Client confidentiality-

[+ Lucky]

Is the confidentiality of the escort/client relationship the prerogative of the client or the escort? Does it end when the client dies?

How much information should an escort post publicly about a client?

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>Is the confidentiality of the escort/client relationship the

>prerogative of the client or the escort? Does it end when

>the client dies?

 

What concerns me even more is the question of what could happen to the client and his life, should a vice sting target the escort, sieze his computer and start to investigate all of his clients. Many lives could be ruined and with the current mood of Asscroft, this is no idea threat.

 

Thunderbuns

[bluenix]

>...this is no idea threat.

 

Yes, indeed.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

An Escort Answers

 

Speaking only for myself:

 

1. Confidentially is maintained for life (my own). While I may, for example, speak of client who wished to lick my boots or another client who wished to lick me after a spin class, I would only do so in very nonspecific ways.

 

2. If I have ever spoken of a client more specifically (a 27 year old young man who hired me and read all the reviews in Los Angeles to do so), it is with their permission and/or again in ways which are generally non specific enough to identify the person. There are, after all, any number of 27 year old men in Los Angeles.

 

3. Were I to ever write a book, I would maintain any such restrictions as my clients expect it and even if they have not requested it of me specifically, I believe they are entitled to such courtesy as part of showing respect both for the relationship and their right to privacy.

 

4. Finally, I rely on my memory. I am aware that not every escort can do so, but I frequently purge my computer of any such items. However, not to create any unnecessary paranoia among any of you, and as has been pointed out elsewhere on this board by Deej and others, anyone who really expects full and total privacy should not be participating on this board, much less using a computer for any such assignations. The Microsoft case is a perfect example of the extent to which deleted material can be recovered months and years after the fact given enough money and resources.

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>>...this is no idea threat.

>

>Yes, indeed.

 

I'm sure you know I meant to say "idle"

 

Thunderbuns

[ad rian]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

Funny, I was about to start a similar thread, and then this one appeared. Here's my situation: A client has several commercial encounters with Escort A. Escort A goes out of town, so client engages Escort B. Upon Escort A's return, client mentions that he had sex with Escort B. He describes Escort B generally, and Escort A suggests he might know Escort B. The client engages Escort B again, and mentions Escort A. Escort B admits he knows Escort A. Has the client waived his rights to confidentiality? Can Escort A and B discuss client together? Does it matter whether, or the extent to which the client discussed his encounters with Escort A or B respectively with the other party?

[alanalt]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

>Funny, I was about to start a similar thread, and then this

>one appeared. Here's my situation: A client has several

>commercial encounters with Escort A. Escort A goes out of

>town, so client engages Escort B. Upon Escort A's return,

>client mentions that he had sex with Escort B. He describes

>Escort B generally, and Escort A suggests he might know

>Escort B. The client engages Escort B again, and mentions

>Escort A. Escort B admits he knows Escort A. Has the

>client waived his rights to confidentiality? Can Escort A

>and B discuss client together? Does it matter whether, or

>the extent to which the client discussed his encounters with

>Escort A or B respectively with the other party?

 

So Escorts A & B might be talking about you. How would you know and why would you care? I mean we're not talking about attorney-client privelege here, you're talking about 'trusting' an escort to be discrete (and if it's really an issue for you, then you should make sure it's carefully understood by both parties, what you expect in confidentiality). If you've done that, then yes, you should expect them not to talk about you in detail without your explicit permission but you shouldn't really assume anything unless you've discussed the situation with both escorts. Anyway, if they've got good character, you shouldn't really worry about it. If not, then them talking about you to each other may become the least of your problems.

 

Cheers,

 

Alan

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Discrete

 

I think you should ask them to respect your confidentialty. I would think that would be understood but perhaps it is not. In this case, you also did, in a manner of speaking, disclose more than perhaps you wanted.

 

I do discuss clients with my escort friends. But what we discuss is how we were tipped, how something happened, what client tell us, etc. It is similar to "shop talk." At no time do we get into specifics: ______ who lives at _____ street, and has a ___ inch cock, is into WS, tips well and never is on time" or anything along these lines.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Clarification

 

>what client tell us, etc.

 

I mean, for example:

 

You look better in person that your pictures; you are a great guy; etc., in other words, the feed back the clients give the escorts about ourselves.

[Guest Thunderbuns]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

>Has the client waived his rights to confidentiality? Can Escort A

>and B discuss client together? Does it matter whether, or

>the extent to which the client discussed his encounters with

>Escort A or B respectively with the other party?

 

You've been watching too much bad TV, honey!

 

Thunderbuns

[Bilbo]

If you are mentioning an escort to another one as a reference - You can trust me because this other man said that we would enjoy each other - you must expect them to be able to talk to each other about you. Otherwise, nah.

[+ Lucky]

I am also curious about this from the "after-death" standpoint. There is another thread where an escort posts a tribute to a client which gives the client's profession, civic-involvement, city, age, illness, cause of death, degree of sexual activity he liked with the escort, and the fact that the client did steroids. One might consider this too much information, but since I don't know the situation, I did not post there. It does seem to make it easy to identify the client if one wanted to,(which he might not have minded), but personnally, I would like details like that about me to accompany me to the grave.

