cancelled appointment/travelling

[Guest Reed Parker]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-14-00 AT 07:11PM (CST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Apr-14-00 AT 06:52 PM (CST)

 

I feel very bad right now. I was supposed to fly to Kansas City today to visit a new client for the weekend. But yesterday, the reality of our arrangement suddenly hit me. I admit that I ignored little "warning signs" while getting to know him through e-mail, but I kept telling myself that everything would be fine. I specifically told him that I wanted to rent my own car and meet him at the hotel where he would be staying. He ignored that request, and said that he would be picking me up. I thought, "Oh, lighten up, Reed. It'll be okay." He also said we would be spending a good deal of time driving around rural Missouri checking on some "real estate of his" and that it would fun to have sex in a field out in the middle of nowhere. Again, I thought it sounded a little risky, but I went along with it--until yesterday, when I e-mailed him to say that I wouldn't be able to be there. (I would have called him if I had his phone number, but I didn't.) There was just something about his demeanor that didn't feel right to me. And I felt very anxious about getting into a car with a stranger and driving around "rural Missouri." Unfortunately, he just called me from the Kansas City airport--and he was VERY upset. Apparently, he did not receive my message in time. He said he would make sure that everybody who looks at this site knows what I have done. I know I may get clobbered in a future review. But I have to say that, even though I hated cancelling on him at the last minute, now that he's called, I feel even more sure that I did the right thing. There was no understanding in his voice whatsoever. He was very angry about the time and money he had put into our getting together. I apologized repeatedly, but he said he didn't believe that I was sorry at all. He hung up on me without saying goodbye or anything.

 

I've only travelled once before to meet someone new, and it was wonderful. My client sent me a $100 deposit ahead of time plus his photo to let me know that he was serious. He arranged transportation for me to get to his hotel so that I wouldn't have to get into a car with a stranger. He even gave me a separate bed when we went to sleep, so that we could each have a little bit of space. We spent the entire weekend just eating, sleeping, and having sex together--it was great!

 

I'd like to know how you guys arrange situations like this so that they are comfortable for both the client and the escort. Ultimately, we all have to decide what we are comfortable with, but I'm curious to hear what most guys think is reasonable. Thanks!

[HooBoy]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-14-00 AT 07:23PM (CST)[p]No way would I hop into a car a go through rural anywhere with a stranger.

 

That's what poor Matthew Shepard did.

 

I'll leave it to the others to tie you to their Message Center posts for the late cancellation.

 

HooBoy

[Guest Billyboy]

Skeptic, I'm waiting. Seems you should have something to say about this.

[RM]

Who's paying for the cancelled airplane ticket?

 

 

The situation seems odd for a first time meeting...so a lesson to learn is not to agree to something with "warning signs." Then you won't get labeled as "flakey."

As long as you've cancelled the weekend, you probably have an hour free Sunday for me. When shall we meet?

[Guest Reed Parker]

I just talked with Southwest Airlines and found out that the ticket was fully refundable--whew!

 

And RM, you can call me anytime!

[Guest Merlin]

We don't know how good your reason was. How much did the ticket cost him? Did he advance you part of the fee? He apparantly drove from rural Missouri to the airport only then to learn that you were not coming. It appears that he told you about everything ahead of time, including his wish to pick you up, and to go into the country. And apparantly you agreed. So, I think he is entitled to be upset--unless you had a very good reason. I think your recent second thoughts are just an attempt to justify your no-show after the fact.

[Guest Shooter]

Reed- If you made any error at all it was not listening to your 'instinct' and 'gut feeling' sooner! I agree with HooBoy's comment about Matthew. He was too young to read warning signs and definitely too young to die! Rural with a stranger is dangerous and this from a guy who lives in the boonies (though I prefer to call it 'God's country').

 

Also, you're wise to do damage control before you get slammed although, as Billy pointed out, Skeptic may take issue with your motives.

