When a major tragedy strikes a masseur....

[viewing ownly]

What is an appropriate amount of time before attempting to book an appointment? I was horrified to see that a masseur who has been on my radar for years publicly shared the news of the loss of one of his teenage sons, reason undisclosed. 

This information is on his business Facebook page, which he occasionally intertwines with his private life's goings on. He didn't indicate that he isn't still accepting clients, which is tactfully understood. I had an appointment one time with a man who lost his mother the previous day, and was understandably relentlessly on the phone with family during my massage time, but insisted on not cancelling me when I was there. I wished he did - that was a losing situation all the way around. 

[CuriousByNature]

That's very sad.  I don't know what an appropriate amount of time might be, but perhaps keep an eye on his FB page to see what he updates.  Assuming he uses his FB to advertise his massage services, you could reach out and tell him that you've followed his FB because of your interest in massage.  And then let him know that you saw the sad news he posted and give your condolences, and maybe let him know that you would like to hire him once he is back to work.  But losing a child is devastating - I would assume it will be a very long time for the healing process, even if he is back to work soon.

[+ DynamicUno]

If you haven't had any previous sessions with the masseur, it would be best to wait until he posts something indicating he is actively soliciting clients.  If you've met him a few times and have had some sort of rapport, it might be nice to reach out and offer your condolences, and indicate you hope to see him again when he's ready.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I agree with Curious. It's hard to know how someone will react to grief. The loss of a child is particularly devastating, so he will probably grieve the rest of his life. At the same time, he may need the money - especially if this is his full time job. So I agree with watching the Facebook page and reaching out after a month or so has passed as Curious suggested. But if he notes that he's back to work, then I think you can go for it. 

[maninsoma]

On 7/1/2024 at 8:32 AM, KensingtonHomo said:

I agree with Curious. It's hard to know how someone will react to grief. The loss of a child is particularly devastating, so he will probably grieve the rest of his life. At the same time, he may need the money - especially if this is his full time job. So I agree with watching the Facebook page and reaching out after a month or so has passed as Curious suggested. But if he notes that he's back to work, then I think you can go for it. 

This.

It might be viewed as callous and capitalism certainly has its callous aspects, but most places I worked at had either no official bereavement leave policy or had 2-3 days, depending on the closeness of relationship of the deceased and employee.  Even then, I was surprised to learn that when my father died there was actually no separate pot of paid time off for bereavement; it just came out of my vacation accrual.  Bereavement leave simply meant that the supervisor couldn't deny the time off request since it was precipitated by a death.  I'm just posting this to say that corporate America thinks you should be back to work in just a few days, so I don't think that anyone should feel they need to avoid contacting a service provider for a long period of time because he had a personal tragedy.  He honestly might not have the luxury of not working for a month (a lot of people don't have savings that allow taking off that much time), so I'd say that approaching him after a week (more or less) is okay, particuarly if you do so in a sympathetic way -- something along the lines of, "I'm sorry to learn of the loss of your son.  I'm interested in hiring you for a massage whenever you feel ready to return to work."