Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone...

[Guest IM_Moore]

No, I did not write the subject line. It's from a John Mellencamp song though it sums up how I feel. I'm not really sure why I feel this way ... maybe it is age catching up with me ... a feeling of my own mortality ... or maybe it is because I no longer have the ability to hang all night with friends and still be able to get through a full day of work without falling asleep. I feel as if I am just going through motions, I feel like I'm comfortably numb (yes that is from Pink Floyd sorry I tend to find it easier to express myself through lyrics). Nothing excites me anymore. I can be with an escort get off yet not feel any real satisfaction (and this is not the escort's fault). I can put on a CD that I love whether it be classic rock or house music and not be very interested. I go to a movie and walk away as if I was just buying time. I never go anywhere outside of the area I live anymore. I have no motivation to take a weekend trip or buy something new. I don't care what type of car I drive anymore ... in fact I don't even want car payments, they are too much to deal with. So I bought a used car (first time ever) with cash to avoid the payments. I have friends who I have not seen in years that for whatever reason have not given up on me no matter how many times I have "stood them up" ... I do not go to concerts anymore I look like I could be the kids grandfather (and I sue to work in the music biZ) I work, eat, come home, play on the computer, jack off then go to sleep, wake up and start it all again. Even on a Friday night (tonight) I have no interest in leaving my place. I do not feel well at all yet I have no major medical problems. So how do u all find a spark (I am posing this to the over 35 crowd I guess) how do you stay interested in life, how do u avoid depression, feel good about yourself, your value, what you have accomplished? I feel as if time is slipping away, that I have wasted too many years and wonder if I can stili salvage what might be ahead.

 

and i still haven't found what i'm looking for...

 

anyway, i just want to be happy. i do not need to be wealthy, i do not need a 50 inch television a 35 inch one will work, i do not need the benz or a 7500. watch ... i just want to feel happy, feel a spark, have a lust for life (yes iggy fans) feel as if i have done something in my life that matters, feel some pride in myself, find myself. maybe i will find what i'm looking for, i feel there might be a chance. i don't know.

 

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans -john lennon.

[+ bigjoey]

i suggest shifting your focus from yourself to others. become a volunteer in an agency that is in your field of interest. it can be as simple as delivering food for meals on wheels or answering the phone at an agency. you can help raise funds or mentor people. the list is endless.

 

having "more" is not the answer to having a good life. after all, as any movie queen knows, mr kane for all his worldly goods just thought of "rosebud" when he died. i have a friend who was on the forbes magazine list of the top 400 wealthiest people; in addition to giving away hundreds of millions of dollars, he spends his time teaching in college and being a mentor to young people. he has never been happier than when he is doing for others.

 

personally, i have discovered the same secret. i volunteer as much as 15 hours per week with organizations that do wonderful things in the community. the best part is i have met some fabulous people and become good friends; i am well respected and gotten many unasked for honors. as people will testify, when you give of yourself, you end up getting back so much more. it is the interacting with people that gives meaning to life. how wonderful it is to touch others in a positive way to be someone who creates good instead of being just a consumer.

 

the choice is yours. sit around in your home and thinking: "ME, ME, ME" or going out and doing for others. if you are into art, find an arts organization; if you know people that have had a particular type of health problem, find an organization that helps whether it's AIDS or kidney or heart, etc.; if you have interests in youth or the elderly there are organizations (even some boy scout chapters!); been touched by drug abuse, there are organizations that can use your help; the list is endless. however, the first step is the hardest but it needs to be done. know someone that does volunteer? ask that person how to start. there are the religious organizations if you are so inclined. do not over look family; have an older relative that needs help going to the grocery or just companionship, give them a call (even just to go out to a movie or get an ice cream).

 

bottom line is you can stay home and bitch how bad things are for you or get off your duff and do something to make this world a better place. if you pick the latter, you will be rewarded beyond anything you can imagine. good luck.

[Guest cmp]

Excellent reply, thank you! Indeed, there is nothing like giving to make you feel elated and getting back more than you gave. I love it when I get around to working on some community project, but I don't do it nearly often enough...