 

Stay safe, Shooter

[Guest cleverock]

Missed appointment

 

reed, You probably did the right thing. Doing it sooner might've been better for both of you. I'm a little surprised you didn't get more contact info under the circumstances (you've never met, planes get stuck on runways for hours, airlines don't tell people waiting at the gate what's going on, etc.). I've had a couple situations with escorts where communication got messed up and travel of some sort was involved--everything worked out each time but it doesn't set the right stage for a situation where two people don't really know each other very well.

 

Merlin: yeah, the guy's expectations are violated, but.......this kind of thing probably wouldn't work out if it's totally one-sided and only about the customer's fantasies. You may think that's what this is all about, but it's unreasonable to expect that any stranger---escort or otherwise is willing to be the equivalent of an inflatable doll for the weekend and stay turned on. As a customer, I'd be concerned about flying someone in cold---what if there's no chemistry? etc.

 

The outdoor scene in the cornfields sounds odd enough, but its just as important that he wan't respecting some limits. Your guy might be needy-controlling rather than a psycho murderer, but either one is likely to be creepy.

 

RM: Reed's definitely worth more than an hour.

[Guest Reed Parker]

Let me assure you that I don't enjoy turning down $1200 just for the hell of it. And no, he didn't advance any of the fee to me. And as I said, the ticket he paid for was fully refundable. In fact, Southwest told me that they had already refunded all of his money back before I called.

 

I have learned that in the future, I really have to follow my instincts, and not be afraid to speak up when something doesn't feel right. I was trying to provide good customer service, and since I was going to be paid well, I thought I would just grin and bear it. I didn't realize that I just couldn't go through with it until the day before when reality hit.

[Guest Reed Parker]

RE: Missed appointment

 

Thank you, cleverock. Travel calls have always seemed a little strange to me, which is why I've only done one before. But I know escorts who have traveled around the world with strangers. What can I say...I just prefer the familiarity of home. I always fear that I may end up "trapped" in an unfamiliar city if I travel.

[Boston Guy]

Reed -

 

I can only respond from the point-of-view of a client and it's upsetting when an escort doesn't follow through on pre-arranged plans. It's only happened to me once or twice and each time I was annoyed, to say the least.

 

But -- and it's a very important "but" -- I'm a great believer in gut feelings and in situations where I'm going to hire an escort, if I get a gut feeling that something isn't right, I listen to it. I might have occasionally missed out on a terrific time, but I think you have to trust your gut instincts -- they're just too important to ignore and often stem from important bits of information that we've been consciously ignoring but subconsciously processing.

 

I think you did the right thing by not going. But it would have been a lot better if you could have made this decision earlier so your client didn't end up spending time travelling to the airport, looking for you, etc. If had been the other way around, I would tell the client he owed the escort at least part of the fee. I'm not sure what you can do to make it up to the client, but simply saying "I'm sorry" doesn't really seem completely adequate; however, I'm at a loss as to what to suggest.

 

A final point: no one -- escort or client -- should travel half-way across the country to meet with someone whose real name and telephone number they do not know. It's just too important that somebody somewhere know where you are and who you are with. Safety is too important to play games with. You may think I'm over-reacting, but I know a very nice guy, who is still in his early 20's, who is a former escort who was drugged and kidnapped and held hostage under drugs for almost two weeks by a client in San Francisco, who turns out to have done the same thing to other escorts. Never feel bad for following your instincts - someday it may save your life.

[Bilbo]

RE: Missed appointment

 

Reed, You know how I tend to be about language, but, when you say the money had all been refunded before you called, you leave yourself a little unclear. May I assume you mean before you called the airline and not before you called the client? - Bilbo

[Guest Reed Parker]

RE: Missed appointment

 

Hi Bilbo--

 

In his rage over the phone, the client told me that the ticket was nonrefundable and nontransferable. I found that hard to believe, so about a half-hour later I called the airline to check it out. They told me that he had recently requested and received a full refund for the unused ticket.

[Guest Reed Parker]

Boston Guy-

 

Thank you for the words of wisdom. You really said what I was feeling: that I was consciously ignoring my feelings, yet subconsciously processing it all, until the day before when I realized, "Hey, this doesn't feel right to me." I would like to somehow make it up to him, and I agree that saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't seem like enough. But he's probably still steaming right now. I think I'll contact him after a day or two passes, and see what he and I can work out.

