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[Guest allansmith63]

Probably the wrong topic on an escort site, but this is where I get so much of my support and help, so please forgive me, and bear with me.

 

I've been dating a man for 6 weeks. Same age, we're both professionals. We spend a lot of time together - every weekend and any other night we can clear our schedules to get together. Love to do the many of the same things - we do disagree on things, but no real conflicts have yet arisen - we even coincidentally drive the same cars. Our favorite activity - nude suntanning on the beaches in the southern interior of British Columbia. We're each other's favorite physical types, and enjoy each other physically (euphemism for...well, never mind)

 

The question - how do I differentiate between infatuation/ obsession, and my truly knowing within myself that I want to be with this guy for a long, long time? We're just beginning to allude to a relationship for the future - using the "L" word quite freely, but I so desparately do not want to fuck-up right now.

 

My favorite escort and I had the infatuation/obsession discussion many times, and I appreciated his advice at the time. I'd really appreciate more input from your own experiences, guys - I want to be as sure as possible!!

 

Thanks.

 

Allan

[Guest jizzdepapi]

allan:

 

what wonderful and exciting things are happening to you! if truth be told, i am jealous of your newfound relationship.

 

my advice is for you to take a deep breath, enjoy what you've got and let the future take care of itself. you can always define your relationship later on.

 

jizz

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

Infatuation: an unreasonably strong love for...

 

Obsession: unreasonably persistent idea in the mind

 

You would be *infatuated* if you had lost all critical sense towards your beloved, taking his part in all things and subsuming your interests and wants in his. A clear sign would be asymetry in your relationship. Are you always the one to give in and yield even on matters of principle, for example? Do you always do together what he wants to do even if you would rather not? If there is genuine give and take, your love is not "unreasonably strong".

 

Your love would be an *obsession* if you thought about your beloved all the time and if your love for him coloured all your actions and desires even when he is not present or in cases in which he was not directly concerned.

 

Frankly, I don't see either emotional state as particularly healthy or appealing, and I doubt either of them applies to you. It sounds to me as if you are simply falling in love. Look at this realistically as an opportunity for deeper sharing and solidarity with another human being that could enrich your life and bring you increased happiness.

 

You seem to be worried about the future, whether it will last and whether it is real *LOVE* (note: uppercase). It may, it may not. The intensity of love has surprisingly little bearing on its duration. People change, their tastes change, their interests change. New people and new opportunities sometimes enter into the picture and provoke hard and painful choices. There are never any guarrantees. It's *unreasonable* to expect any, though it isn't unreasonable to expect honesty and openness on the part of your partner. Go with the flow, and if your love is reciprocated and lasts your lifetimes you will be blessed beyond most men. If it fails, you will be no worse off than you are now unless there is currently a line-up of potential spouses waiting outside your door.

 

I don't see what the problem is. Go for it.

 

Esc-Tracker

[Guest ChicagoCorey]

I don't really have anything new to add -- especially since Esc_Tracker said it so well -- but I think, from what you've described, you should hear as many times as possible to go for it.

 

Falling in love is slightly scary. That's why they call it "falling." Even in the healthiest case, even in the most mundane situations, when you're with someone you have such strong feelings for, you don't feel all the way in control. For most of us, this is frightening at best. But as long as it feels right, don't question it to death (This kills more good things than it helps). Go for it. Congratulations and good luck.

 

-------

chicagocorey@yahoo.com

new site and pictures

http://www.geocities.com/chicagocorey

[Boston Guy]

Allan -

 

Six weeks is an awfully short time to know where you want a relationship to go.

 

You say you don't want to have a fuck-up right now.

 

The best advice I can give you is to suggest that you relax and allow yourself to simply enjoy the time you are spending with him. So many people try to rush things in a relationship or get too serious too fast. It's the easiest way to screw a relationship up.

 

Let the relationship take its course. Enjoy it, keep the lines of communication open with your friend (i.e., don't NOT talk about it, just don't make talking or deciding about it be the biggest thing in your relationship). In time, you'll both know what you want.

 

I hope it works out for you. :-)

 

BG

[Guest Theron]

>The question - how do I

>differentiate between infatuation/ obsession, and

>my truly knowing within myself

>that I want to be

>with this guy for a

>long, long time? We're

>just beginning to allude to

>a relationship for the future

>- using the "L" word

>quite freely, but I so

>desparately do not want to

>fuck-up right now.