[Guest cmp]

I'm sorry to hear about the way you feel. I'm sure some good advice will be soon posted here. I can even guess the identities of the posters. I would't even call my contribution 'two cents', but here is my 'half a cent':

 

Maybe you should force yourself to go out and meet those friends who haven't given up on you. You should appreciate them for what they are: a rare gift. Don't waste this gift. Do you happen to be on medication of any sort? If so, try stopping the treatment if it's not for something that could pose a serious health risk. You should help yourself to *some* change. I can't guess what kind of change it is that you need, but you should be able to find out if you look into your heart. It could be anything from a getaway vacation, a change in a relationship, moving, switching jobs, etc. Try to find out what is bothering you more than anything else, I think you should be able to identify one factor which is more of a burden for you than any other aspect of your life. Once you have identified the culprit, it should be possible to do something about it.

 

I hope things will get better for you. Don't give up, and try not to retreat into your shell. I am looking forward to reading what others have to say.

[Guest mcguffin]

I echo big joey's comments. I find that when I feel the way you do, just about any kind of activity that involves me in a positive way with others helps, even though I have to overcome a lot of inertia to get started. While I feel like I don't want to do anything, it helps when I push myself to be active, especially the kind of thing that big joey mentions. If you are up to reading, one of the most helpful books I've come across is "Feeling Good" by David Burns. It's been around a while, but still is very practical. All the best to you.

[Bilbo]

I agree with volunteering and do it myself. Also,

The feng shui (I just know I spelled that wrong.) people would suggest that you take eleven objects in your home which haven't moved within a year and move them to a different spot in your home. I do a variation on that where every three months I change around almost all the art on my walls. It really stirs up the chi.

Is your house clean? Why not throw a party for those good friends who are still with you?

Every week you should take a few hours and go off totally by yourself and do something that would really please you. Don't make it a movie every week. Start out by starting a list (don't ever call it finished.) of things that you used to enjoy but don't do any more and then add to it the things you used to dream about doing but never did and then, once you've kickstarted your mind, just let the list keep going and add anything to the list that wants to be added to the list. When you open yourself like this, you will be happily surprised at the things that might pop up.

Also every week, interrupt the flow of time. Make yourself a ritual that is larger or different or whatever but is something you only do that one day each week. For me, it's Sunday dinner. I go to church, too, but somehow its the dinner afterwards that restarts my clock.

More later, probably, but also more from you, too? Please let us know about the little steps that you take and how they flow into bigger steps. Because, for one thing, you'll think of something fun to do that many of us won't have thought of for ourselves yet.

[Guest WetDream]

"and i still haven't found what i'm looking for...anyway, i just want to be happy."

 

To add to the above comments: Do you know what it is you are looking for? And take a tip from our Constitution. We are given the right to the "pursuit of happiness." Happiness is the result of activity not an end in itself.

[Guest Kenny]

All of the above replies are good and undoubtedly can help you out but if your condition has been in existence for some time, you are going thru a phase of DEPRESSION. Short term "blues" happen to everyone and doing what has been suggested can get you out of it. If this condition lasts for weeks and months, you are in depression and need professional help. It is very common and affects many many people. They have medication (prozac, etc) which can be of great help but should only be administered by a professional psychologist, phychiatrist, etc. Don't be put off by seeking help....it's the best thing you can do.

[BuckyXTC]

Dear IM_Moore:

 

All the previous posters have offered very good advice. One of the things I've found useful in my life is certainly not original to me, but worth sharing. It's the little matter of performing random acts of kindness. It might be something as simple as sending an anonymous greeting card to someone you know who's having a difficult time of it, or mowing the overgrown lawn for that elderly lady who lives next door who can neither find someone to do it or afford to do so. Or the next time you're at a tollbooth, pay the toll for the car behind you when you pay yours.

Re-energizing our lives isn't as difficult as it sometimes seems. You'd be surprised how just little things we do for others can jumpstart our lives again, giving fresh meaning to what it means to be "alive".

 

And a special thanks to all who've posted their takes on the issue at hand. Your very effort to do so shows your caring for others who struggle, and that in itself is a gift to us all.

Bucky

[Guest Charon]

I want to echo Kenny's comments.

 

What you're describing sounds like depression to me, and that is quite treatable. Go to a therapist. I've been there, and professional help can work wonders.

 

A few postings on a message board aren't going to fix this, but some good therapy and perhaps medication ought to.

[Guest JT]

Be positive, be kind, be strong! :-)

 

I hear you, Moore! Yes, the journey of life can sometimes be dark, lonely and aimless, but please remember it doesn't have to be that way.

