Friends with Escorts

[Guest DVS]

I have read several topics which seem to touch on the topic of Clients being friends with escorts. I guess I really wanted to know from the escorts and the posters here what they think about being friends with escorts.

 

I know that this topic has been discussed here before but I never saw the thread so if someone could point me to it as well I will read the collaboration of thoughts.

 

Personally I have never been friends with any of the escorts I have hired but I have met an escort I would really like to be friends with. It is not the sex just the fact that this guy just appears to be so cool and has the same interest as me I know this could be an act but is it a mistake for me to pursue trying to be a friend to him.

 

A little about me I am a 27 year Heavy set male but working out everyday with my own personal trainer. I am extremely well off financial and have my BS in Finance and MBA in Business Admin with a dual minor in psychology. I work for a fortune 100 company and operate my own consulting company for several large clients. I lead a very closeted life which I am sure is going to get a reaction here. I also love to help people as I am involved on a very high level with a lot of charities.

 

Am I just naive or are these fatal words to an escort in terms of seeing the client further? (Let's be friends) Am I putting the escort in an awkward position?

I didn't get to where I am at today without at least trying but am I setting myself up for failure. Should business just be that business? Help guys

[Guest DVS]

Once Again thank you for your thoughts! Just so my intent is clear I was not looking for any favors. I just happened to meet someone who is very much like me in personality and I believe from my perspective this person would make a good friend.

 

I have been known to be an excellent judge of character but not without flaw. Even if I would become friends with this escort I would still expect to maintain a business relationship when it came to sex or something I would most certainly want him involved with as in a trip or dinner.

 

I do see your point reading through the lines about the strain that would be there. I guess I needed a healthy dose of reality which I think I have received with the wonderful insight you guys have given me.

 

I might try some of the other suggestions like a trip and so forth just to see the outcome.

 

Thanks A Million!

 

Danny

[+ bigjoey]

i am friends with a number of escorts and former escorts. my advice is to tread carefully. do not say: "let's be friends" just continue to let the relationship continue as it is going. there are somethings that do not need to be said. in your outside/straight life you usually do not say that to someone, it just happens over time from shared experiences.

 

to the escort it probabally sounds like: "this guy wants to spend free time with me". remember, you are buying an escort's time even if you just go to dinner or a show and no sex is involved. one of the guys that i am still friends with who retired about 3 years ago was always paid by me if we just went to dinner or spent time "hanging together". over time, he called me to do things and it was clear he just wanted to talk and enjoyed my company. he is straight and when he got married, i was invited to the wedding; his wife knows EVERYTHING about him and she has accepted me as well and when i go to their town, i go out with both of them.

 

yes, it can happen but it will do so in the same way as in the outside world. just go with the flow and do not ask for anything "free". many, if not most, of the men are out just for the money and will take all they can get; they are in business and for their own sake need to keep a wall built between the client and themselves. there are some exceptional men working as escorts who are fun to be with, intelligent and do develop feeling for their clients. just proceed with caution.

 

my friendships were built up over years with these men and did not happen overnight. my best advice is just to give it time and let things develop naturally; build up shared memories by traveling together; let both of you become natural with each other and do not say: "let's be friends". good luck.

[Guest LG320126]

Neither all the money in the world nor your well deserved educated scholarly degrees can buy you friendship with escorts nor with anyone else in the universe. Friendships are formed, not bought and paid for.

 

I am very close friends with an escort and cherish this friendship with all my heart. I am more than twice his age, not a physical fitness buff (nor a troll either), but we believe and trust in each other and truly enjoy each other's company. He calls me when he needs or wants some advice and very few days go by that we do communicate either via phone or e-mail. I recently was invited to his city to meet his parents who were there visiting and I really enjoyed their company as well.

 

Like you, I am a closeted, married with children guy, so your feelings are not in a category by themselves. The biggest thing you can do is to continue seeing/corresponding with this escort and if it is meant to be that the two of you become friends, then que cera, cera, but the last thing you want to do is say "let's be friends" - not cool.

[Guest DVS]

Thank you both for the advice. I believe both of you are correct. I appreciate your candor.

 

Just so both of you know I believe your advice to be sound and I think I will do just that and maintain a strict client-escort relationship for now and see how the chips fall.

