sex vs intimacy

[johnnyboy]

For me there is a difference between sex and intimacy. the reason for me to hire an escort is just to fullfill my sexual needs for that moment. Once after having sex with an escort he put his arm around me for the relaxing moment. I felt very unpleasant when he did that because with doing that he crossed my line of intimacy. I only like this with my own partner. I told him that i was going to take a shower and afterwards i said to him that i didnt like what he did. At first he was a bit surprised but he could understand it because for him too there is a difference between sex and intimacy. For example when having an incall he never uses his bedroom but the living room, bathroom, kitchen and so on. Can anyone tell me what his limits are.

[+ Charlie]

It's very difficult for an escort to know what a first-time client's attitudes toward intimacy and hiring of escorts is unless there is some unusually frank discussion beforehand. Not all clients hire "just for sex" or even understand the same thing by that explanation. Intimacy may also be understood differently by individuals. For instance, many posters here have mentioned that they want to hire escorts who will kiss as part of the sexual activity, but kissing is regarded by some males as the ultimate intimate act, as is obvious from the discomfort that most straight sex-for-pay males express when asked to kiss another man, even though they are willing to get their asses fucked. Many men have very different attitudes toward intimacy before and after they cum, some wanting more and some wanting less. Some men want to say or hear "I love you!" in the throes of passion with a perfect stranger!

 

Putting an arm around someone seems like a natural, casual show of affection to me, but obviously it carries more significance for you. The escort in question seems to have handled your explanation pretty sensitively, and it's probably a good thing that you did speak with him about it, though I hope not in a judgmental way. I think it's also a good thing that you have tried to analyze your own reaction, and that you are trying to get some feedback here from other escorts. I hope some of them will chime in.

[Guest zipperzone]

Strange how different people react. I would be more inclined to be offended if an escort did NOT cuddle a bit after sex. I would then classify him as a slam/bam/thank-you-man type who was only interested in the $$$

[seeker630]

I think it's clear that not everyone hires for the same reasons or with the same expectations. Some of us prefer at least some degree of 'intimacy' and some of us are looking for the purely physical. I'm reminded of someone who complained to me that an escort had the nerve to ask him what his non-sexual interests were prior to a multi-hour appointment. Obviously conversation was not something he was interested in - beyond the context of the moment !}(

 

Personally, I've always wanted to feel some sense of person, not just the body. I think that's one reason I never found the gloryhole scene satisfying. (But some find the anonymity an extra turn-on.)

[Steven_Draker]

Charlie makes an interesting observation that some escorts consider that "kissing" is more intimate than "getting fucked". This is valid for both sides of the hiring process, as I've encountered in my experience.

 

As in most cases, the line between sex and intimacy depends on the person in question and I think that unless it's communicated beforehand is hard to be guessed prior to the meeting, but a good escort should be able to sense that during the session.

 

Best regards,

Steven Draker ~

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[+ David-SF]

"For example when having an incall he never uses his bedroom but the living room, bathroom, kitchen and so on. Can anyone tell me what his limits are."

 

 

 

because I host in my partners house it would be unheard of for me to venture in to the bedroom we share together to see clients but often times his door is open and pictures of us together are around his room and the usual questions come up

 

does he know?

can he join us?

can i watch you guys sometime?

 

that creates a little tension for me and I do my best to gloss it over and change the subjest.

the answer is yes no and no

 

for some reason I enjoy being intimate with clients if thats what they are seeking.

often times as Steven points out it needs to be carefully felt out or sensed but not assumed.

 

communication is the key if there are easily crossed boudaries such as a warm hug or an intimate kiss in the afterglow.

an arm around the shoulder is an incredibly easy boundary to crooss and any escort would (including myself) cross it if not made aware of how you feel about this action. its a friendly touch nothing more.

 

being a provider of this type of service its uncommon not to engage in it even in dominant scenes where high energy sexual activity is occuring there are often times where i will pause and show concern and intimacy especially after the sexual activity is over to enjoy the relief and good feelings we achieved in the session.

 

yeah communication many times expressed through a nice gentle touch on the shoulder and a friendly kiss of gratitude for the time spent together happen more often than not.

 

but i totally get what your saying and do have experiences where the line is very clear and not to be crossed

 

hope i made some sort of sense and understood your question.

 

xo David

[Guest larryoz]

I like intimacy so like your trick I would probably have embraced you too

I guess if it is one of your limits you might have to discuss it beforehand, especially if it is a real issue for you.

[Romann]

I can't speak for him but it is always good practice and beneficial to all involved to have an honest and open discussion in advance about limits and expectations. That might help avoid those uncomfortable moments. I practice this by communicating with my clients and getting to know them beyond just what day and time they will be showing up at my place/hotel or when I will be coming to their location.

 

For me there is a difference between sex and intimacy. the reason for me to hire an escort is just to fullfill my sexual needs for that moment. Once after having sex with an escort he put his arm around me for the relaxing moment. I felt very unpleasant when he did that because with doing that he crossed my line of intimacy. I only like this with my own partner. I told him that i was going to take a shower and afterwards i said to him that i didnt like what he did. At first he was a bit surprised but he could understand it because for him too there is a difference between sex and intimacy. For example when having an incall he never uses his bedroom but the living room, bathroom, kitchen and so on. Can anyone tell me what his limits are.