[NY Observer]

Hey Reed,

 

I think overall you did the right thing. One must go with their gut feeling, who else is going to look after you if you don't look after yourself? It's unfortunate that you "came to your senses" a bit late, but better late than not. I think that in an escort/client interaction that there needs to a level of comfort by both parties. If a client wants to do something that the escort is not comfortable with, I think the escort should have the right to say no, I'm not comfortable with that.

 

I guess part of it stems from the way one treats an escort. I treat the guys I'm with the way I want them to treat me. I don't feel they are a piece of meat that I can order around as I please. I suspect I am in the minority in that I care that the guy I'm with has a good time too.

 

I guess what I'm saying (and not very eloquently) is that given the alarms in your head, how could you go into this and expect to have a good time? You would always be wondering what's going to happen now? I feel sorry for the guy you made arrangements with because you had accepted the deal, but you did try to get in touch with him to let him know you wouldn't be coming.

 

I look forward to meeting you when I get to SF, you sound like a nice (sensible) guy (and I'll take the recommendation of more than one hour). Don't worry, you won't need to pick me up at the airport

[swallows22]

G'day Reed!

I reckon you have brown eyes as you must be full of shit. If this situation did happen, why did you have to try and get exonheration. it isn't like you are the vestial virgin. Give us a break. what happened in this particular circumstance is mox nix. you are a fool to bring it up. Now everyone is going to think twice before they hire you. Have a nice day! Cheers!

[ted]

After being burned, I make it a policy of not hiring for travel unless I've met the escort. Not only am I more comfortable with the escort, he's more comfortable with me. I can't imagine a worse time than being stuck with someone you really don't like for a couple of days. I'm sure your client was disappointed, but with no money changing hands, and a very minimal commitment-no phone #,etc., I think you probably did the right thing. As far as bringing this up yourself, I think that was a smart move. If the negative review appears your side is already known, if not, you've let everyone know that you take your work seriously. I wouldn't hesitate to book you the next time I'm into SFO.

[Guest keywest]

Afraid to get in a car with a stranger who is picking you up at the airport but not afraid to go to the home of a stranger to "do the deed"? How ironic. If you are spooked meeting strangers, perhaps you should find a different line of work.

[HooBoy]

Maybe I'm a bit of a snob, but I'd rather be lying on a Ralph Lauren Comforter with plush down pillows rather than resting my head on some watermelons or cornhusks with ants and bugs crawling up my butt.

 

Plus, if the guy turned out to be another John Wayne Gacy, the chances of making a cell connection to 911 is probably greater in the city than it is out in the boonies of Missouri.

 

I agree with the other poster that I'd feel much more comfortable booking Reed because of his upfront honesty than I would other guys who deny they ever met a reviewer who has multiple reviews.

 

Yes, the last minute cancellation was poor judgment on his part, but at least he's doing what he can to "nip it in the bud," as our friend

Barney Fife would say.

 

HooBoy

[Guest Skeptic]

The soft, mewing sounds of Billyboy's post draw me into a thread I hadn't thought of contributing to. But since he seems (masochistically) to be drawing a parallel between his notorious 'What-do-I-do' ad campaign and this escort's problem in hopes of a comment from me, here goes.

 

Actually, the differences between the two say it all.

 

1) Since I'd not been previously aware of Reed (no drum-beating from Hooboy, no billets-doux delivered in public by NYObserver, fewer than 14 reviews, no auntie cheering section), his post didn't look like just another bit of advertising.

 

2) What 'commercial' content the post had (i.e. pre-empting a possible bad review by explaining in advance) was stated upfront by the escort. Nothing stealthy about it. Billyboy's need to portray himself as a 'compassionate concubine' (his basic sales pitch) shone through his factitious posting, just as it had in 'A Clarification.'

 

3) The quirky details in Reed's post rang true (even to these cynical old ears), whereas Billyboy's story had a schematic, unreal quality to it--while being as elaborately put together as a Rube Goldberg contraption.

