Has anyone encountered this situation before?

[ariadne1880]

I haven't seen this one discussed before. Someone I have hired pretty regularly -- and whom I have raved about privately -- recently disappointed me in a way that I thought was completely unprofessional and shocking. I never wrote a review about my positive experiences and am unsure of what to do about this negative experience.

 

Here's what happened in a nutshell. I've hired the guy (no, I'm not giving out names until I have gathered enough advice and then have decided what to do) several times over the past few months. We've become pretty familiar and the sessions always lasted longer than the agreed upon time. But he was always paid for the time we agreed to.

 

Then I hired him recently and he showed up pretty smashed. I figured we'd become familiar enough with each other that I wasn't going to complain but then he went to my freezer and took out a bottle of vodka and drank about a good half bottle. He started moaning and complaining about his life and his problems (I listened and tried to offer advice). After about 90 minutes of this, he said "oh, I guess we better get to it." He stripped to his shorts (his shirt had already been off the whole time) and we went to the bed. After around 20 minutes, he got sick and ran tot he bathroom, came back to the bed, and passed out.

 

He was OUT for 8 hours. He had been scheduled to be in my suite for 3 hours. I couldn't rouse him and didn't try. In the morning, when he woke up he was still pretty out of it. He took a long shower. Never apologized. Looked at the desk and saw the envelope with his payment and said "is that for me?" I was so stunned I said yes. He took it. We chatted a bit -- very uncomfortably as I really just didn't know what to say. He asked me if I wanted to go out to breakfast with him but I didn't have time and said no ...

 

That was two weeks or so ago. I haven't heard a word from him. I have tried to contact him via phone, e-mail and txt message. No response.

 

So, now what do I do? If he were actually a friend, I would forget about it. But you don't pay friends. I really don't think he should have taken the money. That was the icing on the cake of an unpleasant experience. On the other hand, people drink like that because they are in pain. I felt bad for his pain but -- and I hope this doesn't make me a jerk -- I don't think I should have had to pay for him to unload on me.

 

My gut tells me I should write a review that mentions I had positive experiences with him in the past but that this last one was unprofessional. If he did it with me, he might do it with others.

 

Or, is it a new year and should I forget about the whole thing and move on?

 

Any advice will be appreciated!

 

Mark

[+ Charlie]

Listen to your gut.

[twinkboylover28]

When he asked you if that "was for him?" you should have said NO!

 

But hindsight is 20/20 as they say, and we all (most of us)have encountered horror stories and made bad judgments on the fly. You did the best you could for a situation you werent planning on occuring which presented itself to you for the first time in your life.

 

I would still hire him again if he "does it for you" strickly as a quick fuck, but if you're looking for fuck "friends" then obviously go to the NEXT guy.

[ariadne1880]

It would be pretty difficult to hire him again when he won't return my calls or e-mails. I suspect he's embarassed but he's not handling it in a professional manner.

 

I know I shouldn't have given him the money but I was still a little stunned and considering the fact that he was hung over at that point I didn't think I could have a rational conversation with him.

 

Mark

[Epigonos]

If the guy is at all normal he is embarrassed as hell. You obviously like him so why not try the following. If you have his email address email him and set up a get together. If he answers and agrees to meet you can discuss his previous behavior at that time. If he doesn't respond simply write the whole thing off to one of lifes less than wonderful experiences.

[ariadne1880]

Thanks for the advice. I tried that. No response. I guess I am having a hard time just "moving on" because I actually feel really cheated. Which, of course, I was.

 

Mark

[+ Charlie]

Then write that review!

[+ Axiom2001]

Honey, if you discerned that the guy was "out of it" when he arrived at your doorstep-- you should have told him that you would have to cancel because of his apparent acute inebreated state. You could have given him a little $$$ to pacify his journey!

 

...sorry that is the only advice that I can render except to "MOVE ON" as there are so many gorgeous men out there throughout the world who are definitely available for this sort of "fun" activity and perhaps satisfaction!

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

Im interested in what type of thing you included in your email

 

and phone messages. If you have just said "call me and lets get

 

together or need to talk. . ."

 

you are not giving yourself closure or the

 

escort the opportunity to respond to an open door.

