Kudos for Mike Stefano

[BuckyXTC]

Hey Andy and cmp!

 

What a wonderful gift to wake up on Saturday morning and find your kind words of support for Mike, Steph, and me! You guys are very special; I definitely count you as my friends. Last night I feared I might be cut off from the Internet for a while, as I had one of my internal hard drives give up the ghost, and after rebooting the computer, it wouldn't boot any drive at all. So I was up late, tearing the computer apart and removing the dead drive. I'm lucky it was my smallest drive and data was backed up. Fortunately, my system is up and running again, and worst I'll suffer out of this deal is having to add a new drive, which certainly isn't as bad as buying a whole new system. Anyway, the little epidode make me pause to think just how important the computer has become in my life for staying in touch with folks I care about. So it was a double blessing to arise to your caring words.

 

At a time when there's been rancour and fighting going on in the message center between folks whom I've grown to like, I'm so glad that we're dealing with some really significant life issues in this thread. Personally, I don't like to get triangulated into fights between people, especially when I care about both parties. So rather than choosing sides, I'm doing my best to stay neutral on the squabbles yet supportive of the folks involved as far as their personhood and humanity go.

 

Both Mike and Steph have exhibited incredibly sensitivity and maturity in their posts, and I've grown to love them both for it.

In spite of difficulties they may have in their relationship, it is evident to me that they do care about each other very much. We could all learn some great lessons from their example. Some of the important lessons I've learned over the years, I've learned from folks much younger than me. I've never subscribed to the notion that older guys like myself somehow hold a corner on the market of truth. Each and every day, we can learn something important from each other. And for me, holding that outlook makes each new day an adventure to be savored and pursued. Even the "bad" days will hold some lesson if we actively look for it.

 

So, thank you all for being you and sharing your thoughts and most of all, for living boldly and loving wastefully!

 

Bucky

[Guest cmp]

"Some of the important lessons I've learned over the years, I've learned from folks much younger than me."

 

Bucky, you are reminding me of an old Hebrew saying (actually several thousand years old): "Micol melamday hescalti", meaning "I have learned from all my teachers" (I've got a translation problem here, as "teachers" in this context refers to "anyone who has something to teach me" and not the primary meaning of the word). Thanks for your wise words. Indeed, I admire Mike and Steph for their maturity. This is a great source of hope, gives me a strong feeling that they will get on top of the situation and will stay put there. About the polemics in the other threads: thanks for sharing your thoughts, I will try to emulate both Bryan Young's grandmother and you when it comes to that.

[Guest cmp]

Dear Mike,

 

Does sponsoring you include paying HooBoy to post your thumbnail pic next to your name in the escort listigs?

 

(I believe it's ok to crack stupid jokes, especially at times of tension).

[Guest cmp]

"Personally, I don't like to get triangulated into fights between people, especially when I care about both parties. So rather than choosing sides, I'm doing my best to stay neutral on the squabbles yet supportive of the folks involved as far as their personhood and humanity go."

 

Bucky, I have just replied to a post on the "Horror" board and I have tried to emulate you. You have helped me without even knowing it. Thanks!

[Big Daddy]

Hello Mike:

 

I had hesitated to respond because I am a addiction treatment professional, and thought the last thing yuo wanted to hear was more advice. As is often stated in 12-Step meetings, the solution to your problem is simple (stop drinking/using), however simple does not mean Easy.

 

If you do not mind, I would like to share some thoughts with you. Just remember that my opinion and $1.00 will buy you a cup of coffee.

 

We operate a non 12 Step program whose protocols are largely based on the research and work of the University of Pennsylvania, School of Medicine, Treatment Research Center in Philadelphia. It is what is coming to be known as the Pennsylvania Model of Recovery. It is a program that addresses the three primary components of dependence: 1)Biological 2)Social and 3)Psychological.

 

We have come to the realization that dependence upon alcohol and drugs is far more than an issue of character, will power, motivation or spirituality. It is primarily a biological issue, which directly impacts our psychological and social issues.

