Stayin Below The Gaydar Adults Only

[Guest allansmith63]

Well, sum total of the "pegging" me as gay: I was too good a husband, too considerate, had too many female friends, a good cook, too interested in how the house looked, too interested in home decorating (hey, I wanted to be an architect), cried too easily - I read the abbreviated list over and realize it says more about the people that contributed to the list than it does about me (I think)

 

Allan

[Guest allansmith63]

No, I never considered myself bisexual. I've always considered myself gay, but able to fulfill my marital obligations. Until I started reading about the Kinsey scale, I felt that people were either gay or straight, and people who considered themselves bisexual were only in the process of trying to figure out whether they were gay or straight.

 

For what it's worth.

 

Allan

[Godiva]

Thanxs for your honesty allansmith.

 

Godiva

[Godiva]

Hey allansmith...did you however think you where Gay in a hetero relationship or did you not identify with either until you ended it and looked back on it....as you can see I am quite interested it this.

 

Thanxs again

 

Godiva

[Guest allansmith63]

>Hey allansmith...did you however think you where Gay in a

>hetero relationship or did you not identify with either

>until you ended it and looked back on it....as you can see I

>am quite interested it this.

>

>Thanxs again

>

>Godiva

 

Glad to provide some info. I always considered myself gay in a hetero relationship, which I felt would be my lot all my life. So, lots of hiding. Until I met a very special escort, when I realized that I could be who I was meant to be.

 

Allan

[Matt_Vancouver]

Jumping in here, as is my way, I too was married for 6 years, and have been 'gay' for as long as I can remember.

Like many men, I didn't want to be gay, so I thought if I found the right woman, everything would be fine, everyone else is doing it, why can't I?

Of course it never goes away, sure you can stiffle it, but that desire will rear it's wonderful homosexual head at some point in the future.

Allan I think it's pretty evident to anyone who's a regular here, that you are referring to me in the comment "until I met a very special escort"... I did nothing, I was just the person that happened to be in the immediate vecinity when it was your time.

I have never considered myself bisexual, sure I enjoyed sex with women, but it was never what I really wanted.

This post, as is usually the case with my meanderings, answers nothing.... fuck. I try

matt(100% Queer Mutha Fucka)

[Godiva]

Hey Matt..while you were married did any of your hetero friends have you pegged as Allansmiths did or were you sucsessful at hiding until you came out.

 

By the way Matt any contribution by you is always enlightening;-)

 

 

Thanxs again

 

Godiva

[phage]

This reminds me of a friend who did not come out – even to me – until TEN years after I told him that I was gay. He spent the time flitting from one short hetero relationship to another – breaking countless hearts. When he finally came out, I told him that I was surprised that he fought it for so long because he is so strong willed. (This is an extremely strong and forceful man.) I figured he was the type to say the Hell with what others thought and do what made him feel good. His response: “It’s exactly because I am strong willed that I was able to fight it for so long.”

 

What do you guys think? Is fighting your true nature a sign of a strong will, or a weak one? Of course, I think you have to be true to yourself, blah, blah, blah. But you have to admit, it takes a very strong will to stifle your desires and MAKE yourself be something you are not because that is what you CHOOSE to be.

[Godiva]

Hey Phage...

 

Nice Post...Tho you will never get the right answer because it depends on what everyone individual wants out of life and when. In some cases some of you have had the best of both worlds. At least you can say that. Imagine some going through life never having the expierience of both worlds because society still in many ways dictates our rules of conduct. Whether he be weak or strong at least he tried both and was able to make a final decision on his own. I admire that. But thats just my opinion..

 

Anyone else....

 

Godiva

[Godiva]

Just another thought...

 

Can women spot a Gay man sooner than another Gay man can????hmmm

 

Godiva

[Guest RushNY]

My 2 cents,for what its worth,i have been 'out' for about 7 years it was the hardest thing i have had to do because of my job and lifestyle which made it doubly difficult but after about six months i felt it was the right thing to do and am happy that i did it ,as someone very close to me said it doesnt change who u are and i was surprised that a lot of people who are close to me were completely NOT surprised when i told them,i think the main thing which happened was that i became more comfortable in myself and was more relaxed.

Obviously this might not work for all people and everybody is different but in my case was the right thing 2 do.