 

4) Reed's post (being a real-life problem) drew a a wide range of comments, some of them fairly critical of his behavior. Billyboy's post drew yawns from the world at large (and a whole lot of chicken soup from the aunties)--at least until I decided to denounce it as bogus.

 

Do I really need to make any further comment?

[Guest Shooter]

Personal questions for Skeptic...

 

Why do you insist on using derogatory descriptives of people you don't know who try to be positive and supportive? I am neither an 'auntie' or an 'old hen' and yet, because I try to be supportive of Billy or, in this case, Reed, you apply those offensive terms. Is sensitivity and sincerity synonymous with femininity to you? That is certainly the implication. Even in this post, which is very logical and supportive, you have to apply derogatory descriptives. I suppose most gay men are proud to have those terms applied to them. I am not! I am not a queen, woman want-to-be, pussy, auntie or old hen (Now 'uncle', I'm one of those 7 times over, or 'old cock', well, not old, would be fine). Do you intentionally hurt or just not think about it?

 

The ole 'Sticks and stones' saying is a nice theory but, in most cases, it's a joke. Words cause far more pain than physical violence ever does.

 

(Yes, brianrj, BostonGuy, and will, at least two of you know how sensitive I am and I hear you: 'Don't let it get to you, Ken. Life is too short. Don't be so sensitive! And, for heaven's sake, never read Skeptic's posts.' Great advice and I'll work on it! :-) )

[Barry]

Reed,

 

Just some suggestions from my own experience hiring escorts from out of town.

 

1. Always insist the client provide the hotel info and the full name he registered under. One escort I hired politely required this upfront so he could confirm the reservation. Since then I always provide this info upfront.

 

2. If you are not comfortable with a first time client picking you up, make it very clear that you will meet him at the hotel. I realize you tried to tell him that and he ignored you. Tough. That's his problem. Which leads to the next point.

 

3. The client has to provide a phone number. Few people today are without a cell phone. What if something came up? What if the flight was cancelled, delayed, re-routed, etc.? The client must provide some means of real-time communication.

 

As far as the whole drive around the country with sex in the field with someone you've never met. DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

 

As a client I feel it's only common sense that I do anything reasonable to help an escort feel as comfortable as possible meeting me for the first time. I fully understand the safety concerns on their part and if they are not comfortable, how are we going to have the best time possible?

[Guest cleverock]

RE: Personal questions for Skeptic...

 

Shooter,

 

Not only do you let this jerk bait you, but you're just as guilty of self-indulgently hijacking someone else's thread as he is.

[Guest Skeptic]

RE: Personal questions for Skeptic...

 

Who's hijacking anyone's thread?

 

I'd had no intention of posting anything at all to this discussion (which was doing just fine without me) until Billyboy deliberately invited still another slam. Read his post, dear, and tell me if he wasn't asking for it. (So was B hijacking, too?)

 

And if Shooter's reply is a hijack, what should we call yours--which doesn't relate, even tangentially, to Reed's original post?

 

Moreover, Shooter isn't wrong at all to reproach me for larding my criticisms with needlessly cruel epithets. Although 'auntie' was intended to describe the solicitous, soothing TONE of the Billyphiles' posts--not literally characterize those who sent them--I'm sure everyone takes the word as an ad hominen insult only. And I do apologize for that.

 

Frankly, I never imagined that people who are drawn to such extremes of twinkitude as Billyboy displays would themselves be effeminate in look, manner or mindset. Quite the opposite, in fact! (And anyone who gives it a moment's thought would surely be able to figure that out.)

 

Sorry, all the same. And, since the hijack is now fully in progress, let me add that I haven't forgotten my recent offer to answer Shooter's earlier questions/charges as succinctly as possible. I will, if he'll wait for me to make what I have to say fit within Traveller's new word-limit proposal.

[Guest Billyboy]

RE: Personal questions for Skeptic...

 

LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-00 AT 10:49AM (CST)[p]Thanks skeptic, Now I know it is a personal thing.