 

Each and every time a human being drinks alcohol for example, a chemical chain reaction is unleashed that results in the release of a group of chemicals known as Endorphins. Endorphins are escential for the survival of the human species. They allow us to deal with stress, anxiety, self-esteem, patience, moodiness, and very importantly pain. Endorphins are created in the pleasure center of the brain in the opioid endogenous system. When an individual drinks alcohol, it is liquid, which quickly travels from the stomach, through the stomach wall into the blood system. The blood system carries the alcohol to the brain, where it attaches to what are known as Opioid Receptor Sites. (A receptor site can be compared to a message center) Once the alcohol attaches to the receptor, the receptor is stimulated to send an elctro-chemical message through the neuro pathways of the brain, to the Opiod Endogenous system, which causes the intense release of endorphins. It is the release of the endorphins which provides the euphoric response, that sense of well being, the need to feel "normal", that is associated with having a drink.

 

An individual that can stop at one or two drinks, or only rarely gets "drunk" is what is referred to as a "social drinker". Research as demonstrated that about 25% of all human beings have a genetic pre-disposition to alcohol dependence. This group has a much lower threashold for the release of endorphins. Simply put, when an individual with the genetic pre-disposition drinks, literally they get a much bigger bang out of the drink(euphoria, sense of well being) than the social drinker. In addition, the one drink seems to trigger the need for more, which a social drinker does not experience. It is kind of like one drink makes me feel good, damn, how good will I feel with 10 drinks. One of the major problems facing an alcohol dependent indiviual is that the vast majority of people simply do not understand the intense need to feel "normal and well" that the alcohol provides.

 

Over a long period of time, indeed many years, the brain literally becomes acclimated to the artificial stimulation to feel well/normal by the alcohol, by reducing or even shutting down the normal production and release of endorphins. With the chemistry compromised,an individual becomes dependent upon the alcohol, not to be the "party animal" but rather just to get through the day, feeling emotionally well and normal.

 

Until very recently, the only solution was to reverse the process. Stop drinking for a long enough priod of time, for the brain to realize that it is no longer being artifically stimulated by alcohol, which in turn will cause it to again begin producing endorphins. The problem with this is that this also takes years to happen. It is almost impossible to deal with the emotional turmoil of recovery, knowing that relief is just a convenience store away.

 

The University of Pennsylvania helped to develop a new method of treatment that includes what is called PHARMACOTHERAPY. This combines, modern, fully approved, safe, and extremely effective medications with more traditional counseling. For example, the use of a medication called NALTREXONE HCI. Within an hour of ingestion, naltrexone effectively suppresses or eliminates the intense craving, the need to consume alcohol. It is extrememly, safe, has few or no side effects, is not emotionally or physically addicting, can be discontinued at any time without adverse effects and is readily availabe anywhere in the United States, via a prescription from a physician. It must be made very clear however, that naltrexone is not a cure in itself, but rather a very important tool, which can dramatically assist a human being to resist alcohol.

 

There are many people on this list who will take exception to what I am saying, thus I prefaced this remarks by stating that it is my opinion (yes backed by experience and medical research) but that and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee. If you would like to further research this issue, I would urge you to check out the University of Pennsylvania naltrexone web site at http://www.recovery2000.com or a naltrexone treament center site at http://www.assistedrecovery.com. Also, there is a great book entitled "Recovery Options" by Dr. Joseph Volpicelli, MD, Ph.D. of the U of Penn.

 

Mike, if you or anyone on this list has any questions regarding the Pennsylvania Model and Pharmacotherapy, I would be happy to answeer them.

[BuckyXTC]

Big Daddy:

 

Thank you very much for weighing in with your knowledge of this disease called alcoholism. I certainly have no substantive disagreement with you on the issue. And I'm in total agreement that drug addiction and alcoholism are not "moral problems". I'm delighted that you added more information for everyone to consider. I'll definitely check out those websites to learn more.

Whatever approach to treatment that provides lasting help to the person suffering is certainly ok in my book.

Bucky

[Will]

Hey, BD, I've got your advice and $1.00. Now may I have that cup of coffee with you? This is a very, very interesting post and I intend to follow it up by visiting the URLs you kindly provide.