 

Thanks for keeping me from making a big mistake. I look forward to further post from both of you as you both seem very geniune in your thoughts and writings. I don't have very many gay friends but I am working on it day by day.

 

Thanks for the kind words of advice!

 

Danny

[Guest alanm]

Give it some time and see how you feel in six month to a year.

You seems pretty expienced with people in general, just not escorts. It would be a big mistake to bring it up early in the "relationship." You may not become friends outside of the escort relationship, but end up seeing him for years as an escort. Don't forget their are many kinds of friendships that are

satisfying to both parties. Just the fact that you posted with some much information about yourself makes me think you can at least have the second kind of friendship I mentioned above.

Good luck.

[Guest jizzdepapi]

dont know that i agree with the above posts cautioning about friendship with escorts:

 

i do agree that you shouldn't explicitly ask if an escort will become a friend. puts escort and u in a awkward position, makes him wonder what's next and how much time will this cost him.

 

i had the happy experience of having an escort whom i have been seeing regularly tell me that he considered me more than a client. so far, we have only gone to dinner (i payed) once outside of a date (always feed your papis, guys) and have exchanged phone calls a few times. it's fun and i like it a lot. it's also improved the spontaneity of our dates incredibly as he feels much more free to experiment on his own. trusts me more now that he knows me better, i guess.

 

from ur post, looks like ur a real busy guy and having a friendship with a person (though paid) with whom you are NOT in the closet might be very valuable to you. i wonder if that's what ur post is really about and i say follow ur instincts. think we know instinctively what to do in these situations most of the time. and i also don't think there is a universal right or wrong in this situation.

 

good luck in any event,

jizz

[Guest graymit]

I agree with the others. I think you can develop a friendship with an escort, but it is really through trust and continual contact that these friendships develop. I beleive I have delevloped 3 such friendships and I am absolutely certain about one, who has allowed me into his personal life and has actually included me in social activities with he and his husband. I cherish this friendship more than the escort could ever imagine.

 

On the other hand, I thought I had made friends with some other escorts only to question the friendship when our encounters did not always go as planned. A true friend enjoys communicating and being with you, whether for business or pleasure. Traveling with an escort helps to develop such friendships because you actually have to learn to live with each other for a while.

 

Its a tough call, but you should let your business relationship develop and if you are as lucky as me and develop a few real friendships.....it only compliments the business portion of the relationship. Alway maintain both if you expect to play with the escort. The sex part is their livlihood and you should never expect things for free. If certain events happen for free, you should consider yourself very lucky.

[Justice]

I agree with everything that's been said, you guys said it better than I ever could. Here's my two cents on the subject. Answering an ad for an escort is not the same thing as answering a personal. Your escort may not be looking to make new friends. (How many of us form close friendships with the people we work with?) So, treat you escort the way you would like to be treated. Take things one date at a time and see what happens. Good luck and enjoy.

[Guest skywalker]

This is a very interesting topic and a very germane one for me personally so I'd like to make a contribution. I hope it will be of assistance to the originator of this thread.

 

For my very first experience with an escort I flew a gentleman (one of the top guys on this site) up to Canada to be with me for a few days this spring. We of course got to know each other some thru e-mails and phone calls in the weeks leading up to our date. He was very pleasant and kind, and flattering, and fun to communicate with.

 

We had a great time together north of the border. I was interested in having an all-around good time with a gentleman (and not just romping in the sack), especially since we were going to be together for a few days. We seemed to have a lot in common personality-wise, and this made it easy and natural to have fun together and enjoy each other's company. I was pleased that I had done my homework thoroughly and had selected a very compatible individual.

 

Upon arriving home, I expressed to this gentleman (via e-mail) that I hoped we could become good friends, and share in each other's lives. This seemed "natural" to me: after all, we had had a fine time together on our date, had a good amount in common, and my admiration for him was high in many ways. I was not interested in a romantic involvement, nor was I interested in imposing on his time unduly. I was more just looking for an acknowledgement that our time together had been "special" and that because of this I would in some way be considered special myself in his eyes.