 

 

You might try writing that you were disappointed in that session

 

especially after having had so many nice times with him in the past.

 

Ask him what was going on and what the two of you can do to remedy

 

the open issues and move-on.

 

If he doesn't respond at least you've gotten out what you needed to

 

say - Then Un-Fuck Him! MOVE ON!

 

Good Luck

[+ ArVaGuy]

This certainly sounds like a major dilemma and I don't blame you for your reluctance to write a review. However, I'd concur with the suggestion to trust your gut and do what you feel comfortable with. The challenge here will be to trying to be as fair and honest about the past encounters and balance those against this certainly outlandish situation.

 

If the escort was having issues and poured out his feelings to you about his life he no doubt may have some regrets about the situation. His embarrassment is understandable based on what you have described. So its no wonder he'd avoid discussing the situation with you.

 

Then again, he might be ignoring all his contacts right now not just yours. If he arrived smashed and then got further drunk to the point of getting sick and passing out, he could have some issue he's trying to escape from dealing with but chose the wrong approach like so many of us do in these circumstances.

 

Escorts are expected to be "on" and in perfect condition for clients all the time. Usually it’s the client who's unloading on the escort about their issues. As clients we can tend to forget how difficult this expectation can be to live up to at times. In this instance it sounds like you got a look behind the curtain and it was not pretty.

 

If I were in your situation I would give him one more opportunity to foster some communication. He did not deliver what he promised when you contracted with him for services. Therefore, he should offer you a "make good" session for the time and trouble. But he may be so embarrassed that he's unable to do that just now. Then again he might not be and just doesn’t care that he failed to deliver.

 

I certainly hope you are able to work out the situation with the young man and come to some resolution. I don't envy your having to write a balanced review given the circumstances. Good luck.

[best hotel]

...i think you should tell him how you feel....he might have thought you were being generous when he opened the envelope and saw full payment....unless you are open with him about the evening, you aren't giving him a chance to make it up to him...he may not be calling you out of embarassment....you need to give and get more info...i wouldn't write a bad review or give his name on the boards until more communication occurs and only if he is callous about how he treated you...good luck and beware of the potential for heartbreak with escorts...for many of us, it is hard to keep the love out of lovemaking

[+ Tom Isern]

I completely agree with best hotel--always a sensitive and thoughtful voice on the board. There may be extenuating circumstances here, and before you do something that you may regret in the future, it would be good to make sure you understand what happened from the escort's perspective. Especially as this is a relationship that has worked for you in the past. And it sounds like this guy has given you 110% until this one encounter--keep that in mind.

 

Give the guy a month or two. You don't know what is going on in his personal life. Then let him show his true colors by responding to a challenging email or two. You'll learn pretty quickly if this was a forgivable and reparable slip-up or if something else is going on.

 

Gather more information before you make public hay out of this incident. A wise person is quick to perceive, but slow to judge--especially when he hasn't done his homework and gathered all the facts in the case.

 

One last thought: People do pay friends. All the time. I consider my dentist a friend, but I don't expect him to deliver his services for free because of that. It is entirely possible that this guy considers you a friend--I have several regular clients that I consider good friends. And even though that wouldn't justify his behavior, it might make it more understandable, and forgivable.

[JT Brooklyn]

ariadne..This is a different situation most definitely!

 

BUT I think you should just be glad he didn't think you should have Paid him for an "Overnite", there are those "Working Guys" who would have! HaHa

 

Is he embarrassed and that's the reason you haven't heard from him, I doubt it! The Register Rang and that's that!

 

BUT I'm thinking since he seems to think he has nothing more to say on the issue...Review Him And you will have your Final say ON THE ISSUE! ;-)

 

Maybe even save someone else fron this Situation. This could be the Guys M/O?

[ariadne1880]

Thanks for all of the suggestions ...

 

I have e-mailed him and told him EXACTLY how I feel ... I did that 3 weeks ago .... I make a number of suggestions that were made here: that we should talk about it and clear the air, that we should do a "re-do" session, and a number of other things ....

 

I thought I made that clear but apparently I didn't. I've done all those things. He is completely ignoring me ... either he's embarassed or completely self-absorbed or a combination of the two.

