Googling Escorts

[BgMstr4u]

Recently I contacted an escort (who shall remain unidentified - please don't ask) to set up a session, and we agreed on the details. At that point I shared with him that I had become quite careful about whom I meet. After we had spoken, I did what has become common practice for me - I googled his screen name, which looked like a real name, and the telephone numbers he gave me. Up popped several references to what was clearly him. He turned out to be a successful and interesting person in his chosen field and worth getting to know on that basis alone. My trust level shot way up, I was reassured that he was a real and accomplished person, and as a result I was much more inclined to go through with our scenario.

 

So I turned up at his place on time, he was pleasant and we were having the initial chat. Then I did something which in retrospect I realize was foolish. I said that I had checked him out online, and that he was very impressive and other positive things. I thought that since the information he had given me led directly to his professional web page, he was ok with that. Otherwise, he could easily have made that information unavailable by giving out information that would yield no result online. Well, he freaked out, said he had not given me permission to check him out, and invited me to leave, which, believe me, I was happy to do at that point.

 

I have a few reflections on this which I hope will generate some thoughtful responses.

 

1) It IS important to know as much about a person as possible in this game. I expect that anyone in it will use the information they get in a prudent way to know who they are getting involved with.

 

2) Telephone numbers, screen names, etc., are public information, and so are web pages. No-one has to get permission to access them. If you give people information that can lead directly to you, you should not be surprised when they use the information you have given them.

 

3) I was initially impressed that he seemed comfortable using a screen name that so openly identified him. I just cannot understand why he would do so and not think that people would not check him out in the (it seems to me) reasonable assumption that if one gives out one's real life information, one doesn't mind being known for who one really is.

 

4) I should keep my big mouth shut when I know something like that, until I have an idea how well he has integrated the different parts of his life.

 

5) His reaction, verging in the direction of paranoia, was probably a signal of trouble to come.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[+ Hoover42]

I am infamous among my peers for using the web to find out all sorts of information about everything and everybody.

 

When I first started using the Internet (1979), I would excitedly tell someone every time I found something interesting about them in newsgroup postings, then later in web pages, blogs...you name it.

 

I found out pretty quickly that this was a huge mistake.

 

Most of these people (friends and co-workers) made it quite clear, even if they tried to pretend otherwise, that they were very unhappy (sometimes shocked) to discover "confidential" information about them was actually available to anyone who cared to look.

 

Sometimes it was not the fact the information was available, but that it was I who was looking at it. Someone might not mind their friend's reading a diary entry with them raving about the cute (unnamed) guy in HR and wondering how big his dick was, but they might be horribly embarrassed if another (perhaps not so well known) co-worker found the info.

 

Even if the information is out there, and everyone knows it's out there, sometimes it's easier to deal with the loss of privacy as long as you can pretend it's not happening.

 

Now I keep my web searching activities to myself.

 

...Hoover (I really am not that nosey)

[whipped guy]

During the past year I met with a very well-reviewed escort. I lightheartedly indicated to him that I knew something about his past… some of his likes, dislikes, where he attended college. I immediately saw a look of concern on his face. However, when I assured him the information was based on things he himself had posted on this very site I noticed a sigh of relief. I reassured him that I was just checking out his background to see if we would be compatible and that since it was information he posted, I thought it was fair game. He agreed, though for one fleeting moment he thought he was dealing with a stalker… a real loony tune!

 

That is the key to your “mistake”. Lots of escorts have guys who stalk them constantly and for some it has made their life a living hell, hence his reaction “verging on paranoia”. Sure we all want to find out as much information as possible about any guy we are dealing with so as to eliminate or at least minimize the risky nature of an encounter. This is not a bad thing. It goes to the heart of the “trust level’ you speak of. However, you took it a step too far. Not through any fault of your own, after all you were working with the information given to you by the guy himself! Shoot, if he was so concerned with his privacy why on earth would he use his actual name! Consequently, your basic working assumptions were indeed “reasonable”. As you say, anything posted on the internet is indeed “public information”.

 

Still, a little discretion would have been better. As you yourself said, “I should keep my big mouth shut…” Perhaps you would never want to hook up with the guy ever again, so no harm done… Perhaps you would have become a regular client. If such a were to be the situation, and since virtually all escorts like to keep “business” separate from their social lives, it still probably would be a good idea to keep the information under your vest. Yes, as Hoover suggested sometimes it is best to pretend the information is not there!

 

We all have “comfort levels” when it comes to privacy. Hopefully the escort in question will change his “stage name” as he certainly was not comfortable with the situation as it manifested itself. I would bet that he already has done so. So in the final analysis as things played out you helped the guy find his “privacy comfort zone”… Heck, consider it your contribution to the world of escorting!

 

As an addendum… for an exercise that will prove to be a real learning experience, we should all “Google” ourselves. It is amazing what you will find!!!!}(

[Lookin]

I think it's still surprising to many people how powerful a detective tool the internet can be; and it can be quite disturbing when a person first realizes how much others can learn if they have the interest and the skills to do so.

