What does "rates for time only" really mean?

[Guest TNT Ted]

My first post and I suspect it'll be lengthy. A bit of background about me. I'm in my sixties, closeted, inexperienced (one time only which was with an escort). Average height, slim build, active, healthy, OK looking for my age. My insecurities are age-related. And my experience with escorts over the last few weeks hasn't helped.

 

Here's the story:

 

Escort #1: Carefully selected from M4M reviews, set up appointment after several very professional, friendly, and informative emails. I felt very much at ease going into this. Unfortunately, hurricane Wilma came along and changed my travel plans, so we canceled. Perfectly understandable.

 

Escort #2: Also carefully selected from M4M reviews. Exchanged several emails (he preferred phone, but I wasn't comfortable with that, so he said he'd make an exception with me). Incidentally, I decided to always give my age in the initial contact, only to manage the escort's expectations. That's part of my insecurity, I suppose -- it would really rattle me if I saw disappointment or surprise during a first meeting. We finally agreed on time and place and he was there and ready when I arrived. I was extremely nervous (first time EVER, don't forget). He was very good at making me feel comfortable, and eventually I was very much into it. It helped that from a physical standpoint, he more than met my expectations.

 

Over the next half hour or so I experienced new sensations that I'll never forget. Eventually, he asked me if I wanted to cum, and I told him I'd much rather see him cum first. That's when he told me he couldn't because he had to see a client later. THUD!! That was the first bomb, because in my first email to him I did state that I would really get off if I could see him cum. He apologized and said that next time he definitely would. He ended up jerking me off and I left.

 

I emailed him later, telling him again how disappointed I had been with how we ended. He was quite apologetic, and assured me that next time would be great. Unfortunately, he also said that he hadn't really planned on seeing a client after me, but rather he was going to go for a heavy workout, and cumming and heavy workouts take a lot out of him. THUD! Jeez, I think it was better to be dumped for another guy than for a workout.

 

Are you getting the idea now about my paranoia? To #2's credit, he did remind me that he was hard the whole time (true), and that my age really had nothing to do with it.

 

Escort #3. Probably one of the best reviewed guys on M4M. Obviously very experienced from everything I read. Made email contact, and he wrote back with the place, the time, and an hourly rate that was $50 more than the rate shown on his web site. When I questioned this, he said that having him cum was a "special request". Huh? Well, to make an already long story a bit shorter, we exchanged a few emails with me trying to get an understanding of this hourly rate "for time only". My last email to him was this:

 

>>OK, [escort name], now I'm totally confused. Just what does the $250 per hour for time only (wink-wink) mean? Because now it appears as if you're offering some sort of menu. Let's see, you want me to get hard? OK, 25 bucks. Oh, and you want to touch me? Add $100. A blow job? Well, that's at $15 per minute. Anal is $20 per inch. You see where I'm going with this? Help me understand. What's included and what else is a "special request"?<<

 

Apparently my attempt at humor offended him. His response was somewhat arrogant (he reminded me of the length of his experience and the extent of his reputation) and quite curt. He said he does only what he's comfortable doing, and further he was getting "bad energy" from my emails, and would have to pass. I was literally stunned because I truly don't know what offended him. Further, I was very disappointed that an experienced escort could not have been a bit more sensitive to the questions of an obviously inexperienced prospective client.

 

So my question: How does a client (especially a newbie) really know what to expect for the stated rate? I say "especially a newbie" because, hell, I don't know what exactly I may want to do. I'm very much in the exploring and experimenting stage and there are many things (except kink) that I want to experience. And, of course, I'm never really clear on what any particular escort is willing to do, especially with a sixty-somthing guy. Any advice?

 

Ted

[Guest Merlin]

Escorts advertise "payment is for time only" in the belief that it will prevent their being prosecuted for prostitution, i.e. sex for pay. By itself, it might work. Although it is an obvious ploy, at some time he would have to agree to sex for pay to be prosecuted. "Payment for time only" is usually not intended to mean to the client that nothing sexual is involved, not does it mean that he is selling services from a "al la carte". The escorts apparantly perceived you as likely to be a difficult client. If you have particular things you want, it is better to just tell him, or ask him. The escort who refused to cum after you had told him initialy that it was important, was wrong. You would have been justified in withholding part of the fee, but that is not usually worth the scene.