[Guest AndrewJames]

There is a person attached to that penis.

 

Strange how different people react. I would be more inclined to be offended if an escort did NOT cuddle a bit after sex. I would then classify him as a slam/bam/thank-you-man type who was only interested in the $$$

 

I feel like chiming in on this one. As an escort my time and companionship are what is of value. Having a big dick wouldn't be much use to me, if I was not a likable person and good company. If I jumped up and got dressed as soon as a client orgasmed I would offend and insult the majority of the men who pay for my time. Good communication is key for the original poster, or any client, to set the limits and expectations for a successful fun time.

[dcguy20]

"I told him that i was going to take a shower and afterwards i said to him that i didnt like what he did."

 

I have been bothered by this statement since reading this post. It just came off as rude, and like others have said this should have been discussed ahead of time as opposed to insulting the escort afterwards.

[Racketjock]

Both sides of the fence

 

I think I have broached this fence coming from both sides before. In my post-coital cuddling, I know that I have blabbed off about some detail after being asked a question that crossed the line from sex to intimacy, and likewise have been guilty of doing the same with my an escort. It can be a fine line. I think on one occasion, I noticed it and another, my companion did. I learned from my companion who communicated and responded in such a heartfelt way that I committed it to memory and repeated the same when it happened to me later. He told me: "I appreciate our time together and what we have shared. It would be hard for me to share this with you without it causing a problem for me and perhaps making something awkward out of the special time we are enjoying right now." I was struck by the honesty and the respect. It made an obvious impression on me and has helped me to not cross that fence again.

[Guest RianB]

Once after having sex with an escort he put his arm around me for the relaxing moment. I told him that i was going to take a shower and afterwards i said to him that i didnt like what he did. At first he was a bit surprised .

 

Surprised? Probably felt like his effort had backfired...

 

For one, as I understand that you probably dont prefer the same amount of intimacy with an escort as your bf. But if someone told me that I'd have to ask them why they even had me over in the first place. Of course my services are the 'boyfriend experience' and most of all the guys I meet see the kissing and intimate part better than getting right to it.

 

Maybe its because me and majority of the guys I meet realize that no matter what we do, its an experience. It doesnt mean anything more than what it is. I dont come off intimate with anyone who isnt initially showing it, I once had a client though that gave me a hug after the booking, and for some reason it really made me feel good. Your situation is vice versa but him putting an arm around you doesnt come off that way. We also dont know if it was a quick arm, or a long hug.

 

The way I see it, and this is just me personally and not everyone is similar but the more 'intimate' the deal the better. There's some who just like to get right to action and thats fine, but it gets that much better to have that build up.

[+ Tygerscent]

Ya... the degrees of Intimacy and how each perceives the variations of it's forms is an Art. it's a talent/Responsibility too in communication and in efforts in understanding. It can go both ways. Some guys don't want anything more then the blantantly sexual experience. Other guys want a Lover of sorts. The limits considerationas go both ways for each scenario.

If there was a spectrum of degrees here, (Completely Non-Intimate & Completely Intimate), the Client Escort relationship provides some built in bounderies. For the non intimate, there is the limitation of time, it's a business transaction. The complication of the matter at hand though is that we are a social and intimate species. It's how we survive and manage in life. So, there is also a natural default tendency for Intimacy to enter into the play time in some way, (physical, emotional, psychological, etc).

For the Intimate, it's again a limitation of time, distance, and the business aspect that provides bounderies. On the other hand, again... people are Intimate and there are times where the level of Intimacy exceeds or challenges the bounderies of the business. Clients expectations for writing and cards or phone calls might increase, etc.

The comments of the importance of communicating with your Escort or Client regarding your personal understandings/needs/bounderies of Intimacy is significant and important. The key word being, "understanding your own", so that you can communicate what the limits and/or expectations are.

Guys that rae in the middle of the spectrum seem to "Get it" They have that understanding of themselves and provide healthy relations by communicating their needs or depths of desires regarding what they want out of the experience. The guys on the extreme ends have the greater potential for difficulties given they might be more prone to overstpe the bounderies. Put two extreme guys together and see what happens. One guy thinking, "Damn what a heartless bastard". The other guy thinking, "What the fuck was that? We're not partners. Get the fuck away from me~!"

I sort of suppose that most people fit in the middle and so you, (the poster), won't have much discomfort if, as suggested, a sinple disclosure of, " I just want something strictly sexual, absolutely nothing more with you", will at least put it out there and take away the assumption that all experiences are strictly sexual. If you are on the extreme Non-Intimate side of things you might find it kind of hard to find others, given the respective limited availability of Escorts out there and where the bulk fit, to fill the bill for complete non-intimacy. Same thing for the completely intimate guys... finding people who won;t go just a little further into getting into each other. That might be kind of hard because the tendency is for people to want to connect somehow.

Imagine being an Escort and the greater part of your life being abou meeting people and NOT connecting with them or being able to. Years of not connecting with anyone on an Intimate level. I would be very suspicious of that person who was able to do that.

On the other hand... I'd be equally suspicious of the Escort who just Romantically Loves everyone too much without regard or respect of the limitations of the field and personal over all health.~ ...but that's just me~ Just seems like a recipe for drama.

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