Nervous Client Here...Ultra Safe....Questions.......

[doctordoctor]

.....thanks for your time with this...I'm 43, easy-going and laid-back but very inexperienced sexually, post occasionally here, not an idiot, average shape, still figuring out this gay thing, but savvy and up on current events...have met with three different escorts over the last four years, one of which I met three times so far...each meet was decent to very good...gotta say I've never gone all the way with anybody, girl or guy, and the farthest is receiving fingering and a blow job (yeah, with one of the escorts)...the first couple escort meets were just light touching, hugging, and self j/o...part of the reason is a very high, possibly irrational, fear of disease...I wanted the latest escort (the three-meetings guy who is a smart, good guy) to put a condom on me for the BJ and he, in effect, laughed, so I thought OK, go ahead...the BJ was good but not an earthquake and probably because I was nervous...I brought latex gloves for a fingering and asked him to put one on and he said, "I hate gloves"...he went and got a condom for his finger to appease me...yeah, the fingering was pretty cool...I've read much at the CDC sites and others about sex safety (cuts in the mouth, cuts on hands, saliva, heavy kissing, anal safety, etc) and need to know if I'm being just too safe (any such thing as being too safe?)...receiving oral is fairly low-risk, apparently, if there are no open sores...the escort told me that anything "bad" that may go down inside my dick from him would get "killed" (my word) by the acid in there...is this BS or sort of true or what?...the BJ giver is, of course, more at risk if I shoot inside him, eh?...does anybody have a site with concise listings of risk levels?...aside from all this, I need to get in a little better shape for greater self-confidence and self-esteem, which would make me more comfortable in these situations....read between the lines here, guys, and comment all you'd like.....appreciate your ideas......thanks

[VaHawk]

GAAASSSPPPP! I'm out of breath! Go back and rewrite this in coherent...you ...say?...wtf...I...something...??? What?.... try...condoms..sperm...disease...wtf...Willis!...:7

[+ Lucky]

Priceless, Hawk. You have been on your mark lately.

[doctordoctor]

hey...Hawk...I...write...this...way...because...I...saw...it...once...used...by...somebody...else...when...I...got...my...first...email...years...ago...and...thought...it...looked...more...casual...and...less...formal...........I...was...rambling...a...bit...in...my...first...post...and...I'm...sure...that...was...obvious...

 

your...posts...are...great...to...read......glad...you...got...a...kick...out...of...mine,...also........stay..."safe"...back...in...the...Old...Dominion.....

 

enough of this shit...it's hard to write like this...gotta...stop...this...

[Steven_Draker]

> the escort told me that anything "bad" that may go down inside my dick from him

> would get "killed" (my word) by the acid in there...

 

Could anyone translate that in English, please.

[Steven_Draker]

SAFER SEX

 

I think that the health is the most important thing you have. It's very important to be safe, but don't become a paranoid on this one. I've been there.

 

Fingering is considered very low risk (except if you have an open sore or lesion).

 

Sucking with a condom sucks. Personally, I don't like to suck on a condom, I love to suck a cock. I've been in this business for more than 3 years and I consider myself pretty lucky so far. "I touch the wood" (one is smiling here)

 

Remember that there is RISK in each and every sexual activity.

 

Finally, you can check this detailed list for more information on STDs. Hang on - the list is long. Click on each disease and condition to get more details about it.

 

http://www.gayhealth.com/templates/1139985095768682233057/sex/std

 

Have a safe one !

 

 

Steven Draker ~

http://www.rentboy.com/location/getrb.asp?rentboy=63069&Location=229

[jasoncarter_dfw]

I might get flamed for this response, but there is a first time for everything in someone's history. If you are that worried about disease in regards to homosexual sexual experiences, then I wouldn't suggest hiring an escort, because it would greatly extract from your pleasure. Having fear of contracting chlamydia, syphillis, herpes, hiv, etc...will always be in the back of your head and you'll be unable to let yourself be open to sexual pleasure, no matter how much latex is between you and your partner. Any sexual contact, no matter how protected it is, is subject to risk.

 

BTW: I play safe...and my version of safe is that I suck without a condom, I don't rim and all anal is done with a condom. I think that's pretty standard in the world of respectable male escorts.