 

The journey doesn't have to be lonely. Have faith in others that they do care about you. A case in point, strangers like BJ and cmp (I assume that you don't know each other) care and that they have already given you some excellent idea here. Also, as you pointed out, your friends are still there for you. Open your world to others and you will find yourself in a whole new world of loving and caring relationships.

 

The journey doesn't have to be aimless. Have faith in yourself that you can make this world a better place for your community, your friends and others. We all have gifts. Use your gifts wisely and you'll be amazed how much light we can bring to each other's jounreys. I can't agree with BJ and cmp more. When we start to focus not only on our own lives, but also those of others, we will be able to see a new horizon of hope and meaning.

 

I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist, but you seem to me that you might be suffering clinical depression. If that is the case, seeking professional help could be very useful too. And if you find coming here and sharing with us helps, please don't hesitate to come back.

 

Be positive, be kind and be strong! :-)

 

Best wishes,

JT

[Guest reddog]

Oh, boy. Been EXACTLY there myself. In fact, this state dominated my life for years...in spite of good success at work, a loving boyfriend, a house in the country, etc etc.

 

I was in and out of various types of therapy (Freudian, behavioral, cognitive, you-name-it)and groups (Recovery). Everything helped a little, but I always felt like I was swimming in molasses. Your description is perfect: no interest in ANYTHING.

 

For what it's worth, the only ONLY thing that helped was medication. I resisted it for years and years. Finally things got so bad that I gave in. It has now been 5 years, and from time to time the medication has had to be adjusted. BUT.... for the first time ever, I rose above the depression. I felt like a new person or better said, I felt like myself again. (Check out "Darkness Visible" by William Styron. He captures this condition as only a brilliant writer could. And his eventual help also came from medication.)

 

More and more research is showing a direct connection between mood, especially depression, and chemical imbalances in the brain. Seratonin is the number one suspect... So, with medicines such as Prozac, Paxil, Effexor, etc etc... the body stops flushing out the needed amounts of Seratonin and holds on to it the way it should.

 

Depressed people tend to beat themselves up about the state they find themselves in. They alienate their friends; they shut down.

 

Good advice has already been given in this thread about just getting up and doing SOMETHING. In Recovery, they call this "move your muscles." I don't know if this naturally stimulates the Seratonin, but it DOES help.

 

However, some of us need more help than that. I was THE MOST RELUCTANT PERSON EVER to pursue medication as a solution. But once I did, my life has changed completely. I retired from a stressful job, started a very very enjoyable second career. I got over my compulsive fear of sex and my feelings of unattractiveness and started patronizing escorts and masseurs on this site. (And boy has that been great! And have THEY ever been great to me!) I feel like I have reclaimed my life. I lost over 20 lbs. Old friends are amazed at the change.

 

I offer this (long) story in hope that it might put one more alternative in front of you. Believe me, I have lived through the life you describe. I know the pain. If my successful battle out of this pain can help someone like you, it would make me even happier than I am now.

 

With my sincerest wishes that you find your real self again!

 

reddog

[BuckyXTC]

>

>I want to echo Kenny's comments.

>

>

>What you're describing sounds like depression

>to me, and that is

>quite treatable. Go to a

>therapist. I've been there,

>and professional help can work

>wonders.

>

>A few postings on a message

>board aren't going to fix

>this, but some good therapy

>and perhaps medication ought to.

>

 

Kenny and Charon are correct.....this could be clinical depression and might require medication, particularly if this is a situation you've experienced over time. Never a bad idea to see your MD in cases like this. Lots of very effective medications available today to deal with this.

BuckyXTC

[Guest IM_Moore]

WOW! I am really shocked by everybody's concern, interest and valid suggestions. I rarely acknowledge feelings yet I would be less than honest if I did not let you know I was truly touched.

 

When I wrote the initial post last night I did not feel it would even pass the moderators as it was so far off topic. And even if by chance it did I never expected a single response let alone such warm replies.

 

I have no idea why I even shared what I did. It is out of character for me, even under an alias, yet I think I might have come close to hitting bottom.

 

In any event I read each post more than once. Made notes on suggestions, reading material and even your personal experiences and solutions.

 

bigjoey - thanks for the motivation. your post (the first I read) made me realize that my focus is in the wrong place. At one point in my life I use to do voL. work and felt great about it. I have no idea why I gave this up.

 

cmp - don't sell yourself short. I took your advice as being worth the full "two cents" And yes I take some medication that I might consider stopping since it really has no serious impact on my problems. Maybe it will make a slight difference without it. Though I will check with my Doctor first.

