Tops who cant perform

[tropikal_knight]

DRfromFL

 

Heres a subject that I havent seen addressed and happens to me all too frequently.

 

I am a bottom who hires escorts frequently and always makes it clear that I plan on getting fucked. Usually this is agreed to without any problem, (I stay away from hiring those who describe themselves as bottoms),however, when the appointed time comes the escort has difficulty getting or maintaining an erection. Obviously this makes for a difficult time and a great deal of frustration on my part.

 

A few important points:

 

1. I always insist on a condom and lube, both of which I make sure are available. (I know you would think this goes without saying, but I have run into a few who want to bareback)

 

2. I always shower, make sure that I am completely clean, brush my teeth, use mouthwash, etc.

 

3. I take more time in getting to know the escort than I do in having sex, unless the escort is all biz and wants to immediately hit the sheets. I am polite, considerate, humorous and honest. I have found that this puts me at ease as well as the escort and most often enhances the experience.

 

4. I am 53 years old, 6'2" around 220-225#. Yes somewhat overweight which is concentrated in my stomach. Could this be a turn off to some, I am sure that is the case, but arent professional escorts supposed to be able to handle this? As to physical appearance, I have been told on many occasions that I am handsome for my age and certainly have held my own over the years. I know that I am not some ugly old troll or disgusting, but of course age takes its toll and I certainly am no raving beauty.

 

5. I am a bit tight, most of my sex is with escorts and since I have only about a 40% success rate dont get it enough to "loosen up".

 

6. I always handle the money discreetly, I place it in an envelope in plain sight, and always tip unless the escort has really been out of line in some way.

 

I should make this clear as well- I have yet to run into an escort who didnt try, those who arent successful seem to be as frustrated as I and make a true effort to please me. Unfortunately it doesnt always work out and I end up jerking off or getting a blow job. Not bad things but definitely not what I am looking for.

 

So guys what do I do? The only two things I can think of are to turn off all the lights and fuck in complete darkness or tell the escort to make sure he brings Viagara.

 

Thanks for any input.

[guyinsf]

Some ideas:

 

Look for reviews that comment on an escort's "staying power" or ability to fuck for a long time.

 

Weed out guys who give even the slightest hint that they are looking to be physically attracted to their clients. It makes sense that an escort requests cleanliness and respect; if, however, you find someone stating he only works with certain races/ethnicities, or only works with guys up to a certain age or weight, or insists on seeing a picture of you first -- keep looking.

 

Be blunt about being somewhat overweight before you hire someone and carefully observe his reaction.

 

Re-hire the guys who have performed well.

 

Last, but not least, get a dildo so you can "practice" by yourself. Not only will you be less tight when you hire someone but you'll have additional fun in the meantime. :7

[topasian99]

Assuming that you discuss in details and both parties are abundantly clear that the anal stuff is a must, the main course. NO foreplay is desired.The client only wants a no-nonsense F**k. No kissing, No caressing and no oral needed .

The escort cannot get hard. Period. 20minutes of self stroking etc!!

Should this experience be declared unsucessful and therefore the client does not need to pay a full fee?

[VaHawk]

This does happen. It happened with me and after awhile the escort admitted I was his 5th client of the day, so this is probably the type of situation when it most occurs. Unfortunately there are some escorts who would rather overbook and consequently under perform. Of course they have to work three times as hard (no pun intended) as they get few repeat clients, but to each his own as to how they want to conduct their business. I doubt if many escorts would agree to a reduced fee in this situation, so just chalk it up to a bad experience and cross him off your list. :-(

[VaHawk]

Let's see. Tight hole and limp cock - not going to work. Loose hole and limp cock - not going to work. Limp cock period just doesn't work. x( If the problem is tight hole and hard cock, you could try some of those finger fucking exercises from another post to loosen things up. Or you could try an escort from another planet - I hear they're pretty hot on Venus. :o Or hire escorts who advertise as top only (still no guarantee), especially those who sport a tatoo on their butt that says "exit only" :7 LOL and have fun!

[Luv2play]

I agree with VaHawk that if the experience with an escort results in no erection on his part and no penetration on your part, then chalk it up to experience and forget about a price reduction (you're paying for his time remember). When I have found myself in this situation, being a flexible sort of bottom, I ask about other services which may come into play, such as watersports, which I adore, rimming, also a major turn-on for me, and anything else I can think of to save the situation. If nothing else works for you, and you like kissing and cuddling, then I would just do that and relax. Remember, it's supposed to be quality time and you should try to make it so, even in the face of daunting odds.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Price Reduction

 

>I agree with VaHawk that if the experience with an escort

>results in no erection on his part and no penetration on your

>part, then chalk it up to experience and forget about a price

>reduction (you're paying for his time remember).