 

- Jason Carter - Dallas, TX

- jasoncarter53@hotmail.com

- (972) 365-0120

 

>.....thanks for your time with this...I'm 43, easy-going and

>laid-back but very inexperienced sexually, post occasionally

>here, not an idiot, average shape, still figuring out this gay

>thing, but savvy and up on current events...have met with

>three different escorts over the last four years, one of which

>I met three times so far...each meet was decent to very

>good...gotta say I've never gone all the way with anybody,

>girl or guy, and the farthest is receiving fingering and a

>blow job (yeah, with one of the escorts)...the first couple

>escort meets were just light touching, hugging, and self

>j/o...part of the reason is a very high, possibly irrational,

>fear of disease...I wanted the latest escort (the

>three-meetings guy who is a smart, good guy) to put a condom

>on me for the BJ and he, in effect, laughed, so I thought OK,

>go ahead...the BJ was good but not an earthquake and probably

>because I was nervous...I brought latex gloves for a fingering

>and asked him to put one on and he said, "I hate gloves"...he

>went and got a condom for his finger to appease me...yeah, the

>fingering was pretty cool...I've read much at the CDC sites

>and others about sex safety (cuts in the mouth, cuts on hands,

>saliva, heavy kissing, anal safety, etc) and need to know if

>I'm being just too safe (any such thing as being too

>safe?)...receiving oral is fairly low-risk, apparently, if

>there are no open sores...the escort told me that anything

>"bad" that may go down inside my dick from him would get

>"killed" (my word) by the acid in there...is this BS or sort

>of true or what?...the BJ giver is, of course, more at risk if

>I shoot inside him, eh?...does anybody have a site with

>concise listings of risk levels?...aside from all this, I need

>to get in a little better shape for greater self-confidence

>and self-esteem, which would make me more comfortable in these

>situations....read between the lines here, guys, and comment

>all you'd like.....appreciate your ideas......thanks

[+ ArVaGuy]

Even though this question is addressed to escorts I am going to give my thoughts as someone of similar age and at one time having the same fears and trepidation as you have now. And unlike some I take such matters seriously no matter how the question is posed

 

It does seem to me that you are having some of the same issues that many people have when discovering their sexuality. Your concerns about sexually transmitted diseases are valid. However, you may be allowing your fears to have too much control over your enjoyment of sex.

 

There is risk in every single task that we undertake every day. Simply driving to work exposes untold number of risks. One could be hit by a bus just crossing the street. Very few allow those risks to prevent them from making a living.

 

The key here to conquering your fears is to be educated about the risks of transmission and to follow the recommended safe sex guidelines. A previous escort poster has provided a very good link to information about STD’s. Knowledge is power. But don’t allow that knowledge to create fears that have too much control over the enjoyment of the single greatest aspect of being human – sex.

 

IMO a person stands a greater chance of contracting an STD from the typical bar hook up, internet connection, or trick than they do from hiring one of the well-reviewed, quality escorts listed on this site. Usually an escort sets boundaries of the practices they will engage in and since they make a living selling their bodies few of them take egregious risks.

 

 

ArlingtonVaGuy

[+ Charlie]

Fear of STDs is reasonable. So is fear of auto accidents, but do you avoid cars because of it? No, you take appropriate precautions to avoid an accident, and you should do the same thing when having sex. The question is, what is appropriate? If you are very risk-averse, you avoid any physical contact (e.g., self-masturbation, latex bondage, phone sex, etc.)--but most people won't find that very satisfying. It sounds like you are trying to expand your risk boundaries, but the trade-off for greater excitement has been greater anxiety. I would continue trying to test your limits, setting reasonable short term goals ("this time I will dry kiss"), but also set absolute limits ("I will NEVER bareback") so you don't have anxiety attacks about going too far. Don't let yourself be talked into using drugs or alcohol to reduce your inhibitions--the "throw him into deep water and see if he swims" approach; it's tempting to reach the goal quickly, but you won't lose anything by getting there slowly, at your comfort level, and a deep plunge may be so traumatic that you'll lose ground (excuse the mixed metaphor).

