Wearing a T-shirt in the pool/hot-tub?

[+ Gar1eth]

9 minutes ago, sync said:

I got that, I intended to only acknowledge that I'm a kindred spirit.  Sorry I missed the mark.  😔

Oh no-you were perfectly fine with what you wrote.  I was just acknowledging that I felt the same as you. 

[+ Gar1eth]

On 3/31/2025 at 1:37 PM, d.anders said:

Are there any members here who would admit to wearing torso clothing when they enter a pool or hot-tub? Seeing Nathan Lane do it in Mid-Century Modern made me wonder if there are any gay guys who would actually do this.

Are you surprised by all of us who would cover up? 

[d.anders]

1 hour ago, Gar1eth said:

Are you surprised by all of us who would cover up?

I think I am. I want better for our less-than-physically-perfect gay men.

Because I'm older, I find myself more inclined to say "fuck you" to child-like insecurities. I came to NYC in my youth, and worked hard on my body. And then I turned 50 and all hell broke loose with my DNA health. The lifelong bodywork went to shit, and I refuse to cry over spilled milk.

Nobody appreciates a beautiful body more than me. If I shared a hot-tub with Matt Bomer, it would take enormous restraint to not touch him. But in that restraint, I would want to show him my confidence, and my acceptance of who I am now. Confidence, for me, is the sexiest aphrodisiac, and I'm a little disappointed in Nathan Lane's stand on nudity. On the other hand, I'm glad he's executive producer and can command that his wishes be respected. He won't lose his job because he refuses to enter the hot-tub without a shirt on.

[+ Gar1eth]

47 minutes ago, d.anders said:

I think I am. I want better for our less-than-physically-perfect gay men.

Because I'm older, I find myself more inclined to say "fuck you" to child-like insecurities. I came to NYC in my youth, and worked hard on my body. And then I turned 50 and all hell broke loose with my DNA health. The lifelong bodywork went to shit, and I refuse to cry over spilled milk.

Nobody appreciates a beautiful body more than me. If I shared a hot-tub with Matt Bomer, it would take enormous restraint to not touch him. But in that restraint, I would want to show him my confidence, and my acceptance of who I am now. Confidence, for me, is the sexiest aphrodisiac, and I'm a little disappointed in Nathan Lane's stand on nudity. On the other hand, I'm glad he's executive producer and can command that his wishes be respected. He won't lose his job because he refuses to enter the hot-tub without a shirt on.

You see for me-I was a skinny young child. Then had my tonsils out at the age of 6-and according to my Mom-I could finally eat. That coupled with my newfound reading ability and my dislike as well as lack of athletic prowess led me to staying inside the house and blowing  up like a whale. From puberty around 15 or 16-I started to lose it but still never exercised-and then started gaining weight again about the age of 28. And then I cont'd to put on weight. I was somewhat fat stable at round 220 when I developed an autoimmune disease 8 years ago. They put me on prednisone-and then Katie forgot to bar the door to the refrigerator-and I've ballooned up even more. 
 

So except for those brief periods between about 3 and 6 years old and 15 to 28-I've been fat. I don't particularly like looking at myself undressed-not enough to do anything about it obviously -but I totally am with my fraternity brother Nathan Lane about being very discreet. If I ever do hook up which ain't very often-I make sure they are ok with chubs. 

Edited April 2 by Gar1eth

[+ Charlie]

My body looks like that of a man my age, but there is nothing wrong with that, so I don't try to hide it. That doesn't mean that I think it is likely to be considered attractive, except by some pervert who lusts after old men. (Are there any out there? If you know one, let me know.)

Edited April 2 by Charlie

[+ Gar1eth]

1 hour ago, Charlie said:

My body looks like that of a man my age, but there is nothing wrong with that, so I don't try to hide it. That doesn't mean that I think it is likely to be considered attractive, except by some pervert who lusts after old men. (Are there any out there? If you know one, let me know.)

If you find one, please ask him if he has a handsome brother-or failing that -remember that sharing is caring. 

[d.anders]

18 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

led me to staying inside the house and blowing  up like a whale

I saw Brendan Fraser in The Whale. It was a painful movie to sit through. 

Being gay and trying to experience love is tough enough. Add extreme obesity, and I don't know how a guy can be expected to survive. Thank goodness for the sensitive escort types. It's too bad they can be very expensive and out-of-reach for a lot of budgets.

I grew up with relatives who struggled with extreme weight. One cousin was a closet gay, and he died in his mid-40's from an infection in his foot. He was so miserable, he refused to see a podiatrist. Many of us quietly felt that he preferred death, and that's why he let go.

The vast majority of America is obese, and millions of those people are married with children. Lots of overweight people having sex and trying to find happiness in life. I would say this is the norm. Why should overweight gays be doomed?

Porn has a way of distorting reality. Don't gay men watch an excessive amount of porn? Aren't we gay men competing with those idealized images? I have noticed among amateur porn, there are a fair number of chubby guys filming themselves with hot partners. They used to call these hot guys chubby-chasers, but I've never known any. If only the group was large enough to satisfy the need for meaningful companionship.

I left my conservative home town because I was afraid to be there and be openly gay. Gay men were violence targets back then. My own father had a reputation for beating on gays in his youth. Living in NYC has had a way of shielding me from the pain and frustration of other gay men, however, there is plenty of pain and frustration here. We have models and porn stars to look at and envy.

I don't have any answers. I just try to find a way to continue to love myself through it all. Now pass the Häagen-Dazs.