[Guest jeffOH]

>I am also curious about this from the "after-death"

>standpoint. There is another thread where an escort posts a

>tribute to a client which gives the client's profession,

>civic-involvement, city, age, illness, cause of death,

>degree of sexual activity he liked with the escort, and the

>fact that the client did steroids. One might consider this

>too much information, but since I don't know the situation,

>I did not post there. It does seem to make it easy to

>identify the client if one wanted to,(which he might not

>have minded), but personnally, I would like details like

>that about me to accompany me to the grave.

 

Well, I think it depends upon the client. This guy lived an open life. He didn't care what others thought about him after he divorced and came out over 20 years ago. I know he wouldn't mind. He didn't live his life in fear that others may find out some dark secrets and judge him.

 

Life's alot easier when you live in the TRUTH.

 

JEFF

jeff4men@hotmail.com

[Will]

I'm not sure this is really an issue. First-class escorts simply don't talk about their clients with other clients. Period. If they do, it should be reported as a separate review and let the chips fall where they may. I have never concerned myself with whether or not an escort would keep our business to himself. I take it for granted, as he has more to lose, in real terms, than I do by his indiscretion.

 

I know as a matter of pure fact that guys who read this site often ask escorts about other posters. I know that because escorts have told me more than once that clients sometimes want to know who "Will" really is (I'll tell you: Will: That's his actual name), where he lives, what he does. For all I know, they want to know how old I am, what I look like, and how big my dick is. Whether these escorts have actually revealed any of these details, I don't know. But I'd be very surprised!

 

I also think it's a matter of discretion whether an escort mentions another client in any context whatsoever. The case in point, Jeff's commemoration of his deceased client/friend, provides an excellent example. I was really moved by that tribute. I thought how great it would have been to know this man; I have found it encouraging to learn that he was an Episcopal priest; I was also moved by his vigorous work on behalf of gay organizations. This man was a kind of hero to me, but I'd never have known about him if it hadn't been for Jeff. And who, pray tell, would read Jeff's words and "discover" that this man had hired a gay escort? Only somebody like us.

 

As regards escorts, well I think it's like doctors and lawyers. If Dr. A tells me something interesting and I tell Dr. B about it, why should Dr. A go nuts because I have seen Dr. B? Why should Dr. A tell me something that he doesn't want Dr. B to know? We are constantly reminding ourselves on this board that it is "dangerous" (I'm not sure why that word keeps coming up) to get attached to an escort. OK. But then why isn't it "dangerous" for an escort to get attached to a client?

 

This isn't rocket science, guys. It's human relations.

[Guest jeffOH]

This man was

>a kind of hero to me, but I'd never have known about him if

>it hadn't been for Jeff. And who, pray tell, would read

>Jeff's words and "discover" that this man had hired a gay

>escort? Only somebody like us.

 

He was a hero to me as well, Will. I wish you all could have known him.

 

I respect someone's right to privacy. Even when I don't agree with them.

 

I know how my life was when I was SO concerned that someone would find out my "secrets". It wasn't much of a life. I might as well have been dead because I certainly wasn't living.

 

When I was a raging alcoholic, I was obsessed with what others thought about me. I so desperately wanted people to love me. But, I didn't think it was enough to just be myself. I was constantly trying to figure out what they expected of me and tried to be that. Once I quit drinking and started living in the TRUTH, I started attracting people who were good for me. Some wonderful people who love me

unconditionally.

 

I feel lucky to have come to this realization at a fairly young age.

Granted, it's not always easy. The TRUTH may cause some short-term

grief, but it is best in the long run.

 

JEFF

jeff4men@hotmail.com

[ad rian]

>As regards escorts, well I think it's like doctors and

>lawyers. If Dr. A tells me something interesting and I tell

>Dr. B about it, why should Dr. A go nuts because I have seen

>Dr. B? Why should Dr. A tell me something that he doesn't

>want Dr. B to know? We are constantly reminding ourselves

>on this board that it is "dangerous" (I'm not sure why that

>word keeps coming up) to get attached to an escort. OK.

>But then why isn't it "dangerous" for an escort to get

>attached to a client?

 

I don't understand your point here. Isn't there a difference in telling Dr. B the substance of professional advice given to you by Dr. A and sharing a personal confidence of Dr. A. with Dr. B. I think the analogy between escorts and clients is more akin to the priveleges that apply between priest/pentitent, lawyer/client, doctor/patient and sposuse/spouse. In all of these cases, the confidentiality can traditionally only be waived by the party affected - penitent, client, patient and affected spouse. Maybe, we are saying the same thing. I am not sure. The more I think about it I think its wrong for a client to break a confidence (apart from health status) of an escort, just as it is wrong for an escort to break a confidence of a client.