[Godiva]

Congrats RushNy..I applaud your courage..

 

 

[h1]G[h1/]

[Guest Java]

I find this topic very interesting because it is such a personal one. For me, I have found myself in a similar quandry of maybe being bi-sexual, but not. Like Alan, I have very similar "more sensitive" traits and find that I have an easier time making friends with women than men. (What is this thing with knitting as a kid? I did it, too.) In college, I truly wanted to find a woman to love, marry, have kids with, etc. The few that I was attracted to, liked me as a friend, but nothing happened romanticly. I was attracted to certain guys, but didn't act on it. In doing my soul searching, part of my attraction was simply lust for something that I was not. Generally, at that time the only guys who I knew were gay were very effeminate, and I really had no interest. In time, I found that I didn't really fit in either world, which basically sucked. Since I felt rejected by the hetero world, I didn't want to pursue the gay world for fear of being rejected there as well. (As well as the fear that many have before coming out of being rejected by everyone.) Instead, I dove into edu

[Godiva]

Hey Java..I was just getting into your post and it was cut off..Keep going because it is very interesting..

 

 

Godiva

[BewareofNick]

RE: Gay Escorts Watching Straight Porn

 

>By the way, I like how my ass shows up everytime I post.

 

Wow! I never thought I'd find anyone here who had something in common with SeaGuy!!!

[Guest Java]

Oh man - here I spill out my heart and it gets cut off x( . Just kidding . What I had said in the previous post was that I pretty much put all my energies into my education and work where I have met with some success. But as I watch the calendar, I feel that I have missed a lot. It's strange because in many ways I have become a spectator in my own life. I watch neighbors, family, friends, co-workers come and go, grow up and leave home, and in many ways I haven't changed, or at least I don't feel that I have. I'm still single and have some accomplishments as notches on my belt, but not romantic relationships. I certainly don't miss the heartache of wondering if someone really likes me and finding out that I was mistaken. Somehow, in my delusional state, I figure that I will meet the right guy, making it appropriate to come out. I just don't see the point of making an announcement without something "substantial" to back it up. What adds to the confusion is the occasional attraction I have to some women. (The Kinsey scale certainly is alive and well.) However, for the most part, I'm attacted more to guys.

As for the use of Gaydar, my Gaydar works great in that I'm very good at figuring out who is gay; however, my life of abstinence has taught me how to shield my "gayness" from others. I do have several gay friends - ones that I will probably tell soon - who, I know, don't know. We are all friends in a mixed hetero/gay crowd and the straight "default" seems to apply. The "straight default" applies likewise with my other friends and family who know that I keep such a busy schedule that I don't have much time to date and, therefore, have not found the right woman. Anyway, we all work with our own demons in our own way - I've wrestle with several now and am winning, so I can get through this. Understanding oneself is difficult enough; changing oneself is a whole other story.

[phage]

Hey Java,

 

You do seem to be in a rough place. Have you ever told us how old you are? Not that it changes your circumstance, but it is an indicator of whether this is a fairly “normal” growing up and finding yourself kind of thing, or a real “problem.” I would think this kind of slow coming out is reasonable for someone in their 20’s, but I would really urge you to get on with life if you’re in your 30’s.

 

I’m not one of those people who think you need to be out in every aspect of your life. It certainly simplifies things, but I don’t think it’s necessary in your professional life or any aspect where your personal relationships are not, or should not be, a factor. (Unless you’re in a committed relationship of course. I don’t think it’s right to lie about a partner or hide him.)

 

I wonder what’s holding you back though? If you run in a “mixed” crowd, you certainly have receptive people around you. I understand that you feel you have nothing to really announce, but that’s never going to change if you don’t get out there and open yourself up to some possibilities.

 

Last thing, and I’m not trying to be harsh, but you need to think about who you’re calling friends. They sound more like acquaintances to me. You can’t put friends in the category of people who shouldn’t be concerned with your personal life – they ARE your personal life.

 

Good luck. I don’t think you have to wear your gayness on your sleeve to be happy, but if you don’t get out there and live a little, you’re almost certain to be unhappy with your life.