[+ Charlie]

Unfortunately, your "attempt at humor" failed: I also got "bad energy" from it. Of course, I have also written things (especially here) that I thought conveyed a certain meaning and attitude, and then discovered that they were interpreted very differently by the readers. It may have been your nervous frustration speaking, because the tone of you email is more confrontational than humorous/inquisitive.

 

Most escorts use the "payment for time only" as a standard disclaimer, but are willing to discuss specific sex acts that may take place during that time. Like you, I often don't know in advance exactly what acts I want to perform with an individual whom I have never met, but I try to give a rough idea of the things I usually like. Escorts probably don't always know in advance what they want todo or are able to do, either. Nevertheless, the escort who said he would cum for you and then didn't, because he was "saving" it for someone/something else, was not professional, and I hope you write a review which includes that information; remember, however, that he gets to respond, and if he denies it, you may feel even more frustrated.

[Guest skrubber]

I would have been offended by your email as well.

[Guest TNT Ted]

Appreciate your candor. Didn't realize I'm being perceived as a potentially "difficult client". If you knew me, you'd know I'm really easy. I did send note to escort #3 apologizing if I said things to offend him, and that I had no ill feelings about his decision.

 

Ah well, just trying to understand how this all works without getting burned.

 

Ted

[SAdler]

>So my question: How does a client (especially a newbie)

>really know what to expect for the stated rate? I say

>"especially a newbie" because, hell, I don't know what exactly

>I may want to do. I'm very much in the exploring and

>experimenting stage and there are many things (except kink)

>that I want to experience. And, of course, I'm never really

>clear on what any particular escort is willing to do,

>especially with a sixty-somthing guy. Any advice?

 

Yeah. If you've read any of my posts on here you can only imagine the new one I would have torn you for a letter like that.

 

Use the reviews as a guide to what the escort is WILLING to do in the average situation. NEVER assume the rates are uniform or still what they were in the most recent review.

 

My rates tend to vary because I like to custom tailor them to a client so they're not "paying more" than they have to.

 

My best advice would be to tell the escort in an initial email EXACTLY what you are looking for and their response should entail the appropriate rate.

 

I have several clients who tell me they're not sure what they're going to want and to avoid complications just opt to pay my top hourly rate. Cost wise I just say that different experiences require different prepping, top rate means I'm prepping for all possibilities

[+ ArVaGuy]

>My best advice would be to tell the escort in an initial email

>EXACTLY what you are looking for and their response should

>entail the appropriate rate.

>

>I have several clients who tell me they're not sure what

>they're going to want and to avoid complications just opt to

>pay my top hourly rate. Cost wise I just say that different

>experiences require different prepping, top rate means I'm

>prepping for all possibilities

 

After I have done my research and narrowed down my choices to a couple of serious contenders for my business, I send a message just as you describe. It’s better to be up front with things right at the beginning and I find it cuts out a lot of back and forth.

 

I start out by giving the escort my stats. It seems fair to me since I already know his from either his reviews or other web sites that will likely have his picture. Next I make it very clear on my preferences and expectations when I hire. Since I am a versatile guy and prefer to hire only versatile escorts I usually throw in a line like "trading fucks" to let the guy know that this is a major part of our session.

 

Then after we establish that we will set an appointment I let the guy know of any special requests such as I am allergic to colognes and stuff like that and request the escort not wear such. This has worked really well for me and the guys I have hired. It’s been a long time since I have had a really bad experience since I started this practice.

 

 

ArlingtonVaGuy

[Holden]

I disagree with those who feel your e-mail was hostile. Like you, I probably would have replied the same way you did. You made your point and he realized that you were right. If he chooses to charge according to what you want to do, he should state that in his rates. As to his reply that he felt unable to be with you because of your reply, I had a similar experience a couple of years ago with an escort. It involved a question that I asked him. He didn't like it, thought I was giving attitude and an escort "with his reputation" doesn't get questioned about his ability to perform. He refused to see me. His loss. Don't let that bad experience deter you. As for the "time only" issue, others were correct...it is meant strictly for "law enforcement purposes"

[Bilbo]

Sort of from a different direction, but related - I was surprisedk yesterday when a potential new client asked me if I charge the same thing per session for bodywork as I do for massage. Yes, I do. And I think of it as charging for the time involved. However, of course, I do say that my sessions will be 1.5 hours and I charge the same thing for a session whether I've been allowed to let it run over to about two hours or whether the client has told me that he's in a hurry and I do strictly one hour by the clock. So, I guess I'm not in clear water when I think that I'm charging by the time. But then, neither are some guys I read about who say they're charging for an hour and are out of there in half that time. (And, BTW, a client rushing me that much might have a difficult time getting me to let him return.)