 

I also want to echo what I take to be Bucky's sentiments, namely, that what matters is recovery, not the method one uses. Even Alcoholics Anonymous literature clearly states that the Twelve Steps themselves are "suggested." Everything you write seems perfectly harmonious with what I've learned in the nearly twenty years of recovery I've enjoyed in AA. The language -- and especially its metaphorical fields -- of the Big Book and the Twelve-and-Twelve is becoming obsolete because it dates from the period 1935-55, and because neuroscience has taught us so much about the physiology of addiction, even in the past decade. However, addiction isn't going to stop being an issue just because the longest-lived successful language of recovery (i.e., AA) is too old-fashioned for some people. And recovery from addiction isn't going to be accomplished without effort, determination, and the ability to be honest, no matter what method one uses.

 

Thanks so much for your sensitive and helpful comments. It warms the cockles of my heart to know that there are alternatives. Recovery is not a "one size fits all" matter.

[BuckyXTC]

Will

 

Thanks for stating precisely what I was attempting to say, but was a bit weary when I tried to say it. Essentially, whatever works is what we're after, be it AA, NA, naltrexone, or whatever. And I agree that "one size fits all" is really folly. I'm delighted that others are offering their expertise, experience, and wisdom. I'm particularly happy that Big Daddy has given us links for learning more. I'm very interested in this, and with new advances in science and medicine, I'm certain I need to upgrade my own knowledge in this area.

 

BuckyXTC

[Guest Stephan-Lacoste]

Hello there. IT has been a very long busy week end and of course I was not on the computer very much. So I do apologize for the delay But Always better later than never.

Things are great and I'm very happy. Everyone should.

Right now Mike is at his sunday meeting and he was really looking forward to it. It will be off in about 30 min. SO I decided to jump in that message center and share my thoughts....

Mike has been doing so good and he is really getting busy. He is not only the little cutty pie we all know but also he is a very good escort. I know some clients out there, have meet Mike while he was in Los Angeles , during his addiction and I know it must not have been a great experience for both like it could have been in the sober side, but I would like to give to all of them a big hug. It was only the wrong time at the wrong place. You have missed the real Mike who is today, getting to the top level and we are proud of him. SO you better not to miss him again but only here in Las Vegas.

His website is already build, I just need to wait for the Ip adress and it would be ready to upload.... I will for sure let you know as soon as It is up.

I guess It is my turn to go work, Need to jump in shower and get ready to work that ass of mine Just only imagine what I can only do with it

Ciao

 

Stephan Lacoste

1-702-616-3345

http://www.stephanlacoste.com

http://www.eboysvideo.com

[Guest Stefano]

>Dear Mike,

>

>Does sponsoring you include paying HooBoy

>to post your thumbnail pic

>next to your name in

>the escort listigs?

>

>(I believe it's ok to crack

>stupid jokes, especially at times

>of tension).

 

 

Oh CMP, really it isn't necessary. No I mean really it isn't. Well fuck! OK! Do what you want but remember I told you not to.

 

LOL You know your too much right?

 

Mike ;-)~ and an extra ~ just for you!

[Guest Stefano]

Well I thank you for your knowledge and time put into your response. I do have a question as to whether or not anything of the sort exists for those who are addicted to Crystal Meth or any other form of methanfetamines. If so and if you know where it can be researched please do let me know. Fow know I have to say that these meetings are GREAT! My sunday meeting was based around believing in a higher power.

 

Now those at the meeting that spoke on the subject all talked about two higher powers in their life. One being God, buddha, etc and the other being their sponsor. Now I spoke about my lack of belief in a God these days and my unwilling ness to give in to help. I know it sounds crazy but I have become very hardened in a sense to trusting in anyone other than myself. Now I know the time will come when I am too weak to do all the work myself and will need someone to call on but how does a person so self commited let anyone in on the process?

 

I guess to a certain extent I did that already by throwing my garbage on all of you yards and asking for some help cleaning it up. BUT! I know the time will come when its not enough. I am a bit frustrated right now as I struggle with myself so please bear with me.