 

mcguffin - i am not a huge fan of reading. Though after reading your post maybe this is one of those little changes I need to make. Therefore, I will head over to Barnes and Noble and locate "Feeling Good."

 

Bilbo - i have had others suggest I keep a list like you speak of. Obviously I have not attempted to do so. I feel I have started today just by writing down the few reading suggestions given in this thread. And I really like your comment "don't let it end." I read that and immediately though what a great idea! Also, the idea of simply changing the art around in my home gave me a few ideas. What you showed me is even small changes can have positive impact. I like the ideas.

 

Kenny - it almost seems as if you have had a bit of medical training I would have to agree that this is more than feeling blue. This is major depression and as some in this thread mentioned from their own experiences I should not fight it and seek professional help. Exactly as you suggested.

 

Charon - yes i need to keep things realistic. The postings won't fix my clinical problems and I appreciate your imput.

 

WetDream - your brief comments are very potent. First I'm not sure what I am looking for ... I just know I want to try to find a sense of need, peace, and happiness. Your comment "Happiness is the result of activity not an end in itself" really was an eye opener at least for me. And on a lighter note ... with my love of music, your posts mentions the name of a very talented and not very well known Canadian band, "pursuit of happiness"

 

BuckyXTC - "randon acts of kindness" this is something that I need to work on. And I don't feel I can use my problems as an excuse. Your point and experience are appreciated.

 

JT - you are so right. People who I do not know seem to actually care more about me than I do myself. Also, I liked your line, "The journey doesn't have to be aimless" so often I feel as if I am in an aimless state of mind. And your comment "Open your world to others" I find very hard to do yet I think with this post I'm taking a very very tiny step. There is a line from a Talking Heads song that goes, "changed my hairstyle so many time, I don't know what I look like." I have no idea anymore who I am. Who or what is the real me. I have been living so many lies and hiding from so much of "myself."

 

reddog - partof your post could have been something I wrote, "I resisted it for years and years. Finally things got so bad that I gave in." I have resisted all kinds of help for so many years now, I hope I can be strong enough to give in and have half of the success you seemed to have accomplished. I actually had a few tears in my eyes reading your post, maybe because I can relate so closely to where you had been as I am currently there. and your remark, " With my sincerest wishes that you find your real self again" blows me away. I appreciate your good wishes.

 

Well guys once again thanks to you all. I thought I would be too embarassed to post under this aka again yet you have mademe feel so comfortable being here for reasons other than the purpose we are all here. I am going to try to make a real attempt to tackle these problems, knowing the answer won''t come to me overnight, that I probably need professional help and maybe medication related to the problem.

 

All I can say is I truly appreciate each of you for sharing, caring and taking an interest in a complete stranger. Your remarks have shown me that I do have options and that there are solutions that can help me work my way out of my current situation! PEACE

[Barry]

>When I wrote the initial post

>last night I did not

>feel it would even pass

>the moderators as it was

>so far off topic. And

>even if by chance it

>did I never expected a

>single response let alone such

>warm replies.

 

I know you think we are censors but once again allow me to assure you (in this warm and caring thread) that we are not. We only screen to prevent the posting of personally identifying or potentially libelous information. You can't be "off-topic" in the Lounge. The subject matter here is limited only by the imagination, thoughts, desires and needs of the posters.

 

>Well guys once again thanks to

>you all. I thought I

>would be too embarassed to

>post under this aka again

>yet you have mademe feel

>so comfortable being here for

>reasons other than the purpose

>we are all here.

 

I, for one am glad you were not too embaressed to post. The beauty of this message board as it has evolved over the past few years has been the diversity of the things we have shared and discussed. The "purpose" for which we have all come through the front door turned out only to be the key that opened that door. The invitation that brought us all to the same house. Once inside we quickly learn that talking about escorts, clients and sex alone would make for a short visit. There's only so much you can say. Instead we meet people of many professions, nationalities, ethnic backrounds, social status, income brackets, ages, talents, etc. etc. etc.......the list could go on forever. People we certainly would never have the opportunity to meet in real life. And IMHO that would be a loss.

 

So much joy and pain, happiness and anger is shared by what has truely become a community. Through all of it I have found that there a many many caring people out here. Many that have had similar experiences of all types. I never really feel alone knowing that this community exists.