 

He was probably upset at getting that message for the first time, and you happened to be the messenger who got shot. As Whipped Guy said, you did the escort a favor by opening his eyes to what's possible, and giving him a chance to take precautions, without there being any real harm done.

 

Although next time you do someone a favor like that, you may want to break the news gently and be prepared to comfort him afterward. ;-)

[BgMstr4u]

These are really helpful comments. Thank you!

[Guest DickHo]

If nothing else, one should always google the phone number.

[DaninWA]

I tried googling my name, just for fun. Some of the information was accurate, but most was not. My current address and a few of my old addresses are correct; however, my age and some of my past addresses are wrong.

 

Apparently, I am an 87 yo man who used to live in Quincy, IL. My 80 yo mother will be very surprised to hear that. Must be one of those time paradoxes. Btw, where is Quincy, IL? I figure that I better know if I will be living there in 1946.

[whipped guy]

I first realized that the days of privacy were over when a number of years ago I did indeed Google myself so as to check the accuracy of my information basically for business applications. I suddenly saw my name and town pop up in a non-business related situation. It seems that a small specialist firm located in Argentina (of all places!) used my full name and a quote from an email I had sent them in an internet advertisement under the heading of “Satisfied Customers”. I had indeed dispatched such an correspondence complementing their work and was actually flattered that my writing was cited. Now the surprising part is that in virtually every other case only a first name was given in the ad. Why they used my full name I’ll never know. My assumption is that in a portion of the communication I related that I lived near a famous Ivy League university where I planned to do some research, in an informal capacity I must add. They probably assumed that I was associated with that august institution of higher learning, hence the use of my full name.

 

Now no harm came out of this situation. However, it did indeed raise a very large red flag… a warning that the days where one could be assured of discretion and confidentiality were without a doubt over and done with!

[OneFinger]

>I tried googling my name, just for fun.

 

Don't know if everyone realizes this but you different results when you use the advanced search criteria. For example, I get one set of results when I Google my name as:

 

[ol]John Smith[/ol]

I get different results with:

 

[ol]John Smith Utah

John P. Smith Utah

John Paul Smith Utah[/ol]

But, something I recently did provided a whole different set of results:

 

[ol]"John Smith" Utah

"Smith, John" Utah[/ol]

Putting your name in quotes often results in a very narrow search that is often missed (or lost) in the volume of results when not using the quotes.

 

I've found some very interesting (and accurate) info on friends, relatives, and myself when Googling with quotes. x(

[+ deej]

>I've found some very interesting (and accurate) info on

>friends, relatives, and myself when Googling with quotes. x(

 

Oh, information is out there.

 

Remember that fiasco with data on a laptop stolen from a VA employee? I'm in there.

 

I got a lovely "Dear Veteran" letter from the VA about it, too. Only thing is, I haven't had ANY contact with the VA in 25 years, and I've lived in three different states since then.

 

But they found me, and want to assure me that my privacy is of utmost importance to them.

 

Ummm, no it isn't. If it WAS of utmost importance, that data would not have been allowed to go walkies. And if they were really interested in privacy, how the hell did they find me?

 

In the same month I received the VA letter, I received a letter from hotels.com apologizing for a similar data loss when a laptop was stolen from an Ernst & Young auditor.

 

WHY THE HELL DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE THIS DATA GOING WALKABOUT?!?!?!?

 

You can do everything you want to protect yourself, but it's a useless pursuit. The information is out there.

[+ Hoover42]

>I got a lovely "Dear Veteran" letter from the VA about it, too.

>Only thing is, I haven't had ANY contact with the VA in 25 years,

>and I've lived in three different states since then.

 

>But they found me, and want to assure me that my privacy is of

>utmost importance to them

 

The same thing happened to me, Deej.

 

I was surprised too that they found me. However, it turns out that these letters were actually sent by the IRS at the request of the VA.

 

...Hoover

[+ deej]

>it turns out that these letters were actually sent by the

>IRS at the request of the VA.

 

I figured as much. Whaddya bet the IRS just copied a mailing list to tape and messengered it across town, which is just as bad as the original problem. ;(

[OneFinger]

>I got a lovely "Dear Veteran" letter from the VA about it, too. Only thing is, I haven't had ANY contact with the VA in 25 years, and I've lived in three different states since then.

 

Hoover was 100% correct about these VA letters being sent by the IRS. I, too, have had no contact with the VA since I was honorably discharged over 25 years ago. In addition, I've since gone through a legal name change that I never reported to the VA. (I used to be known as TwoFingers before the latest accident.) In addition, I've had six different addresses in 4 states.

 

But, the VA tracked me down under my current name and address through the IRS.

 

During a recent Identity Theft Seminar our local Attorney General was specifically about the legality of this means of notification. Accord to the AG, it's perfectly legal for the VA to provide the IRS with a list of SSNs and have then generate the letters.

 

The AG went to say that he doubted the VA was given my current address or name change by the IRS. He believed I was still "invisible" to them.