 

To change focus somewhat, it sounds like you may be rationalizing your fear of sexual interaction with another man by concentrating on the health risk, i.e., sex=infection. You may really be afraid to face the emotional vulnerability that can be triggered by intimate relations. A good mature sex worker can help you with that initially, but there is always the danger that you will then become emotionally attached to him, as patients often do to their psychotherapists, and he is not trained to deal with that (nor is he likely to want to deal with it). If I were you, I would also seek some professional help and not depend solely on escorts or tricks (or this website) to help you transition to a healthy gay sex life.

[JakeSamers]

Man being safe as resonably possible is good. But I think you have taken it so far out of bounds that you might as well be abstinent. I mean we take a chance with out health everytime we get into a car and drive.

 

Jake Samers

Houston TX

 

http://home.earthlink.net/~jakesamers-m4m

[+ Tom Isern]

Others have had thoughtful things to say here, but one question you asked has gone unaddressed, and that is about the risk of blowjobs without condoms. Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and Syphilis all spread very easily through oral sex. Hepatitis spreads through simple body contact—including kissing—and any gay man who is sexually active should be vaccinated against the two strains (A & B, I believe) for which there is a vaccine. Hepatitis is the big un-talked-about disease which can kill you. Get vaccinated if you aren't already. Herpes is also out there, but I’ve never known anyone with it and don’t know much about it.

 

HIV, on the other hand, spreads much more difficultly, generally needing some sort of access to the blood stream. My understanding is that HIV is much more difficult to get from oral sex, but not impossible. The riskiest behavior seems bottoming without a condom. Giving a blowjob or topping without a condom are less risky. Receiving a blowjob is perhaps the least risky of these. However, you can get/spread the above mentioned STDs through ANY of these activities, and no sexual activity is ever 100% free of risk.

 

Gay Men's Health Crisis is perhaps the best place for you to obtain good, if conservative, information. I say conservative because they seem much more comfortable simply proscribing certain behaviors than giving information and relative levels of risk. However, they know a hell of a lot more than most of us posters here. Their website is:

 

http://www.gmhc.org/index.html

[Guest ncm2169]

< the escort told me that anything "bad" that may go down inside my dick from him would get "killed" (my word) by the acid in there...is this BS or sort of true or what?

 

WRONG!!

 

I got a blowjob once (not from an escort) and had a prostate infection within days - when I peed it felt like barbed wire was being pulled out. x(

 

I immediately went to the Emergency Room where I was catheterized (no, the female nurse didn't get me hard); my first and only time for that procedure - imagine an instrument the diameter of a No. 2 pencil being inserted into your urethra - she said she put novacain on it, but it didn't reduce the extreme discomfort. When that fortunately turned out negative she decided to go deeper and into my bladder just to make sure there were no gremlins hiding in there. .x( x(

 

Obviously I lived to tell about it, but I never want to revisit that experience.

[Guest Merlin]

As you grow more experienced, you will become more bold, i.e. if you try something once and nothing bad happens, you will be emboldened to do it again. Bad logic. Better to learn some limits at the beginning and stick to them. 1. Never do anal on bottom or top without a condom, period. 2. Oral is mostly safe, but a. never if you have a cut or sore in your mouth or soon after a tooth cleaning. b. safer if you do not take cum into your mouth.

Sex is never safe. It can only be safer. In addition to the above, make it safer still with some common sense ideas. 1. avoid sex with someone you know or think is positive. Accidents happen and no one knows for certain what is safe. A little cum in the eye? Mutual JO bringing cum from one cock to the other? Who knows. You cannot know who is positive but it is more dangerous if you are with someone you know or suspect is positive. 2. A shower after sex just might prevent transmission, not only of HIV but of the other STDs. 3. HIV is killed by acid, we are told. So after oral sex, some orange juice, wine, mouth wash, or vinegar won't hurt and might make a difference.

[Guest Merlin]

I should add that guys who are uncircumcised are statistically more vulnerable, probably because the skin on the uncut dick and the inside of the foreskin is very thin, allowing viruses to enter through microscopic cuts in the top skin. All the more reason not to do anal without a condum. BUT also making mutual JO dangerous, or any other way that the others cum comes into contact with the uncut dick.

[VaHawk]

WTF????.

 

"I got a blowjob once (not from an escort) and had a prostate infection within days - when I peed it felt like barbed wire was being pulled out."

 

How in the hell do you get a prostate infection from a blow job??? Syphilis, yes, gonorrhea, yes, crabs, yes but a prostate infection???? Is that really possible?