 

>All I can say is I

>truly appreciate each of you

>for sharing, caring and taking

>an interest in a complete

>stranger. Your remarks have shown

>me that I do have

>options and that there are

>solutions that can help me

>work my way out of

>my current situation! PEACE

 

You do have options and the combination that works for you will be a process of trial and error. All of the suggestions here are good (writing down a few myself). Also I think we are getting past the days of the stigma of seeking professional help. Psychological problems are a matter of life. The physical roots of many disorders are finally becoming clear. The role chemical imbalance plays in depression is no longer theory. I have been the primary care giver for a mentally disabled friend for 20 years. I have watched him go through every imaginable type of psychological, psychiatric, neurological and medical trend. Only when the SRUI's (serotonin re-uptake inhibitors) were released did I see a major improvement. A number of years ago I fought with clinical depression and panic attacks. A great psychologist to talk to and an Rx for Zoloft changed my life. Meds such as Zoloft, Prozac, Paxil etc. don't make you happy like the artificial happiness that the old mood elevating drugs provided. They help adjust your chemistry so that you aren't artificially unhappy. Once the drugs start working (and it takes a while) you still have to go out and do those things that bring happiness to you and help you feel good about yourself.

 

Well, I've babbled long enough. Welcome to the community and just remember we're here.

 

Barry

[Guest Callipygean]

IM, your post hit me like a ton of bricks. I was truly stunned! Because reading it, I thought to myself, omigod, this is my life. Did I write this and post it in some twilight state I was only half concious of? I could have -- it so accurately reflects the doldrums I have been mired in myself for far too long.

 

I won't say it is a comfort to know I am not the only person suffering these feelings. But it has done something. Delivered a slap in in the face, if you will, a whack on the head, a shock of recognition, a wake up call. Perhaps, like you, I've hit bottom and am ready to start looking for a way up out of the hole.

 

So, I want to add my thanks to yours for all of the excellent advice offered by the very generous gentlemen who contributed to this post. I, too, will be taking this advice to heart and making efforts of my own to turn things around for the better. Just knowing that there are so many good and kind hearts out there make it seem a less daunting challenge.

 

Thank you, IM, for having the guts, resolve or whatever it took to hold up a mirror for me -- it's helped me face what I needed to see.

 

Good luck to both of us!

[+ Charlie]

All of the responses above were sensible and often wise, but I don't believe anyone mentioned simple physical exercise. At my lowest moments, I usually just don't want to get out of bed. However, I have learned to go for a ride on my bike, or even just throw the leash on the dog and go for a long walk in the park, as a way to stimulate myself.

 

Also, we are so accustomed to the "pursuit of happiness" that we don't often stop to appreciate the moment--breathe the fresh air, observe the clouds, listen to the sounds around us, notice the beauty in a familiar face--and be thankful for what we have rather than long for something ineffable.

[Bilbo]

For once I disagree with WetDream, but only in part. Happiness is not an end result, it is a style.

 

And I fully agree with those who feel that the best way to fight clinical depression is with doctors and prescriptions. However, even if your problem is clinical, as we've already seen, there are a lot of lurkers out there who will recognize at least part of your story as their own. And y'all are not all going to be clinical. We are starting to come into the holiday season, which is a difficult season for many gay men, many of whom don't have much of a family either by birth or choice, many of whom have more than their fair share at their age of departed loved ones. So, please allow me to make a couple more suggestions.

 

This first one is an old recipe I got from Ann Landers and republished in my own collumn each year back when I wrote for gay papers. It sums up a lot of the suggestions made so far:

Each day, do one thing from each of the following six groups:

- Physical excersize

- Mental excersize

- Something for someone else

- Something for yourself

- Something you've been putting off

- Say a prayer of thanksgiving.

 

Also, a lot of people are suffering from sleep deprivation, many of whom don't know that they are. The simple answer is to sleep more, but really the first part of that is to really become aware of how much sleep you are already getting. So keep a sleep diary. Each morning note on your diary how many hours of sleep you just got up from (and add in your afternoon naps). It will fluctuate some, so I find the most reliable question to look at is "How near did I come to my sleep goal over the last 7 days?" Ask yourself that every morning and it will become obvious to you just how much sleep you need. My goal is 7.5 per night, but we each need different amounts than each other and different amounts at different times of our lives. Then I try to keep my going or start a new one when I'm not sure if I'm getting enough or not. Pleasant dreams!