 

For those who understand this and those who've experienced it, please speak up. I need some advice. I know there are typos but my mind is moving faster than the two fingers I use to type. LOL. Love you all and can't wait to hear some feedback. Thanks again Bucky, CMP, BigDaddy and the rest.

 

Mike ;-)~

[Guest Stefano]

Will, for some odd reason I had not seen this post. I apologize. I want to give you a hug and thank you for making feel for the moment as though I do have a sponsor. Love you.

 

Mike ;-)~

[BuckyXTC]

Dear Mike: I'm going to make responses to some of the issues you've raised in this post, at least the ones I feel I might have smething helpful to say. I do hope you also explore the options that Big Daddy talked about regarding new research and treatment modalities involving naltrexone as well.

 

Fow know I

>have to say that these

>meetings are GREAT! My sunday

>meeting was based around believing

>in a higher power.

 

I'm very happy that the meetings have been a good experience for you. And I personally believe the "higher power" issue is important, whether you believe in God or not. I realize that some may disparage belief in a higher power, be it belief in God, Buddha, your sponsor, or the Cosmic Muffin... as merely a crutch.

But if you have a busted leg, who would think twice about using a crutch? The higher power issue is highly personal to each individual, and for me, at the least, it involves the recognition that we are human beings are also social beings and whether or not we readily admit it, we depend on each other every day of our lives in one form or fashion. The old quote from John Donne is true: "No man is an island", we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves. When you get up in the morning and pour yourself a bowl of serial, pause to think about some farmer you've never met who grew the grain you're about to eat. Or some factory workers who made the bowl and spoon you'll also be using. Or possibly some kid who gets up at the crack of dawn to milk the cow that provides the milk you'll put on that cereal. You get the picture......in spite of our reluctance to do so, we are all dependent on others and interdependent with others. Save for the mountain man who abandons civilization and goes out to live in complete solitariness, doing everything for himself, (and even he must depend on nature to provide food) it is pretty near impossible to be completely self-sufficient.

 

That said, I don't in anyway see interdependence as being in conflict with "believing in yourself". Belief in yourself is very important, and I hope you'll never stop doing that. At the same time, there's no shame in having a healthy dependence on others as well. And I emphasize healthy, because dependency can also be destructive. There's a homeless woman who lives on my street here. Many of us in the neighborhood have attempted to help her secure housing and shelter, all to no avail. I worry about her a great deal, because it's beginning to get very cold here at night. She has a job, and works, but she will take no initiative to do anything to deal with her homelessness situation. She's a chain smoker, and I suspect she spends most of her money on cigarettes and some on food. She attempts to bum cigarettes from every person that passes by her on the street, but won't spend two minutes exploring housing or shelter options And for all the good intentions of the neighborhood, she won't get off the street until she herself decides to do it. As long as people keep giving her cigarettes, she's not going to address the real issues will soon become "life or death issues" for her as winter looms large and not far away. And as long as folks keep giving her cigarettes and money which she will use for buying the same, she will most likely continue on her present course, dependent on others for what she wants but not what she really needs.

>

>Now those at the meeting that

>spoke on the subject all

>talked about two higher powers

>in their life. One being

>God, buddha, etc and the

>other being their sponsor. Now

>I spoke about my lack

>of belief in a God

>these days and my unwilling

>ness to give in to

>help. I know it sounds

>crazy but I have become

>very hardened in a sense

>to trusting in anyone other

>than myself. Now I know

>the time will come when

>I am too weak to

>do all the work myself

>and will need someone to

>call on but how does

>a person so self commited

>let anyone in on the

>process?