 

Apparently the most crucial item for identify theft is your SSN and birthday. Armed with that info, apparently ANYONE using ANY NAME can get credit as you. According to the AG, if the birthdate and SSN match, companies (and some government agencies) don't care about what name is being used. x(

[Guest Jesse Dane]

I love googling myself and finding out what is floating around me on the internet. :-)

[Funseeker 22]

>I love googling myself and finding out what is floating

>around me on the internet. :-)

Jesse,

I`ll be happy to google you -and then some. ;-) ;-)

[doctordoctor]

carrying this further, does anybody know much about these online services that'll give you "personal information" on anybody you want for a fee?...I googled my number and an offer (paid ad) appeared to pay a company (Intelius) to give me all kinds of personal info based on that phone number...if I did this for an escort's number (just part of my "due diligence", of course), would much info come up?....and, perhaps most important for my privacy, does the owner of that number get notified of an inquiry into their number?...and does he get my name??

 

any info on this would be appreciated.....thanks for your time

[+ glutes]

I posted about this sometime ago in the Deli:

 

ZABASEARCH

The #1 Free People Search and Public Information Search Engine

 

http://www.zabasearch.com

[Boston Guy]

If you are thinking of trying to obtain information on another person yet find that you would be embarrassed if that person knew what you were doing, perhaps you should reconsider what you are contemplating doing.

 

BG

[Boston Guy]

Frankly, this all seems just a bit too much like stalking to me.

 

If you're thinking of hiring an escort, I think you have a reasonable right to ask the escort for certain information. The escort has the right to respond as he sees fit.

 

I do not believe that the commercial transaction you are considering gives you the right to basically snoop into the escort's private life. That's a very grave violation of another person's privacy.

 

If someone is so worried about hiring an escort that they have to violate the escort's privacy before they are willing to hire them then I think the client should find another hobby.

 

If someone is snooping into an escort's private life out of curiosity -- and yes, it's snooping, not investigating -- then I'd like that person to think how they would feel to have someone they don't know snooping around in their life. Or perhaps each of your own customers or colleagues should consider paying companies to find out everything they can on you? Consider how that would feel.

 

It's a plain and simple violation of someone's privacy to go snooping for details of their personal life that they haven't given you the right to look for. Just because the information CAN be had, for free or for a fee, doesn't make it right to go seeking it out.

 

It seems sometimes that common decency is becoming a little less common and, when it does, we all lose.

 

BG

[johnnybrk25]

I actually had a client surprise me during a session by using my real name. He then revealed that he worked for the gas company and checked the records for my adress (it was an incall). This made me terribly uncomfortable and I won't see him again. Peaking into the details of an escorts non professional life tells you nothing about the escort as a professional. However if the guy is using his real name he should expect that people are going to check him out on the net and find this info. I have plenty of stuff up under my escort name that I prefer guys checkout before asking me a million questions that I've answered-numerous times-elsewhere. It doesn't seem like the original poster did anything a client shouldn't do, he simply ran across some unexpected info.

[+ deej]

I'm surprised he would admit what he did. Anyone who has access to that kind of data certainly knows that personal use is most likely a firing offense.

 

Most places that have your data on file have strict checks in place to make sure the average employee can't go snooping. It's infuriating to call (for example) the phone company and have to answer a barrage of questions before the operator can access your account, but the hurdles are there to keep them from snooping.

 

Any company that has easily-queried customer data needs to be called out.

[Boston Guy]

Actually, I think most of the questions are used to verify that the caller is who they say they are and also to verify that the information in the database is correct and up-to-date. I don't think it's to let the employees gain access to the data, at least most of the time.

 

BG

[BgMstr4u]

I quite agree with Deej -- it is outrageous to have an employee of a company which must have your personal information use that in a personal context -- and probably illegal. BostonGuy is right -- that the infuriating recital of personal information is actually helpful to all of us -- indicating that there is a firewall between their info on us all and our accessing our accounts, which is good.

 

I would like to say, as the originator of this thread, that I simply pursued information which was given me, in curiosity. When I discovered the real identity of the person, I was delighted and thought that here was a truly well integrated man whom I would be delighted to get to know on the basis we had established, in the assumption that he would not want to use his real name unless he wanted people to know who he was. I was sorry it did not turn out well. I consider the result as unfortunate. I was looking forward to making a new friend as well as having a good experience with a guy who seemed to be a fine escort. I regret that I neither had the escort experience I was looking forward to, nor that I had an opportunity to make a new friend.

 

I guess the main lessons I would take from this would be:

1) If you do not want people to know who you are, don't tell them.

2) If you discover personal data about someone you would like to have an escort date with, keep it to yourself.

3) The internet is a powerful tool. Use it with discretion.

 

Thanks to all who have contributed helpful responses.

[DallasTony]

Last week I Google somebody who had responded to a Personal Ad of mine on a Gay Website.

 

From just his Yahoo e-mail name I was able to find 5 other e-mail/screenames he had used on AOL and Hotmail over the past 8 years.

 

Futher Googling revealed that now he was now in Law Enforcement and I also found out which High School he Graduated from. However the most remarkable thing that turned up was, that he was a previously a Gay Porn Star who retired in 2003.

 

Googling is Great Fun.