[Godiva]

Java..well you did it..You done made me weep:-( I could have written your post word for word. You hit way too close to home for me..way too close. But I am glad that I am not the only one and figure there are alot of guys out there in the similar situation. The one line you said about finding someone who is worth comming out for...Wow..

 

 

 

Hey phage..Tho I don't think age is a factor I think its more of ones locale..If I were still living in the midwest emotionally I would not be where I am now that I am living in the city.

 

Godiva

[CT Dick]

>Just another thought...

>

>Can women spot a Gay man sooner than another Gay man

>can????hmmm

>

>Godiva

 

Surprisingly, I have had a large number of women ask why I'm not married and they were shocked when I told them I'm gay.

 

I'm not that hard to spot, gaydar or no. I think that it does not occur to them.

 

As to str8 men, I think many are threatened by gay men so they are on the lookout for us as a defense mechanism.

 

Dick

[Guest Java]

>Hey Java,

>

>You do seem to be in a rough place. Have you ever told us

>how old you are? Not that it changes your circumstance, but

>it is an indicator of whether this is a fairly “normal”

>growing up and finding yourself kind of thing, or a real

>“problem.” I would think this kind of slow coming out is

>reasonable for someone in their 20’s, but I would really

>urge you to get on with life if you’re in your 30’s.

 

I'm 36 - yes, indeed, it is time to get on with life. That's why I've started exploring more aspects of it. It's been too damn amazing how time (life) can slip by so quickly.

 

>

>I’m not one of those people who think you need to be out in

>every aspect of your life. It certainly simplifies things,

>but I don’t think it’s necessary in your professional life

>or any aspect where your personal relationships are not, or

>should not be, a factor. (Unless you’re in a committed

>relationship of course. I don’t think it’s right to lie

>about a partner or hide him.)

 

I totally agree.

 

>

>I wonder what’s holding you back though? If you run in a

>“mixed” crowd, you certainly have receptive people around

>you. I understand that you feel you have nothing to really

>announce, but that’s never going to change if you don’t get

>out there and open yourself up to some possibilities.

>

>Last thing, and I’m not trying to be harsh, but you need to

>think about who you’re calling friends. They sound more

>like acquaintances to me. You can’t put friends in the

>category of people who shouldn’t be concerned with your

>personal life – they ARE your personal life.

>

 

My main factors holding me back (and to the level of closeness) relates to some major trust issues. Not that I need to get into much detail, I have NEVER had someone that I trusted completely that didn't betray that trust. (and there have been very few) I learned not to divulge much even to those I been closest with (including family). I know that I should, and have at times tried to extend myself beyond my "limits," but it is very difficult to get past some of the feelings and issues that have been tucked away for so long. As I eluded to in my previous post, parts of me have evolved in very beneficial ways while other parts have remained somewhat dormant for years. It's taking some time waking it and shaking off the dust to see what is really there.

 

>Good luck. I don’t think you have to wear your gayness on

>your sleeve to be happy, but if you don’t get out there and

>live a little, you’re almost certain to be unhappy with your

>life.

 

Again, I totally agree and thank you for your thoughts and advice.

[Godiva]

Unfortunately there alot of us in our mid to late thirties who are.. can I say.. just now starting to live..We now have to make up for lost time}>

 

 

Godiva

[Godiva]

Thanxs to all of you who posted here. You have given many alot to think about:-)

 

 

[h1]G[h1/]

[Guest RockvilleGuy]

WOW...what a great discussion! I have been a regular veiwer of m4m for almost 2-years and I believe I may have posted 1-time before. Anyhow as a 40/year young guy myself who is married with 3 kids, I do see myself as Bi..

I find having sex with women is very pleasurable as well as men. If i had to choose between being either "1 or the other" I would pick women. Why? Mainly because it seems society rewards str8 over gay. In my profession i make darn good money. I often wonder if I would be as succesfull being a openly Bi business man as opposed to the current.

Great conversation guys! It really makes ya think.

[Godiva]

Hey RockvilleGuy...thanxs for posting..I am curious..Does your wife know about you being Bi..Does any of your friends know??

 

 

 

G

[Guest RockvilleGuy]

Hello "G"......

 

No sir......I do not believe so. I do have a couple very close friends of which while very handsome I have confided in (i have not been sexual towards these friends).

 

My family is unaware as far as I know.

 

RockvilleGuy!