 

His response was kind and professional. It was clear that he was less interested in any sort of major friendship than I was. He was careful to point out that he did not mean to come across as cold or impersonal in any way. He also indicated that any time we spent together would be on a professional (i.e., paid) basis. I had not asked him for free time, I wouldn't do that, but perhaps he felt I was suggesting it in some way.

 

The notion of having a really good (and intimate) time with an escort for a period of a few days and then not having a whole lot to do with him unless and until I hire him again has been a challenging reality for me personally. I am quickly learning that there are many such challenges facing clients in their dealings with escorts (and vica versa).

 

skywalker

[Guest Merlin]

This is more complicated than it seems. If you find an escort that you like and get along with, you will probably hire him from time to time. He is friendly and you talk about various things and get along well. So you feel like he is a friend. But he probably is just doing his job. He might like you, but he may not. If you are significantly older than he is and if you are less than beautiful, he probably would not want you as a close friend, if you were not paying. But you have no way of knowing how he really feels.

[Guest CTMUSH]

Skywalker - very well said. I too fell into that trap, which is so easy to do when you are in need of affection and attention. Even though you are paying for the attention it doesn't seem to register that way. Your mind plays games with you and you honestly begin to believe a relationship can develop. I was very lucky, the person who is one of this sites brightest stars, was a gentleman and put me down easy.

[Guest regulation]

>But

>he probably is just doing

>his job. He might like

>you, but he may not.

> If you are significantly

>older than he is and

>if you are less than

>beautiful, he probably would not

>want you as a close

>friend, if you were not

>paying. But you have no

>way of knowing how he

>really feels.

 

I agree, with a couple of reservations. Whenever you try to take your relationship with anyone, escort or not, to a new level you risk rejection. With escorts the risk is compounded since they are being paid to display feelings toward you that may or may not have anything to do with their real feelings. Having the escort join you for a vacation can help to clear this up -- very few are able to keep up a facade twenty-four hours a day for days at a time, so this experience should give you some indication of his real feelings. Good luck.

[+ deej]

>How many of

>us form close friendships with

>the people we work with?

 

Most do, I suspect. I know I do.

 

We tend to spend more time with co-workers than we do with family. Bonds do form. Some of my oldest and dearest friends are former co-workers.

[Guest jizzdepapi]

merlin:

 

i think your post is a little cynical. i DON'T pick my friends based on their age and their looks. my best friend is a 73-year-old woman (i am 50) who shares common interests in politics and classical music. we get arrested from time to time together :o and go to many concerts and check out new CDs together.

 

my next best friends (i don't normally rank them in any order) are a relatively young couple from Colombia (he's 35 and a stunner ;-) and she's 30 and an absolute knockout :7 ; i am neither). we again share political and personal interests.

 

many of my friends look like they might have just come in from an afternoon getting high on the Berkeley campus on a summer day in 1968. 15 years ago this would have stunned me; now it just amuses me.

 

i think friendship can develop very naturally, in spite of race, age, and even socioeconomic class, just by dint of common interests. amazing how the interests can break through everything else.

 

just my take on things,

jizz

 

p.s.: is an escort more like a co-worker or vendor?

[Losgatan]

Having the escort

>join you for a vacation

>can help to clear this

>up -- very few are

>able to keep up a

>facade twenty-four hours a day

>for days at a time,

>so this experience should give

>you some indication of his

>real feelings. Good luck.

>

 

Yes, but prepare yourself for disappointment too. If you take an extended trip with an escort you hope is a friend only to discover that it's a professional relationship after all, your time together might become very unpleasant.

 

One way around this might be to give the escort a lot of "off-duty" time while traveling. If he *chooses* to spend that time with you, it probably means he genuinely enjoys your company. If he finds other ways to amuse himself during those "off" hours, you can bet that there's little hope of true friendship.

 

Either way, you can have a very pleasant time. The escort gets the "space" he needs to continue the illusion of friendship and you get the pleasure of his company -- at least for most of the time you are together.

[Guest ChicagoCorey]

>>How many of

>>us form close friendships with

>>the people we work with?

>

>Most do, I suspect. I know

>I do.

>

>We tend to spend more time

>with co-workers than we do

>with family. Bonds do form.

>Some of my oldest and

>dearest friends are former co-workers.