[SAdler]

>I disagree with those who feel your e-mail was hostile.

 

Well so far it appears you're alone in that field. Even the writer has seen part of the problem with it. You can't assume tone comes through in writing, it's just not possible.

 

>thought I was

>giving attitude and an escort "with his reputation" doesn't

>get questioned about his ability to perform. He refused to

>see me. His loss.

 

I LOVE when I hear that .... "you're loss" or "his loss." Who are you kidding with that. When a client approaches an escort, THEY'RE the ones going out of their way seeking something -- not us. If the escort had not a single message in his inbox or not a single client to speak of .... maybe then it would be his loss. His rejecting you because of an attitude problem and a aversion to meeting you because you've said something to insult HIM is HARDLY *his* loss.

[+ Tom Isern]

One of the sad truths about this business is that there is a small cottage industry of guys out there who like to jerk sex workers around. They'll phone, make an appointment with you, and then you go out to them and the address isn't real...or they're really calling to jerk off while talking to you about sex...or they have an elaborate scheme (I've written about this on this site recently) to get sex from you and then abandon you without pay. A recent overnight client of mine (whom I travelled to see) told me he was in love with me (at least six times) and because of that he said he didn't want to have sex on our first "date"; then he proceeded to get shit-faced drunk and abuse drugs and became draconian when payment time came because, as he mumbled in his fairly-comotose state: "You didn't do what I hired you to do." He paid me, but not the full amount, grumbling: "I'm going to withhold this so you'll come back." Escorts take a lot of shit from clients.

 

Because of incidents like these, I have a whole series of things that I consider red flags: people who call from blocked phone numbers are top of the list; people who promise me the world or say "money doesn't matter" are also right up there. I always ask for a client's phone number when booking appointments and if it doesn't match what I see on my caller ID, I suspect a problem, immediately. When giving out my address I always ask clients to repeat it back to me--some guys aren't even writing it down because they have no intention of actually showing up.

 

It sounds to me like this guy has been around the block and has the tough skin to show for it. He judged you quickly and harshly, according to your account. Don't take it personally. It's neither his loss nor yours--there is a whole world of escorts out there for you to hire. And some of us are actually nice guys.:-)

[+ newatthis]

>I'm in my sixties, closeted, inexperienced (one time only which was with an escort).

>...

>So my question: How does a client (especially a newbie) really know what to expect ...?

>I say "especially a newbie" because, hell, I don't

>know what exactly I may want to do. I'm very much

>in the exploring and experimenting stage and there are

>many things (except kink) that I want to experience.

 

Your posting resonated with me and reminded me of several excellent answers posted by escorts in response to my question “what to say when you're not sure what you want?” ([http://babydb.male4malescorts.com/m4mdc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=5&topic_id=11404&mesg_id=11404]).

 

>He said he ... was getting "bad energy" from my emails, and would have to pass.

>I was literally stunned because I truly don't know what offended him.

>Further, I was very disappointed that an experienced escort could not have been

>a bit more sensitive to the questions of an obviously inexperienced prospective client.

 

While I think your email might be misread as insulting (as several posters have noted, tone doesn't come across in emails), I also believe an experienced escort – of the type you need at this point in your explorations - should have sensed your jitters and insecurities, responded to the emotion behind the email, and done something to put you more at ease.

 

In any case, as a client you also need to be sensitive to bad vibes in the initial communications with escorts. I learned from unpleasant experience what can happen if you ignore them. A while back I emailed a very well-reviewed “international” escort to set up an appointment while he was in my area. He took several days to reply, was hard to reach by phone to discuss what I was interested in, and had a brusque telephone manner. Given the bad vibes, I came close to canceling. Guess what? I should have! What I needed (and told him explicitly) was someone who could take charge and orchestrate the experience for a newbie like me; what I got was lackluster with an assembly-line, “by the numbers” quality. I later learned from discussion in this MC and some private correspondence that, despite the glowing reviews, I was far from the only client to have been disappointed by this guy.

