Born Gay......or what?

[Guest biga]

Good morning/evening all(delete as applicable )thought i might post this to see what happens.

My BF and i agree on most things but there is one thing that we disagree on,that is whether someone who is gay is actually born gay or it is something that they fit into later in life(i know that might seem a bad way of putting it but forgive me its early ).I have known i was gay since age 13 and never had any problem with being gay,only other people have had problems but thats a whole different thread and years of therapy ,but i believe i was born gay but after reading here about people who were married for x number of years had children and then found out they prefered men made me wonder did those people have gay feelings when young and hid them because of what might happen and try and live a "normal "life to see if it would go away as it were.

My BF believes that it is a choice you make at what ever age you decide to confront those feelings he has said to me in the past that when he was a teenager between 13-16 he had no same sex feelings,had girlfriends etc but when he was 19 decided that he was gay not bisexual and felt more comfortable with men ,this is something i cant get my head around...what do you think ,Interested Andy

 

P.S sorry for rambling this was the short version !

[Guest bottomboykk]

I tend to come down on the "born gay" side of the argument. First of all, I think science is slowly showing that to be the case. And secondly, who in his right mind, considering how society treats homosexuals, would choose to be gay. If it were a choice, there'd be far fewer gays around, that's for sure.

[BuckyXTC]

Guess I'm in the "born gay" camp, with a clarification. I think we all fall on a continuum of sorts. Those who fall in the middle are bisexual, and those on the ends of the continuum are either gay or straight. My earliest sexual attractions were toward guys, and while I've had straight sex, I know that essentially my strongest attraction is for men. So, it seems to me, based on personal experience and research, that sexual orientation is primarily a matter of biology, more than environment.

Bucky

[+ deej]

This is one of those things that really has no answer. Psychologists have been arguing over "nature or nurture" for years.

 

The Kinsey study puts it on a scale of 1 to 6, with everyone falling somewhere between the two ends of either str8 or gay. There are a lot of ways to argue with the study, but the scale is probably pretty close.

 

Someone who is closer to the straight side can probably be socialized into suppressing same-sex attractions. An absolute Kinsey 6 (me!) can't.

 

The thing is, there aren't many people at the absolute end of the scale on either end. Most people fall somewhere in between.

 

I think it's something you're born with, but depending on where you fall on the scale upbringing and socialization can "force" you in one direction or the other. Look at all the stories about bagging a str8 guy. (Or the "str8" escorts.) Honey, he's no Kinsey 1 if he's sucking your cock. ;-)

[ready182]

I think every human is Bi from birth. Your question is analogous to asking "are you born preferring roast beef or turkey?". To me, everyone is capable of enjoying both, but based on both your genetics and your life experiences you eventually favor one or the other.

[Guest Kevin 2]

I feel like you are born gay. Like others have already stated if being gay was a choice we would be very few and far between. I remember back to an early age being intrested in "boys" way more than I looked at girls.

[Guest]

Well, Dr. LeVay has shown anatomical differences between the brains of homosexuals versus heterosexuals, so I think it's pretty much hard-wired. Although he didn't study the brains of "bisexuals" (I wish he did), I think it's probable that bisexuality doesn't exist, either. In other words, I don't believe in the "Kinsey scale."

This may sound politically incorrect, but I have a number of reasons for not believing in bisexuality. First, animal studies have shown that during early development (i.e. fetal), brains are either masculanized or they're not. Scientists have been able to masculanize the brains of female rodents, and they just behave like male rodents (i.e. try to mount females). They've also been able to prevent male brains from being masculanized, and they have sexual behavior similar to female rodents.

Secondly, most sexual development is "yes" or "no" in humans. True hermaphrodites are very rare. It is very unusual to have a combination of male and female organs.

Thirdly, I have met a number of guys who have admitted to me that they used to call themselves bisexuals, but who now admit that they were really gay all along, but that admitting to being gay was a step they weren't ready to do at the time. In all my years, I have never met in the flesh anyone who told me he had previously thought he was gay, but now realizes he's bisexual. For many people, calling themselves bisexual is a way they can transition from being in a potentially "socially acceptable" lifestyle (i.e. marrying, albeit having fun on the side), to abandoning the option of a traditional marriage and lifestyle.