>

 

This is definitely true -- but many people are apprehensive or unwilling or just plain don't want to be friends with the "boss" -- which, unfortunately, is how many escorts feel towards most of their clients. The added pressure of pleasing, even on "off" times, can be hard for some people when the lines start to blur. It's like an old '50s sitcom when the boss comes home to dinner and Father (knowing best) wants to make a great impression. The boss just wants dinner, but the worker still feels like he's working.

 

This all depends on how the "worker" feels about the situation. Even if the possibility for friendship exists, escorts definitely could feel like a friendship in this situation would be too complicated and would avoid it for reasons that the client could take personally, even when it has nothing to do with the person. They just don't want to mix business and pleasure (This now sounds like an analogy for "don't date people you work with", but anyway...)

 

Further, if the escort is living his life compartmentalized -- that is, the friends he already has don't know about his job -- he might find blurring the lines a little discomforting as well.

 

There are many reasons, beyond personal rejection, that the escort may be uncomfortable with a personal relationship beyond business pleasure. In other words, I'm just reiterating what everyone else said -- let it happen naturally or it probably won't happen at all. Lots of escorts are comfortable enough with themselves and with their profession (me or, it seems, some of the guys who post here, for example) that they can open up and be basically "real" with clients. Friendships can develop but it takes time, patience, and honesty from all sides.

-------

chicagocorey@yahoo.com

new site and pictures

http://www.geocities.com/chicagocorey

[+ deej]

>This is definitely true -- but

>many people are apprehensive or

>unwilling or just plain don't

>want to be friends with

>the "boss" -- which, unfortunately,

>is how many escorts feel

>towards most of their clients.

 

Excellent point. (You're just sounding better and better, kiddo! ;-))

 

I guess that's where I differ. I've never felt the escort/client relationship was boss/employee. I may be paying for sex but I'm not buying a damn slave!

 

I've always felt it was a business partnership entered into equally by both sides, and my best experiences have been when that feeling is reciprocated. I realize there are those who will disagree (violently, and probably really soon after I post this :-)) but there it is. It works for me, anyway.

 

>Friendships can develop but it

>takes time, patience, and honesty

>from all sides.

 

That's it exactly. Going back to the "at work" analogy, I'm not best friends with ANYONE I've just met on the job. Over time, those friendships do develop when conditions are appropriate, but those conditions have to be there.

[Guest regulation]

>merlin:

>

>i think your post is a

>little cynical. i DON'T pick

>my friends based on their

>age and their looks.

 

But I think most young gay men DO pick their friends that way. And those are the people we are discussing.

[Guest DVS]

>Having the escort

>>join you for a vacation

>>can help to clear this

>>up -- very few are

>>able to keep up a

>>facade twenty-four hours a day

>>for days at a time,

>>so this experience should give

>>you some indication of his

>>real feelings. Good luck.

>>

>

>Yes, but prepare yourself for disappointment

>too. If you take

>an extended trip with an

>escort you hope is a

>friend only to discover that

>it's a professional relationship after

>all, your time together might

>become very unpleasant.

>

>One way around this might be

>to give the escort a

>lot of "off-duty" time while

>traveling. If he *chooses*

>to spend that time with

>you, it probably means he

>genuinely enjoys your company.

>If he finds other ways

>to amuse himself during those

>"off" hours, you can bet

>that there's little hope of

>true friendship.

>

>Either way, you can have a

>very pleasant time. The

>escort gets the "space" he

>needs to continue the illusion

>of friendship and you get

>the pleasure of his company

>-- at least for most

>of the time you are

>together.

 

I was thinking about this after the original vacation/trip suggestion. I think you post a very real experience. I have only on 1 prior occasion had an escort with me for a trip most of the time I have explored the the escorts locally.

 

You know since I have written this post I have had to rethink the situation many times. Boy nobody ever said it was going to be easy huh? I find your comments very enlightening please keep them coming! I thought I was moderately experienced I now see I am still a novice but I am coming around very quickly. Thanks again all.

[Bilbo]

Well, one can say that any performing situation is entered equally from both sides, but its not absolutely true. As in any theater, the escort offers his show and whether you like it or not, that's his show. He, of course, hopes that you will like it. And hopes that the critics will, too. But its his show.