 

Hi, Allen -- BIG SMILE!

 

My suggestion is move slow. There is no rush to make declarations of love and commitments, though people often think there is. One the biggest mistakes I believe people make in relationships is moving too fast. There is nothing wrong with taking time to get to know someone, before making any big decisions. In fact, the only way you can ever truly know anyone is by experiencing things with them, and observing them, over a period of time. It is also very healthy, during the dating proces, to have time alone. Fight the urge to spend every free moment together. My own rule, if I find someone who interests me is to date them for a year before making any commitments, even if I get all emotionally hot and bothered, lol. Often times we can want something so bad that we lose sight of what truly is, and only time reveals the facts.

 

Hugs,

 

Theron

Based Out of Chicago

http://theronb.homestead.com/files/home.html

[Matt_Vancouver]

AAACKKKKKKKKK!! GAG!

: )

just teasing, I'm kinda happy for you: ) ....kinda

six weeks is not emough time to figure out what you feel about somebody, and in all honesty if someone were to start getting 'deep' on me after six weeks, I would start to be afraid....very afraid.

Take it easy, loneliness after a divorce can be scary and well...lonely, but that doesn'e mean you have to shack up with the first cute thing that comes along. I saw his picture.... he is cute: ) jealousy sets in

Keep talking but relax, your young, you have all the time in the world to settle down, have fun, enjoy your new found gayness, sleep with lots of men, cum often, and dance like noone is watching....(oh god I can't believe I threw that in....)

matt(counselling sessions 200/hour)

http://go.to/mattsplace

matt_escort@yahoo.com

[+ Charlie]

You two sound so much alike that I'm reminded of the philosophical theory that homosexuality is simply another form of narcissism. (Just had to throw that out--sorry.)

 

From a more practical standpoint, you need to be together longer and try doing some things together that don't appeal to each of you equally. You need to also have a good fight, because that's when you learn whether you can really trust him or not. (I'm not saying you should provoke an artificial fight, but when one arises naturally, try to remain objective enough to see whether he fights clean or dirty, such as bringing up something or doing something that is truly hurtful as a way of getting the advantage.)

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

There is a good reason to use low gear on steep grades.

 

:-)

[Bilbo]

I cannot believe what wonderful advice you've been given so far! Well, I should've expected it, since I know all these guys from around here, but really...

 

It is absolutely true that you really won't know exactly what you've got til after your first big fight. However, again, don't force that to happen. And remember that kissing and making up are going to be some of the best kisses you will ever receive.

 

Perhaps a couple more arguments in favor of going slow. - Heteros have this delicious time period which we often skip, called being engaged to your fiance. My sisters were engaged as long as 5 years each, and they're still of their first marriages. I skipped it, basically, each time and am on my fifth. (Well, two of them died but ...) - The ancient Irish, and I think the Scandinavians, too had a custom of a trial marriage where you lived together for a year, at least, before you actually got married. We do do that, too. Metropolitan Community Churches won't holy union you until you've actually lived together for a year. (Unfortunately, though we have been together 3 years this September, Loyal and I don't live together. So ...)

 

Relax, enjoy, don't push things!

[Guest jizzdepapi]

I've heard from some of my breeder friends that some of the best sex they ever had was WHILE they were fighting.

 

go figure.

[Guest allansmith63]

Hey guys - thanks a million for the advice.

 

I find it very difficult to step back in the heat of the newfound passion - when all is perfect - the "honeymoon" period, I guess - and clearly and rationally consider my thoughts and feelings. And that's where all of your advice comes in to assist me. It is particularly tough for me too, because, for the first time with a man I care deeply about, reciprocal feelings are expressed. No one-sided expression of feelings, which has happened to me in the past. We're in this together - both dealing with the unexpectedness of finding each other. So, no confusion about "does he or doesn't he?" feelings - we both care very deeply for each other and aren't shy about admitting it. So, I will heed your advice, guys, and we'll wait a month or so to buy that cute little fixer-upper house we saw the other day (just kidding). You guys' words feel right in what you're advising (except, maybe yours, Matt :*) - it takes time for the depth of feeling to develop that will allow a long-term relationship to flourish.

 

I will proceed slowly, however, my heart is telling me that he is the words to my song.

 

Allan

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

I ...will proceed slowly, however, my heart is telling me that he is the words to my song.

 

You will know it is right when he is the music to your words...

 

:-)