 

It is not always easy to trust others who seek to be of help, for a host of reasons. One good reason not to trust is that there are some people out there with ulterior motives. That is a cold hard fact of life. On the other hand, what is the alternative to trust? Just as there are those who will take advantage of us when we're vulnerable, there are also people who honestly work for our well-being for no other reason than a desire to see us become whole persons again. Personally, I've met some folks in very unlikely places who became "angels" for me....helping me find my way through troubles and dark times. They didn't have to step forward and give me a hand up, but they did. I can be very independent and reluctant to lean on others, figuring I somehow have it all together and can do whatever I need to do on my own. But sometimes I need that little word of encouragement, that little effort that someone else makes on my behalf, to remind me that we're really in this thing called life, not as islands, but as a part of the whole, and that's ok by me. By all means, believe in yourself, but know it's ok to rely on others, and that it is worth it to take a chance and trust. Sometimes we may get burned when we make ourselves vulnerable to others, but if we finally decide that we can't or won't take the risk of trusting, we will cut ourselvs off from the things that really matter in this life, like real love, because love involves our ability to trust and be vulnerable. Life itself and love are risky businesses, but worth the risk.

>

>I guess to a certain extent

>I did that already by

>throwing my garbage on all

>of you yards and asking

>for some help cleaning it

>up. BUT! I know the

>time will come when its

>not enough. I am a

>bit frustrated right now as

>I struggle with myself so

>please bear with me.

 

Feel free to throw whatever garbage you need to on my yard. I and others here are more than happy to help clean it up. And no sweat with bearing with you, Mike. :-)

>

>For those who understand this and

>those who've experienced it, please

>speak up. I need some

>advice. I know there are

>typos but my mind is

>moving faster than the two

>fingers I use to type.

>LOL. Love you all and

>can't wait to hear some

>feedback. Thanks again Bucky, CMP,

>BigDaddy and the rest.

 

For those who want to be helpful to you Mike, and there are many here and elsewhere (some folks out there I'll bet you've never even heard from or met yet) no one held a gun to our head and said, "you've got to help Mike or else!" You chose to share your struggle with us, and we chose to walk with you in it. Yes, there will be days of doubt, fear, pain and difficulty. I believe you have the "right stuff" to see your way through. Take care, my friend, and keep moving forward. You're asking the right questions and taking a healthy approach.

 

Affectionately your friend and fellow traveler on the often bumpy road of life,

Bucky

[Will]

Mike, you raise some fundamental issues about the difficulties of early recovery. They are not only important, sometimes they have been matters of life and death.

 

However, this thread is getting long and unwieldy and so you may not come across this little contribution to it. Therefore, I'm sending it to you as a private as well.

 

1. Substance addiction is substance addiction, and recovery from it is basically the same regardless of the drug-of-choice. However, I know that coke addicts sometimes don't feel at home in AA meetings, and that alcoholics don't always feel at home in NA meetings. So if you feel that you need some fellow crystal meth addicts to speak with, go to NA. However, that experience you had shooting pool and swigging beers should tell you that your primary problem may be with alcohol and not with crystal meth.

 

2. "God": The Second Step clearly speaks of God "as we understood him." Elsewhere in the Big Book you'll find the whole history of how the early New York alcoholics helped Bill Wilson find a way to make the Program inclusive for everyone, regardless of his beliefs or lack of them. In particular, there were some atheists who were very active in the early days, and they were the ones who suggested the qualifying phrase, "as we understood him." You'll also learn that nobody is going to tell you what to believe in, how to imagine your Higher Power. But the lesson is simple: if alcohol or crystal meth is stronger than I am, then only a power stronger than alcohol or crystal meth is going to get me out of this mess.

 

3. "Powerlessness." This is the kernel, the pure essence, of the First Step, and until you've got it fully internalized and have accepted it, the chances are that your enjoyment of the steps that follow will be far less than it could be. Accepting the fact that I am powerless over alcohol once I have taken it into my system is the foundation-stone on which all the rest sits. Young people in particular have difficulty with the Program's understanding of "powerlessness," because they connect it with personal autonomy, self-reliance, and integrity.

 

But that's not the meaning at all. "Powerless" as I understand it is kin to "allergic." If I am allergic to bee-stings (to use my former example), I am powerless over my body's response to bee venom. But I am NOT powerless to keep my hand out of the beehive!