 

I have been seeing very few clients, partly as I have been apartment hunting and packing. I recently agreed to see two clients, within a few days of each other, both of whom I had problems getting an erection with. I spent more than an hour with each and, in the case of the second client, also performed a number of other activities (locate another escort for him, etc.) for the partner who arranged for the session and paid for it.

 

Because both clients had requested penetration, and I was unable to do so with the first client, I offered them their choice of extra time or a discounted future session, or a 50% reduction on the fees for the present session. Only in the second case did the partner paying for the session, in spite of reminding me to provide him with some material he wanted, not pay my full fee.

 

I believe I worked hard and performed to the best of my abilities in both cases but stress and possibly other factors prevented me for performing as agreed. Therefore, I personally felt some sort of "make good" provisions were appropriate. Network broadcasters, airlines, hotels, all sorts of business do these types of accomodations for their clients and I believe escorts should as well.

 

> When I have

>found myself in this situation, being a flexible sort of

>bottom, I ask about other services which may come into play,

>such as watersports, which I adore, rimming, also a major

>turn-on for me, and anything else I can think of to save the

>situation.

 

>If nothing else works for you, and you like kissing

>and cuddling, then I would just do that and relax. Remember,

>it's supposed to be quality time and you should try to make it

>so, even in the face of daunting odds.

 

I think this attitude helps to make the evening as beneficial for both parties concerned. Even admitting that this problem has happened to me recently is not something I do lightly but I do so to make a point. This is something that happens to all men, at any age, at some point in their lives. I was advised by other escorts to simply take viagra in the future and by others to take viagra before every appointment. I have rarely done so, only when it was provided and requested by the client in fact, which has only happened in two instances.

 

My desire is to provide a quality experience for everyone who comes to me and I would like to do without benefit of a chemical substance.

[Guest Merlin]

Hire escorts who are in their early 20s, since they are more likely to be able to get hard under any circumstances and cum several times a day. Also use Magnum size condums even if he is not that size. A tight condum seems to make it more difficult to get hard.

[Guest Kenny021]

"Remember, it's supposed to be quality time and you should try to make it so, even in the face of daunting odds."

Theoreticall, this should be so BUT..."Inability to get it up" appears to be a MAJOR problem with many escorts (many that I have hired suffer from this. I am almost paranoid that it is MY FAULT but it affects so many other guys that I suspect that IT IS THE ESCORT'S FAULT....for WHATEVER reason.

When you hire an escort,while it may be for TIME ONLY, in reality, we know what is expected....A HARD COCK. When there isn't one, I believe that the escort is not delivering the goods. This may be argued to death but it doesn't change a thing.

Is it polite to address this issue with the escort BEFORE you hire him and if so, just how do you do it without offending him? Do you say "oh, by the way, do you have any problems getting it up"?...is this too crude or just how do you address it....OR DO YOU ADDRESS IT?

[Guest Bitchboy]

I can't imagine hiring someone for a specific purpose (getting fucked), making sure that he understands what I'm looking for, and then paying the full fee when he can't perform. It's ludicrous. I mean, I assume there could be exceptions: illness, bad news, etc., but if I'm clean and aboveboard and they can't do the deed, I don't see how I could be expected to fork over the big bucks demanded these days.

[Guest dctom52]

I think any of us who hire escorts on any regular basis have run into this problem - not just those of us who bottom. Some of these young men can't keep it up unless they are being directly stimulated. Fact is, at their age, that was NEVER a problem for me. This is a business and you are expected to fulfill your part of the contract. Those of us who do the hiring should expect at least that the flag stay raised to full staff! If this is a problem for the escort and they want repeat business - maybe they need to try Viagra. Those of us who hire escorts after reading the reviews on this website can thank those gentlemen who have hired before us for letting us know that the escort "could not keep it hard"! Nuff said, if the escort had problems keeping it up for any client before, chances are it will be the same problem for you!

[VaHawk]

AMEN!! Well said!

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Regular

 

>I think any of us who hire escorts on any regular basis have

>run into this problem - not just those of us who bottom. Some

>of these young men can't keep it up unless they are being

>directly stimulated. Fact is, at their age, that was NEVER a

>problem for me.

 

It is a problem - for men at any age. Just review the medical literature on the subject.

 

>This is a business and you are expected to

>fulfill your part of the contract. Those of us who do the

>hiring should expect at least that the flag stay raised to

>full staff! If this is a problem for the escort and they want

>repeat business - maybe they need to try Viagra.

 

 

Using Viagra on a on-going or daily basis is neither healthy nor realistic for anyone.