 

I've given him about a dozen chances to make this right .... I'll gladly give him one more ... but at some point, I have to face the fact that I was cheated ... and that needs to be made right ... in some way. And the review may be the only way to do that.

 

Best,

Mark

[ariadne1880]

Thanks for the comments, Tom. This incident occurred 6 weeks ago. During that time, I have sent 5 e-mails and left 4 voicemails making it clear how I felt -- without being agressive or angry.

 

I would love to know what he's thinking or what the "escort's" perspective is ... but unless he responds I can't just guess ...

 

Best,

Mark

[buckguy]

A tough one---you probably could have intervened at various points, early on, but I'd guess there was the shock of this drunk guy coming in and all that followed (putting the $ away, though should have been considered sooner).

 

He made a gesture of sorts (Breakfast), but it doesn't sound like he really acknowledged what happened. I would start writing a review, but give him a while to recover. There are lots of ways to interpret his non-response to multiple messages: he doesn't care, he's embarrassed and would lose even more face by responding, he's not answering anything, etc. I'd give him a few more weeks and make one well crafted email or phone message; email makes it easier for him to respond in way that saves face, if he responds. I rather think he won't. In the meantime, start writing the review.

 

Maybe it's me, but I've probably heard more personal stuff, including problems from escorts than I've ever disclosed to them. People in other service occupations aren't expected to "act out" with clients and there's no reason for him to have involved you in whatever personal problem he was having.

 

Friends may not usually pay friends, but money does screw-up friendships and it certainly screws up other kinds of professional relationships.

[Philly Guy]

>Thanks for the advice. I tried that. No response. I guess I

>am having a hard time just "moving on" because I actually feel

>really cheated. Which, of course, I was.

>

>Mark

 

I could not agree with Twinkboylover more. You were cheated! And if you don't do the review or mention the name here, you will allow him to cheat other's

[alanalt]

Hi Mark,

 

My advice is to do a review. I might feel differently but knowing that you've repeatedly tried to contact him over an extended time-period without success would seem to leave few other alternatives. To be blunt if you leave it much longer, you'll run up against the 'grace period' to do a review at all.

 

Escorts are only human and we've all made mistakes or given far less than our best at times on the job and probably taken pay even so. I agree the escort's probably embarrassed about what happened (and he should be), but that embarrassment should motivate him to make it up to you, not avoid you and 'hope it all goes away'.

 

I was in a fairly similar situation a few years ago and ran up against the problem of trying to write a review that was objective about the good appointments before the 'bad' one. I procrastinated and eventually didn't review him, which I look back now and regard as a mistake. Not so much because there were any negative reviews that followed my encounter, but because it would have been a way to perhaps get the escort's attention when other measures had failed. I hope you'll not do the same and will instead write a review, not in malice, but as a way of alerting others, particularly the escort himself, to his immature behaviour, particularly post-session.

 

Alan

[+ deej]

I'm not going to give advice, but I did have a somewhat similar (yet somewhat different) situation a few years ago. I did NOT submit a review.

 

My case was a four-day weekend with a guy I'd been seeing regularly for two years. The first day and the last day of the weekend were great. (The last day was incredible!) The middle two days, he spent much of the time so drunk he was face down on the sofa passed out cold, so dead to the world I checked his pulse several times.

 

Why I didn't review it: within two weeks he'd removed all advertising, killed his website, and his advertised cell number was gone. He'd fully retired and hasn't been seen since.

 

He was ready to pull the plug and it was just unlucky timing on my part that I was the last fling. Unlucky for me, but did I say that last day was incredible? He sent me out with a bang!

 

If he was still advertising, I would have written a review and it would have been one of the most difficult things I've ever written.

 

Only you know what's right to do here. If he's backing away from escorting, and if this was one of his ways of showing it, perhaps you should let him go away. Encourage him, even.

 

If he's still advertising, though, you need to review this encounter. (Ooops! I just gave advice.)

 

Truly, though, only you really know what you should do.

[Guest arbee]

I don’t post here very often, so don’t jump on me for this (though that be fun).

 

I’m having some trouble understanding the incident…

 

The “visitor” arrived plowed for the session. Time to show him the door? (Would he have been able to perform anyway?)