 

So trust your instincts. Don’t get stuck on the idea of one particular escort if the communication with him leaves you uneasy. And ask for advice here on the MC about escorts you’re thinking of hiring – not everyone who has a bad experience bothers to submit a review.

[+ Charlie]

The problem of "tone" in email exchanges has come up here several times. It is much more difficult to express in writing--particularly in terse emails--than with your voice, which is probably why the escort preferred to communicate by phone. I always want to hear the escort's voice before our first meeting, because the impression is often at odds with the impression I have received from our emails. I don't know why TNT didn't want to talk with the escort on the phone, but I would have strongly suggested that he do so.

[Guest TNT Ted]

Well, I've thought a lot about what the business might be like from the escort's perspective, and have to give you guys so much credit for putting it all out there. I can just imagine some of the shit you have to put up with. And as Tom Isern suggested, an escort has to have tough skin and be able to judge quickly and harshly.

 

To give you an update, Escort #3 has also followed this post. He emailed me last night to say that he better understood where I was coming from, and to show he was a thoughful human being, he would see me for his standard rate, and he would also cum for me. Talk about class. I will defend him now against any slurs. (Unfortunately, our schedules wouldn't allow us to meet at this time -- but I'm sure it'll happen in the future). Incidentally, I never had any intent of naming names. I'll leave Escort #3 anonymous unless he tells me otherwise.

 

Yes, some of you are actually very nice guys. And I think some of us are too.

 

Ted

[Guest TNT Ted]

>Your posting resonated with me and reminded me of several

>excellent answers posted by escorts in response to my question

>“what to say when you're not sure what you want?”

>([http://babydb.male4malescorts.com/m4mdc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=5&topic_id=11404&mesg_id=11404]).

>

 

Thanks for the above that link. Had I seen that a week ago, this post probably wouldn't have been made. That's pretty much where I'm at, and at this stage the idea of the escort orchestrating the encounter is very appealing to me.

[JT Brooklyn]

Well apparently when Stated in an AD.. it means we are going to sit around Fully Dressed and Discuss Religion!

The "Religion" of Praying to the "Penis God"! Yes there is one My Brother's..AMEN! LOL :+

[kevininsa]

>To give you an update, Escort #3 has also followed this post.

>He emailed me last night to say that he better understood

>where I was coming from, and to show he was a thoughful human

>being, he would see me for his standard rate, and he would

>also cum for me.

 

YEA #3!!!

 

I guess the third time really is a charm!

 

KevinInSA

[whipped guy]

Ted!! I can only add my two bits of advice by saying that exceptional escorts are few and far between… at least by standards of a person of your years… I’m not quite in your age category but am older than most of the “working Guys” out there… and guess what! I’ve come to the conclusion that most are half-baked… no common sense… no respect. They are from a different era.

 

Now just a few days ago I hooked up with a very well-reviewed escort… a top of the line guy. Now he did something that was totally uncalled for… nothing life–threatening or unsafe… but something absolutely STUPID… completely the opposite of what I had specifically requested in an email. Now when you are about to engage in BDSM you have to be very careful… more cautious than normally would be the case… In this case a red flag went up… Even though he was supposedly in charge I had to take control and set him straight… After that it was smooth sailing… but the situation was totally uncalled for… At least if the guy had half a brain… which he more than had, but unfortunately he wasn’t quite operating on all eight cylinders at the time!

 

So Ted, don’t be discouraged… Experiment… Do your homework…I won’t repeat the excellent advice noted above only to say just look for clues in various communications that might hint at potential problems. Also heed JT Brooklyn’s advice: “Experience… Is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted!” Heck, I got some "experience" myself just the other day!

 

No it won’t be smooth sailing… but I can guarantee you will have fun in the process… After all, having a good time is what it’s all about!!!:-)

[+ Charlie]

RE: What does "rates for time only" really mean?

 

TNT Ted,

I think it is natural that someone who is new at it will expect sex with an escort to be extremely exciting, so it is disappointing to discover it is not much different than most sex between any two persons: occasionally great, occasionally terrible, and most of the time mixed. Reading the reviews here tends to skew a new reader's expectations, since it usually takes a very good (or sometimes a very bad) experience to motivate someone to write a review--most of the so-so encounters get passed over and forgotten. I have met a number of the consistent posters here, and even their reviews tend to be few and far between, although they may be having sex regularly.

