of Heaven where he is playing with escorts all day with an inexhaustible bankroll. Lucky's right. One of the best ways to remember him is to reread his own words.