 

He drained a half bottle of vodka? And that was OK given his state? You allowed him to get even more sozzled?

 

Then he puked and passed out.

 

When he awoke 8 hours later, he showered and was paid anyway?

 

To me, it seems that the OP “nurtured” the scenario. It could have/should have been nipped in the bud.

 

There are times when we’re all not up to par, whether self made or “courtesy” of others. Sure the “visitor’s” conduct was unprofessional showing up drunk, but from then on, it seems, at least to me, that the OP (who presumably was not drunk and had some degree of control) was complicit in the situation.

 

I’m sure I’m missing something (really). Please help me understand.

 

(BTW, happy new year anwway… )

[Guest zipperzone]

I think I'd be inclined to give the guy a pass.

 

While his behaviour is questionable, we all have been known to get rip roaring drunk on occasion. That he showed up for "business" in that condition is a "no no". But that you allowed the situation to go from bad to worse would indicate that you are also to blame.

 

You've tried to communicate. He has not replied. Any further attempt on your part will make you seem like you're a bit short on pride.

 

He shouldn't have taken the money - but why was it still in the envelope in plain sight after 8 hours or more of what was clearly not the agreed upon scenario?

 

I would not write a review. You have had many good sessions with him, so this is clearly NOT his modus operandi. He made a mistake - a big one. We all do, from time to time.

 

As for feeling ripped of? Well you could look at it this way. You have had many sessions with him that ran overtime and you paid him the agreed upon rate for the time contrated, not the overtime. So consider that the $$$ has come out about even, all thing considered.

 

Get over it - move on - you'll be the bigger man. And it's a new year. Concentrate on all the goodies out there you have yet to meet.

[ariadne1880]

I'm pretty big on taking responsibility for my actions but I'm a bit non-plussed to see how any of what occurred was my fault or that I was responsible in any way. Should I have asked him to leave?

 

Sure. But you know what. He valet parked at my hotel and there was no way I was letting him get in his car in that condition so I allowed him to pass out in my room. I think that was the "responsible" thing to do. Letting him leave drunk and drive would have been "irresponsible."

 

I also don't think an escort should get a break and $400 just because he's been decent in the past. As for leaving the money in plain sight. It was sitting on my desk where it always is and it wasn't a concern at all. I NEVER expected he'd take it to be honest and I had forgotten it was even there. It wasn't the uppermost thing in my mind at the time.

 

Also, to clarify, I didn't realize he was drunk when he arrived. I only realize that later. He has ADHD and he's always like that so I didn't pick up on it right away. He always has a drink when he arrives but I didn't expect him to drink 1/2 to 3/4 of a bottle of vodka in the space of 30 minutes.

 

Was there more I could have done? I don't really know. I think I handled the situation the best I could considering it was something I hadn't encountered before and that I'm not qualified to handle. He clearly needed a therapist.

 

I have had nothing but positive experiences with him in the past. I thought he was a great guy which is what is making this very difficult for me. Obviously, I never saw the darker side of his personality.

 

And to be quite frank, all he has to do is apologize and the situation will be forgotten but his inability to accept any responsibility and stay silent is just making me feel that I was taken advantage of ... and since it was a "business" situation there should be some consequences for that.

 

I sure know how to pick 'em.

 

Mark

[JT Brooklyn]

So then we all will be seeing a Review, after all has been said and done? ;-)

[+ Charlie]

When I read deej's post, my first response was to agree that if he had retired, you should let it drop. On second thought, however, I remembered that lots of escorts un-retire, and by then it is too late to write that review to warn new clients. Given this guy's problems with self-control and responsibility, he is not likely to be able to hold a regular job for very long, and is a good candidate to come back on the market when he needs to make some easy money. I still think the most responsible thing for you to do is write an honest review of both your good and bad experience with him.

[ariadne1880]

Thanks for all of the advice. I will be sifting through it all and then deciding what to do.

 

I did sent one, last "well-crafted" e-mail yesterday evening so we will see if there is any response.

 

This particular person has not retired, continues to advertise, and is still out there. So the question of his being "retired" isn't relevant. But I agree with the point that even if he were retired, it didn't change my experience and it might still be a good idea to share it with others.

 

Thanks.

 

Mark