 

I had, maybe even more so as a masseur than an escort, but both ways, many clients who thought that one way to express interest in me was to try to help me better myself. The best way to do that, I think, would actually have been making sure that their friends came to the show - good old word of mouth. But they would give me advice about almost anything, from advertising on up and down. It did make me feel supported, but there were often times when I felt like crying out, "Hey! I own this here damn theater!!"

 

No, you are not the escort's boss. Nor are you a coworker. If you hire two escorts for a three way, then the two of them are coworkers, but most of the time,they are out there on stage alone. Nobody in the wings handling set or lights or anything else either. Regular old Willy Lohmans. (I'm talking the independents here. I know from nothing about working for agencies.) In fact, one reason why we sometimes get them going ballistic on these threads is that there are no coworkers to share the load with. Noone to meet at coffeebreak and complain about the same old things any worker complains about - and a lot of them are supreficial things about the customers/clients.

 

So, yes, I think that you can become an escort's friend. But not his boss - If he didn't value his independence, he would't be riding out on this here range (to mix metaphors yet again). And most of you, gorgeous or not, don't have the mindset to be his coworkers. You are his clients, his public, his adoring (or not) fans. And, yes again, sometimes his friend.

 

(And sometimes the person who has to remind him not to fall in love with you.)

[Guest jizzdepapi]

coming out of the acquiescer's closet

 

touche (where's that dang accent button anyway #@#@%%^&^&!!!)

 

jizz

[Losgatan]

If you hire two

>escorts for a three way,

>then the two of them

>are coworkers, but most of

>the time,they are out there

>on stage alone. Nobody in

>the wings handling set or

>lights or anything else either.

>Regular old Willy Lohmans. (I'm

>talking the independents here. I

>know from nothing about working

>for agencies.) In fact, one

>reason why we sometimes get

>them going ballistic on these

>threads is that there are

>no coworkers to share the

>load with. Noone to meet

>at coffeebreak and complain about

>the same old things any

>worker complains about - and

>a lot of them are

>supreficial things about the customers/clients.

 

And that's why it's such a damned shame that HooBoy had to close the private Escort conference here and why none of us should be surprised by the contents of the purloined thread. I hope that he finds a way to reopen it soon.

 

Otherwise, let's hope there are some other resources out there for some of the hardest working guys I/we know.

[Guest MrMan]

As an escort with several years experience, I have been in such

a situation many times. It can be awkward to have a client say

such a thing, not nearly as uncomfortable as a client telling

you he loves you, but it does bother me. I don't want to hurt

a client's feelings, but at the same time I don't want to lead

them on because I'm afraid of losing their business. I usually

just say that we need to keep our "relationship" within certain

parameters.

 

I believe that when an escort delivers on many levels it can

confuse a client. Maybe it's the intimacy, the sex and an

emotional attachment that the client lacks in his other relation-

ships or a need for some sort of external validation. I enjoy the

time I spend with my clients, but not in the same way they do. I

get off on the pleasure I'm giving. It's not about me.

 

When I retire from this business, there are a few clients with

whom I'm sure I'll maintain some sort of relationship. For some

other escorts when they leave the business that's it, you'll

never see or hear from them again. Most escorts don't use their

real names or share much of their true selves with their clients.

 

I know an escort, reviewed on this site, who is so paranoid

about being linked to the gay scene,let alone the sex industry,

that he had a fake tattoo put on just for a headless torso shot.

There's a review where a client of his says, " I think of blah-

blah as a friend of mine in blah-blah and I feel like I've gotten

to know blah-blah the human being,not just blah-blah the escort."

 

When I saw that I thought, " No you haven't, you're just deluding

yourself. He hasn't shared anything of true significance with

you. Is that what you call a friendship?"

 

DVS, I guess my point is as all clients are different, so are

all escorts. We all approach our jobs in different ways. For some

it's ok to blur the line between in the escort/client relationship, others like to keep everything compartmentalized. I don't

know how long you've been thinking about this, but to preserve

the relationship you do have with your escort I believe it is best to just let things happen naturally. I hope all works out

well for you.

[CT Dick]

Dearest Bilbo,

 

As usual, you gave us a beautifully written posting.

 

This one also gave an interesting slant to things. It's not often that I have to pause and consider something I read on this site.

 

Thanks.

Dick