 

My reaction to your original post was that you were expecting a lot from your initial escort experiences, and you were hurt and somewhat angry at being disillusioned. You seemed not really to be asking a question but to be venting your frustration, and looking for affirmation that your feelings were justified. As the thread has expanded, you seem to have become more relaxed and perhaps more realistic. It sounds like that has produced good results for you, and I hope your next encounter is more positive and satisfying. Keep us up to date, and please write reviews of those you do hire.

[BradBoyd]

RE: What does "rates for time only" really mean?

 

Typically, most escorts will find common interests with their client to occupy the time they spend together.

 

If you'd like to find out their interests: You can ask...some will clarify. You can tell them your interests...professional escorts will tell them that they can't help you if your interests are outside their comfort zone. You can look at their ads...some are clear there. You can look at their reviews...clients are sometimes very clear about their account of what allegedly occured during the appointment.

 

Here's how I describe the difference between escorting and prostitution (what some have indicated escorts are in this thread):

- PROSTITUTE: I'll suck your dick for $200. <<This is selling a specific sex act.>>

- ESCORT: I'll spend time with you for an hour or so for $200. <<This is selling our time. If we put on a PowerPoint presentation, go to dinner, watch a hockey match, or whatever...it's up to us as consenting adults.>>

 

Overall, the best way to find what an escort will do...read their reviews, send them an email explaining your personal interests, inquire as to their standard hourly rate (or evening, overnight, weekend rate). Here is a sample inquiry e-mail:

 

======

Brad --

 

My name is Joe, I am located in West Des Moines, IA. I found your reviews on male4malescorts.com and am very interested in arranging an evening appointment sometime in the next week with you. I see that you are available for out calls only, so I would be happy to arrange a hotel room for our get together.

 

Personally, I am a bottom, love a huge dick shoved in my ass by a younger guy. I am 42 years old, 5'10" 170 pounds. Discretion is of great importance to me.

 

Please let me know if you are interested in getting together and your standard hourly rate for your time. It is best to reach me by e-mail.

 

Thanks!

 

Joe

======

 

That's the perfect inquiry. Joe told me where he's located, when he'd like to get together, told me a little about himself, told me what he personally gets into, inquired about my rate for my time, and told me how best to reach him (he even stroked my ego which doesn't hurt! ).

 

There are no red flags in that email. You have to understand that due to the sensitive nature of our business, we are constantly looking for reasons to screen you out and move on to the next inquiry...for ours and our clients' saftey. So, avoiding making us nervous about you is advantageous in getting an appointment with the guy you want.

 

So, since there were no red flags, I can determine if I think we would have a good time based on Joe's information. Also, for those escorts that have varying rates based on what they think might happen during the appointment, they can quote Joe a rate without a back and forth of activities for a rate.

 

Hope this helps...sorry for the length...but it's an important topic and a very good question!

 

____________________________________

~Brad Boyd

 

Web Site: http://www.men4rentnow.com/ds/search.asp?cmd=view&id=137559

Reviews: http://www.male4malescorts.com/reviews/brad_desmoines.html

 

E-Mail: JockBoy9@hotmail.com

[whipped guy]

RE: What does "rates for time only" really mean?

 

>Hope this helps...sorry for the length...but it's an important

>topic and a very good question!

 

Brad!

 

Yes! It did help... and No! You were NOT too lenghty... in fact your sample email is in a word "perfect"... even those who have been around the block so to speak can take a refresher course by studying it... at times we tend to be slow in divulging the necessary information... I think it's related to a quest for privacy. However, as you suggest, being up-front and comprehensive from the outset is indeed the best road to a sucessful hookup.

 

Thanks!!:-)

[JT Brooklyn]

TNT..IMHO..The main thing.. Always be Upfront on what your expectations are! ASK QUESTIONS....

No Guy is a MIND reader. Stating what "doesn't" seem to be going the way you thought it would, During the Session, usually with the Great Guys will be make for a better Overall time for both guys.

IF a guy's Answers to your questions don't seem to work for you, Move On! Contact someone else. It's nice to have "Photo Fantasies", but if the guy isn't into it, that's it! :+