What Would You Do?

[Guest Charon]

I'd tell him it was $150 an hour.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

What Would You Do? -- On Being a Third in an Open Relationship

 

While in a dance club, I was approached by a guy 15 years my junior who indicated big interest in getting to know me better. He backed up his words with a public display of attention. During our encounter another guy he knew (similar age) came up and talked to him and then went down to the dance room level – obviously friends I concluded. We traded phone numbers. He called the following week and reaffirmed his interest in becoming friends and more… He was also up front about being in an open relationship and stated that any relationship with him would also involve his partner. He is looking for an ongoing 'friendly' relationship for social activites and more... but not on an equal footing with his partner. He admitted that they had sought out thirds previously but that it hadn’t worked out for one reason or another. His continued interest has been manifested in additional follow-up phone calls. We have discussed some of the issues of conern on his part and on mine.

 

I know what I’m going to do in terms of a response… what would you do? Pros and cons.

[Bilbo]

Personally, I would go with it. But I suppose that it is easier for me to say since I am in an open relationship.

[+ deej]

I'd go for it, but cautiously. (And I suspect you of all people would do that anyway.)

 

This sort of thing can work out, but that "open relationship" may be more open in one partner's mind than the other's which can cause jealousy. As long as you're alert and sensitive to that, just see what happens. Being with guys 15 years your junior ain't that hard to take. :9

[+ Charlie]

Just remember that if all he says is true, you are basically being used as a sex toy to enhance their relationship. If you're comfotable with that, go for it.

[Guest biga]

I wouldn't do it,the alarm bells started to ring when you said they had tried "thirds"before but it hadn't worked for one reason or another,you have to think what those reasons were ,was there jealousy on the part of one person which didn't help or was it because the third person got fed up being the spare part in the relationship however open it might be,just a thought Andy

P.S if you did decide to go for it ,i think approach with caution would be advisable.

[Guest DCescortBOY]

one word sums it up: INSANE.

 

helpfully,

DCeBOY

[Bilbo]

On second thought, if they want you to be the only third, I'd have to agree it is a bit insane. I've seen three way love affairs work, but they are more equal than that sounds. However, if you would be one of a select group of thirds - including, one would expect, other open couples to whom they are "thirds" - I would still go for it.

[fedssocr1]

As with most things, it all comes down to expectations. It sounds like you have been talking with him a good deal about that which is good thing. As long as you know where you stand and are comfortable with it I don't see why not. Have you spoken to the other part of the 3-some at all? Sounds like boy #1 might be more into it than his partner is, which as others have said could lead to jealousy and who knows what. I guess as long as you're only looking at it as a sort of friendship and sort of fuck-buddies kind of thing and nothing more than that then you should be OK.

 

And if after 1 encounter it's too weird it's not like you've personally invested a lot. They are presumably adults and can be responsible for their own feelings.

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

Tell him to get a life.

 

Emphatically yours,

 

FFF

[Guest DickHo]

This reminds me of the old saying (and I paraphrase): whether the egg hits the rock or the rock hits the egg, it's not going to be pretty for the egg.

[Will]

Off the cuff, I can't say what I'd do. I do know what I'd be if I were you, and that is complimented. It's nice to be approached that way, and nicer to be pursued. Nicer still is to be told that I'm being pursued for reasons that have nothing to do with what he thinks my checkbook or my professional reputation and expertise could do for his career. At least I imagine that it's nicer still, as none of this has ever happened to me.

 

In itself a 15-year difference in age doesn't signify, at least not to me. If a 45-year-old man approaches a 60-year-old man, that's not quite the same as an 18-year-old boy approaching a 33-year-old man. So the actual ages and level of maturity would be a big factor for me.

 

One thing you haven't told us is whether you're as interested in the other man as he is in you. If I were, and if I'd had lunch alone with the partner, and then dinner with the two of them together, and the whole thing still passed muster, I'd say: Why not? After all, if you don't like it, you can always quit.

 

Meanwhile, I envy your new status as a Sex Object. My goodness, TY, all we already knew -- and now THIS????? You must be a catch!

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

Going to put my two cents in here.

 

My ex and I did the same thing. We started out in having a third over every once in a while, while at the time never seeking it out just going with the flow and if something happened cool. We got tired of going through new guys all the time since number one this town knows everything about everyone also its kinda like dating again and weeding out the duds all the time. We decided we as well wanted a buddy we could maintain a friendly relationship with as well as sexual, movies, outings, trips ect. Well in 2 years of the enterviewing stage I guess you could call it, not one guy ever showed interest in anything other than to get together and fuck. So needless to say I have no idea what the pros or cons are. However I do know that if a couple can be mature enough to go to that next level than they must have a very well rounded reltationship. I say give it a shot. No harm done and the only one walking away is you.

 

 

Dr Michael Johnson.

Sex and relationship therapist

http://www.geocities.com/michaeljohnsonxxx/index.htm

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

LOL... I hadn't thought of this one... :-)

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

My understanding is that the situation is very much the picture you paint from your own experience -- including the reason for failure to find that right 'third' . Aother reason appears to be the 'third' gravitating to one partner more than the other -- a destablilizing threat to the open relationship. As one with direct experience, in this type of situation, particularly from 'the other side' , I especially appreciate your input. Thanks.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Will,

 

I want to thank you and the others for taking the time to comment.

 

The gentleman of reference is 38 years of age, so I'm dealing with what should be a mature individual.

 

I think your recommendation on proceeding is appropriate and practical; and provides an incremental assessment approach to the situation -- just what is called for if it is to be pursued.

 

Your kinds words turn my head... I think there must be a bit of Irish in you (blarney). :-) As for the attraction -- who knows. I gave up smoking years ago and there were no mirrors. :-) Must come down to the 'clothes make the man' and the lighting -- dressing in black from head to toe and lighting that requires one to navigate by matchlight. In reality, the gentleman is into older guys and also a little muscle; that and he thinks I'm a nice guy -- go figure.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

>On second thought, if they want

>you to be the only

>third, I'd have to agree

>it is a bit insane.

 

Bilbo,

 

I don't know if I would be exclusive... I rather think others are desired too. But considering their past experience I might be, defacto, the only one -- at least for now.

[Guest cmp]

In case it does work out, you'll get two (probably attractive) simultaneous boyfriends for the price of one, so to speak. Not a bad deal. Of course, some of the other issues mentioned in the previous replies might be an impediment, but this could be a successful experiment. Good luck!

[Will]

OK, here's what we do. I wear black, too, and seek environments illuminated with no more foot-candles than a rare Renaissance drawing could take. Whether you like these guys or not, they will still like Gentlemen of a Certain Age. If it should happen that they aren't good enough for you, let me know and I'll move to Cambridge immediately. I'm just their type. You lucky dog!

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

LOL... :-)

 

I'll keep this in mind. And if you were my local competiton, there's little doubt I'd be left at the gate... :-) I'm sure that Cambridge would fit you like a glove fits a hand.

[Will]

See your Inbox, hot stuff!

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Ditto!!

[Guest Zach DC]

Hey Tampa,

There's some good advice here already. Definitely have fun and explore.

 

One thing you haven't mentioned, what do you want out of this relationship? Sex with one or both men? Friendship with one or both? Obviously, you won't know what you want until you discover what they have to offer. So go for it.

 

And if, as others have warned, this couple is looking to treat you as a sex object--so what? Enjoy it. Among your other attributes, this couple is also attracted to something they don't have--total independence. So explore. Enjoy time shared with them. But whatever develops, keep sight of your independence.

 

Zach DC

[Guest DCescortBOY]

keep sight of your wallet & your sanity!