 

Because this is a business, as I indicated above, it is my personal opinion an off-set would be called for, on a case-by-case basis, depending on the situation and the needs of the principals.

 

>Those of us

>who hire escorts after reading the reviews on this website can

>thank those gentlemen who have hired before us for letting us

>know that the escort "could not keep it hard"! Nuff said, if

>the escort had problems keeping it up for any client before,

>chances are it will be the same problem for you!

 

If you go to a restaurant and have a bad server, chances are if you go there again, you will have a different waiter and different service, hopefully better.

 

Finally, because a reviewer went to a restaurant and had a good meal does not mean you will. Conversely, the fact that a reviewer went to a restaurant and had a bad meal is certainly something to give anyone pause, as we all know from past experience, any number of people have had less than stellar experiences here with "meals" and simply paid their bills without commenting on either the service, food, preparation or any other "factor."

 

Life's a beach . . . and then you tan.

 

http://www.gaydar.co.uk/francodisantis

[tropikal_knight]

RE: Regular

 

DRfromFL

 

Thanks for the thoughtful and varied responses, there are certainly some suggestions in here that I will take to heart.

 

In my original post I didnt bring up the issue of pay. I guess I see it from two different angles. Yes, there is an implied contract between myself and the escort, once I make it clear what my preferences are and the escort agrees then I think failure to perform should somehow be compensated for. On the flip side, the escort has given me his time and hopefully his effort to perform as agreed. If for some reason things dont work out then I dont believe it would be right to penalize the escort by not paying him at all.

 

I think the next time I hire someone I will address the issue directly! Most likely I will say something along the lines of this:

"I have made it clear to you that I am a bottom and what I enjoy sexually, in the past I have run into an occasional escort who was unable to perform. How would you handle this situation if it were to occur?"

 

I am not sure that there is any one right answer to this question, but the answer should certainly supply some clues as to how the escort thinks and deals with his clients. Then I can make an informed and intelligent choice. I think the question also puts the escort on notice that I do expect him to perform as promised and perhaps he may be more prepared to do so. If that means viagara, looser fitting condoms, less clients or whatever then thats a good thing.

 

Again thanks for the responses, it seems that this problem is more common than I thought. I guess I will look at it more as a problem with the escort or his trade, moreso than with myself from now on.

[Guest Ant415]

RE: Regular

 

Based on how you described yourself, you sound like a fine client. After 35 yrs of age, many of us are bit overweight. A realistic escort should not get into the business if he thinks he will get paid to have sex with scores of Adonis-like men. Most escorts I talked to said the men are usually decent looking, decent shape, but the most important thing is to be nice/respectful.

 

If you are clear that you are a bottom and are looking for a top, you should get a top that can fuck.

 

It is considerate of you to let him off the hook by saying he tried, too bad he didn't get an erection, but after all the money is for the time. That is way too easy. With all things equal, most younger guys will not make $200/hour for the time in mainstream jobs. Their work is unique, and they should be able to give the service they advertised. If an escort takes five clients in a day and cannot perform, he should not be paid. He was greedy to take that much on, and stupid to admit he had five clients. If the guy didn't feel well/was sick, he should not take an appointment. Call in sick - reschedule.

 

Francisco's post sounds like he treated the episode with class. He offered to make some adjustment.

 

I don't bottom that often, but in a couple escort experiences the escort was not able to get hard enough to top. I was very patient and tried not to make notice. At the end, I paid the full amount, kind of hinting... "so, the fee is $x.oo???". The day after the escort IM'ed me, thanked me for the time (and money), and asked when can we plan again. I was nice, and said that I don't think a repeat is in order since you did not fill your end of the deal... being hard enough to top. Had he admitted his shortcoming and offered future discount, time, or credit, I would have re-hired. Instead, he said "Sorry, but he is human and sometimes has an off day".

 

Someone honorable should say some adjustment is in order due to his sorry performance.

[+ Cash4Trash]

RE: Regular

 

Twice here in New York I've been with an escort whom I've seen on several occasions who refused any money because he didn't feel like

he had performed up to his high standards. When I grow up I hope I'm as classy as this guy is. I've never mentioned his name because don't want him hassled with first time clients saying "that wasn't so hot -

is it free for me too?".

 

While I'm not disagreeing with any previous posts I want to add that a good bottom will work at pulling the best out of a top. You've got to read the guy and feed him what he needs to perform. I once sat and

talked with a guy for 40 minutes before anything happened. Drove me crazy but I knew he was sorting things out so that what we both wanted would happen. He found something in me to eroticize and we were off to the races. He's retired now but we still see each other from time to time. It takes two and all that...

