Most Humiliating Moment

August 16, 2001

I was at a dinner party last night at some friends house and the topic of conversation was our most humiliating moments. This is quite funny so I thought I'd share. The one that stuck out most in my mind was Gay pride of 87. I was dating this really cute guy named Skip. Skip had received an invitation to a friends B'day party and the invites said to bring gag gifts, dildo's, handcuffs and the like. So we hit the Pleasure chest and bought them out. We dropped them off at the house and went out that evening to parties and dancing. My dear friend Carlton was driving that evening as he doesn't drink. He dropped us at home around 3 am. Skip and I hit the bed for some hot sex before passing out. In the middle of all this hot sex, Skip decides that he wants to use a toy on me. He pulls out this 8 inch dildo (with no base) and proceeds to fuck me with it. To my surprise the damn thing slips all the way in so I stand up to push it out. It wont come out! Its 4 am and I'm standing there with an 8 inch dildo stuck up my ass and I can't get it out! I turn to Skip and say to him that we have to go to the ER. He refused to go with me to the hospital as he was too embarrassed. So we proceed to try and get the damn thing out. We stooped to actually sticking HOT DOG PRONGS up my ass to remove this thing to no avail. So I pick up the phone and call my dear friend Carlton who had just dropped us off an hour earlier and who lived in the valley at the time. He answers the phone and I say Carlton dear, you must come and get me and take me to the ER. He replied why? I said Carlton I can't tell you. He says to me, listen bitch, Its 4 am and I just crawled into bed, you don't sound like you're dying so if you don't tell me your ass can take a cab or better yet drive your damn self. So I spilled it. All I heard in the background was the phone hitting the floor and Carlton laughing hysterically. He finally shows up to take me to the ER. Fortunately I had a friend that worked at Cedars and I called her and told her that I was coming in and to hide me when I arrived. She ask what the problem was. I said I can't tell you. She says Sean dear I need to know what type of Doctor to have waiting for you. So I tell her. Same thing, phone drops and hits the floor and all I hear is her laughing hysterically! I arrive at the hospital. 5 different doctors are there waiting for me. I tell them what's going on, they were very professional. They didn't even crack a smile. They send me down to X-ray. The X-ray tech is only told to X-ray my abdomen. He doesn't know what I'm in for at this point. He snaps the film and goes off to develop it. He returns to the room and slaps the film up on a light board. The look on this poor mans face was to say the least PRICELESS! He looks at the film, turns and looks at me turns back to look at the film and then turns around and says to me "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? LOL! I just said nevermind and to get it to the Doc's. They roll me up to a private room where my friend Carlton is sitting in the corner asleep and snoring. In comes this team of Doctor's with film in hand. Sean they say. This is the situation. Your intestinal muscles contracted when you stood up to push it out and its lodged and the only way we're gonna get this thing out is to put you out and reach up in there and get it. Or you can wait until it comes out on its own which could be several hours. Now being gay pride weekend and all I didn't want to wait till this thing came out on its own. So I told them to do whatever they needed to do to get the damn thing out of me. Then the doc says to me that they might have to do a temp colostomy. I looked at this Doc and said to him that I didn't care if he had to stick his entire fucking arm up my ass he WAS NOT cutting me open under ANY circumstances! A few mins pass and in comes this 300 lb African American woman with the same demeanor as Florence from the sitcom The Jefferson's. This poor woman is practically biting her lip off trying not to laugh. I take one look at her and say I take it you know what I'm in for, she says in her most southern black Florence kinda way UUUHHH HUH, HEARD YOU HAD SOMETHIN STUCK UP YO ASS! I thought I was gonna die then and there. This woman didn't let up on me till I was released and out the door. She could see that I was a bit frazzled and tried her best to calm me down by telling me stories of others who had similar problems. She says to me Sean honey this is nothin, she told me this one guy came in with a 5lb Jiffy peanut butter jar stuck up his ass. She asked him how it got there and his excuse was that he was washing his dog in the bath tub and slipped and fell on it! I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to give birth right then and there. Next thing I knew I was being wheeled into the operating room, legs up in stirrups as if I were giving birth. Counted from ten to whatever and passed out. They removed it with no complications or having to cut me open. The next thing I remember was coming to with this campy black woman standing over me checking my stats. The first thing I did was grab my stomach to see if they had cut me. She grabbed my hands and said Sean honey its OK, we didn't have to do a C section after all, you gave birth to a beautiful flesh colored baby boy. Now honey you can relax! The question now is sweetheart what do you wanna do with it, put it up for adoption or take it home? I told her to bronze the motherfucker and to stick it in the trophy cabinet in the hallway. All in all the most humiliating moment in MY LIFE!