 

4. "Help" vs. "Self-reliance." If you could rely on yourself to take care of yourself, to know what the right thing to do is in most cases, and then to do it, you wouldn't be in the fix you're in. Not only do we get sick by ourselves, the addiction makes us feel -- and be -- more and more isolated from other people. Alcoholics at their bottom usually want to die to escape the loneliness as much as anything else. Getting well, however, is something that you do with others. They don't do it "for" you, or "instead of" you, but WITH you. I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that we cannot get well alone. I have seen a few people recover from alcoholism without AA; but I have NEVER seen a person recover from alcoholism or any other form of drug-dependency without the companionship of other people who know what he's been through from their own experience.

 

If it makes you feel just a little safer and more secure to know that I am taking the trouble to write all of this to you, a complete stranger, just think how much more safe and secure you'd feel if you and I could see and speak with each other several times a week.

 

You need a sponsor. At the meeting you feel most at home in, approach the person whose energy you most admire and ask him or her to sponsor you. It's not a good idea to be in a sponsor-relationship with someone to whom you might feel sexually attracted. So stay away from men who you think are hot, regardless of how enviable their sobriety seems; but don't overlook the women. I've discovered that gay men frequently do very well with straight women or lesbians as sponsors. But the important thing is to get a sponsor right now. If it doesn't work out, you can switch. But you do need somebody with experience who will have your interest at the top of his/her list, and you need them right now.

 

Lots and lots and lots of hugs from Will.

[Big Daddy]

Hi Mike:

 

I wish that I could reply positively to your request regarding Crystal Meth. Phoenix (along with Seattle)is the capital of crystal and it is a huge problem. There is research currently underway, however it is not advanced enough to offer any type of medical assistance. Crystal was generally a drug found west of the Mississippi. As such, it was not until fairly recently has it gained interest from East Coast based researchers, and our East Coast based federal government.

 

There has been some research that indicates that certain psychotropics can be effective in curbing the craving for crystal, but the research is very priliminary.

 

We do know that many people will drink alcohol to cut down on crystal, and interestingly enough, alcoholics have been known to use crystal to cut down on their drinking. Neither of these "methods" are recommended. Recovery from any addiction is a difficult path. Medical research has made the path somewht easier for those addicted to alcohol, opiates and cocaine. Hopefully, research on crystal will catch up.

[Guest cmp]

Dear Mike,

 

I was away for a couple of days. As always, Bucky expressed my thoughts and feelings, I almost feel as if I had replied to you myself, only more eloquently. I am happy and elated to see you are making progress. I'm always with you in my thoughts, even when I am not posting.

 

Big hug!

[Guest Stefano]

OK you guys. I am very frightened about what I am about to do right now. I am not sure if its the right thing but I'm doing it anyways. I received an email from a guy who is in LV and is addicted to meth. I spoke to him via IM and have agreed to meet with him for coffee at the airport.

 

Now when I received this email my heart began to flood with fear and pain for all I wanted to repond with was, "Let's meet". I have chosen to meet him at the airport when he is leaving because after speaking or chatting with him, I see the pain that he is in.

 

I do know how dangerous this is at this early stage, but I'm doing it. Otherwise I will spend the entire day with the fear and anxiety in my body. I am almost at tears from this fear and hope you can all understand why I must do this. I will let you all know how it went when I return.

 

BTW..The most frightening thing is that Stef just walked out the door to drive to LA and I received the email.. Before he left I told him to be careful because I had a bad feeling and I didn't think that it dealt with me. Anyways I have to run for now. I'll see you all later.

 

Mike

 

702 277 1705

[Will]

Mike, talking with another addict in pain may be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. AA was started as the result of a desperate telephone call by Bill Wilson. He was in Akron on business from New York, was going crazy for a drink, and realized that he had to talk with someone who was going through what he was going through. Through an Episcopal priest, he got the number of Mrs. Seiberling, who set him up that very afternoon with Dr. Bob Smith, who was about half dead with a hangover. Mrs. Seiberling shut the two of them in her library, and in the three or so hours that transpired, their friendship and a program of recovery from addiction was born. That's a good precedent. Be sure to check in with us when you get home.

[BuckyXTC]

I couldn't add a thing to what Will just said. As I think I know you from our brief conversations and your posts here, I would have been surprised if you hadn't felt you needed to reach out to this guy in his time of need. Be strong, listen to your heart, and do what you have to do. There's a strong likelihood that two people will benefit from your efforts.