 

[topasian99]

RE: Regular

 

Bingo!

 

I feel that this is precisely what we should look for and expect from a professional! If he had trouble delivering his service, instead of us clients having to chalk it up as one of those less than satisfactory experiences, the escort should also do his part of making sure that it is not a total loss for the client. Refusing the fee or collect a reduced fee would be a nice gesture and it is "fair".

 

As for a "bottom" client having to work his way into the psychology of an escort in order for him to deliver the goods? I think not.

I am all for being up front with all expectations from both sides.

After all, the client is the one who pays and should not be expected to have to spend time figuring out , working through someone's psychology in order to receive the service as promised!! If we like action soon as clothes come off and had been agreed upon prior to the meeting, we should get that and no less. If an escort needed prep work (anything more than the usual 5-10 minutes of kissing and touching in order to get an erection) beyond what most people consider "normal" while using up the clock . It should be related clearly to the client and then it is the client 's decision to make whether or not this escort is the appropriate choice. "Having one of those days" is an excuse and the bottomline is that the client is unfulfilled and also having to pay a full fee without receiving the service.

[+ Cash4Trash]

RE: Regular

 

Let me add that the escort who refused his fee had erections and fucked me both times...He just didn't think the experience was up to his standards.

I truly understand that when you contract for services you have every right to expect they'll be delivered. However, I'm not a robot and neither is the escort I hire. Anything I can do to create the right atmosphere, psychological or otherwise, I'll do. Afterall, I want the guy hard and pounding away so I'm happy to do my part to make it happen. That said, I don't enjoy giving someone I don't like pleasure so I'm working my agenda as well. I've paid 2 guys with big hard dicks and sent them home because I just didn't want to be in the same room with them.

An issue we never address is tops contempt for bottoms and bottoms hatred of tops for being on top. At times I get a whiff of happiness when a top "fails". Another thread discusses when bottoms orgasm too soon and leave the top hanging...hmmmmm.

Note that the guy who took 40 minutes to get started didn't give me rote sex but a great, well reviewed experience, and was here two hours on a one hour appointment. It may just be the competition and

higher quality in New York but I can't remember the last time a top didn't get hard with me, a somewhat overweight 60 year old.

[kjun]

RE: Price Reduction

 

I humbly disagree. If someone contacts an escort and the they reach an agreement to do certain things and the escort either cannot perform or changes what he agreed to then he should not expect payment. None, nada, period!

 

That simple!

 

the Cajun

[kjun]

Could not agree with you more.

 

the Cajun

[tropikal_knight]

RE: Regular

 

Well it certainly looks as though I hit on an interesting topic. Again thanks to everyone for the responses.

 

I find something odd however, only ONE escort, Francisco deSantis, has commented. Since I see many, many posts in these forums from escorts and since this is "Ask an Escort" I have to wonder why.

 

Is it a touchy subject, are the escorts afraid to admit that maybe they do have trouble getting it up, is it that they are afraid to commit to a satisfaction guaranteed policy?

 

Questions, questions.

 

Come on guys, what is your side of this.

[Guest jeffOH]

RE: Regular

 

In over 11 years of escorting, I can think of maybe 1/2 a dozen times where I couldn't achieve an erection suitable for fucking. Of those, maybe 2 times it was me and the other times it was the client. I did charge just 1/2 my rate when it was my fault.

 

It doesn't help matters for a client to comment on the lack of an erection. One client that I couldn't fuck was just too heavy, the others all had an attitude that turned me off. I haven't had any problems since Viagra.

 

JEFF

jeff4men@hotmail.com

[Guest Gringo]

RE: Regular

 

let's get real 4 a minute. if u had clearly engaged a top 4 a fuck, and he couldn't produce, what r u paying 4? his time? his inconvenience? oh contrare. how about your time as the john & your wasted night? cab fare home sweetheart, that's it.

[BigD]

RE: Price Reduction

 

>...I believe I worked hard and performed to the best of my

>abilities in both cases but stress and possibly other factors

>prevented me for performing as agreed. Therefore, I personally

>felt some sort of "make good" provisions were appropriate....

>...My desire is to provide a quality experience for everyone who

>comes to me and I would like to do without benefit of a

>chemical substance.

 

Your humility and honesty are impressive. This level of sensitivity

for the needs of your clients speaks volumes about who you are as

an escort and human being. I just thought that needed to be acknowledged.

[Guest Gringo]

RE: Price Reduction

 

i still wouldn't pay 4 a blank assuming the anticipated positioning had been clearly voiced. it's a waste of my time, and my good time is just as valuable a resource as the escort's. here's cabfare. now i gotta call someone who can do the job.}(