FEMALE COMEDIANS

[Bilbo]

RE: Miss Marple

 

And, of course, I only know Beatrice Lillie from a few cuts on records and Thoroughly Modern Millie. Speaking of which, has anyone mentioned Carol Channing?

[adriano46]

Deej,

 

She had so many in that show I am amazed you could remember one. I tried to remember a few dozen and now forgot them all. BUT it was one of my most memorable theatre evenings in NYC.

 

Even better, Lily was distracted by an older couple in Row I laughing riotously at some of her jokes, so much she thought something something was going on behind her. She momentarily lost her concentration (no difficult task when playing multiple roles), but in less than 15 seconds was back "on". A truly amazing woman - and I remember her years ago when she first was starting out..

 

Lucy - a goddess alone above all others. Bette - terrific and a wonderful way of using both her face and voice! Carol Burnett - a class act, as was Mary Tyler Moore in a quiet dignified way.

[Guest WetDream]

RE: Miss Marple

 

Glad I was wrong because she certainly deserved the honor. And while we are in Brit comedy land, what about Joyce Grenfel? The St. Trinian's girls series was a hoot.

[Rick Munroe]

Totally forgot Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (but only from the Full House years).

[+ deej]

Cool! I didn't know about Bette's comedy album. I'll have to see if it's still available.

[Guest george]

deej:

 

The CD is still available on CD, it used to come with a warning label on the cover stating: "This recording contains material which may be deemed offensive by Bruce Sprinsteen, Madonna and Prince." Of course, it also had Bette's trademark vulgarities.

Get the CD, we could all use some laughter right now.

[Guest Raffy]

Thanks for the Joan Davis reminder. I liked her better than Lucy when I was a kid.

 

Did anyone else see Bette at the Continental Baths, 1970-71? Loved her, but it was very weird to have her performing for us in our towels!

bob

[Guest Zach DC]

Bette doing her Sophie Tucker bits are hilarious.

 

 

I will never forget you. I'm in bed with my boyfriend Ernie. He says, "Soph, how come you never tell me when you're having an orgasm?" I says, "Ernie, 'cause you're never around"

 

I will never forget it you know. Last night in bed, my boyfriend Ernie says , "Hey Soph, you got no tits but a tight box." I says, "Ernie, get off my back!"

 

I will never forget it you know. I'm on my honeymoon, in bed with my husband Ernie. Wouldn't you know it. I cut the cheese. Ernie says, "Oh my god, Soph, did you fart?" I says to him, "Well, of course I did. You think I always smell like this?"

[Guest george]

Zach. how about this oldie but goodie from Bette/Sophie:

 

"I will never forget it you know, my boyfriend Ernie and I were having sex out in the woods when he says to me, "Soph, these woods sure are dark , I wish I had a flashlight. I said to him: So do I Ernie, you have been munching grass for the last 10 minutes!!"

 

And of course the old sing-a-long she sang to a live cconcert crowd in Munich= "Hitler had only one big ball, Goering had two but they were small, Himmler had something sim'lar and poor old Goebbels had no balls at all! He didn't deserve any!"

 

Bette, thanks for the laughs...and Tracey Ullman too, love her.

[mmk]

Definately Lucy is number one, and Carol Burnett and Mary Tyler Moore would be second-As for stand ups-Sandra Berheardt, Elayne Boosler, Carol Leifer, Roseanne, Wendy Leibmann - all hilarious with their own styles.

But getting back to Lucy, I was at the grocery store waiting in line and there were two guys behind me who were maybe 18 years old. I did have my copy of TV guide in hand with Lucy's top 50 moments and I heard one of the kids behind me say "Hey, what's up with this I Love Lucy person? Did she just die or something?" (It took all of my power to bite my tongue and not explain who Lucy was but I felt that was a job for their parents.)

[+ deej]

<<Hey, what's up with this I Love Lucy person? Did she just die or something?>>

 

Ah, the Sesame Street generation. I'll bet they know who Barney is.

 

It's really remarkable that anyone could grow up in this country and not be aware of Lucy, but amazing things happen all the time.

[Guest cp8036]

Deej help me on this one.

 

What about Dawn Clark Nestch. She ran for office in Illinois in the early 90's. She made Reno look like a beauty queen. She also had some great comebacks to reporters. "Well, the candidate opposing me just sucks -- that's why I am better."

 

A bar in Chicago even had a Dawn Clark lookalike drag contest.

[Guest cp8036]

I seen the Janet Reno Dance Party on SNL, and thought was pretty good.

[Guest Zach DC]

Hey George, those are good.

 

Damn, there are so many of those old Sophie Tucker jokes that Bette does so well. Here's a pretty good one.

 

I will never forget it you know. I'm walking out of the store and into the parking lot. The bag boy was carrying my grocerys. Looking the boy over - his young firm body, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a fit of passion..

 

I grabbed the boy and pulled him to me. I says to him, "Young man, I have an itchy booty." He says to me, "Sorry, lady. I can't tell one Japanese car from another."

[+ deej]

>Deej help me on this one.

>

>

>What about Dawn Clark Nestch.

>She ran for office in

>Illinois in the early 90's.

 

Hmmm... can't help ya there. Before my time in IL.

 

Sounds like a broad I might've voted for, tho. ;-)

 

Gotta love Chicago politics. The best mud-slinger wins.

[Guest cp8036]

<Sounds like a broad >

 

To call Dawn Clark a broad would be a bit too generous, female would be good. She was so ugly you had to look twice. But, she was a lot of fun, and determined.

[Guest BenDover]

Zach. That's hysterical!

[Guest BenDover]

One of my favorite funny ladies is Kathy Najimy.

[Guest Gentle Dude]

Does Dame Edna Everage count?

[Michael]

I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned Rita Rudner.

 

Most of her humor is aimed at (str8) men and it is just *so* funny (and true!!).

 

A few examples from her "50 Facts about Men":

 

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

 

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

 

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

 

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

 

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

 

Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

[Guest george]

BETTE MIDLER monologue to her live audience in Pasadena while performing her movie show named "Divine Madness" and listen to the wisdom of her ways as she tries to change her bad girl days...in Bette style...after she speaks a line about how she is apologizing for once again behaving in a manner I had sworn to eschew...someone yells out "gesundheit" from the crowd, Bette, without missing a beat says "Thank you!" then comes the following classic soul bearing from Bette to her audience: "Oh, tut-tut, I did so want to leave my sordid past nehind and emerge from this project bathed in a new and enobling light! I wanted to show you the good beneath the gaudy,...the saint..that lurks beneath all this paint...the weet winsome little soul that lurks beneath this, uh,..lurid exterior! But fortunately, just as I was about to rush down the path to respectability and righteousness, a wee small voice called out to me in the night and reminded me of the mottoe by which I've always tried to live my life....FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!!!!"

 

You gotta love Bette and you gotta have Friends!!!!

[NASAguy]

Joan Davis was very talented and I loved watching her show. But we are showing our age here. Deej is about 10 years too young to have watched her.

Gracie Allen was also a classic comedienne.

[Rick Munroe]

Saw Margaret Cho tonight in NYC...Hammerstein Ballroom was packed to capacity with cute gay men and a couple of Asian women.

Her opener was something like:

 

I just spent the last month down at Ground Zero...

...giving blow jobs to all the rescue workers.

 

(Hey, why didn't I think of doing that? It's so patriotic!)

[Matt_Vancouver]

Sandrah Bernhard ...one of the funniest women alive...check out "I'm still here damnit" hilarious

Janine Garafolo .... brilliant, dark, twisted, if I was female, this is who I'd most resemble.

Matt(riot Grrrrl in drag)