Fourthly, every person I've met who has currently called himself bisexual has been flaky. I realize that this is a very subjective experience, but it is what I have noticed nevertheless.

In conclusion, I don't think being gay, straight, or bisexual is a choice. I think a man's brain knows what it wants (females are somewhat more complicated since the sexual experience for them is more emotional than physical). I think that the lifestyle a man chooses to live, and the "label" he chooses to give himself are the choices he has.

[Guest bluboy]

Its all about overbearing or overprotective mothers or absent fathers- either really absent or absent emotionally. bu

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

It all comes down to: 'the Breakfast of Champions' or 'Cream of Wheat' -- which did you eat in your formative years??

 

:-)

[Bilbo]

Anecdotally, all of the identical twins I have known have both been either gay or not, whereas I have known several sets of fraternal twins where one was gay and the other straight.

 

I also believe that you are only homosexual, not gay, until you accept who you are and are proud of yourself.

 

And I believe that prejudice on the part of gay people keeps many bisexuals from admitting their attraction to women. I have had wonderful sexual experiences with women, at an average rate of once per decade, but don't discuss it with my BF because he doesn't understand it.

 

And I think that there is a certain amount of nurture vs. nature, but that your sexual identity is certainly already formed by the time you are seven, which is also the time that the Roman Catholics feel that your conscience if fully formed and you are ready for first communion.

[+ Charlie]

This pat generalization has been bandied about for years, but there is no scientific evidence to support it. For the record, my father was more emotionally connected and nurturing than my mother, who was painfully shy but loved by almost everyone who got to know her. Despite having the wrong parents for the stereotype, I knew from the moment I could identify my sexual desires that I was more strongly attracted to men than women--and both parents were accepting when I came out to them in my late teens.

 

I incline to believe that there is at least some genetic basis to sexual orientation. I know one family with four sons; two are definitely straight and two are openly gay, despite being raised in the same household by the same parents. Interestingly, the two straight ones look so different from the two gay ones physically (height, weight, body type, etc.) that strangers usually don't realize they're all related.

[Guest WetDream]

As usual, Shakespeare (almost) said it best: Some are born gay, others have gayness thrust upon them. Luckily, I am in the former category.

[Guest bottomboykk]

I'd love to have someone thrust upon me right now. ;-)

[CT Dick]

As hard as I try, I can't remember that day when I made the decision. Who asked me? Did I sign a contract? Was I given a pill? What did I base my decision on? Did I understand the question?

 

God, I hate memory loss.

 

Dick

[mmk]

I would have to say that people are born that way, Looking back, I can see it in myself since before puberty just in how I reacted to certain things. I guess when puberty hit and it was men I was fantasizing about and not women then that would be an indicator right there. I do think some people stay in denial or thnk it is a phase(like I did til I was 19), but I do think that it is something that you are born with and do not choose.

[Guest ALLEE]

RE: Born Gay......or what? and if you were to choose...

 

If you lived in a homophobic community like I did during my childhood, you would never choose to be gay. I know I wouldn't.

 

There are two schools of thought I know of as to why people become gay - either due to heredity or to the environment that he/she lived in. Either way, becoming gay is not the individual's conscious decision, IMHO. Of course, your bf could be an exception, but generally speaking...I certainly couldn't make myself straight if my life depended on it.

 

But we CAN choose to be HAPPY and CONTENT the way we are.

[Guest Lorenzo]

RE: Born Gay......or what? and if you were to choose...

 

This is a tough question that I don't know the answer to. In my own case, I didn't know I liked guys until high school. my first sexual fantasies were about women and girls I knew. But I saw a naked boy butt in the showers after gym class in freshman year, and it was love at first sight. I've fantasized about guys and had more sexual experiences with guys than I have with women ever since. I considered myself bisexual up until about a year or so ago; but the reality is I have very little desire to be with a woman. Even when I masturbate fantasizing about a girl I think I'm attracted to, I can't have an orgasm unless my thoughts switch to either a guy or the girl having a dick(!). There are some gay people on my mother's side of the family, so perhaps I'm genetically predisposed, I don't know.