August 16, 2001

I was at a dinner party last night at some friends house and the topic of conversation was our most humiliating moments. This is quite funny so I thought I'd share. The one that stuck out most in my mind was Gay pride of 87. I was dating this really cute guy named Skip. Skip had received an invitation to a friends B'day party and the invites said to bring gag gifts, dildo's, handcuffs and the like. So we hit the Pleasure chest and bought them out. We dropped them off at the house and went out that evening to parties and dancing. My dear friend Carlton was driving that evening as he doesn't drink. He dropped us at home around 3 am. Skip and I hit the bed for some hot sex before passing out. In the middle of all this hot sex, Skip decides that he wants to use a toy on me. He pulls out this 8 inch dildo (with no base) and proceeds to fuck me with it. To my surprise the damn thing slips all the way in so I stand up to push it out. It wont come out! Its 4 am and I'm standing there with an 8 inch dildo stuck up my ass and I can't get it out! I turn to Skip and say to him that we have to go to the ER. He refused to go with me to the hospital as he was too embarrassed. So we proceed to try and get the damn thing out. We stooped to actually sticking HOT DOG PRONGS up my ass to remove this thing to no avail. So I pick up the phone and call my dear friend Carlton who had just dropped us off an hour earlier and who lived in the valley at the time. He answers the phone and I say Carlton dear, you must come and get me and take me to the ER. He replied why? I said Carlton I can't tell you. He says to me, listen bitch, Its 4 am and I just crawled into bed, you don't sound like you're dying so if you don't tell me your ass can take a cab or better yet drive your damn self. So I spilled it. All I heard in the background was the phone hitting the floor and Carlton laughing hysterically. He finally shows up to take me to the ER. Fortunately I had a friend that worked at Cedars and I called her and told her that I was coming in and to hide me when I arrived. She ask what the problem was. I said I can't tell you. She says Sean dear I need to know what type of Doctor to have waiting for you. So I tell her. Same thing, phone drops and hits the floor and all I hear is her laughing hysterically! I arrive at the hospital. 5 different doctors are there waiting for me. I tell them what's going on, they were very professional. They didn't even crack a smile. They send me down to X-ray. The X-ray tech is only told to X-ray my abdomen. He doesn't know what I'm in for at this point. He snaps the film and goes off to develop it. He returns to the room and slaps the film up on a light board. The look on this poor mans face was to say the least PRICELESS! He looks at the film, turns and looks at me turns back to look at the film and then turns around and says to me "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? LOL! I just said nevermind and to get it to the Doc's. They roll me up to a private room where my friend Carlton is sitting in the corner asleep and snoring. In comes this team of Doctor's with film in hand. Sean they say. This is the situation. Your intestinal muscles contracted when you stood up to push it out and its lodged and the only way we're gonna get this thing out is to put you out and reach up in there and get it. Or you can wait until it comes out on its own which could be several hours. Now being gay pride weekend and all I didn't want to wait till this thing came out on its own. So I told them to do whatever they needed to do to get the damn thing out of me. Then the doc says to me that they might have to do a temp colostomy. I looked at this Doc and said to him that I didn't care if he had to stick his entire fucking arm up my ass he WAS NOT cutting me open under ANY circumstances! A few mins pass and in comes this 300 lb African American woman with the same demeanor as Florence from the sitcom The Jefferson's. This poor woman is practically biting her lip off trying not to laugh. I take one look at her and say I take it you know what I'm in for, she says in her most southern black Florence kinda way UUUHHH HUH, HEARD YOU HAD SOMETHIN STUCK UP YO ASS! I thought I was gonna die then and there. This woman didn't let up on me till I was released and out the door. She could see that I was a bit frazzled and tried her best to calm me down by telling me stories of others who had similar problems. She says to me Sean honey this is nothin, she told me this one guy came in with a 5lb Jiffy peanut butter jar stuck up his ass. She asked him how it got there and his excuse was that he was washing his dog in the bath tub and slipped and fell on it! I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to give birth right then and there. Next thing I knew I was being wheeled into the operating room, legs up in stirrups as if I were giving birth. Counted from ten to whatever and passed out. They removed it with no complications or having to cut me open. The next thing I remember was coming to with this campy black woman standing over me checking my stats. The first thing I did was grab my stomach to see if they had cut me. She grabbed my hands and said Sean honey its OK, we didn't have to do a C section after all, you gave birth to a beautiful flesh colored baby boy. Now honey you can relax! The question now is sweetheart what do you wanna do with it, put it up for adoption or take it home? I told her to bronze the motherfucker and to stick it in the trophy cabinet in the hallway. All in all the most humiliating moment in MY LIFE!