[Will]

Sorry, Ad, but I misunderstood you the first time. No, I fully agree with you. It's just that I don't think it's a matter for escorts any more than it's a matter for clients. By that, I mean I think that responsible adults keep confidences. Period. Of course, nobody can prevent gossip; indeed, it's the bread of life for lots and lots of people. Because I seem to have been blessed with intimate friends for as long as I can remember and therefore don't use escorts as confessors, I probably don't say anything to an escort that I'd mind his telling another escort. I hadn't really thought about it, but I think you've raised an interesting and valid issue. Thanks for pointing out my mistake.

[alanalt]

You may think that the relationship should be so defined but the fact is that while all the other realtionships you mentioned (priestly, medical, attorney, spousal) are all recognized and enjoy legal protections, I know of no such precident for escorts and their clients. Certainly, I very much doubt that a police team could go through the files of a church, medical clinic, or law firm the way they go through an escort agency's...

 

I'm not saying you're wrong. I agree with you that an escort-client relationship should be akin to the others and certainly believe that most/all quality escorts feel that way too. But don't fall into the trap of assuming a 'protected relationship' that doesn't exist (and if there are any lawyers out there who know otherwise, please let us know!)

 

Cheers,

 

Alan

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

>What concerns me even more is the question of what could

>happen to the client and his life, should a vice sting

>target the escort, sieze his computer and start to

>investigate all of his clients. Many lives could be ruined

>and with the current mood of Asscroft, this is no idea

>threat.

>

If this is a real concern for anyone (I know it is) they should consider very carefully what they are doing and the risk they run. The fact is we are engaging in an illegal acitivity (unless in Canada -- bless them :-) )and there are consequences.

 

I have faced this issue myself head on and I'm confortable with where I stand. I have had to consider the possibility that just being openly gay could cost me my job much less engaging escorts. Fortunately, employers are becoming more tolerant of alternative life styles. I also had to face a government background invesigation in the normal occurrence of my job where the question of 'hiring escorts' came up. I couldn't dodge the question nor did I intend to knowing when that roller coaster ride started that it would eventually reach that crescendo. I drew the line though when I was asked to give up escort names for background check purposes.

 

So when I knew that I would ultmately face a background check, I faced demons and decided I would deal with discovery rather than change my ways. Having my cake and eating it too was not an option for me or anyone in that situation with a shred of sanity. When it comes to discovery issues I sleep well, knowing that someday there may be a price to pay -- a small one in comparion to other possibiities. Better than paying every night through lost sleep and worry or worse some cell time for perjury.

 

Maybe having faced these issues is why I have little concern for my confidentiality beyond some small measure of privacy concerns for: full name and street address, or the rare personal item I may confide in someone. . No sleep will be lost over vast majority of information that might be passed on about me. Much of it is already there in my reviews and message archives.

[Guest Thunderbuns]

>I also had to face a government background invesigation in the normal occurrence of my job where the question of 'hiring escorts' came up. I couldn't dodge the question nor did I intend to knowing when that roller coaster ride started that it would eventually

>reach that crescendo. I drew the line though when I was

>asked to give up escort names for background check purposes.

 

You must like your job very much (or the $$$) to put up with such an invasion of privacy. I can't imagine why an employer should have the right to ask such questions unless you are guarding the president - which I very much doubt.

 

And if they made you reveal that you hire escorts, how could you escape naming names and still get a pass?

 

Thunderbuns

[Matt_Vancouver]

>You must like your job very much (or the $$$) to put up with

>such an invasion of privacy.

 

With recent incidents requiring 'advanced security' measures, this kind of invasion is becoming frighteningly common.

Doesn't anyone remember 1984??? Orwell may have been off on the exact year, but we are approaching that kind of intrusiveness at an alarming rate. And we are doing so willingly!!

MATT(2+2=4 damnit)

WAR IS PEACE

 

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY

 

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Freedom lives at the bottom

 

of a barrel of a gun.

 

--Billy Bragg

 

(I believe I am paraphrasing that but perhaps Mr. Hagen can correct me, I do not own the record anymore.)

[Guest Big14U]

This is addressed more towards the security checks coming from the client side.

 

When I was in the military and had a Top Secret clearance, I had to go through many background checks. I always lied when asked if I was gay ( this was when they could and did ask that question ). Among the questions I also answered false was have you ever hired an escort.

 

I never lost any sleep over my answers because it is my firm belief that is was none of their fucking business. It had nothing to with my being a good soldier. If someone ever had tried to blackmail me with my being gay for some sinister motion, I'd have admitted it in a heartbeat.

 

I knew lots of other gay men in the military that did the same. There was an unspoken code that if one was caught that they would not reveal any others. More than once an acquaintance that was gay would either be discovered or come out on his own. None ever revealed names.

 

I once hired an escort in the early 80's when on my way overseas. Was leaving from Travis AFB, got to the San Fran area a few days early to have some fun. Was horny one evening and picked up a local gay publication, saw a torso picture, called the number and hired me one hot number. At Travis when I was checking in I bet you can guess who was behind the check in counter. We shared a big smile together and on went on our seperate ways.

 

The point is I find it pointless to be concerned if you have taken decent precautions.

 

Now if they would ever do a background check, I'm as open as can be.

I proudly put on my resume that I used to Edit/Publish/Write a gay publication.