[Guest JT]

>This first one is an old

>recipe I got from Ann

>Landers and republished in my

>own collumn each year back

>when I wrote for gay

>papers. It sums up a

>lot of the suggestions made

>so far:

>Each day, do one thing from

>each of the following six

>groups:

 

Let's try a new hot and spicy recipe:

 

- Mental excersize: Sexual fantsies

- Physical excersize Give your favorite escort(s) a call. Then lots of sex

- Something for someone else Load(s) for your escort(s)

- Something for yourself Load(s) for yourself

- Something you've been putting off Load(s) of the day? Week? Month?

- Say a prayer of thanksgiving Whispers, screams, moans, kisses, cigarettes, payment, etc. }>

 

Enjoy!

 

JT ;-)

[Will]

What you describe in your initial post is a sound-off for many, though not all, of the symptoms of clinical depression. The others are right: it is highly treatable.

 

I have what's called chronic cyclical major depression. In practical terms, that means that I have repeated bouts of clinical depression on a cycle that seems to be of about eighteen months' duration. When I get a depression, it lasts anywhere from four or five months to a year or more. From the first time I got depressed at about the age of eleven or twelve until it was diagnosed when I was fifty, depression ruled my life. It got increasingly bad; fortunately I have been under extremely good medical care for a decade, and I do everything the doctor tells me to do. That means that I have fewer noticeable episodes; and when I do have them, they're lighter and shorter-lived than they used to be.

 

Major depression is a complex neurological disorder. It is not an "emotional" problem; it is not a moral problem; it is not the blues; it is not your fault; there is nothing you can do to think, feel, or act it away. All the community outreach, clean-up/fix-up projects, and visiting with friends in the world will not break the back of a depression. The only thing that will crack open a genuine clinical depression is medicine, and I very much hope that you will see your doctor right away. And keep checking in with us!

[Will]

I literally misplaced my post! Rather than put it at the end where it belongs, somehow I stuck it in under Bucky's (#12). Sorry.

[Guest TruthTeller]

The most frightening - and most destructive - threat to this country is not terrorism (although it's a close second). It's the increasingly popular belief that salvation, happiness, contentment, and fulfillment lies not in ourselves, but in the bottom of a pill dispenser. Feel bad? Unhappy? Discontent? Don't change yourself or your life - just pop pills and let them eliminate those feelings from your brain.

 

It's so nice and soothing and easy that way - instead of living and struggling and overcoming, you just inject neurochemicals into your brain that make you feel so, so nice. No more anxiety. No more discomfort. No more pain. All the bad things erased.

 

If you see something disconcerting, just put blinders on and you won't see it anymore. If you feel something disconcerting, just take pills that make it so you won't feel it anymore.

 

You're a walking zombie, controlled by external chemicals swirling around in, and controlling, your BRAIN and MIND, but at least you feel better.

 

>What you describe in your initial

>post is a sound-off for

>many, though not all, of

>the symptoms of clinical depression.

 

Actually, what he described is NOT the "sound-off for the symptoms of clinical depsression"; they're the sound-off for the symptoms of LIFE - searching for its meaning, looking for fulfillment, being dissatisfied: the age-old human feelings which spawn creativity and change.

 

But they're unpleasant, so instead of struggling with them and changing yourself - just take pills and get rid of them - it's so much easier - it feels so nice - such a pleasant, unthreatening buzz.

 

> The others are right:

>it is highly treatable.

 

Virtually every human emotion and feeling is now "highly treatable" -- pills exist to alter or destroy them. The eagerness of people to have their emotions and feelings and desires and thoughts "treated" -- i.e., altered and destroyed -- by pills, is just fucking unbelievable.

 

>I have what's called chronic cyclical

>major depression.

 

I bet you felt so much better when someone - and not just someone, but a DOCTOR! - told you that your dissatisfaction and unhappiness in life wasn't your fault, and that there was NOTHING you could do about it, because it's an Illness - like cancer - and you can't do anything about it; you have to let the nice doctors and the nice pills fix it. That must have been such a relief to have that burden for your own life lifted from your sagging shoulders.

 

> It got increasingly bad;

>fortunately I have been under

>extremely good medical care for

>a decade, and I do

>everything the doctor tells me

>to do.

 

Your "life" means that you obey your doctor ("I do everything the doctor tells me to do"); take the pills he tells you to take so that you feel what you want to feel; experience what is pleasant without having to change your life; and relinquish your brain to pills - don't you see how fucking sick that is?????