Bucky

[Guest cp8036]

Mike,

 

Is great that you care enough to meet the guy. Trust your instincts, and help someone that is in pain. Pain is often disguised, and your experience helped you see that. Meet in a nuetral place that will make it hard to get into trouble. I am sure he found strength in your postings and thus contacted you. Your sucess will surely inspire him.

[Guest Stefano]

Well guys, I apologize for the delayed response. After I left yesterday I had no idea what my day would turn out to be. So this is the first time I am returning to Stef's to use the pc.

 

So I met with this guy. I picked him up at his hotel and had to drive him to blockbuster to drop off some videos and a vcr. I could tell he was high as I remembered all the things that I used to go through that I saw in him. There was sweat dripping down his face even in my air-conditioned car. He was very nervous and gittery.

 

As we drove I listened to him as he talked about why he did meth. Reasons such as an addiction more so to sex rather than the drug itself. He also spoke of how he has seen people around him hit rock bottom from their addictions. I spoke telling him that hitting rock bottom is basically inevitable for any addict. It wasn't until I reached rock bottom, or what I consider to be rock bottom, that I was truely ready to fight back against my addiction and more so admitting that I had an addiction.

 

But he wasn't like those friends that he had to give up because they were such messes. He asked me a few questions but really didn't or couldn't listen to my replies. I told him about NA and the strength it's giving me every time I attend a meeting. He said he wouldn't go because you have to believe in a higher power like god and how it was this catholic/christian coalition type cult. I then explained that that was what my biggest struggle was but also the fact that religion has nothing to do with it. It's believing in a higher power as he or I or anyone understands it. He really didn't say much to that.

 

We then went to Buffalo, my favorite bar where I though he would feel more comfortable rather than a coffee house. We drank club soda and pepsi and talked for about an hour or so. I then had to go to the airport to pick up my best friend and so I took him back to his hotel and we said our goodbyes.

 

Before he closed my door I reached out once more telling him that if he ever got the urge to go to an NA meeting just to do it. It doesn't matter how cynical you are or want to be just go and try. He replied that he knows people who are "goody two shoes" and holyer than thou types who are in AA and NA and that he didn't want that. I just told him to imagine everyone at the meeting to be like me. Then I laughed out loud of course and said,"I hope that's a good thing." He laughed and said it was and left.

 

Now this experience was very liberating in a great sense of the word but at the same time I realize now that I cannot put myself in the line of fire when all I have at this point is a gun and no amunition.

 

To cut this short I have one more thing to add(yeah right. my ass short) I attended a meeting last night before I had an overnight and at this meeting I saw the guy from my home group whom I wanted to be my sponsor. At the end of the meeting I asked him and he said YES!!!!! I gotta run for now. Love you all. 7 weeks!!!!!!!

 

Mike ;-)~

http://www.MrMikeStefano.com

(702) 277-1705

[Guest Stephan-Lacoste]

Well Well Well.... It is now morning in Los Angeles and I'm glad I did no see that post yesterday night because I would have flipped out bad..... But I'm just glad that things went well. Damn that I got scared.........

going home back today... See ya in buffalo for a pool of game

hug

 

 

Stephan Lacoste

1-702-616-3345

http://www.stephanlacoste.com

http://www.eboysvideo.com

[Will]

>At this meeting I saw the guy from my

>home group whom I wanted to be my sponsor. At

>the end of the meeting I asked him and he

>said YES!!!!!

 

HIP! HIP! HOORAY FOR MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You're a winner!!!!

[HooBoy]

I had the pleasure of dining with Stef & Mike a couple of days ago. Mike looks great (as does Stef) and, as usual, when I am with them, every head turns our way (men and women) and I'm sure they're not looking at me! :-)

 

HooBoy

Email: HooBoy@male4malescorts.com

[Guest Stefano]

OK, so I am not sure if this will raise contraversy to post an email I received from the guy that I met but I really hope it doesn't offend anyone.