August 16, 2001

at least we now know from whence comes your penchant for "honey," "sweetie," and "sweetheart."

August 16, 2001

at least we now know from whence comes your penchant for "honey," "sweetie," and "sweetheart."

+ *deej* · August 16, 2001

Did you plan on putting the dildo back in the package and giving as a gift? :9 (You KNOW I'm kidding!)

+ *deej* · August 16, 2001

Did you plan on putting the dildo back in the package and giving as a gift? :9 (You KNOW I'm kidding!)

BewareofNick · August 16, 2001

Sean, it takes a lot of guts to put something like this in front of everybody. I have gained a new respect for you!

BewareofNick · August 16, 2001

Sean, it takes a lot of guts to put something like this in front of everybody. I have gained a new respect for you!

NASAguy · August 16, 2001

Sean--

My thanks for providing one of the most enjoyable moments I've had on this site for a long time. Your story is priceless!

NASAguy · August 16, 2001

Sean--

My thanks for providing one of the most enjoyable moments I've had on this site for a long time. Your story is priceless!

August 16, 2001

Your story is PRICELESS! I was laughing with you not at you..LOL You only hear about these things happening but never from the person it happened to. This one is so good its almost hard to believe ;-)

August 16, 2001

Did the doc use an anethesia? or... did he just use crystal meth?

I feel sorry for you, but that was funny. I think I would have died of humiliation. Good lesson to get dildos with bases !!!

August 16, 2001

Did the doc use an anethesia? or... did he just use crystal meth?

I feel sorry for you, but that was funny. I think I would have died of humiliation. Good lesson to get dildos with bases !!!

August 16, 2001

Your story is PRICELESS! I was laughing with you not at you..LOL You only hear about these things happening but never from the person it happened to. This one is so good its almost hard to believe ;-)

August 16, 2001

Thanks Guys! Glad you enjoyed it. I had my host and friends on the floor last night. I haven't laughed that hard in 20 years! I didn't find it very funny when it happened but several years later it is just a priceless story for before or after dinner chat. There's more to it, I basically gave you the readers digest version. Maybe one of these days I get the guts to tell you the rest of what happened that weekend <grin>

August 16, 2001

Thanks Guys! Glad you enjoyed it. I had my host and friends on the floor last night. I haven't laughed that hard in 20 years! I didn't find it very funny when it happened but several years later it is just a priceless story for before or after dinner chat. There's more to it, I basically gave you the readers digest version. Maybe one of these days I get the guts to tell you the rest of what happened that weekend <grin>

August 16, 2001

Thank you babe! I can also prove it, they let me keep the X-rays! I had them framed and they are hanging in my bathroom

August 16, 2001

Thank you babe! I can also prove it, they let me keep the X-rays! I had them framed and they are hanging in my bathroom

+ *deej* · August 16, 2001

ROFLMAO!

I'll bet those framed XRays lead to some interesting discussions with visitors! I love it! :-)

+ *deej* · August 16, 2001

ROFLMAO!

I'll bet those framed XRays lead to some interesting discussions with visitors! I love it! :-)

August 17, 2001

I can't come close to the disappearing dildo story, but I do have

a humiliating experience to share.

Two years ago I woke up in the middle of the night to take a piss, but something wasn't quite right. My cock felt kind of

swollen and tingly. I just thought it was a side-effect of Viagra. Well, when I woke up the next morning my cock was swollen

up and not in a blood-engorged manner. More like swelling from a

bee sting. I have a nice-sized cock, but it just looked freakishly large.

Fortunately, I live a block from a hospital to which I walked,

very slowly. I told the intake nurse my symptoms and she sort of

smiled. They put me in an examining room and no less than 1/2 a

dozen doctors, nurses, orderlies...I don't know who all, but it

seemed like everyone came in to look at my cock. As luck would

have it, it was all females checking it out. Examining it from all different angles and finally it was determined it was probably a spider bite.

Being the honest hooker that I am, I had informed the doctor of

my profession and before they would release me, they had a social

worker come in to attempt to inform me of the perils of prostitution. I cut her off about two sentences into her spiel and proceeded to set her straight about the myths she was perpetuating. They gave me some sort of antihistamine and by the

end of the day I was back to my old self.

Jeff4hire@aol.com

August 17, 2001