 

>That means

>that I have fewer noticeable

>episodes; and when I do

>have them, they're lighter and

>shorter-lived than they used to

>be.

 

That means that you're dead. The pills live; you don't.

 

>Major depression is a complex neurological

>disorder. It is not

>an "emotional" problem; it is

>not a moral problem; it

>is not the blues; it

>is not your fault; there

>is nothing you can do

>to think, feel, or act

>it away.

 

READ THIS OVER AND OVER - look at how you have been convinced that you have no control over your life. Look at how you ate all this crap up because, at bottom, the message is YOU HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITY AND NO ABILITY TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER. YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY WITHOUT PUTTING CHEMICALS IN YOUR BRAIN.

 

It's all because you're weak and needy and want to be relieved of responsibilty for yourself, so you eagerly accept someone telling you that you can't change your life, and it's not your fault.

 

>All the

>community outreach, clean-up/fix-up projects, and

>visiting with friends in the

>world will not break the

>back of a depression.

 

Stop trying to convince him that there's nothing he can do to make his life better, and that nothing will work unless he becomes a fucking zombie!!!!

 

Throughout history, the feeling of "depression" has spawned major achievements and profound creativity as human beings struggled to find satisfaction in THEMSLEVES. Your sick, sick vision means that everyone walks around as zombies, swallowing Happy Pills everytime they feel "depressed," instead of working and struggling to CHANGE things and change themselves.

 

It's bad enough that you subject yourself to this mental suicide, but the fact that you try to convince everyone else who expresses feelings of sadness or lethargy that they are helpless and MUST swallow pills into their brains in order to make any progress, is outright fucking evil.

 

>The only thing that will

>crack open a genuine clinical

>depression is medicine, and I

>very much hope that you

>will see your doctor right

>away.

 

You're a completely selfish, manipulative pig, and this whole post is about yourself -- not him. You want him to be with you, drowning in your helpless sorrow and misery, and swallowing the pills that you swallow, so that you don't feel so alone. So you tell him -- over and fucking over: "there's nothing you can do. Medicate yourself or perish. Accept your helplessness. You are unable. You are weak. You are nothing. Salvation lies in chemicals. You have no control over your life. You are sick. You are weak. Don't fight it; accept it, swallow pills, and feel so so nice."

 

>And keep checking

>in with us!

 

Yes, of course - what good would it be if you didn't get to voyeristically watch his transformation from a human being, living life, with all its struggles and conflicts -- into a medicated blinded zombie, feeling so so nice, floating effortlessly and pointlessly next to you in your medicated zone of non-existence and death.

 

If you feel upset after reading this - don't do anything about it. Don't think about it. Don't engage in introspection. That's all painful. Just swallow some nice pills, lay back, and it will all drift slowly and peacefully away.

[BuckyXTC]

Truthteller:

 

Did you forget to take your medication today?

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

TT,

 

This reminds me of the ever-thin man who knows beyond all doubt the truth about the problem and the simple solution for the ever-obese man.

 

It is a rare individual who knows the truth and speaks it with such clarity and zeal, as you do. Too bad your words can't be communicated to all the survivors of those too weak to meet life head on as you know it must be met. Those teenagers, young adults, and older adults who eventually, out of despair, chose the escape from the pain they could no longer carry on their own. I'm sure your words would bring great solace to the survivors (parents, siblings, spouses, partners, sons and daughters) of those brave souls once they thought through the self-evident logic of your arguments. They might even ask for your discourse on the benefits of natural selection for winnowing out the weak from the family gene pool -- and thank you for it.

 

We are fortunate to have your truthful insights contributed so freely to this board. On the other hand my cynical side wonders if your mission is just to stir the pot for a little action and excitement, and maybe in the course of that stirring to get a few panties in a bunch around here. It wouldn't be the first time for that, we have had a few others from time to time who enjoy that pastime too.

[Guest]

You can get out of this depression. You might be able to do it yourself (exercise, volunteering, forcing yourself, etc.). Do not think yourself a failiure if you can't get over it yourself, though. Most people need help to get out of depression, and it's wise to seek help when you need it. Yes, it might include an antidepressant. It is a sign of strength and intelligence, not weakness, to seek the assistance you need. What's important is to get back on your feet with a life you enjoy. You only get one chance at life. Don't feel ashamed to accept whatever help you need to live a life you enjoy.