 

To he that wrote it, I thank YOU. Today was a very tuff day for me emotionally and this made my night. I am not posting this to make myself look good to moreso to give the people following my recovery a glimpse into the mind and heart of addict still using whom I think is truely in pain.

 

I wish the best for you and apologize if this offends you. However no info was left in this email nor will be given out allowing anyone to find out your identity. I just hope you understand my intentions and will not be hurt. I think you are hurting enough.

 

Also I want you to see how the message center here reacts to your words and the support they throw out. I don't expect you to reply but just want you to see that this world has beautiful people who care even for those they don't know. And understand that as humans we get ourselves in tight spots and sometimes under the pressure the only thing that can help us see where that pitch is curving is the roar of the crowd......You take care of yourself. Nobody can do it for you!..

 

Love

 

ME BTW...I am pleased to have met you as well..;-)~

 

>Hello Mike,

 

>This is ****** (from ***** hotel). This is my email from the >office.

>Thanks for coming over on Tuesday. It was a pleasure to meet >you, and talk

>about your experience with meth and the recovery. I found it >very

>comforting and revealing. Furthermore, you are really a sweet >guy (and damm

>cute too). I read your post of before and after our meeting. >I am sorry

>if I caused a bit of anxiety prior to meeting. I hope you know >that in no

>way did I want to corrupt you. I think you even said sometimes >you think

>about saying "what the fuck". I said then, and now, and I >hope you believe

>me, that in no way was about to lure you back into drugs. I >admire your

>accomplishments with staying clean so far. I would be the last >person in

>the world to try to take advantage of you. Surely you know >better than me,

>being in drug world and escort world, there are hundreds of >creeps out there

>that would take advantage of someone in a weak moment. Not >saying I am a

>perfect guy, but that I am trustworthy.

 

>I was bit confused on some points in your letter, and not sure >if I came

>across correctly. I listened to all that you said, and >appreciated your

>kind words and experience. While seemed that I didn't or >couldn't listen to

>your replies, trust me, I did. I am basically a quiet, >introverted type,

>one that is not good at talking about his problems. Although >tina does

>morph me into a babbling fool at times. Your points well based >on experience

>and head-on. I have always dealt with most issues that come >my way, but

>never before have I dealt with something that controls me. I >have lived on

>my own at an early age and have become very independent - >perhaps cynical.

>As I don't have much experience with a problem as grave as drug >addiction,

>or talking about my own problems, I am ill equipped to discuss >them.

 

>Perhaps this explains why I didn't seem to understand your >replies. But, I

>did, and I remember them quite well. You have my heart-felt >thanks for

>that.

 

>I was that sweaty...yuck. Well, tina had a bit to do with >that, but I was

>frantically packing and lugging suitcases around the hallways. >You have

>seen me at my worse...physically and mentally.

 

>I know everyone that does meth will hit rock bottom. I am not >there yet,

>but surely on the way. For this reason, I know I need to >act. There are a

>couple of people in my life that were at rock bottom, and I >know I can end

>up there as well.

 

>After our meeting, I will not rule out a NA type meeting. >Before, I was a

>bit leery, but your comments shed new light on the foundation >of their

>programs. I think many people have this image of AA or NA >being very

>religious in nature, just as you did.

 

>I know when I go to some meeting/program that I will run into >all types of

>folks. Some will be goodie-two-shoes, and some will be quiet, >some fat,

>some tall, and some will be like you. If the majority were >like you, then

>I will be in great company. I just have to seek out the good >people in a

>crowd.

 

>Not sure why you felt that you didn't have any ammunition. I >was pleased

>to meet you, talk about addiction, and other things. I don't >mean to be

>patronizing, but you are a very sharp guy for twenty. You >gave me new

>insight into 12 steppers and also the real life of an escort. >Thanks

>again, and I really hope Tuesday afternoon was not a bad time >for you. If

>of any value to you, know that you gave me good advice and >provided some

>inspiration. The people that know about my problem are other >tina users,

>thus not good people to help me quit. Otherwise, no one in my >life knows

>about my drug use. Below is some contact info for me. I >would be pleased

>to talk or meet again if you have time and are in the area.

 

>Take care,

>******